A Quick Review of 2018

Last blog post of 2018...

Another year has come and gone, we are now approaching 2019! I feel like people say this whenever a year is coming to an end but I really cannot believe how fast this year has gone! So much has happened, our baby girl turned 1 year old, I got a new writing job, I donated blood, I shaved my head for charity again, we got married, we moved house, we went on our honeymoon, I got to review some amazing shows on my blog and now we are expecting baby number 2! An amazing year indeed, not without it's difficulties of course but over all a great year with memories that will last a life time. 

This will be my last blog post of 2018 but I will be back after the Christmas period to talk about all things pregnancy, motherhood, vegan recipes, mental health, marriage and anything else you guys want me to write about/what pops into my head and I decide to put out on the internet. 

I had so much more I wanted to talk about this year, being sick in the first trimester of this pregnancy really threw off all my writing plans, I am still to talk to you about our honeymoon, the rough patch I went through with my anxiety and my first trimester of pregnancy (I am currently 16 weeks pregnant, almost 17 weeks), I know these posts will interest and help a lot of my readers so they will still be written and posted in 2019. You will just have to excuse the time it took me to finally write about these events, I still want you all to know what went on in the second half of 2018. 

As well as expecting to catch up on my 2018 posts, you can also expect all new things in 2019! Obviously I will continue to talk about my pregnancy and decisions we are making this time around that are different to last time. I am going to write up my full birth plan and share it with my readers. Ella-Grace turns 2 years old in March and you can bet that everything from my emotions to party planning will be shared in a post, not to mention a complete review on Ella-Grace's development. I expect I will take a break from posting in 2019 when baby 2 does arrive but I promise it will not be forever, I will be back with Mummy of two posts as soon as I feel ready. Reece and I will also celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary so that will also be a topic on Laura-Jane Life come June 2019. As well as all this I will of course be taking requests, although I am backed up on them at the moment I am planning on getting to them all. I hope you will all be joining me on the roller-coaster ride that is life by reading my blog posts in 2019! Thank you all who have read my posts and been a part of this kindness community I am trying to build since the start in 2017 and to anyone who will newly be reading my posts in 2019, welcome to Laura-Jane Life, I am happy to have you here. 

I am rambling on, basically I had a great 2018, I plan to pick up the pace with posts in 2019 and catch up on some posts I know you will all love and I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year! 

Short and sweet (not like me I know haha) but I really need the bathroom- being pregnant again I basically live in there- and as helpful as Hubby is I know he is struggling to do Ella-Grace's hair right now haha he cannot work out how a bobble works, bless him he tries. I am so grateful for the life I have, my friends and family and you wonderful readers. I hope good things come to all of you in 2019 and what I say every year to everyone is remember to spread kindness this next year. It does not cost to be kind and there is nothing more important. 

See you all in 2019, here is my year in review told in my favourite pictures (not in chronological order)....

Stay Happy Everyone and See you all in 2019!

Our TTC Story: Getting Pregnant with Baby #2

The secret is out...

Baby number 2 is on the way and finally I am able to share this with all of you. Now I can finally explain why I have been absent from the blog and why I have had posts 'pending' for a long time because many of them are about pregnancy and baby number 2, and as you will now read, trying to conceive. 

Before getting into this post I do want to say that this is all just my experience, opinions and emotions. I know that talking about TTC (trying to conceive), pregnancy, fertility, babies etc. can be triggering for some people who have had problems or bad experiences so if you feel this may upset you then please do not read or read with someone you trust to support you. Reece and I are very lucky to have our beautiful 20 month old daughter, Ella-Grace and to of conceived baby number 2 very quickly and although this time round TTC and pregnancy has proven to be a bit tougher that is nothing compared to what others go through and we feel so so blessed. I cannot stress that enough, I am so thankful. I just wanted to make that clear before I go into telling the story of our TTC journey. 

I also know that some people may feel uncomfortable with the topic of TTC because of course that involves somewhat talking about intimacy but that is how a baby is made and it is totally natural so I personally do not think it should be a taboo topic. We need to open up about these things and then maybe others will not feel so alone or awkward about their experiences. But if you are one of those people who do not wish to read about TTC and think it could be too much information then once again feel free to click away and you can come back for another post.  

With all that said it's time to get on with the post, starting with deciding to have another baby. Our last baby FOR SURE. 

Deciding to try for baby number 2 (our last child)...

New parents with our tiny Ella-Grace

Now you will have to forgive me for the blurry details, I may have been planning this post for a while but I am just now (13 weeks pregnant) finishing it off and my baby brain makes me forgetful. So after having Ella-Grace, Reece and I were not certain we wanted more children like some couples are. We were at that moment in time very happy with having just Ella-Grace and for all we knew this would be us set up for life when it came to the size of our family. Not ruling out the idea of more children completely but feeling confident that if Ella-Grace was to be the only child we chose to have that, that would be great and we were happy to have an only child. With this in mind around 4 weeks after Ella-Grace was born I got the contraceptive implant put in, feeling confident that we would not want another child (if ever) at least for the next 3 years which is how long the implant can stay in your arm before needing removed or changed. I decided on this form of contraception after a talk with my midwife and doctor about all the options I had and found this worked best for me. I did not have to think about it at all which is a plus for someone like me who has anxiety and would stress about taking tablets daily and it lasted a long time and as I said we were sure we did not want any other kids for a while if at all. I know that the implant can have some bad side effects for some women, in fact I know a lot of people who chose this and I think out of all of us I was the only one who did not have bad side effects so please do not take this as me recommending a course of contraception to you. If you would like advice on contraception please talk to a doctor not take my word for it as I am not a trained professional, this is just my experience. Anyways so yes from when Ella-Grace was 4 weeks old I was on the contraceptive implant lasting 3 years, until we changed our minds.

20 months old, 6 months left as an only child

Now do not get me wrong, I still think there are pros to having just one child. Many people said to me when I shared that we may just be having one child that it was not fair on Ella-Grace and that she would be spoiled and not have anyone to play with etc. This I do not think is true and is, in my opinion, a very judgemental way to look at a situation. There are many only children in the world and I can guarantee not all of them wish they had siblings and many of them are social and not 'spoiled' as people say. There is something truly special I think about putting all your time and energy into one child, that child being the centre of your world. This is what made us think we just wanted one child in the first place, because we just look at Ella-Grace and burst with pride and I loved the thought of everything I had being put in to raising our little angel and only her. Obviously this is not the path we chose to go down but we still believe this would of been great too and anyone who does wish to have one child, good for you, be confident with your decision and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We however changed our minds, for the following reasons.

36 weeks pregnant with Ella-Grace here 

The first reason being that I really wanted to experience pregnancy again and desperately wanted to have a natural birth. For those of you who have been reading my posts for a while you will know that with Ella-Grace I had an emergency c-section and although I did experience 10 hours of labour with only gas and air, I did not deliver naturally. Which as a woman is something that I am longing to experience. Not every woman does but I do and I think the fact that a woman's body can do that is so magical and although the pain is horrendous I really want to experience a natural birth once in my life. This may not happen obviously, birth is unpredictable and nothing is guaranteed but I am keeping hopeful that I will be able to do this VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I felt the first time around I did not appreciate being pregnant because of how excited I was to meet my first child, I wished it away and hoped that doing it a second time around I would appreciate it a bit more (proving to be harder than I thought but that's a different story). As well as this I know Reece wanted to be able to experience having paternity leave and actually spending some time bonding instead of having to go straight to work as he did for Ella-Grace. Because of a job change paternity leave was not available for Reece and the day after Ella-Grace was born he had to start a new job leaving me a new Mother alone with a new baby after a c-section straight away and Reece, a new dad not getting that bonding time. We both wanted time to get used to being new parents and enjoy our new family unit but never got that so that was definitely something we both thought would be amazing to get out of having another baby.

Another reason we started warming to the idea of having another child is that Ella-Grace is a very social child and loves other children. She is also very gentle with small babies and has not seemed to show any jealousy when I show attention to another child. So, where as some children may not benefit from a sibling or personality may fit being an only child, with Ella-Grace it was almost like she was telling us a sibling would be something she wanted. Obviously she is not really thinking that but we believe she will really rise to the challenge of being a big sister and will benefit. Children change all the time and who knows, she may become a bit more wild and less gentle, she will likely be jealous when baby gets here but in the long term I think in her situation she will love having a sibling. She already cuddles my belly and says 'baby', it is the cutest!

Lastly, we decided we wanted to try for another baby because well, we wanted another baby. I don't know what else to say about it. I have always been very maternal and I just felt in my gut that I was not yet done having children and although Reece at first was not sure he very quickly came to the conclusion that he felt the same and not only that we both automatically knew that if we were lucky enough to get pregnant again that this would be our last baby. Being a family of four would be our family unit complete and this time there most definitely would be no changing minds. I know many reading this may say we could 'change our minds again' or 'you never know' but I can confidently say this will be our decision and after baby 2 is born we will be shutting up shop when it comes to baby making. Our reasons for this is a whole other post in itself so if you would like to hear that then please let me know.

So yes, around Ella-Grace's first birthday this conversation of having baby number 2 was opened up and we at first decided to start trying in September 2018, which quickly turned into August 2018 when the only appointment available for my implant removal (just over 1 year after getting it in) was scheduled for 31st July 2018. The reason for deciding to try at this time was so that the wedding was out the way, we were moved into our new home and that hopefully Ella-Grace and baby number 2's birthdays would not be too close together- we conceived Ella-Grace in June 2016.

And so that was the decision made and baby dancing began...

August 2018 (First Month TTC)

Positive Ovulation Test

After getting my implant removed (July 31st 2018) my period started just hours after, which is very lucky as some women don't find that their period return for weeks or months meaning their fertility would not be back to normal, but because mine started straight away we were able to start trying quickly. So after a 5 day period we started 'baby dancing' daily to try and give us the best chance of getting pregnant. Now as fun as 'baby dancing' is, as parents finding the time and energy to 'baby dance' can be tricky especially with Reece working 9 hours most days but we made it work (Ella-Grace sleeping through the night certainly helped). Luckily I was able to roughly track my ovulation using an ovulation calendar and I also used ovulation strips, which you use like a pregnancy test, so I would know exactly when I ovulated. My first positive ovulation test was on the 11th August 2018. We had managed to fit in 'baby dancing' the few days prior, the day of ovulation and few days post, after this we cooled off for a bit as now ovulation had past we were finally in the waiting time. Which is the most annoying and stressful part of TTC, the not knowing and the long wait. For an anxious, control freak like me it was too much to take and I started testing and symptom spotting from 7 DPO (days past ovulation) which now in hindsight was a bad idea. But yeah from everything I had read, every video about TTC I had watched, it seemed like we were guaranteed to get pregnant and obviously when I think get pregnant because I had a smooth pregnancy the first time around I do not worry about anything going wrong.

Symptoms
As the wait went on I felt that I was starting to experience what could be pregnancy symptoms. My breasts were sore, I was feeling sick and more tired than usual.

Testing

First Faint Lines

I started testing as I said at 7 dpo and would test every two days. I became a serial tester and although at the time it felt exciting because I was so sure I was pregnant (based on symptoms and that we tracked ovulation) in hindsight it was a bad idea and I should of waited till closer to the time of my period. The problem is when you have an abundance of strip tests all you want to do is test, test, test especially when you are actively trying for a baby.

So the first few tests looked negative but as they were so early I thought just that, I was testing too early and then around 11 dpo I started to get what looked like a positive strip test. I thought I was imagining things but Reece could see the lines too. No missed period yet of course but I was starting to think I must be pregnant! Nearing when my period is due now and I upgraded from a strip test to a standard test, this showed up positive (I WISH I still had the picture of this test because it was the clearest positive I got but I think I deleted it unfortunately). At this point I was sure I was pregnant.. then I started getting cramps. Thinking nothing of it as I stared at my positive tests. The day before my period was due I went out and bought a clear blue test and that result was not what I had thought or wanted it to be. It was negative. 

Negative result? Confused

After experiencing pregnancy symptoms and getting lines on strip tests and one positive standard pregnancy test I was very confused when the clear blue test came back negative. The next day (the day my period was due) sure enough I got my period. A chemical pregnancy/early miscarriage did not come to mind immediately, I just assumed I was wrong and this was just my period starting. Then after speaking to a close friend who had also seen the tests and experiencing very painful cramps I decided to speak to a doctor. After this chat I came to the conclusion that I may have just gone through a chemical pregnancy.

Chemical Pregnancy 
I did not know how to feel and how to come to terms with the fact that I had gone through a chemical pregnancy. Just as I was beginning to think I was pregnant it was taken away from me yet I was still feeling pregnant (still feeling sick, tired and- the big symptom- I had sore, tender breasts. This symptom was something I had only ever experienced in my first pregnancy and at no other time in my life. It was the biggest sign first time round) but at the same time bleeding? I felt guilty for even caring because others have been through worse and it was so early on was I even pregnant? From what I have learned about chemical pregnancy it is likely that an egg and a sperm did meet in my body but failed to attach to my uterus wall which is why I experienced symptoms and got light positive tests (these tests although consistent barely got darker which is another sign of chemical pregnancy or miscarriage apparently) but then ultimately got my period and got a negative digital. It just was not meant to be this time. It was a hard and confusing time and still to this day I can't really describe how I feel about what happened or how I should feel? Sad, disappointed, guilty and confused. You can probably tell by the quick description of it that I am uncomfortable talking about it, it was a hard time, very confusing but I want others to know that if you think you are experiencing a chemical pregnancy- I get you, I have mixed emotions too. After the bleeding finally stopped, Reece and I tried to pick ourselves up and start again but this time taking a different approach.

September 2018 (Second Month TTC) 

So I started my period/chemical pregnancy bleeding on the 27th August 2018. This lasted for about 5-7 days I think. Hard to remember now as I tried to block out that memory because as I said it was an emotional and confusing time. Once the bleeding stopped Reece was ready to start trying again but every time I thought about 'baby dancing' I just got anxious as now I was scared to get pregnant in case something went wrong. This was my first ever experience in anything even close to a  miscarriage and it truly scared me. I feel so bad saying that because I know so many people who have gone through worse and to me this was almost like I just had my period but the thought that I may have been pregnant and then was no longer pregnant just scared me. What if it happened again, what if I miscarry when I'm further on, what if I have a still birth. I was frightened and did not want to have to deal with this but I did really want another child. I was getting angry with myself for physically being unable to 'baby dance' due to fear and anxiety. Reece of course was supportive as always and was just ready to try when I was ready. The ovulation tests were too stressful for me and so was even checking when I could possibly ovulating so that was also out the window, we decided to try care-free and if it happens it happens. We resumed 'baby dancing' 9th September. The ONLY day in September we had sex (important note). Our life got busy and I had put trying for a baby to the back of my mind. Knowing we had probably missed our fertile window and knowing we only tried once I was ready to get my period and face another month of trying but as symptoms built I started to think otherwise. 

List of symptoms

Symptoms were tricky to spot this time because I was still getting some of them from the month before- after having a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage you can continue to get symptoms for a while after. All September I was experiencing sore breasts and sickness. My emotions were high but due to this month being particularly bad for my anxiety and just having gone through a chemical pregnancy that's what I put this down to. The biggest symptom was a missed period.
I got to the 24th September (I was calculating my period to come every 4 weeks) and there was no period. However I was cramping so still awaiting the arrival of aunt flow not believing I could be pregnant. Another day past, more symptoms arose (breasts looking bigger, food aversions and cravings- I remember going for food with my sister and needing hot sauce which was a craving last pregnancy) and no period. Then another day, no period. And another. Reece was suspicious but was going by what I said so he even was not thinking I was pregnant. At this point we were also preparing to go on our honeymoon in the next few days so were so busy. Then, just to get it out the way and deal with the negative result that I thought I was going to get, I decided to test.

I'm Pregnant! 

That's right, September 27th 2018 (exactly a month after the bleeding started last month) in the Trinity centre bathroom with a pregnancy test bought from Superdrug I found out I was carrying baby number 2. The test line appeared IMMEDIATELY! I had never experienced such a fast result on a test before and I could not believe my eyes! So certain I was not pregnant that I had took a test in a public bathroom and there in front of my eyes was a positive pregnancy test! I immediately took a picture and showed it to Ella-Grace- who had no idea what I was talking about of course haha. Exclaiming to her that she would be a big sister! I was shocked and so happy! I could not wait to tell Reece. I had planned to tell him with a t-shirt I had bought for Ella-Grace the month before that said 'Totally Amazing Sister' on it but the t-shirt was at home and we were in town, literally minutes away from meeting Reece for lunch. There was no way I could keep it a secret all through lunch and wait till he got home to tell him so, when we met up at lunch I pretended I had bought Ella-Grace some new clothes and asked if he wanted to see it. He of course said yes, but instead of pulling out an item of clothing I took out a pregnancy test. I think Reece's words were 'You're pregnant? OMG Really?!" to which I obviously said yes and we hugged. He had the biggest smile on his face it was so sweet. Ella-Grace all the while was very confused and just wanted to go and get some food haha.

And after that goes into the first trimester which will be the next post so you will just have to wait for those details.

Summary of TTC experience...

Trying to conceive second time round proved to be very different to getting pregnant first time with Ella-Grace. It always would of been of course because no pregnancy or child is the same but also because circumstances and mindsets were totally different going into the TTC journey with baby 2. With Ella-Grace Reece and I had just discussed having children and were not actively trying although we were of the mind set that if we were to get pregnant that would be great. And so we did. Not really tracking it, it just happened somewhat unplanned but very much wanted! Where as this time round we had planned it down to the month we started trying and when we needed to baby dance. The chemical pregnancy threw a massive emotional spanner in the works but maybe that was meant to be in a way (I am not the type of person to say that usually but this kind of makes sense in my head), the month after we experienced a chemical pregnancy, my anxiety kicked in which forced us to take up a very similar approach to TTC to when we got pregnant with Ella-Grace ; if it happens, it happens. We did not want to put stress on us or over think it because we knew it could take a while. And it was when we took this attitude again much like the first time around we concieved baby number 2. I whole heartedly believe that when you stop thinking about it, that is when you get pregnant. I don't know if there is any scientific evidence to this or just a hunch but both times I found out I was pregnant was around the time I started thinking 'what happens, happens' and convincing myself I am probably not pregnant- how strange. Obviously different for everyone but just find it so fascinating that even though Reece and I were in two totally different places in life from when we conceived Ella-Grace to when we conceived baby 2, we still managed to conceive them in a similar way. Over all however I am so grateful that our TTC stories with both Ella-Grace and baby 2 have been short and although not at all times sweet, NOTHING compared to what others have gone through and are going through. We are very fortunate to be a fertile couple able to produce children easily, baby number two on the way and our family will be complete. I feel so lucky and undeserving to be in this position when so many others have been trying to start their family for a long time. Very thankful for my babies. Good luck to anyone who is TTC and no matter how you end up starting a family (naturally conceiving, IVF, adoption etc) it will be beautiful and they will be your children. There are all types of families and all have different stories, full support from me to all of you. 

Thank you for reading...

And breathe.. feel like I did a lot of talking (or should I say typing) especially in that last paragraph- just can't stress enough how grateful I am. Sorry if this was more of a chit chat type post rather than an informative l or helpful post. I just wanted to share with you my experience conceiving baby number 2 and that involves a lot of emotions that I can't really put into perfect grammar. If anyone would like a 'TTC tips' post that is more informative then please let me know. I am so happy to be on this journey again (even if the first trimester is not the most fun- more information on that in the next post) and thank you so much for reading. Double thank you for anyone who has been here long enough to read about us conceiving Ella-Grace and baby number 2! That would be almost 2 years of reading my posts and I am truly honoured you even care what I have to say and want to read about me and my life, thank you, thank you, thank you. Next up will be a post all about the first trimester, it has been eventful to say the least. You will all find out the details in due time. Now signing off another blog post from me, Reece, Ella-Grace AND baby 2....

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

Another Charity Headshave: What prompt me to do this again and more about my charity work

So glad to be back...

Hi everyone! I am so happy to be sharing another post with you all finally. It has been far too long and I appreciate everyone's patience. I have had a lot going on (all will be explained in blog posts to come) but now I am back and hoping to post at least once every two weeks, once a week if I can manage. I have so much I want to share with all my readers from mental health and vegan recipes to toddler life and mummy posts, all will come soon and I cannot wait to receive some feedback from all of you. Thank you again for the continued support despite my lack of posting and for all the post ideas I have been sent, they are all jotted down in my notebook I promise and hopefully I will get round to typing up every one of those ideas into a post. LauraJaneLife blog is back and I am so happy about it! So let's just jump straight into today's topic... my newly shaved head! 

Previous Charity work and why I think it is important to give back...

I have done some charity work in the past and want to do so much more in the future! Since a young age my aim in life has always been to help people and make the world a better place. Sounds cheesy I know, a cliche that you hear people say all the time but that is the honest truth. I found it difficult to choose in what way I wanted to help people/change the world, I have been through many job possibilities in my head; mental health nurse, midwife, prime minister, M.P., author, psychologist, working in the criminal justice system, army nurse, police officer.. the list goes on. All these jobs I still think would be amazing to do and who knows maybe in the future I will pursue one of them (fun fact- I did get into university for Mental Health nursing and also a course that would of helped me to become a certified counsellor but it did not feel right for me at the time so I did not accept, but who knows maybe I could go back to this in the future). I could never decide what exactly I wanted to do career wise, I did know I wanted to help others however and that has driven me throughout my life. This being the reason any job I have ever had has been caring based- a children's party host, a nursery support worker, a learning disabilities care worker, elderly carer- I just want to help out and make a difference. Being a Mother was also something I always wanted to do and I would say is one of the biggest ways to change the world and impact the future because you are literally raising the next generation. Through being pregnant I also then re-discovered my childhood passion of writing leading to the moderate success of my blog, being employed as a writer for two online parenting websites and the starts of a self-published book (still a LONG way to go with that one). In all these ways I have become more passionate about making the world a better place and impacting the world positively with my time here. I am so grateful to of touched so many people with my writing, making people feel not alone when it comes to things such as mental health or motherhood. Receiving messages saying that I have made people feel accepted with my open-minded attitude or that I have made them re-think their lifestyle habits through my animal rights and environmental posts. It may be a small impact but an impact none the less and I hope to continue this. So yes through my life so far I have tried my best to find ways to help others and other than career paths there is charity work, here are some of the things I have done previously. 

-Donated to Foodbank every month
-Bought food for the homeless

-Coffee mornings for macmillan cancer support 

-Headshave for macmillan cancer support 

-Volunteering for Childline

- Fundraising for Rosie's Cafe (Mental Health Charity) 

The first headshave...

The first time I shaved my head, as I said, was for Macmillan Cancer Support. It was around 3 years ago I did it and raised £300. Still to this day I get letters (telling me of what work they are doing/have done with the money I raised) and little rewards you could say from Macmillan (such as Christmas cards, tags for presents, postcards etc) which I think is really sweet. I originally wanted to shave my head because around this time my hair was SO damaged from the amount of dying I had put it through in a very short amount of time, but then I began to think that instead of just shaving it I could shave it for a cause which as I have explained is something I am very passionate about. So I went for it, here is a picture from that first head shave. (Side note: I did not donate my hair because of the damage and the length was too short). 

Second headshave and why...

People- including family and friends- thought I was crazy to do this again! Why would you shave your head after growing it all back? Well the answer is simple.. because I can. It is just hair at the end of the day and if I can help a very worthy cause just by shaving my head then why wouldn't I? For me there was no answer to this question and thus I shaved my head. There were of course other reasons apart from 'just because I can'. I was always planning on doing this again, I just wasn't sure when or what charity to do it for and then I heard that the wonderful Willows Animal Sanctuary were really struggling with donations and were not sure if they could continue to look after their animals through the winter months and this gave me that final push to set up the just giving page. As you readers will know since I had my daughter I became vegan and through this I have found a whole new love and respect for animals so this cause was close to my heart. I also think Willows is so one of a kind to be a sanctuary that saves animals not only from abuse and neglect but from slaughter! In Aberdeen/Aberdeenshire anyways I don't think there is any other place like this that does not profit from the animals or exploit them but simply care for them, save them and try to spread the message that choosing a plant-based lifestyle is best for your health, environment and of course, the animals. I honestly adore this place and could not sit by and let such a wonderful place close. I want to take my daughter and any other children we may have to visit here a lot in the future to teach them all the values Willows upholds so they can use them through their life. So as I have said anything I could do to help I was most definitely going to do that! Aside from this I have noticed, as a woman, a lot of your beauty is defined by hair? If I was a man shaving my head it would be no big deal but as a woman, your crazy?! I have been called brave for shaving my head 'as a woman', I have been called of course 'crazy!' and one man said to me recently "why would you do that to yourself, your a woman?" and when I replied saying it was for charity it was then "That's okay then because it was for charity". I am not saying people who think this way are bad of course not, our society conditions us to think in these gender stereotypes but I would like to be an individual that challenges these and opens the minds of others who may think a woman's beauty is based upon her hair or looks alone. Not going to lie, last time I shaved my head I hid it all the time under wigs to make myself more 'feminine', this was 3 years ago when I was a lot more self-conscious although looking back I did not need to be, no one does. Where as this time around- I don't know if its the fact I am a Mother now and do not have the time to put a wig on every day, that I am a lot more chilled about looks as it is not important in my eyes or both but I am rocking this shaved head look and loving it. Embracing the funny looks I get in the street as compliments or at least I stand out? Mainly I want to be a role model to Ella-Grace in all aspects of life and show her that her beauty does not depend on her hair or her looks, it does not matter what anyone else thinks and that as long as you are confident yourself that is what matters. I cannot stress enough to anyone reading this that at the end of the day looks do not matter! Yes of course people like to look there best or get dolled up for special occasions but that does not make you beautiful or not. I put on make up not because I think I need it but because I enjoy it and I like the way it looks that does not mean I look worse without it or I am not beautiful, because I am and everyone is. Once you live in this mindset you feel so much happier and free and make others feel the same because you are not judging anyone on looks. So yes, sorry for the word vomit, I was very confident in my choice to shave my head for Willows and 'beauty' never crossed my mind nor did bravery for that matter. I did not and do not consider myself as brave for shaving my head although many have said I was, bravery is people saving lives, bravery is people fighting for their lives, I just don't see this as brave although I do appreciate the supportive messages and comments from people who do think that. I just saw this as me doing a good deed for a good cause and I have a new hair style at the end of it. That's all. In the end I raised £210 for Willows Animal Sanctuary. 

How I pick what charities I fundraise for...

I by no means am the fundraising or charity work champion, far from it in fact I wish I had the time and money to do more for good causes and organise more events. I have always said I would love to run a marathon or organise a charity ball, hopefully this will be in the future at some point. Any ways I may not be the fundraising champ but I do have specific charities that in the future I do plan to help and these are for many reasons. Someone messaged me and asked me to go through the charities/causes I think are important and I personally would want to raise money/awareness for. This list could be a blog post in itself so here I will put my top 3 at the moment. 

Mental Health Charities 

As many of you know I have struggled with mental illness through most of my life, still do now and always will. Anxiety, panic attacks and self harm are all subjects that I have personal experience in and really touch my heart. I do think these things are still very stigmatised which is very wrong. When I was going through my darkest times all I wanted was help and for someone to tell me that what I was feeling will pass and there is help. Unfortunately so many people of all ages do not get this support and often get met with negative responses when they try to open up, sometimes even bullying. On many occasions unfortunately people struggling mentally feel their is no way out and take their lives because of this. I have been in that dark place where you feel so alone and that no one can help you and now being in a totally different mindset yet having that empathy for others who have experienced mental illness/ are experiencing, I would love to help. Charities I have strongly considered volunteering/fundraising for have been Samaritains, Mind, SAMH and many more. I have previously contacted Samaritans but unfortunately the timing just was not right and I was not able to volunteer but it is still something I am very open to in the future. Mental health is just as important as Physical health, I am a firm believer of this FACT.

Rape and Sexual Assault Victims 

I don't really know where to start when talking about this topic. I have written in the past that I myself have experienced sexual assault and sadly many of my friends have been victim to sexual assault and/or rape. In fact pretty much every woman I know has an experience of some sort of injustice that has been done to them when it comes to sexual harassment, assault, attempted rape or rape, it is a very sad fact that to this day it is a very scary place for women and I feel very strongly that something needs to be done about this. From improvements in the criminal justice system to changes in society's attitude (for example victim blaming is such a big problem), there are many things in my opinion that can be done to support these victims and potentially stop other assaults occurring. No one asks to be raped. Of course this is not just a female problem, there are many men that are also a victim to sexual assault and rape, I am in full support of them also when I say I wish to help these victims and survivors. Although I do think that women are more at risk of this, men and women a like should not be treated any differently when it comes to support after a sexual assault or rape, all cases should be taken seriously. I hope that all made sense, I get a bit overwhelmed when talking about something I am passionate about. 

So, having some horrid experiences myself and knowing many people who have, not to mention seeing first hand victim blaming (for example I know someone who got raped walking home, by two men and many around her said 'Well she shouldn't of been walking home alone?' NO the men should not have raped her!). All of this makes me very passionate about helping rape and sexual assault survivors and even more so since I have had my little girl. I am already teaching her about consent when it comes to giving hugs, she does not have to hug anyone if she does not want to nor can she make someone hug her. These little steps I think are very important. I would love to volunteer for rape and sexual assault support groups, help fundraise for charities that support such survivors and maybe, if the opportunity came up, I would love to speak to schools about consent because that I think is a very blurred subject and it is time those lines were made clear especially for young adults. This is truly one of the most horrific things that could happen to you and more often than not unfortunately, people get away with their actions or incidents go unreported out of fear or shame, this NEEDS to change and I want to be a part of that change. I could go on and on about this but just as an end note I would like to say if anyone needs to talk about a situation they are going through regarding sexual assault or rape I would be more than happy to speak to anyone, also if anyone knows of any volunteering, fundraising, awareness raising or school speaking opportunities in this area I would love to know about them. 

Animal Rights Charities 

Going to keep this one short just because I have spoke about it already in this post and A LOT in other posts. Obviously I am very passionate about animals and helping them in any way I can. Humans are so destructive and animals are the opposite, what is sad is that they really don't have a voice. If they did maybe as human beings we would not do the evil things that we do to them. This lack of voice that the animals of this world have makes me feel that I need to be that voice. I need to speak up about the cruelty of farming, how we are ruining their homes, vile hunting, animal testing, exploitation of animals for entertainment, the list really does go on and on and the sad thing is that many people don't even know these things are cruel and willingly take part. That makes me so sad but also grateful that my eyes have been opened to what is really happening behind the scenes to the beautiful creatures of this planet. For some reason what I have just said will be deemed 'controversial' to some but it is the honest truth and with out change animals will continue to suffer, go extinct and our environment as well as theirs will deteriorate, fast! Again, I could go on and on! I hope to do more fundraising for Willows animal sanctuary and other charities that benefit the animals. I plan to purchase some Go Vegan Scotland merchandise  for myself and Ella-Grace this Christmas and I am very excited about that and the cause my money will go towards. 

Summary and Thank you for reading...

In conclusion (haven't wrote that since I was writing English or Philosophy essays in school haha), I am very passionate about charity work and living my life to change the lives of others and the world around us in positive ways. There are specific areas that I gravitate towards helping but really there are endless lists of worthy causes and amazing charities I am sure people could fundraise for, donate to, volunteer etc. I am proud of what I have done this year and in the future hope to do much more as I have said. I want Ella-Grace to grow up seeing her Mummy helping others and hopefully she will be proud or even better want to get involved with me. 
That is the end of this weeks post, thank you so much for reading! Sorry if the post is a bit all over the place it has been a while and I have had to type this out quite fast in the short space of time I have while Reece baths Ella-Grace (that's the life of a work from home mum). As always however I wrote from the heart, I wrote this post honestly and although it may  be all over the place and I am sure full of spelling and grammar errors, it is me and I like to think of my blog as an online diary and you are all here reading my inner thoughts. Quite a scary thing to share with the world but I feel it has a place here and may influence others positively. Rambling on again, seriously need someone to stop me haha. Thanks again for reading. Till the next post- I have many more unfiltered posts to come from motherhood to mental health, I have a lot to talk about! And as I always end my posts...

Stay Happy Everyone! :)