Writing about potty training already...
How did this come about so fast? Feels like yesterday I changed Ella-Grace's first nappy (or more accurately watched a nurse change her as I could not get out of bed due to being numb from c-section) and now here I am, 28 weeks pregnant with baby number 2 watching her run around in 'big girl pants' and saying "Potty mama". Time goes way too fast, she is such a big girl now!
Before I even get into the topic of potty training and everything that has come with our experience so far I would like to say a few things. First of all, I am no expert when it comes to potty training (I don't think anyone is?) this is simply a post explaining how potty training is going with Ella-Grace and advice as far as what is working for us- this is not to say what we do works for every child as every child is different. I do not think children HAVE to be potty trained at a certain age or anything like that, you as a parent decide when you think is the best time. Once again all children are unique, all learn at different paces in different ways and please in no way take this as me telling you what you should be doing because that is not what I am doing- half the time I don't even know what I am doing. We are all winging it at the end of the day. I have found reading other parents experiences very helpful and comforting in times I have struggled during this potty training process so I thought I would ask you all if I should share my experience and an overwhelming amount of you said yes so here it is. Also you all know I use this blog as a personal diary to get out my inner thoughts, I just choose to share these thoughts with the internet, that is all this is. Also apologies it has took me so long to get this posted, between pregnancy insomnia and my laptop crashing (losing my work SEVERAL times), it has been tricky to get it done but here I am!
Now that long (probably unneeded) explanation is out the way let us get on with the blog post...
(Side note: There will be no images of Ella-Grace on the toilet or in her pants etc. I personally am not comfortable with that)
Past experience in potty training and thoughts going into it...
Like most first time parents- I would assume- I had no experience potty training and was quite apprehensive about approaching the whole thing. As someone with anxiety I control this with routine and schedule and being in a routine (in this case I am talking about nappies) it really stressed me out the thought of messing with that and now having to start a fresh, teaching Ella-Grace a whole new way of life pretty much. She has spent her whole life doing her 'business' in nappies and I have spent her whole life changing them, it is a big change for both of us. I also get very anxious about tasks that do not have instructions which of course potty training does not, mothering in general does not come with a handbook or 'wikihow' page you can just look up so whenever I enter a new experience in Motherhood I get a little (or a lot) stressed out. So needless to say, potty training was not something I was in a rush to do nor excited about doing.
When Ella-Grace was 18 months old however (literally I think medically this is the earliest a child will be able to be potty trained due to physical development that needs to happen) she started showing signs of being ready for potty training. She hated her nappy and would always try to pull it off, she would hide to do a number 2 and she became very interested in the bathroom- specifically me going to the bathroom. So reluctantly I thought I would buy a toilet seat insert and see how she liked it. She sat on it no problem and seemed to want to be on it. As proud as I was, I was also in shock, I was not thinking about potty training her until she was 2 or 3 years old but she was telling me she wanted to sit on the toilet. It was at this point I went out and bought her some pants and set a few days aside to try this potty training thing (no idea what I was doing). This was my first ever experience trying to potty train and it did not go well. Although she did go to the toilet a few times and was interested in it, she was just not ready to understand the concept of 'I need to tell Mummy I need to go to the bathroom'. So after a day or two of accidents everywhere we decided she was just not ready. This was a very stressful two days with the change of routine and as you probably guessed there were many tears from me. After this we did keep the toilet seat out and if she asked to go on it then we would let her but we were not actively potty training her. So that was that for a few months.
Trying again and signs of potty readiness...
Honeymoon past and Christmas came and went, it was now January- at this point life had gotten so busy that the potty seat was put away in the cupboard. This is when we decided to try again (Ella-Grace now being 21 almost 22 months old). We decided this for a number of reasons:
1. Ella-Grace showing more signs of readiness
Of course the most important thing to consider when thinking about potty training is, is my child ready? And once again, Ella-Grace started showing signs of readiness even more than before. As well as the signs I have already mentioned Ella-Grace also started to show the signs such as going number 2 at a certain time of day, telling me when she needed her nappy changed, understanding simple instructions, understanding words and what they mean (such as potty, pee pee etc), mimicking behaviour and waking up dry from her nap. All these were signs that she was ready and armed with this knowledge I had to consider other aspects of life to see if it was the right time for us as a family as well as for Ella-Grace and that nothing else would get in the way.
2. Baby number 2 due in June
This was more of a perk than a reason to potty train because of course if Ella-Grace had not been ready I would of never even considered starting potty training for this reason, but due to Ella-Grace showing signs this was something that popped into my head. As most if not all of you know I am due to have another baby in June and what a treat it would be to have to change half the amount of nappies. No nappy changes for my toddler only for the new born. Of course I would still be assisting Ella-Grace in the bathroom but not having to change her nappy along with baby two would be nice.
3. No big changes or events for a while
As I said Christmas and New Year had just passed and now we were into January which for us is quite a slow month as I am sure it is for many families. Ella-Grace's second birthday was in March and baby was due in June which meant for a little while now we had no big plans, changes or events. Potty training too close to or during a big event or change can make the process more difficult and stressful for everyone involved so the fact that we had nothing really happening for a while made me think that it could be a good time.
4. Second trimester and feeling good
As I said, you have to make sure your child is ready for potty training and that there is nothing happening at the same time that will stress out your child during this transition but as well as this you as a parent MUST be ready for this process as it takes a lot of energy out of you, it takes up a lot of your time and as for the attention you already pay to your child, you need to triple that. The constant monitoring, the constant reminding, the constant watching them and more. It is a lot for a parent and a huge task you have to make sure you are at your best to be able to help your child through this transition. For me around this time I was into my second trimester, finally out of the sickness of the first 12 weeks and I felt myself getting a burst of energy. Although pregnancy can be a difficult time if you are going to do anything like this, the second trimester (at least for me) is the sweet spot and exactly when you want to do it. The start of pregnancy I would never have been able to do it as I was far too tired and sick, the third trimester I would definitely be too tired and forget about when I have a new born baby. I am not saying you cannot do it during these times but I am saying that for me, my mental health would not handle it and physically I feel I would struggle but the second trimester? Yeah lets do this!
Researching and our chosen method...
Everything is lining up... Ella-Grace is ready, I am ready and now what? Time to do some research. Looking back on the first time we attempted to potty train I decided I did not do enough research. I looked at one method and thought, there I will try that, but there are so many different methods and opinions when it comes to potty training that I wanted to view more and fill myself with information. I looked at 3 day potty training methods, some that did day and night potty training at the same time, some methods that taught going number 1 and number 2 at different times, elimination communication potty training, potty training using pull ups, naked potty training, and so on and so forth. There are SO many different forms of information out there about all different types of potty training and from all this information I put together my own method combining the aspects I thought was important to my child's progress and what she needed. The main guidelines I used when potty training (which I pulled from all the different methods I looked at) were:
1. Have a staying in period
Although potty training does also have to be done out of the house it was important for us to establish it first at home before tackling public areas. Going to the bathroom is a vulnerable and private time and so we were prepared to get through the first part of the process at home.
2. No more nappies
Some methods use pull ups or potty train using nappies but for us the best way we could see to do it was to go 'cold turkey' as they say on the nappies (with the exception of nap time/bed time).
3. Potty every half an hour
Most methods say to remind your child often to go potty but it is up to you how often. We decided to put her on potty every half hour, quickly going to every hour. We probably asked her every 15 mins or so if she wanted to go.
4. Nappy free time followed by pants
The first day we let Ella-Grace run around bare and after this we introduced pants.
5. Teaching words
Teaching key words such as 'potty', 'pee pee' and 'poo poo'. This was very helpful when it came to understanding the process of potty training. Later she also caught onto words such as 'tissue', 'flush' and 'wash hands'. Once your child understands these words/phrases communication and teaching is so much easier.
6. Praise and reward
With it being just after Christmas we had so much left over chocolate/gifted chocolate so we used this as a reward if she went potty. As she got better as it though we just used praise which is all they really need.
7. No punishments
We knew we would be teaching her this way before I even researched anything. We did not want her to feel as if she had done something wrong when she had an accident as this would likely stress her out and we did not want to teach her that doing her business was bad because it is not. We simply acknowledged any accidents and patiently explained to her where to go next time.
8. Teach privacy
Reece and I think teaching privacy is very important and this also includes when it comes to going to the bathroom. So we were not comfortable having anyone over during the times when she was running around in just pants, we wanted to teach her going to the bathroom was something private and she can have Mummy or Daddy helping her or have some alone time. We did not want her doing her buisness on a potty in a public area in front of others, we wanted to teach her to go to where it is private just as we would never change her nappy anywhere but nappy changing areas because this was private. A very important lesson I think to teach from the start.
9. Tackle Day Time First
As I said, we decided to tackle through the day first and nap time/evening time later. We found this to be best for Ella-Grace and according to what I have read as well as observed with Ella-Grace so far, night time readiness is very different and almost naturally occurs.
10. Only 5 - 15 minutes sitting on potty
I read that letting your child sit on the toilet/potty for too long can affect their veins etc in that area and can be strenous for them so the recommended cut off time was 15 mins. After about 15 mins as well Ella-Grace would be more than ready to get off.
Supplies..
1. Pants
2. Toddler insert for toilet and/or small potty (we ended up needing both)
3.' Bambino' Potty training pants (NOT pull ups, the kind we got were cloth so more like pants so Ella-Grace did not get confuse it with a nappy)
4. Nappies for bedtime and naptime
5. Cleaning products
6. Wipes
7. Moisturiser (Ella-Grace's hands got really dry from the constant washing hands so moisturiser was important)
8. Rewards (optional, praise can work just as well)
9. Timer (I just used my phone)
Staying in Period...
And so it begins. 10th January 2019 was Ella-Grace's first day at a new toddler group so of course we did not want to miss this. We had sort of introduced potty training a day or two prior to this and so we took her to the group in pants not wanting to confuse her by putting her back in a nappy (there were many accidents as it was just the beginning stage- I wish we had the potty training pants at this point haha). It was after this day though that we 'officially' started potty training and decided to stay at home for a good week and so this is where I will start the potty training story for you all.
So treating the first day of the staying in period as the first full day potty training I decided to let Ella-Grace do this day pants and nappy free- so nothing on her bottom half. This was part of a few methods I read. By doing this I wanted to see just how many times a day she would go pee and hopefully see how well she regulated her bladder. It was less about trying to get her to use the potty- which of course I did- but more the last check to see if she was truly ready for potty training, From what I had read if a toddler urinates constantly their bladder is not mature enough for them to regulate it but if they are going every hour or so this is a sign they are regulating their bladder making potty training possible. I am not a medical professional but this was what I read and so we tested this theory. Ella-Grace often woke up from naps dry or we noticed she was staying dry in her nappy for longer periods of time and so it was not a shock to me that after the first day of potty training we came to the conclusion she was regulating her bladder and we were confident in our decision to potty train. She had many accidents on the floor (and one on the sofa, I think I counted about 8 accidents on the first day but this was expected and like I said not the big aim of the day. The aim was so see if she was ready and it did seem she was. We were not using the small potty at this point but rather we introduced the toilet seat insert as this is what we were putting her on as this is what she shown interest in, the big toilet that Mummy and Daddy use. We were putting her on every half hour to an hour on that first day, constantly reminding her/asking her if she needed to pee. The first few times this was exciting but then she got a bit bored of going on and so bubbles, her wash off nail polish, stories, we brought out a few things to keep her entertained during her time on the potty. We would sit her on the potty between 5 and 10 minutes each time, restarting the 30 min timer each time she would get off. If she at all seemed distressed about going on/being on the potty we would take her off- we wanted to avoid stressing her out or making her scared of the potty at all costs. We were very much trying to let her lead us. She may have peed once on the potty on that first day but the rest were accidents. So as the first day goes it went as expected, the constant reminding her to go to the toilet, every half an hour putting her on the toilet, cleaning up accidents and trying to teach her the key potty training words- fair to say both Ella-Grace and myself were shattered at the end of the first day and I still knew we had a long way to go.
Progress followed by UTI...
The staying in period continued and on the second day we introduced pants. I explained to her what her pants were and how she was not to wear nappies now just pants. I told her that she should try to keep her pants dry and tell Mummy or Daddy if she needed the toilet. Then again our potty training method began (Reminding her about the toilet, putting her on potty for 5/10 mins every 30 mins, trying to teach her the potty words, if she did anything on the toilet she would get a little dairy free chocolate treat and of course constant hand washing). This was pretty much how the staying in period went, day in and day out we would do this routine. There were stressful times for both of us, many accidents and a lot of washing (I advise you buy a lot of pants and maybe keep them in just t-shirts or dresses) but we got through it.
By day 3 Ella-Grace had gone from eight accidents to just on or two accidents, peeing on the toilet almost every time (going number 2 was still quite daunting for her and although she did go a once or twice in the toilet most of the time she would go in her nappy during nap time as this was the time she had regulated her body to go anyway). Now she was getting better at going to the toilet we had changed the method slightly. Instead of every half an hour we set the timer for every hour and this is where it stuck until she learnt to tell us herself. I was very proud of the progress she was making and thought to myself the hard part was over she is almost accident free... and then a UTI hit her. Very common during early potty training with girls according to our dr and although it is not a sign of not being ready to be potty trained (which is what I was worried about) it is something that needs treated with antibiotics.
I used to get regular urine tract infections when I was younger and so I knew as soon as Ella-Grace said 'ow' when she peed that she had an infection. Thankfully with her being so good at peeing in the toilet now we were able to get a urine sample from her quickly meaning she got antibiotics very quickly and recovered within days. Surprisingly this did not hold her back as I thought it would and once the infection cleared up she had her first dry day!!
First dry day...
This had now been a full week of staying in and potty training. It had been difficult, it had been messy but it had been so worth it. I actually read one Mother's story about how she potty trained her child and one thing she said really stuck (I am going to try and find the exact post and credit it at the end of this post), she said 'wait for the first dry day' this is what I told myself in times where I was finding the potty training difficult as I knew the first dry day would be amazing and it was. Looking in the washing basket and only seeing the one pair of underwear she had worn that day to go in the wash and seeing how proud she was to have dry underwear, it was so precious. We were still putting her on every hour so it was very much her being on a schedule than us leaving her to it and her being able to tell us but still this was progress and from 8 accidents on the first day to none in just over a week! That was amazing. Very proud of our little girl and also proud of us for helping her get there. Now time to get out the house!
First full day out...
Now, accomplishing potty training in your house is one thing but potty training outside the home, outside of your child's comfort zone, that is a whole different kettle of fish as they say.
We had been on small outings before; doctors appointments, my 20 week scan, trips to ASDA, but 1. These were short trips and 2. We used the potty training pants and although they were always dry and she would go to the toilet when we were out, it was like a security blanket because we knew if she did have an accident that the cloth potty training pants would hold some amount of urine before any clothing etc got wet. It was time to take that security blanket away. Ella-Grace was ready and so were we. What better place to test this theory than a birthday party at a soft play haha no point starting small right?
Dress on, hair done and pants on out the house for the first time, I was petrified and desperately did not want her to have an accident. Not because there would of been anything wrong in that, totally normal in fact but I knew Ella-Grace would get upset (by this point she was very aware that she wanted her pants to be dry) and did not want her to feel embarrassed. The party lasted 2 hours and Reece and I were on our game tracking how much she drank and how often we were putting her on the toilet (still every hour) and so with two successful trips to the toilet that was our first big outing with dry underwear NOT in training pants. Another milestone had been hit and we were ecstatic. This was the 26th of January so about 2 weeks after we started potty training.
Introducing small potty...
So we have no accidents through the day at home, we can now go out of the house with pants on also, what was left? To trust in Ella-Grace. By now she knew the word 'pee pee', 'potty' and 'poo poo' and she had a good understanding of what they meant but yet she was rarely telling us she needed to go and rather waiting for us to put her on the potty. She was clearly regulating her bladder as every time we would put her on the potty she would pee, she knew every hour we would take her to the toilet. But we wanted to stop the schedule and let her lead us, it was now time for her to let us know when she needed to go and so to help with this we introduced a small potty in the living room. The reason for this being the big toilet she could not get on herself and so the small potty encouraged independence as she could sit on it herself. We taught her how to pull up and down her pants and trousers and explained when she needed to go 'pee pee' or 'poo poo' to let Mummy and Daddy know and to go on her potty. Still reminding her but now not putting her on every hour and once again (thankfully) she picked this up rather quickly. Sometimes by telling us and sometimes she needed the question of 'do you need to go potty?' to prompt her but she quickly got used to telling us when she needed to go. I think we had one or two accidents during this time of teaching her to tell us but over all she got it fairly quickly. Following this we moved the small potty into the bathroom as we still wanted to encourage privacy and that the bathroom is where she goes to do her business and we no longer timed how often she went to the bathroom, no more timer. Which brings us to right now.
Where we are now...
So, as of now (March 2019) I can confidently say Ella-Grace is fully potty trained through the day. If she does go longer than 2 hours without peeing I will prompt her to go to the potty which she always does but majority of the time she lets us know when she needs to go. She does still wear a nappy at nap and bed time but we put her on the potty before she sleeps and so she often wakes up dry. Going number 2 on the potty is still somewhat of a task as she would usually do this during nap time (so in her nappy) as this is the time of day she seems to of regulated her body to do so but if she does need when she is awake she does tell us and with some prompting will go on the potty. Not as confidently as she does when she goes pee but she will still tell us and she knows where number 2 goes. We are working on making her more confident at this however. Ella-Grace has full understanding now that her waste goes into the potty. She understands the whole process from knowing when she needs to go to the bathroom to washing her hands after. She gets up every morning as tells us it is time take off her nappy, go potty and put her pants on. She is proud when her pants are dry and likes to announce to everyone after she has gone 'pee pee' haha exclaiming yay every time! Still small progress to go and potty training through the night to tackle but so far so good and we are very proud of how she is doing.
Method in a nutshell..
That may have sounded a bit all over the place so I am going to bullet point it for anyone that just wants the steps:
- Stay in period 1 week
- First day- no pants or nappy, look for waste regulation and cues that child needs to go potty (holding private area, running around, hiding). Learning these cues will help you catch when they need to go potty and help them learn their own cues. Potty every 30 mins.
- Second day- explain underwear. Potty every 30 mins, use knowledge of cues from day before. Teach key words.
- Continue this for the remainder of the week. If child is having less accidents and seems to be doing well try potty every 1 hour. Teach key words.
- Attempt an outing (no timeline just whenever you feel ready)
- When child is going to potty every hour and understanding key words try encouraging them to tell you when they need to go/go by themselves.
Top tips...
1. Don't pressure your child
BIG no in my opinion is putting pressure on your child to be potty trained. Of course encourage and explain to them why an accident is an accident but never embarrass, never shame, never punish and never force. Changing from nappies to potty is a HUGE lifestyle change for any child no matter the age you start and during this time your child needs support, praise and compassion. You do not want to scare them away.
2. Mother knows best
I spent the whole time I was potty training (even now) questioning myself and if I was right for potty training Ella-Grace now. Was she truly ready? Can I do this? What should and shouldn't I be doing? I googled this until I was at my wits end and the only answer I could come up with was that nobody knows. Each parent does what they think is best for their child and although I could read other peoples experiences and opinions, I had to find my own and trust myself as a Mother that I know my child, what they are capable of and what is best for them. I believed that Ella-Grace was ready and I believed this was the right time to start potty training and so that is what I did. No one knows your child like you do, you have to trust yourself to make the right call.
3. Ignore haters
This kind of goes hand in hand with the last tip. I had some people telling me Ella-Grace was 'too young' and that I was 'forcing her', these did get me down for a bit and had me questioning myself but to be 100% honest, these people are not there to help you. Unless you ask for their opinion they have no right to tell you what to do and not do with your child, they have not seen the signs and they have not been the one raising them from the ground up. A stranger will see your child have one accident and suddenly proclaim that your child is 'not ready' to be potty trained but yet they did not see the 3 other times that day that your child successfully went to the potty. Although I know it is hard not to overthink what others opinions are as you yourself are not an expert please remember, like I said, you know what is best for your child and it is up to you to make the decision. Ignore any negative energy.
4. Take it day by day
Just like most things in life you are going to experience good days and bad days, it is the same with potty training. One day your child will seem to be making immense progress and then the next they will have a few accidents, that's just how it is at the start, it is an adjustment for them and potty training definitely does not happen over night. So whether it takes days, weeks or months, just take it day by day. Your child has a day with little or no accidents then amazing, if they have a day where the potty has not been used then try again tomorrow. It is easier said than done but try not to stress, you will potty train your child eventually and then you will be sad that this is another experience checked off your list. Just take it day by day and you will get there. Remember accidents happen, it is part of potty training.
5. Enjoy the small victories
Again linking to the last tip- enjoy the small victories. The potty training process is messy, tedious and frustrating for both you and your child, so when there are little victories really focus on them and celebrate them. Don't feel like you are doing a bad job because your child had 3 accidents, feel proud because you helped them make it to the potty at least once that day. Your child poop on the floor? That sucks! But you taught them what the word 'potty' meant today and that is progress. Little victories mean a lot and celebrating/praising these is what will encourage both you and your child to keep going.
6. Don't focus on how long it is taking
This was a hard one for me. Like I said, I am a person of schedule, routine and organisation (or at least I try to be as this keeps me sane) so I tried to have a time line in my head as to how long potty training would take. Lucky for me Ella-Grace has seemed to catch on relatively quickly for the most part but what I have come to realise is that potty training is a long process. When I was researching different potty training methods there were so many 'clickbait' titles I would say such as 'potty train in 3 days' or 'how I potty trained my child in 1 week'. Not to say that these parents did not manage to do this but it just pre-set a feeling in my head that the potty training process must have a time line. Once researching even more though and gaining some more experience myself I realised that it is really a continuous process for months or even longer sometimes. Yes, Ella-Grace caught on quickly and after I would say about 2 weeks I could say yes she is potty trained through the day so 'technically' that was my time line but the potty training does not stop there. She may have an accident some time in the future when she is excited, upset or just forgets to tell me she needs to go. She may have accidents when in a new sitiuation or one she is not used to- for example she had not had an accident in a long time but then she went to stay with my Mum for one night and she had one accident the next day because it was someone else putting her on the potty. She may have accidents once the new baby is here, it is often that children regress in a big life change but she may not. Of course we still have the night training to come so that is a factor too. Or none of these things will happen and she will have no accidents again, who knows. Potty training is a process that goes on for a long time, it is a life change and they take a while to get a hang of so my best advice would be just to make it part of your lifestyle and your routine. Going on the potty is a routine for us, we have accepted it as part of our day and whatever this means for Ella-Grace and what she needs as support for potty training is what we will continue to do- no timeline.
7. You will find your own method
My BIGGEST tip by far is do not focus or try to follow to the T someone else's potty training method. Of course be as informed as you can if that helps you and through researching potty training methods you can try to follow one but be prepared to find your own method. No children are the same and they will all learn and grow in their own unique ways, so following another parents method that worked for their child may not work for yours. The way we potty trained Ella-Grace was not a magical method I found on any website, blog, book or you tube video, it was all different methods and what I liked from those methods all mashed together to make the perfect potty training method for my little one. You may go through lots of methods before finding the rhythm that works for you and most importantly your child, it just takes patience and time. Just remember you will only potty train your child once (even if it does take a long time) and they will get there! You are going to blink and they will be living their own adult life so try and enjoy this experience as much as it will drain you. Also for those parents who feel pressured to start potty training- please don't, you will know when your child is ready and when you are ready to take this leap. It is not a race and there is no right time to do it.
Thank you for reading...
Wow that was a long post! I don't know if that all made sense- like I said I am no expert or childcare professional- but I hope it helped someone out there who is embarking on the potty training journey with their child or thinking about it. I am so proud of how Ella-Grace has dealt with the big change that is potty training and although there has been hard times it has gone relatively smoothly (we still have to tackle the evening potty training however). This massive fear that I had of potty training was in the end irrational and as well as being proud of my wonderful daughter, I am also proud of myself as a mother who battles with anxiety for not having a total relapse/breakdown- a few mini breakdowns sure but overall my mental health has stayed afloat. I have Reece to thank for supporting me through that and of course playing his part in the potty training experience. If you feel I have missed anything or you have any questions about my experience in potty training please feel free to message me or comment below and I will reply asap! As always thank you for reading and you will hear from me again very soon with a more blog posts.
Stay Happy Everyone! :) <3
