The year of helping others continues: Achievements in February- April

Where have the months gone....

Honestly I feel like 2018 is going in a flash! Hey there readers I hope you are all doing well today! I said at the start of the year that I was going to do one of these achievement blog posts every month... the last one I did was January... I really need to catch up!! So here is months February to April and what my goals are for May and June also. I think I have achieved/organised quite a lot, helping others and facing fears a long the way. Which is what I really want this year to be about really, new experiences, helping others and setting a good example for Ella-Grace. Let me know in the comments what you have achieved these past few months or what you want to achieve later on this year. Happy Reading!! 

Did I meet the goals I set for February? 

(In case you did not read my February goals that I set myself back in January they were as follows:

• Finish planning Ella-Grace's party
• Give blood
• Plan more of the wedding
• Donate food again
• Create a writing schedule
• Go to trampoline park for the first time
• Book Swimming Lessons For Ella-Grace )

I am happy to say I met all of those except 3.

Finish planning Ella-Grace's party: ACHIEVED 

Of course I wasn't going to miss this goal because of course it was my main goal for February! Yes some of the party planning went into the start of March and there was some of the party jobs that could not be done till nearer the party (Food, balloons ect) but the majority of the planning I finished in February and as you all already know Ella-Grace has an amazing party when it finally came around in March- I couldn't of asked for a better 1st birthday party for our little babe. 

Giving Blood: NOT ACHIEVED 

This was one of my main goals for this year for many reasons. I said at New Year that I really wanted to help people/ do more good things this year because last year I was very focused on being a new mum (naturally) but this year I wanted to start setting a good example for Ella-Grace when it comes to helping others and doing good in the world. I also wanted to give blood because when I was in labor with Ella-Grace there was a possibility that I would of needed a blood transfusion, I wanted to give my blood so if anyone else was in this situation I could help (my blood is O negative and that can be used for any blood type and also is rare!). So as scared as I was to face my fear of needles and give blood I was determined to do this at the end of February and the only reason I did not was because unfortunately Reece was working and my parents ended up not being able to watch Ella-Grace last minute so I had to change my appointment. I did however reschedule it to March which I will go on to talk about in a minute.

Plan more wedding: ACHIEVED

This is going to be a goal every month until the wedding so sorry if you get bored of seeing this one over and over again but there is A LOT of planning and organisation when it comes to weddings. Not much more to say about this one other than some more planning was done meaning I achieved this goal. I don't want to say too much because I am planning on writing a blog post on my wedding and the planning of it after the wedding is over, so look out for that in July!

Donate food again: ACHIEVED

Again not too much to say in this one as this is one I am happy to say has become quite regular for me. Whenever I go and do my food shopping I pick up whatever I can afford (that fits the guidelines) and donate it. It is such a good idea to have a food donation box in the middle of a supermarket I think it encourages people to donate and makes it easy, you don't have to try to remember to go out of your way to do it you just do it there and then! So yes that is another goal ticked off the list and I am very happy Ella-Grace will grow up to see me doing this, it is so important to be taught to be kind and helpful.

Create a writing schedule: ACHIEVED 

This I have achieved but obviously I have a toddler who runs my life haha she is definitely the boss so the writing schedule is not set in stone but when I can I try to stick to it. \I find I do a lot more work in the mornings when I have just woken up so Reece and I have made a system where he gets Ella-Grace up for breakfast, getting dressed etc and they have some Daddy daughter time for an hour or two and then when he has to get ready for work we swap. This leaving my evening free from work and Reece and I can spend some couple time together. But yes this can vary depending on what we are doing that day, what time Reece starts work etc but it is still in place. #

Go to Trampoline Park for the first time: NOT ACHIEVED 

This I have not done yet unfortunately and for the simple reason being we have not found the time or money yet. I promised my niece and nephew we would take them to the trampoline park and we 100% will but we have just decided to leave it till after the wedding when our time frees up and we have more money. Also Reece will be off work for 2 weeks after the wedding so that works out perfectly.

Book swimming lessons for Ella-Grace: NOT ACHIEVED

I wouldn't say this wasn't achieved but we decided not to book swimming lessons and instead start taking her swimming regularly ourselves. Some babies get a lot of use out of swimming lessons but Reece and I have decided we are happy at the moment just taking her ourselves until she is a bit older. It is a great family day out for us and Ella-Grace loves it, our little water baby. More on this in the March section coming up next!

What did I achieve in March? ALOT

March ended up being a very productive month which is surprising considering Ella-Grace's birthday was that month but maybe that just made me more motivated I don't know but yeah very proud of what I managed to get done in March. 

Gave blood 

FINALLY! After rescheduling the appointment I met one of my biggest goals for this year and faced one of my biggest fears which was giving blood. Let me tell you I was so nervous and was so sure I was going to faint but surprisingly I did not faint and it only took 5 minutes for me to donate blood. I was very proud of myself and even made an appointment to go back in July and donate blood again. I in no way enjoyed the experience and I still hate needles but I am so very glad I have done it. One of the stats that really stuck out to me was that ' 3 teaspoons of blood can save a premature baby's life' now if that isn't a reason to donate blood I don't know what is. 

Started taking Ella-Grace swimming regularly 

Like I said I did not book Ella-Grace swimming lessons but Reece and I have been taking her swimming and we have gone with a few friends as well which is really nice. I am not a big fan of swimming personally (probably because I am not very good at it) but I want Ella-Grace to be confident in the water and I know she loves it so of course I want to take her on a regular basis. We have even found a pool that we like to go to regularly which is not too far from where we live so it is going really well. I am not saying we take her every single week but regularly enough for her to build up her confidence.

Done more wedding planning

Sorry I know it's back again but as I said this is going to be a goal for every month. So yes more wedding planning was done. I actually had my hair and make up trial for the wedding and all the bridesmaids tried on their dresses, it is getting very close now!

Ella-Grace's party was a success 

You already know about this so I am just going to add some more pictures here because they say it all. Ella-Grace's First Birthday Party was a success!!!(If you would like to read more I wrote a post all about her birthday here : Ella-Grace turns 1 )

Gone full vegan and started doing more for the environment 

Bonobo Vegan Cafe. YUM!

YES! I did it! After a year of progressing from non-vegan to vegan I finally did it. For a long time I had been majority vegan but if I ever went out I would maybe dip into some dairy or go to my parents and have eggs for breakfast but not anymore. I know where to go to get vegan options, I have scrambled tofu to satisfy my egg craving and I can not 100% say that my diet is 100% plant based. I am so proud and would recommend choosing vegan to everyone. For your health, for the animals and for the environment.

Speaking of the environment, as a family we have all been doing more for the environment. Excuse the capital letters but I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO LOOK AFTER OUR ENVIRONMENT!! Obviously being vegan helps a MASSIVE amount as well as this we obviously recycle everything we can, try to buy the loose fruit and veg in supermarkets to reduce the plastic packaging we are buying, walk as much as possible instead of using transport, we no longer use plastic straws, pick up litter that we see just thrown on the ground and get rid of it properly. We as a family have become very environmentally conscious and that is one thing I will push because I think everyone should care about the planet. There is no planet B, as I like to say.

Donated Clothing 

I have lost a lot of weight since having Ella-Grace which I am very proud of and also I have turned my wardrobe into the wedding cupboard so I have had to get rid of a lot of clothes. Which was fine by me because donating clothes was the next goal on my list. I am such a hoarder so I get piles of clothes that either didn't fit me or I didn't even like.So finally after years of building on a pile of clothes that were never to be worn I donated them and hopefully someone else will get use out of them.

Decided to donate wedding dress

This is one some may think is crazy but I think is a lovely idea. I am going to be donating my wedding dress and I think some of the bridesmaids are donating their dresses also. After looking around online I found a charity called 'Heavenly Gowns UK', they create clothes for angel babies from donated wedding dresses. Need I say more. Yes it is a lovely idea to keep my own wedding dress but why when it could be helping someone deal with the loss of their child. Something as simple as a nice outfit for their angel baby could really make a difference. I will be keeping my veil in case Ella-Grace may want it some day but as for my dress I think donating it is an amazing thing to do. 

What did I achieve in April? 

Donated food and clothes again

Like I said donating food has become a regular thing for me to do and as for clothes I went through them a second time and found more clothes I did not want or need so I donated them too.

More Wedding planning 

Standard haha. A big chunk of my life at the moment is wedding planning.

Took Ella-Grace to a new group. (Dance class) 

This I was very excited about! I had been wanting to take Ella-Grace to this dance class for AGES. I had always not had the time because her baby group started pretty much when the dance class finished and I would not of been able to make it to both but now she is older we have moved onto a toddler group on a Tuesday (which she loves) and now that has free'd up my Thursday to take her to dance class. YAY! And she loves it! My favourite group I take her too as it is so different from the rest and I love how it is actually teaching them the basics of dancing very young in full ways and hese classes can turn into proper dance classes as they get older. Highly recommend for anyone who is in the Aberdeen Area
(Monster Bunch- Citymoves Dance Studio- 11am-12pm-Thursday-£4 per class- 0-18 months)  

Gave food to a homeless person

This I have done twice now and it is something I always want to do but can never find the money to spare unfortunately. It is always going on the wedding or Ella-Grace, there is no wiggle room sometimes. But this month twice I managed to give food and the other time a hot drink to someone in need of it. Some people live with the attitude 'It's their own fault their homeless' or 'How do you know they are really homeless?' and to that I say 1. I don't care how they got onto the street with no home, what I care about is that if I were in that situation I would want someone to help me and 2. I would much rather give someone on the street a little bit of food or some money to then find out they aren't homeless than not give someone food or money on the street in case they are faking and then them end up being genuinely homeless and in need of help. There is enough bad in this world and if I can show some good to my little girl and help someone out with just a little gesture then why wouldn't I.

Walked ALOT

With the weather in Aberdeen being so nice at the moment instead of using public transport to get to places I have just been walking everywhere. Town is about an hour and 15 minute walk away and I have done that several times now. Once you get into the rhythm of it it honestly does not feel that long and Ella-Grace loves it. 

Goals for May and June 

-More Wedding Plan
-Continue donating food
-Start writing my first children's book
- Continue with my walking
-Get Married
- Take Ella-Grace outside more

Thanks for reading...

As usual thank you so much for reading! I really hope this post doesn't come off as showy. I am writing it as more of a personal log of things I have done so I can look back and be proud of what I have achieved and things I have done. I also would hope that it would encourage others to do some more good things and remember to look back and be proud of what you have achieved too. 

A lot of the time I feel like I haven't done enough. I didn't play with Ella-Grace enough, I didn't take her out enough, I don't cook enough healthy meals, I don't write enough, I put myself down and always think I haven't done enough or haven't done what I should do but looking back on this I can say oh wait I have done a lot and I should be happy. 

Please don't forget to follow my social media, links can be found at the side >>> 

( Facebook- LauraJane Life , Instagram - @laurajanelifex ) I have started doing little chatty videos on my instagram stories so if that is something you are interested in definitely check it out! Until next time.....

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

1 Year Post-Partum Update

Haven't blogged in a month.WHAT...

"Hello stranger", that must be what you are all thinking right now because it has been a WHOLE MONTH since I have published a blog post! I am sorry, I am so bad at keeping to a schedule with my writing it is really terrible (in dire need of an office so I don't just fall asleep on my laptop in bed haha) but life is busy, being a mother is non-stop and planning a wedding at the same time... that is on a whole other level. So yes it is annoying that my posting schedule is all over the place but this blog is all about honesty and being genuine, what is more honest and genuine than this, I am a Mother who is constantly running after a little toddler, trying to keep her fed, clean and happy, trying to teach her things and give her everything she needs on top of planning my wedding, having couple time with Reece, keeping a tidy house, see friends and family, manage anxiety and keep myself sane.. oh and yeah I  have to fit in my writing which I love and it is my job but sometimes the stay at home mum in me takes over and independent woman, be my own boss writer in me has to take a back seat BUT that is all okay because life happens and now I am back with a blog post I know a lot of people have been wanting me to write. Ella-Grace is now 1 year old (13 months) and other than her, many of you are interested in my journey post-partum. The last time I wrote about that was probably a few weeks after hse was born and apart from that I haven't really spoke about what I have been going through which I of course want to share with you because I know many Mothers read my blog and will be sharing the same experience- from trying to lose weight to the hair loss- So get ready with a snack and a drink because this post may be longer than the last novel you read. Happy reading! 

Weightloss...

This I think is the main question you all have been asking especially after seeing on my social media that I have lost a considerable amount of 'baby weight' and as far as what the scales say I now weigh less than I did before I had Ella-Grace- as for looks my 'mum tum' says otherwise, that floppy belly ain't going anywhere anytime soon but I am perfectly okay with that which I will get into in a minute. First however, I would like to say to all you Mother's out there whether you have just given birth and wondering how you will ever 'bounce back', your children are older and you are still struggling to lose weight or maybe you have lost the baby weight but still are not happy with the stretch marks left behind- STOP STRESSING! I know that is easier said than done, I have written in one of my previous posts how I struggled accepting how much my body had changed after having Ella-Grace and how my stomach had stretched, I wasn't confident in the way I looked but changing my perspective and lifestyle really changed everything! I think before you even try to make any changes to the way you look you have to change the way you feel and not look at your body as something negative or something to be ashamed of that has to be changed, look at your body and love it! Yes you may have some flabby bits, yes you have stretch marks, yes you may feel larger, frumpy even and it is perfectly okay to want to change this and be healthier but accept what you have at that point and look at your body and think this is a body that has been through a lot, a body that has brought life into the world, this is my body and I love it BEFORE any positive changes have been made. I am no personal trainer or have any kind of education that makes me qualified to give this advice but from personal experience I can tell you that looking at yourself negatively and crying because of how much you hate your body does not motivate you to lose weight or make changes, it makes you stressed and then you over think it which is when people can make unhealthy decisions. When you accept your body and show it love but also recognize some healthy changes you would like to make this is when you will see results and even if it takes a while you won't mind because you are confident and full of self-love because you know you are trying and at the end of the day what you look like is not the most important thing in the world. This goes for if you haven't had a baby, I remember all through my teenage years worrying about the way I looked and feeling really insecure, comparing myself to others but this is really the wrong way to go about it. Accept and love yourself no matter what stage you are at in life or what you look like, also support others in doing this and never compare yourself to others because everyone is going through their own journey and very little people think they are perfect and have no imperfections. I don't know if that makes any sense and I know I went on for a while but like I said one of the MOST important things I think is to change your perspective from hating your body to accepting it and radiating self-love then you can work on what you might want to change- this is also an amazing thing to show your child because I think all parents want their little one's to grow up to be self-confident.  

The next part like I said is about changing your lifestyle aka making healthy choices. I am not going to go into too much detail about nutrition and fitness because again, I am not qualified to give advice for everyone but I know what works for me and I know what I believe in. So one of the biggest lifestyle changes I made this past year is going vegan (plant-based diet free from all animal products), there is a huge debate on this and I am not going to go into all the ins and outs of why I am vegan but I will say a bit about what I think and believe. First of all, yes it is a big lifestyle change if you are used to a diet filled with animal products, there are some things you might think do not have animal products in that do but after a bit of research and looking in your local supermarket for the vegan/free from section oh and yeah, realizing the vast amount of AMAZING VEGETABLES that you can make meals from and get so much goodness from, it is a piece of cake (vegan cake of course haha) to make this change. Vegetables are usually as side dish but when they become center stage oh. my. goodness. they are amazing and you feel so healthy. And you can have some very tasty meals and I find myself not craving unhealthy snacks or takeaways and if you do have some snacks etc its fine because the majority of your diet is so so healthy! Here are some tasty meals I have made below: 

Vegetable Lasgane 

Creamy mushroom and spinach pasta

I am not saying this is a quick fix or a diet you should take on for a week or so to lose weight, I am saying it is a lifestyle change that makes a massive difference to your health and body, really cleans it out and you are full of goodness. Not to mention it being cruelty free and environmentally friendly which is very important! If anyone would like to hear more about why I am vegan or advice on going vegan I would love to help, please message me. 

As for exercise I am not one for the gym and literally feel that I have no time to do any at home but I do love to go on walks for Ella-Grace, especially in this nice weather we are having so I am constantly going on longs walks (1 hour- 2 hours). I don't drive so instead of getting the bus to Ella-Grace's groups/classes or friends houses, I just power walk or sometimes jog. Ella-Grace loves it because she either gets to look around and have some snacks or have a nap. I probably to this almost everyday. Other exercise I enjoy is swimming with Ella-Grace and I have started to take her to a dance/movement class (which is definitely a work out more for me than Ella-Grace). Doesn't sound like much but it adds up and the non-stop routine of Mum life is sure to keep you on your toes and I feel like I am never off my feet. There is of course a lot more exercise you could do and if you have the time to go to the gym etc that would be great too! Just whatever suits you! I am looking into joining a dance class myself after the wedding is finished because that is my sort of exercise, find something you enjoy doing and it will be a lot more effective. 

So over the past year since having Ella-Grace I have gone from not being able to do much (after a c-section), hating my body and having an unhealthy diet to being a confident, active, healthy Mama bear who radiates self-love, I am proud of myself and my body and think I am setting a good example for Ella-Grace which is the most important thing! I hope this helps you feel better if you are going through a tough time with self-confidence. Honestly, the way you look is not the be all and end all of everything so try not to focus on it too much and there is not such thing as perfect and as long as you are healthy that is what matters. I don't tend to weigh myself often but from when I last weighed myself I have probably lost a stone and half in the past year and I have gone from a size 14 to a size 8/10. Here are some pictures to show the weight loss difference:    

Then: Size 14

Now: Size 8

Now: Size 8

THEN AND NOW

Confidence/Baby blues...

Now moving away from the physical and talking about the emotional side of things, how I have felt confidence wise as a Mother and moving past baby blues. If you have been with my blog for a while you would of read my original post on baby blues and my other posts about how I have been dealing with my anxiety and panic attacks (if not feel free to go back and read them for a more in depth summary of my experiences). 

So for those of you who have not yet read my blog post on baby blues I will give you a quick recap. After having Ella-Grace I was very happy and we had an amazing bond but I also struggled with having panic attacks every night due to the exhaustion and stress of being a new mother. I felt like I wasn't doing anything right, I felt guilty for wanting 5 minutes to myself and because of my anxiety I felt like the whole world was ending pretty much, not for any reason just this impending doom feeling which I have spoke about before in my other posts about anxiety. I also felt that I could not speak to others about it because I was meant to be super happy because I just had this beautiful baby and was very lucky, I did not want to see ungrateful. I also had convinced myself that if the health visitor knew I was feeling down Ella-Grace would be taken away from me?? THIS IS NOT TRUE!! How did I get out of this state? Well after probably about 4 weeks of struggling and being in severe pain (c-section recovery) I pushed myself to face one of my biggest fears and that was taking Ella-Grace out and this was the best thing I could of done. Reece did not get any paternity leave due to him starting his new job the day after Ella-Grace was born and all of my family and friends although they phoned and visited as much as they could, they live at least an hour a way so a lot of the time I was by myself and I had to face my fears alone which made my anxiety a bit worse but also it pushed me and made me do things I was not comfortable with. I was always scared to take Ella-Grace out because I thought if she started to cry when we were out I would freeze and everyone would think I was a terrible mother? Again untrue. So at 4/5 weeks post baby I made a list of places I was scared to take Ella-Grace from the least stressful to the most and slowly worked my way through them. This slowly helped me gain confidence, got me out the house which was SO important and also I made some Mum friends which is a massive help because you see what others are going through and now 1 year on, taking Ella-Grace out to groups/to see friends is not only one of my favourite things to do but also a great was to de-stress me! Another reason I was stressed at the start I think was because it was such a big lifestyle change and there was no routine/organisation and anyone that knows me or reads my blog knows that routine keeps me sane! So as Ella-Grace grew and we got to know each other, a routine became established and I was a lot more chilled out. If that routine goes wrong or something changes last minute, yep I still have a bit of a freak out but I know how to manage my emotions and I can control my anxiety to a certain extent. 

Looking back on the past year and remembering how low my self-esteem was and how I always felt I wasn't doing things right, it is such a contrast to how I feel now! I no longer feel that I am doing things wrong and if anyone ever questions my Mothering ability or the way I am doing things I am confident enough to say I am happy with my decisions and that I know my daughter best. This I think is what everyone should aim towards feeling as a parent. No you won't always do the right thing and no you cannot tell the future but in the moment you can do what you think is right, stick to your guns and feel confident that you know what is best for your child. Confidence is key and although it is good to listen to others opinions/advice, never let anyone manipulate you or pressure you into parenting their way because you are not them, you are you and you should do things your way. I have gone from crying every night wondering if I am good enough for my daughter to being a confident person who is happy to say I am a damn good mum and I know what is right for my child. Accepting that no one is a perfect parent. It is a great feeling going from the new mum that needs support to being the one supporting others. So to any new Mothers thinking 'Am I doing okay?' the answer is YES! You are doing great! And if you are struggling that is okay, we all have those days, never feel ashamed to ask for help. 

C-section scar..

Another requested topic for this blog post was c-section healing and how it was dealing with that at the very beginning. So for anyone who thinks having a c-section is the easy option- you are wrong,please read my blog post on that it explains 10 reasons why that is not true. 

The pain, the inability to do anything without the fear of tearing your scar, walking round like a hunchback to weeks, the injections in your leg for 10 days after recovery and not to mention the stigma attached with having a cesarean, it all adds up and it is hard to deal with. Ultimately you have to be proud of what you have put your body through in order for your baby to be here and remember you have been though a major surgery, look after yourself! I am so lucky to of had Reece, he was an angel and although he was at work a lot he would do anything he could for me when he was home. 

As for the healing I am very fortunate to of had no problems so I don't really have much to say. I think it probably took about 8-12 weeks for me to no longer feel pain and feel able to do things without worrying about it (the recommended resting/healing time is 6 weeks from what I was told in the hospital). But even now although it is not sore and it is perfectly healed I still find it strange to wash/touch, it is almost numb but also quite sensitive. I feel that when I am in the shower washing that area I am very aware that I was cut open there and I am very careful. That might just be me, I don't know-comment below what your experience is with your scar when it is healed. All together though my feeling towards my scar is that I am proud of it and when I look at it I feel almost nostalgic, it brings back memories and I think that is wear my baby was taken out of my body into the world. Considering she was all tangled up in her chord and she was very nearly not with us because of it that cut in my stomach saved her life and I will always be grateful to the surgeons that performed my cesarean. Better stop there before I get all weepy haha. 

Hair loss...

This is one I have not spoke about on the blog before and I don't think many people do admit this but I have experience post-partum hair loss. Now I am not talking about clumps of hair coming out of my head but the front 'baby hairs' I think they are called have definitely snapped or fallen out and grown back to they are a lot shorter than my other hair. To be fair I have dyed it quite a lot since having Ella-Grace so that could also have something to do with it haha. Nothing I am too bothered about and I have not had it as bad as some women do post baby but it is just something I have noticed since having Ella-Grace so I thought I would mention it. 

Dry skin...

Redness round eyes 

Now this is one big thing I have dealt with since having Ella-Grace and that is dry skin. I have always had good skin, never been prone to spots, dry skin or oily skin. My skin has always been something about me that I have loved and I could fall asleep in my make up, wash it off the next day and honestly have no problems. During pregnancy I think my skin only got better and I do think I had that 'glowing' look that you are promised. That all changed when Ella-Grace was born and it was almost like she stole that glow from me and took my good skin with her- she is worth it though of course. 

So after having Ella-Grace I did notice that my skin was quite dry but thought nothing of it being too occupied with the big change that had just happened and having a new born to look after. I didn't wear any make up for a long time and then when I finally did decide to put some on that is when I really noticed the problem I was having. My skin would hurt when I had make up on, when I would take it off and I was noticing really dry and red patches on my skin. My eyes would swell when I took my make up off and when I would shave I would constantly bleed even after taking the precautions I needed to and moisturizing etc. Funnily enough Ella-Grace was also having some dry skin problems so I made an appointment at the doctor for both of us. 

Swollen eye

After speaking to the doctor I was told Ella-Grace was experiencing eczema (a medical condition in which patches of skin become rough and inflamed with blisters which cause itching and bleeding.) and I had something called dermatitis (a medical condition in which the skin becomes red, swollen, and sore, sometimes with small blisters, resulting from direct irritation of the skin by an external agent or an allergic reaction to it.) which is common for women after they have had a child apparently. 

Funnily enough we were prescribed the same creams, one being a steroid cream- which I only had to use on Ella-Grace once but use on myself whenever the red patches are really bad) then Aveeno which we both use daily. Ella-Grace's skin now 1 year on still gets a tiny bit dry sometimes but as long as we use the Aveeno on her after every bath she is perfectly fine. As for my skin, it has its ups and downs but I try to stick to a good skin care routine when I can. Washing my face every morning and night, applying the steroid cream on the really sore and red patches (especially my eyes because if they get bad they will swell) and then apply the Aveeno cream an hour later. This is especially important if I plan on wearing any make up or my skin will get really bad. I also find using a facemask now and again really helps. 

This used to bother me when I first was dealing with it because I was not used to having skin problems and I was usually very happy with my skin. But now I have been dealing with it for about a year I am used to it, know what to do when my skin gets bad and how to try and prevent it from getting really bad! If anything I am sort of happy it happened because I have started to wear a lot less make up (I used to do a full face every day!) and I have become quite happy with a bit of natural make up. Reece even says now that he can't believe I used to bother with spending an hour or more on my make up haha. Now when I do have a full face of make up you know it must be a special day haha aka my wedding day which is coming up soon! 

After using skin cream, so much better!

Make up practice for wedding, no swollen eyes!

Bonding... 

There are no words that could possible describe the bond I have with Ella-Grace. You know when you are pregnant you are going to love your baby but it isn't until you have them right in front of you that you really understand what that overcoming feeling of absolute unconditional love feels like. It is truly magic. Some people do struggle with finding that bond at the start because although you love them, they are a complete stranger to you and you do really need to get to know each other as you do with anyone you have met for the first time. So I truly believe in my experience anyways, that 1 year ago when my beautiful little girl was born it was love at first sight but it is now 1 year on that she is my best friend. I have said it before and I will say it again I brought her into the world and gave her life but she gave me life too, she has made me who I want to be. Ella-Grace if you are reading this in a few years time, know that you are my purpose and oh my goodness I hope you are proud of me. You will forever be my best friend girl! 

(If you are struggling with bonding however do not feel bad, being a Mother is hard and there is nothing wrong with asking for some help. A happy mum, makes a happy baby and just like other relationships, you have to build the bond even if there is love there.)

Going to keep this short and sweet because otherwise I will go on forever. I am just astounded that my body created and birthed my literal best friend. 

Period and Contraception... 

Weird one to end on perhaps and maybe a bit too much information but this is an honest blog like I have said before. So after having Ella-Grace, literally about 2 days after, I had it drummed into me by nurses and my midwife to think about contraception. Could not have sex for about 6 weeks after anyways but it is good to be prepared because not only can it be dangerous to get pregnant too soon after having a baby- especially after a c-section- but I also did not want to be pregnant again yet, or ever again, not for any bad reason I was just happy with the one for now, Ella-Grace had literally just been born. 

So after having my post-baby check up with the doctor we spoke over contraception and I decided on getting the implant. I have heard some horror stories about this form of contraception from struggling to get it out and having really bad symptoms, so before you go crazy in the comments warning me I do already know the bad things that can happen but from what I have researched there are pros and cons to all the different contraception. Why I chose the implant was because I knew if I took the pill I would forget it, I did not like the thought of getting injections every month and I just wanted something that I did not want to think about for a while. I knew it lasted 3 years and if me and Reece wanted to have another baby it most likely would not be before those 3 years were up and even though now Ella-Grace is older I am not going to lie, we have discussed maybe having another baby sooner than that but I still do not regret getting it in because if we do want to try sooner then I can get it out before then. We will just see how things go, we have a wedding to finish planning first! 

As for symptoms, i have been pretty lucky I think and have not noticed many. I think maybe the implant could of had something to do with my bad skin, I have had irregular periods- one month I won't have one then the next month I will be bleeding for what seems like weeks- but that does not really bother me, I can deal with it. I did not have bad bruising or scarring after either. So having had it in for a year now and looking at it overall I am happy with my decision to get it in, it has stopped me worrying about getting pregnant again sooner than I plan to and to be honest I have not really thought about it and for someone with anxiety who overthinks EVERYTHING not having to think about something is so refreshing! 

The end...

And I think I have covered all the bases, if you do think I have missed something or have any questions please comment below or message me. Sorry it was so long, I thought since it has been about a month since I last posted that you deserved a long post and well I had a lot to say as you can see! Thank you as always for reading, until the next blog post please remember to follow my social media accounts which you can find the links to in the menu next to this post>>>

(Facebook: LauraJane Life / Instagram: @laurajanelifex ) 

I love getting feedback from my readers, it really encourages me to write more so please leave a comment or message me. And like always of course please remember to....

Stay Happy Everyone! :) 

Ella-Grace turns 1 year old- Looking back on her birth story

FLASHBACK! One week ago our baby girl, Ella-Grace turned 1 YEAR OLD! How is that even possible? I know that is a cliche and everyone says it but it is so so true that time just goes in a blink! I feel like it was yesterday that I gave birth to her and she was so tiny in my arms and now she is a almost walking, babbling, playing, adorable and hilarious toddler with 6 teeth, crazy hair and a smile that makes everyone's day! She is honestly such a blessing and I only wish I could relive her first year all over again (although of course I am looking forward to watching her grow- she is SO close to walking!). 

So in celebration of Ella-Grace's first birthday I thought I would look back on the post I wrote about her labor and delivery, comparing how I felt then to how I feel now and just a summary on what is happening with her one year on. I know the last proper update I did on Ella-Grace was when she was 6 months old (I meant to do one at nine months but life just got so busy) and I am going to a blog post about everything to do with Ella-Grace's development and how we are doing etc. I promise! But for today it is just going to be a recap of how her first year has been and how reading her birth story one year on makes me feel and how I view it now. For any readers that maybe started following me after Ella-Grace's birth blog post went up I guess this is a double blog post for you. Woo! 

Happy Reading Everyone! 

                                                                                                                                      

"Baby is sleeping which means time to... blog?

Hello readers, thank you for being patient! The last time I wrote I was part way through being induced with no sign of baby girl arriving any soon and now here I am just put my beautiful daughter down for a nap, I should probably be sleeping but thought it was the perfect chance to at least start writing my labor and delivery story while its fresh in my mind. It was a bit of a crazy one!

Induction process continued...
So last I updated you it was Friday night and labor seemed a long time away as my body was making no changes. Fair to say that changed quickly! Saturday morning wasn't very eventful, I got up, washed my face, brushed my teeth then went to see Reece and my parents in the little café until it was time to be examined (24 hours since they put the peccary on my cervix), nervous but excited I awaited 1pm. 1pm came and went and eventually someone came to check my cervix and.... still 0cm dilated. I almost cried, this baby was never going to get here is how it felt. I was officially the eternally pregnant woman of Aberdeen. I know this sounds silly as the induction process is bound to take a while but with Reece having to go back to work on Monday and me being stuck in a hospital room seeing other women come and go, at the time it just feels that way or did for me anyway.
The nurse told me that in 6 hours they would put in my first Pitocin tablet (a stronger medication that would hopefully move things along!) Disappointed I went again to the café to see my parents, Reece already by my side my mood was far from happy, this process felt never ending! Trying to cheer me up my parents suggested going for a walk as this might help things going so the four of us went for a walk round the hospital.
6 hours passed and the nurse inserted the Pitocin tablet, 6 more hours later (around 2am) it would be time to check it again, I wasn't expecting much but to my surprise.. 1CM!!! I WAS 1CM dilated!! 2am and here I am messaging everyone I know letting them know my progress, it felt like I'd come so far! Another Pitocin tablet was inserted and now another 6 hour wait, hopeful that this would be the last step before labor I forced myself to get some sleep. My baby girl would be here soon!!
Through my happiness of being 1cm dilated though I was concerned as the babies heart kept dropping on the monitor hence why I was stuck on that machine a lot of the time. Although the doctors said it was okay and not a major problem, I couldn't help but have this horrible niggle in my head that something was wrong which later on I was to learn was correct.

Well that escalated quickly...
Again 6 hours had past this now being about 11am. Reece held my hand as my cervix was again checked we were hopeful for a big change.. 1cm and a half. This was so frustrating because 2cm was all I needed to get to in order have my waters broken. The doctor who examined me said that they were going to try and break my waters but it would be difficult, at this point I was so done with waiting so agreed to let them try. Luckily by half 11 there was a space on the labor ward for me to go and get my waters broken, heart in my throat Reece and I nervously went to our newly assigned room with my proud parents taking pictures of us on the way, finally in the labor ward!!
As my midwife went over the process of breaking my waters and starting the oxytocin drip I couldn't help but be distracted by the screaming of the woman next door to me.. if I wasn't nervous before I was now. I was always planning on going through labor on only gas and air now doubting my ability, would I be that screaming woman in a few hours. I had to shove my lunch down through my nerves as this would be all I could eat for the next who knows how many hours.
Gas and Air at the ready, the midwife was ready to break my waters. After a few tries she managed to break into the membrane thus starting my waters breaking. After this my oxytocin drip was put in and things started to pick up fast!

Contractions and Pain Relief...
For those who have never had a baby I would love to be able to let you know what contractions feel like but I cant, the closest thing to it for me anyways is period pains that get worse and worse but even that cant prepare you for it.. not meaning to scare you don't worry you can get through it, your body knows what its doing!
As for pain relief there is obviously many options but for me I had been adamant from the start that I would be only using Gas and Air- this also known as nitrogen oxide, not a pain killer but a very good distraction from pain because it basically makes you feel drunk. I chose this method of pain relief for 2 reasons:
1. I am very stubborn when it comes to people helping me, I want to be able to do things myself for as long as I can and
2. Obviously throughout my pregnancy and induction there seemed to be a problem with baby's heart and a lot of the pain relief (particularly morphine) can slow down baby's heart which usually is safe enough but with the uncertainty on the condition on baby's heart I didn't want to take that chance.

So as my contractions picked up I breathed through them with my gas and air.  My mum and Reece laughing at me between contractions as the gas and air was making me giggle. Contraction. Break. Contraction. Break. This went on for about 7/8 hours with the contractions getting stronger and stronger and thanks to the support of Reece, mum and the midwife, gas and air making me laugh, Beyoncé in the background playing and my stubborn personality I managed to get through it! I like to think I could of continued this way up until I had to push but I didn't get that far as things took a turn.

Baby's Heart Rate Dropping...
Hours were passing and even though I was dealing with contractions as best as I could, with each labor pain baby girl's heartrate was dropping then going back then dropping. Doctors and midwives coming in and out to discuss the issue I couldn't help but worry. To find out what the problem was they tried to take blood from baby's head but I was barely over 2cm dilated so this was not manageable. It was now a guessing game and a decision had to be made whether to continue or have an emergency C-section- this being the situation I had dreaded and through all my hard-work was reluctant to get but baby was all that mattered so when the doctor asked what I wanted I didn't even hesitate to say C-section.

The wait...
Still having strong contractions, my oxytocin drip was detached hoping to stop my contractions before the C-section. My body had other ideas and naturally continued to contract right up until the C-section began. Anyway when the drip was switched off I was told another woman had been taken for a section so I would have at least an hours wait until it was my turn. I wasn't really keeping up with the time but I swear it felt longer than an hour! In and out of contractions different specialists came in to go over the risks of C-section, what could happen if baby isn't okay and how they would assess her downs syndrome risk. As a person obsessed with knowing every detail I had to get things repeated to me as my pain was blocking out the information. Reece knowing me so well he knew what my questions would be before I even needed to ask, so he got all the information I needed. With my contractions still going strong and baby's heartrate still continuing to drop I said bye to my mum, then Reece and I started to walk (well I was wheeled in my bed) to the theatre.

Hello Ella-Grace...
Being strong up to this point, the gas and air was wearing off, I was still getting contractions and Reece had to leave to get changed into scrubs I started to cry. Worried for the welfare of baby girl and without Reece by my side I started to get overwhelmed. Thank goodness for the amazing staff I had performing the spinal block and C-section on me, never in a million years did I think I would be calm in this situation let alone be able to laugh. For this I have high praise of the NHS staff of which were assigned to me.
Reece back in the room now, he was sat by my side holding my hand. All checks done, now numb from the waist down the surgeons started and told us in about 10-15 minutes we would see our baby girl. Reece and I anxiously waited for what felt like forever and to our relief, baby girl let out a massive cry. And so Ella-Grace was born (6 pounds 10 1/2 ounces, Time: 21.57, 19th March 2017). The best moment ever.
We found out at this moment that the chord had been wrapped round not only her neck but BOTH of her legs as well! This being the reason  her heart was dropping, making me even more proud of the decision I made to have a C-section or the situation may have been very different and we wouldn't of had her in our arms moments after birth. The doctor also checked for signs of down syndrome and nothing, even though we didn't mind either way this made us happy as it would then be unlikely she would have other complications. And FINALLY after all the checking I told the midwife to let Reece hold her next to me, I knew it would be an amazing moment for him to hold her first and I just loved looking at the two of them together. My entire world right in front of me, I got Reece's phone and started to take pictures and videos of this special moment. 
Around 45 minutes later Reece went again to get changed and Ella-Grace and I got wheeled to recovery. My beautiful daughter in my arms, this was a surreal moment.

Thank you for reading...
So that's the story of how our beautiful daughter: Ella-Grace, came into the world. Thank you to my friends, family, NHS staff and as always my AMAZING fiancé also now father of our child for all the support! I am very lucky! I hope everyone that read this has enjoyed it and found it interesting. I will continue to blog about my recovery/early days of being a mum but little Ella-Grace takes up a lot of time and attention so please be patient. As always I have been truthful throughout my blog and do remember that all this is my experience and my opinion (for example pain relief) if you decide to do different I totally respect you. Well that's Ella-Grace waking up for a feed  now so I better end this here. Happy Mothers day for tomorrow for all the mothers out there I know I'm looking forward to it being my first of many and for any expectant mothers don't be scared of labor you can do this!"


                                                                                                                                                

Well that made me emotional...

I just cannot believe that was a year ago- I promise I will try and not say that again in this post haha- Reading her birth story and how I felt in each moment it is almost like I am re-living it all over again! I can remember it as if it was yesterday and I think reading it back now I appreciate the whole experience more than I did when I was actually writing it, which is understandable considering how much pain I would of still been in only 1 week after a c-section. 
Looking back on this post now there are a few things that go through my mind. Firstly, wow I am a different person to who wrote this post! Not that I wrote anything I wouldn't write now as everything in this post is true but I just remember writing this and Ella-Grace would of been only one week old and I was a mess with baby blues but you wouldn't of known that reading this post. I later went on to write a post about baby blues that I was very candid in of course but reading this just reminded me of how much I was struggling with baby blues at the time but writing was and still is my outlet and for this moment when I wrote this I was calm and collected before going back to stressing and feeling very anxious! Luckily it got better as most things do with time and although I still struggle with anxiety I do feel a lot more in control, a lot more confident and all round happier. Having a 1 year old can be difficult as Ella-Grace is entering toddler hood but I feel I am no longer a new parent with lots of worries and stresses, I am a bit more experienced and I trust I know what is best for my child. I am a totally different person writing this post today to when I was writing Ella-Grace's birth post a year ago so that is the first thing I thought. 

The second thing I thought of when reading this post back was how truly amazing the NHS staff were, how lucky we are to have Ella-Grace in our lives and how freaking bad-ass women are to be able to go through all that and still suck it up and be great mothers after it no matter our struggles. Ella-Grace's birth was wonderful- totally not what I had planned and it turned into quite the emergency but it was still a beautiful experience as all birth is. I remember I felt a bit disappointed that I didn't get the completely natural birth I wanted and had to have a c-section and honestly sometimes I thought to myself 'Can I really say I gave birth to her when they actually cut her out of me?' and the answer is hell yes! That c-section LITERALLY saved my baby girls life and that was obviously thanks to the amazing surgeons and theatre staff but also thanks to me making that decision and putting myself through major surgery and painful recovery to make sure my little miracle could enter the world safely. So yes past me, you have earned the right to say you gave birth to her as have all my fellow cesarean section mothers out there, as I said we are badass haha. Anyway back to what I was saying (sorry I always go off on such a tangent) Ella-Grace's birth was so beautiful and 1 year on reading this again I just want to re-thank all the amazing staff that helped me through the c-section that I was so scared of and getting my baby girl into the world safe and sound, and of course I want to also re-thank my amazing birthing partners,  my Mum and Reece. Ella-Grace did not have the easiest of arrivals into the world and 1 year on I think I forgot how lucky I was to even have her here but reading this has reminded me that she was very close to not being here and I am so glad she is, SO glad! She is our entire world and I thank my past self for writing her birth story so every year I can go back to it and re-read the most amazing moment of my life and remember how lucky we are to have our beautiful child with us! I will never take her for granted and I will never forget her amazing birth and how well I did because yes, it is okay to be proud of yourself and say that YOU did a good job! 

Thirdly, re-reading this blog post has just made me think of what a crazy year it has been! I honestly cannot believe Ella-Grace was born 1 year ago and how much she has changed! I am so proud of Reece and I and how we have raised her so far, we have done a damn good job as parents and I know some people will read that and think that I am saying I am the best mother ever but I am not saying that because no one is the best it is not a competition but you can do the best by your child and that is where you triumph. It has not been an easy year in the slightest, getting used to being new parents and constantly trying to deal with the next change that Ella-Grace was going through from weaning to teething and more, if you have children you will know all the things that happen in baby's first year it is a lot! It is hard but oh my goodness the reward of having this wonderful little person in your life is the best. She has definitely changed our lives for the better and we thank her for that every day and I hope as she gets older she see's all that we have done for her. This post from 1 year ago has just put all this into perspective. I literally turned to Reece and was like well done! We have helped a little tiny baby who couldn't even lift her head turn into a confident, gentle, animal-loving, happy, funny and just all round amazing little toddler. Yes a lot of that is down to her but I whole-heartedly believe in nurture over nature (I know that is a big debate but lets not go into that right now) and I believe that what we teach our daughter will be the foundations of her beliefs about herself and the world and so far, we are doing a really good job. So well done Reece- because I know you are reading this- you have blossomed from a man who had never even held a baby to being the best dad ever who is not afraid to do silly faces in public and sing songs, who will go to work all day and still get up with Ella-Grace through the night if she needs you just so you can see her/she can see you, who will do anything for his little girl and his soon to be wife that brought his child into the world. I know I talk a lot about how Mum's have it hard which they do but a lot of the time Dad's can be ignored and swept under the carpet. I have seen you struggle just as I have and not nearly enough people have said Well Done to you for what a truly amazing father and role model you are to Ella-Grace so yeah Reece, you are a great dad, well done for getting through a year co-parenting with me haha. That turned into a bit of a soppy post to Reece there sorry but he deserved his moment in the spotlight. I am also of course proud of myself as I have said for bringing Ella-Grace into the world and for everything I have done for her the year following that. Struggling with anxiety and panic disorder I thought I wouldn't be able to cope at times but I have and I have done so well I think. Honestly the past year since writing this post I have become an all round better person, becoming a Mum is the best thing I have ever done it has made me the person I want to be and I love myself. Not going to lie. More people should feel comfortable saying that because self-love is so important! So yes, well done me, well done Reece and well done Ella-Grace! The three of us have had a great year and it can only get better!! 

Birthday Celebrations and Thank You...

Before I close the laptop for the night I thought you would like to see some of the pictures from Ella-Grace's birthday party/birthday celebrations (Disney Moana themed of course) she had an amazing time and it went better than I could of ever imagined!! Our little babe deserved a birthday to remember (although I am aware she will not remember it haha) and that is exactly what she got. So happy with how everything turned out. 

Thank you everyone from personal friends and family to fans of my blog for all the positive energy and support this past year! It is very much appreciated and of course I have to leave a message to the birthday girl herself; There is so much I could say about our little angel but I will leave it at this: 

Ella-Grace Angela, I may have given you your life but my dear you did the same for me. I love you and look forward to you reading your birth story one day. Daddy and I are so in love with you. Happy Birthday babe <3 

Stay Happy Everyone! :)