I am a good mum and I'm not afraid to say it!

This needs to be said... 

Good evening readers! I hope you are all doing well and thank you for coming back for another blog post. To those who are new here, Welcome!! 

I am writing this little post not only as a boost for myself but also as a boost for my fellow mums (and dads), reminding you all of what a good job your doing! So lets get right into it!

Why I am writing this...

When I found out I was pregnant right up to when Ella-Grace was born I had this image in my head of what kind of mum I was going to be, I wanted to be perfect (obviously there is no such thing but that is what I had in my head when I was imagining mum life). Then Ella-Grace arrived and it was amazing but I also came to find the reality of being a new mum wasn't the glamorous picture that your are shown on TV or that I had in my head. Still I adored being a mum, even in the hard times and as every parent, I was doing the best I could. But being a good mum in the 21st century is impossible with trying your best meaning nothing when it comes to social media trolls, closed minded people and articles attacking certain types of parenting. Everyone has an opinion and what they think is advice, leaving you feeling drained and almost forgetting that your child is your child, it's up to you how they are brought up. 

Guilt, shame, embarrassment, isolation and worthlessness. All these feelings can be thrust upon you, your always wondering if your doing things right. This past week I have really noticed that being a mum comes with so much scrutiny. 

You are given unwanted 'advice' and ignorant judgement from every corner.

Breastfeed your baby, don't breastfeed in public. Formula is abuse, don't give that to your child. Never co-sleep. Don't hold your baby too much. Don't feed your baby jarred food, you must make homemade. If you go out with your friends your a bad mom. Don't buy your child anything they want they will get spoiled but if they have a tantrum you must stop them straight away cause it is affecting other people. Don;t give them sweets. Don't hold them this way. You must wake your baby for feeds. Don't wake your baby for feeds. DON'T, DON'T, DON'T. DO, DO, DO! The list is endless and no matter what you do someone will be judging you. It can really get you down and I know it has for me, I am usually a super nice person (I like to think) but if anyone attacks my abilities as a mum I get very defensive and upset cause I know how much I love my baby girl and try my best to be the best mum I can be. 

Now constantly second guessing yourself because of all the scrutiny you recieve, you have now branded yourself as bad mum. But that's NOT true! 

I am a good mum...

I am a good mum. Saying this is almost viewed as taboo, you are at risk of looking like a know it all mum or vain. But this is insane! I AM A GOOD MUM! Why should I be ashamed to say it?

I have so many days that maybe someone has grilled me about parenting or I have read an article that made me feel bad. I've sat and cried thinking I am doing an injustice to my child and I need to do better but when I finally sit back to think this is what I feel.

Ella-Grace is my whole world. I feed her, I clothe her, I keep her warm, clean and happy. I play with her, try to teach her things, praise her, encourage her development. Above all I love and adore the bones of her. I am with her day in and day out. She has grown and developed from a tiny newborn to a healthy 5 month old baby and that is thanks to me. I am a good mum!!! 

There are children in the world who's parents have left them or abused them and here you are losing sleep on whether that scratch on their face could of been prevented by you- which I assure you probably couldn't. Please mums and dads of the world don't over think other peoples comments especially on social media and in click-bait articles. Look at the big picture, you are here loving and keeping this little human alive and that little human in turn adores you. I can guarantee they aren't worrying about what Auntie Karen said about how breastfeeding in public is disgusting, they just want fed. I AM A GOOD MUM and guess what so are you. 

Dads, I'm not forgetting about you...

I am all about equal rights, some may even say too much and run away from me when I call myself a feminist (but thats a topic for another day). So I personally hate when being a dad is brushed over like it's not a vital role because it most certainly is! Yes I have titled this blog post 'I am a good mum' but that is simply because I am a mum and this post was inspired by a lot of mums I know and that is the perspective I am writing from but Dads, if you are reading this you are all doing an amazing job as well. I know first hand through Reece (Ella-Grace's dad) how much a dad can love their child and do anything and everything for their child equally to a mother, Reece is an outstanding father and I know many of the dads reading this are too and I would just like to take a minute before I end this blog post to recognize that Dads, no matter what shape or size you are great!

I hope this gave you a boost...

I hope after reading this you have a little bit of a boost and are reminded what a good job your doing as a parent! Comment below what makes you a good mum or dad? Do you have a positive message for other parents? Tag someone you think needs a boost! Thank you for reading until next time please check out some of my articles on BabyGaGa.com (Latest linked below). And don't forget to follow me on my social media profiles for daily insights into 'LauraJane Life' - links on homepage and in menu.

15 Whisper Confessions By Moms Who Couldn't Breastfeed

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

Mum Truths: Being a Mum but still being Me

Let me explain...
Hi readers!! I couldn't come up with a title to this blog that I felt explained well enough what I am going to write about so I am going to explain. When you become a mum that is fully what you are 24/7 a mum, everything is about the baby and you are mum. This being one of the biggest honors in the world, being able to be a mother is a privilege but at the same time you still are you, your still a person aside from your baby and sometimes this get's lost and mothers (and fathers I am sure experience this too) can feel guilty when feeling upset that by having a baby they don't feel themselves anymore. This is a feeling a lot of mums get including myself and not something to feel guilty about, so today that is what I am writing about. Keeping your sense of self/identity and having me time.

There is no shame....
Why the guilt? Why the shame? This should not exist. Having a baby is amazing and rewarding and as I said in the previous paragraph being a mother is something to be thankful for as not everyone gets this amazing opportunity. But people must remember that before a mum became a mum, they were just their own person with dreams, hobbies and opinions. All these things are still there when a woman becomes a mum but it can sometimes get lost and its okay to want that sense of self and time to be you away from your baby. In fact in my opinion this shows how much of an amazing mum you are, I myself want to show my daughter my dreams, my opinions and my hobbies. I want to show her that Mummy has a strong sense of self and on top of being your mum has goals of her own. Having a desire to find yourself again after having a baby doesn't make you a bad mum, it makes you human.

My experience...
I have always valued my independence and my ambitious nature. Since I was younger I have always had goals, dreams that I wanted to reach. Strong opinions and hobbies that I could list for anyone that asked. When I became a mum as much of a gift that was after a few weeks I did realise that I was feeling a bit lost. I adored my baby and being a mum had changed my life for the better definetley but I felt like if someone asked me my hobbies I wouldn't be able to answer or if someone said what's your goals in life I would be stuck for words. My blog really helped me as this was something that was mine but even most of my blog posts are about me as a mum for other mums and sometimes I would go weeks without posting. And as a lot of other mums do, I felt guilty for wanting my sense of self back, felt guilty for wanting to have me time to be that ambitious 20 year old I was and still deep down am.
Even though this was a concern for me to honest until recently I didn't have time to deal with it. Obviously Ella-Grace is my top priority and I was, still am adjusting to being a new mum. Some days I struggled to have a shower while Ella-Grace is napping let alone have some me time and find my identity again.

One step at a time...
The past few weeks as Ella-Grace has gotten a bit more independent (happy to sit or play for a while without my constant attention) and she has been a lot better when she is with Reece when I'm not there, I have managed to fit in me time. I started with just taking long baths which I have always loved to do (especially with a LUSH bathbomb, YES!) then I started to blog a bit more frequently, started exercising again, joined a creative writing class and as of yesterday I have officially applied to do my degree ( English Literature and Creative Writing) through Open University starting in October- this being something I have always aspired to do, get a degree. Obviously I didn't jump from having a long bath to Open University overnight, I had been thinking about applying since I was pregnant I just had lost that ambition being so focused on being the best mum I could be.

Why I don't feel guilty...
I have explained this a bit already but to make it personal to me, I did not feel guilt because I do everything I do not only for myself but for my daughter. I want to show her that you can do anything you put your mind to, you can be a mum and also get a degree (something many people tell you is impossible). I want to show her that you can look after your family and enjoy me time. I want her to know it is okay to think about yourself and that looking after your self physically AND mentally is good for not only yourself but the people you care about to. You can do your best when you are feeling your best and it is okay to make sure of that. A lot of mums and dads reading this might have different ambitions to me, they might not care about a degree and want to stay home with their children which is amazing! My point is you are showing your children that you know who you are, you make your own choices in your life and you look after yourself as well as others. This being a very, very important lesson to children and will in my opinion be key to their confidence and happiness in later life. I want my daughter to have a strong sense of self and never feel guilty about loving and taking care of her own needs, something society seems to make us feel bad about which is why this is so vital.

Hi I am....
So to conclude... Hi, I am LauraJane Bethune (soon to be Webster) I am 20 years old, engaged and have a daughter called Ella-Grace who is 3 months old. My hobbies are reading, writing and socialising. My goals are to get my English Literature and Creative writing degree and hopefully get a well paid job from this, I aim to be a good mum to Ella-Grace (and maybe another baby one day),get married to Reece, hopefully move to Edinburgh one day with my little family, go abroad with Reece and Ella-Grace for the first time and hopefully get rid of some baby weight (although not top on my list). I have strong opinions on equality and feel that my best qualities are being open-minded, kind and ambitious. I struggle with anxiety and can be a bit of a control-freak but I work on this everyday.
That's me and I am thankful I know who I am and as I have already said, I can show my daughter that this is important. I hope all you readers, anyone who might feel a bit lost finds your sense of self soon or even just finds a hobby they can do once a week that is a baby step. Comment below who you are? What are your hobbies, goals or opinions? I love to read your comments and feedback! Till next time readers (which will be very soon, I am super prepared this week haha)

Stay Happy Everyone :)! 

One for the Dads. Happy Father's Day!

One for the Dads...

Working Dads, Stay-at-home Dads, Step-Dads, Dads who have adopted, New Dads, Grandads, Great-Grandads, Experienced Dads, Single Dads... To All the Dads in the world; HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!! 

The role of a Dad is so vital and in my eyes just as important as the Mum's role but for some reason it often gets over looked or put down, but today it's all about you guys! This one is for all of you great dads in the world, your all doing a great job well done!

The Dads in my life.... 

My Dad... 

My dad is annoying, cheesy and has embarrassed me multiple times but I wouldn't change him for the world. We have had our fair share of arguments (especially when I lived at home) but his strength, confidence and selflessness is something I have always admired. I am lucky enough to have my mum and dad still together (a rare thing nowadays) and I have never seen my Dad treat my Mum with anything but respect and love from this I always knew if I were ever to be in a relationship with someone I knew how I should be treated and how I should treat them, with only respect and love. So when I met Reece and he treated me the same way I had seen my Dad treat my Mum I knew I had a keeper. No matter how much pain my dad is in he will offer to cook you something or carry your bag, no matter how little money he may have he is constantly trying to pay for things for you or make sure you have everything you need. Not to mention his cooking is THE BEST and he is an amazing grandparent to Ella-Grace (even if he can't cope with her crying haha), she loves her Pops! My Dad and I have totally different opinions on things and sometimes he really winds me up but his heart is good and I am lucky to call him Dad. So Dad, Happy Fathers Day sorry I cant be there today but me, Reece and Ella-Grace will see you very soon.

Reece's First Father's Day...

Happy First Father's Day Reece! Since the day I met you, you have respected, loved and empowered me in our relationship and now as our baby girl grows you will- as my dad did- show her how she should be treated and as you have me, you will love and empower her to do what she wants in life, I couldn't ask for a better Dad for our little girl and she just adores you in every way. Everytime you come home from work her little face lights up and it melts my heart! I have no idea how we got so lucky to have you, WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH! Sorry for the cheesiness readers but I mean every word of it. I have always my independence and never agreed with partners telling each other what to wear, what to do etc. and you have not only empowered my independence but also defended it in situations where people stereotyped our relationship (for example me being only aloud to do something when you tell me to, you would always defend me/back me up and say I make my own decisions). This being something I have always appreciated through out our relationship and what made me fall in love with you, the fact that Ella-Grace has a dad who will empower her independence and encourage her to follow her dreams means so much to me and is all I could ever want for our daughter. I could go on and on about what an amazing person/ dad you are, about how hardworking, kind, funny and what a hands-on dad you are but I would probably write a novel haha. Actions speak louder than words and right at this moment you've not long come home from work and you go straight to Ella-Grace, that says it all.

Why I am who I am....
I owe so much of the person I am today to these two men, so thank you again for being amazing, helping/supporting me and if I haven't said it enough already, Happy Fathers Day!!!

Dads all over the world....
As I said at the start this is to all the Dad's of the world, all shapes, sizes, all different parenting styles. Dad's are so important and so much of the time aren't mentioned unless its a joke about what Dad's do wrong which in my opinion isnt good enough. So today Dad's I'm writing to say Well done for the amazing job your doing not only looking after your children but also supporting your partners or maybe doing it on your own. There are so many different types of Dad's is hard to include them all but to all the different Dad's and all the different parenting styles you may have, Happy Father's Day!

Just a short one....
That's all really, just a quick post for Fathers Day. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a Dad or some Dad's may have sadly past so please make sure you say Happy Fathers Day to your Dad, Grandad, Step Dad or Dad's today, also (not to take away from dads but i think this is important to recognise) if you have a single mum, who'd doing it alone make sure you say Happy Fathers day to her too! Thank you for reading, why not leave a little comment telling me about your Dad or what you did for Fathers day this year? Till next time.

Stay Happy Everyone:)!

A Promise to my Daughter.

"If not me, who? If not now, when?"
- Emma Watson

I was born a girl because of this reason certain things were expected of me by society and the ideas I used to have on the world and my place in it was dependant on this minor detail of myself.
For a lot of my school years I thought what I wore had to be appealing to boys, to be worthy I had to have a boyfriend, wearing revealing clothing was "un-lady like' and meant I would not be respected. I used to think that some jobs were just for boys and as a girl my career opportunities were limited and because I was a female I had to act dumb, cause no one likes a confident, smart girl. As I grew up thankfully I saw my true potential was based on more than the gender roles that were pushed on me and since I've been very vocal on equal rights to make sure no one else feels this way but unfortunately this is still a reality in many schools, equality does not seem to be part of the 'curriculum'.

The word 'Feminism' usually has people running for the hills shouting things like 'man hater' but for me the word brings hope and invokes passion (To clarify by 'Feminism' I am talking about equal rights of BOTH genders-male and female- as the definition states). This being a term I never knew of in school but learned in college opening my mind to a whole new world of possibilities, helping me gain confidence in myself and changing me for life. As I said earlier I started to live my life and think of myself differently through my knowledge of equal rights. I fought back to any discrimination I felt I faced and empowered others to do the same, sometimes sticking up for equal rights can cause conflict or people to think your 'too senstitive' but the sense of confidence I had gained meant that I could logically retaliate to any tension, this being one of my qualities I am actually quite proud of . I often think if only I could speak to my 13/14 year old self and tell her what I know now, tell her to be confident, be empowered, don't accept sexism but unfortunately I can't. But I can or better yet we can help the future generation.

Recently I went through a life changing event, I had a baby. A daughter. A little girl who will grow in society the same as I did right? Wrong. I want her to view herself and her place in the world differently to how I did, I want her to feel strong, independent throughout her life and be treated equally without having to fight for it. So to hopefully make this happen this is my promise to my daughter and I encourage others to uphold a similar promise to their daughters and sons making for a better future because as I quoted at the beginning "If not now, when?"

My darling daughter,
I promise you that you will always know that you are unconditionally loved and valued through everything.
I promise to encourage you to be independent, dream big and break glass ceilings.
I promise to fight your corner if ever someone does you an injustice.
I promise to teach you how you should be treated and in turn how you should treat others.
I promise to educate you in your rights and that discrimination will not be tolerated.
I promise to tell you to be yourself not to conform to what society says a girl should be. 
I promise to let you make your own decisions and help you spread your wings.
I promise to give you advice when needed and leave you be when you want to work things out yourself.
I promise to show you the importance of valuing yourself based on what you think not what others think.
I promise to promote equal rights in my day to day life hopefully making a more equal society.
And above all I promise to  try and be the best mum and person I can be for you my sweetheart.
Through these promises in your life I hope you will always know that you can do anything and that your value is not based on your gender. I hope these promises empower you and that I can be the strong role model you need.

I know promises can be hard to keep, being a mum can be difficult and what my daughter will face in the world is out of my control but if I educate her in equal rights and encourage others to do the same things might change..
the future generation might be more equal.. boys feeling free to be sensitive... girls not being judged on their looks or on what they wear... equal pay... no gender roles..... more specifically maybe my little girl will be more confident in herself.. maybe if someone tells her she 'runs like a girl' she will think that's great... maybe she will see her career options as vast and not selective.... or if all she gained from these promises was a nagging mum telling her to always fight for what is right I would be okay with that, cause at least she would have this knowledge. That is so important.

A bit different to what I usually write but I was feeling inspired by my little girl and what I wish for her future, I hope you all enjoyed it and if you have a daughter or a son, I hope after reading this it reminds you to not only teach your children about equality but to also uphold this in your own day to day life. Change starts with you readers, make a difference! Thanks for reading!

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

My Pregnancy Journey. (Part 3)

The Last leg of the Journey...
Welcome back readers! Thank you so much for reading this far, I hope you have all enjoyed reading about my journey just as much as I have enjoyed writing about it. An emotional rollercoaster pregnancy I have had but wouldn't change it for the world, I just can't to have baby girl in my arms finally! So to recap, the last two blog posts covered finding out I was pregnant to around 20 weeks pregnant (go read if you would like to catch up before reading this part!). In this final pregnancy blog post I will be writing about the last 20+ weeks of pregnancy and what me and my partner experienced during this time. Like life is, these weeks had its ups and downs but HEY we are still here going strong and looking forward to bringing our baby girl into the world by the end of this week (Induction scheduled for tomorrow woo!).

Scans, scans and more scans...
Weekly scans now, checking up on that hole in the heart and keeping track of baby girl's anatomy. I would like to take this moment to thank the doctor we had in the hospital for these weekly checks, since we had quite a bad experience at the first scan we really appreciated the way this doctor was with me especially. Helped me keep calm through my nerves. So a few scans had past each seemed to be a bit more reassuring than the other as baby girl's anatomy had been growing as normal and the hole in the heart although still present seemed to be getting smaller, healing hopefully.
For people that may not know when they are checking the heart on a ultrasound scan carefully they can put on a setting which shows the direction of the blood flow through the heart, in turn being able to see if the blood is going in and out of the right chambers/crossing over properly etc. (excuse my lack of medical terminology, it has been a while since I did my biology exam) So yeah checking this each time we had a scan it was a relief for us seeing that everything seemed normal and the hole had not caused miss-direction of blood flow as if this happened it could have been a completely different and fatal problem, we feel very lucky to have experienced this as we know some parents and their babies aren't that lucky unfortunately.
So between 25-30 weeks (cant remember exactly what week sorry) the doctor gave us the all clear to begin growth scans instead of anatomy scans, YAY! The baby's hole in the heart seemed to have healed but the doctor did let us know that scans can only be so accurate and baby girl may require to have a scan on her heart when she is born as well as other tests to check for down syndrome since she was high risk and also blood was to be taken from her umbilical chord due to my blood being O-negative, this though we had been told was easy to treat through medication and only a problem if our blood mixed. I feel I should mention there are other signs in the scan that can indicate down syndrome but none were found, these signs only being present in 50% of babies who have down syndrome so even though they weren't found in our scan she was still classed as high risk hence the extra after birth checks she will be having.
The checks after birth were not a worry for us, of course its not ideal no one wants their baby to have to undergo lots of tests you just want to cuddle them and protect them but we were just so happy that she was looking healthy enough to actually get to the birth part it could have been so much worse. We were so happy for the three of us, things were looking up!

Stressful events over yet?...
So I think it would be worth mentioning that while we were getting the weekly scans and obviously our biggest concerns were the baby and her health other big decisions and stressful events had occurred making things just that bit more difficult. I wont go into to much detail as I could take up a whole other blog post but here are the significant parts. Reece and I had some trouble with our new landlord, as nice as he was he was not ready to let go of his house and we felt more like the house was just that a house not a home, not the best when you are going to bring a baby into the world. We found ourselves missing the previous two bedroom flat we had, it was so much better for us for so many reasons (better landlords, more homely, we were free to decorate, better area, more shops, could actually get signal on our phones.. just to name a few reasons). Thankfully we were able to get our old flat back in the end and the landlords even agreed to take the rent down because they the same as us missed having us occupy the flat, so much to thank our landlords for its unreal! Life is so much easier when you have a great relationship with your landlords!
Another thing we had decided to do due to the baby and moving AGAIN was postpone our wedding (originally meant to be this year now going to be next year). This being difficult for us as we had a lot of it planned out already and we really wanted to be married but at the same time love is love no matter the circumstances and we didn't need a bit of paper to show us that we loved each other, I'd like to think anyone who met us could see that we were head over heals for each other. We knew we could get married whenever, the main focus was making a good home for the three of us and making sure baby girl had everything she needed before anything else. So that was that moving again and wedding postponed two very big decisions that happened at the same time as the constant scans checking on baby, lots of worry but we got through it! End of the stressful events right? Unfortunately no.
So by 34 weeks we had, had one other growth scan which went fine, nothing to report our baby girl was beautiful and healthy. But then we got the second growth scan accompanied by an appointment with the consultant and they found what was written in my notes as a red flag. Baby girl's estimated weight was on the small side as well as her femur bones measuring significantly smaller than her weeks. The sonographer kept her cool making us feel like it was not a big deal but her concern must of been shown in the notes as when we went up to the consultant she felt the need to remind us that we had a 1 in 5 risk with no invasive testing being done. I said I was aware of this and she nodded, circled "Small femur measurement" and left the room. I already knew what was meant by this but Reece was confused. While she was out the room I explained to Reece that a sign of downs syndrome being present was small estimated weight (her being 4 pounds when she was meant to be 5 1/2 pounds +) and also a short femur measurement, I knew this through the endless amount of googling I had done on pregnancy and down syndrome signs. Although many people tell
me not to google things or that its a bad idea I find it keeps my anxiety at bay being informed on everything and anything I could be. The consultant came back in and said that she had consulted with other doctors and they had agreed that it is not a massive worry at the moment but that it was something that they wanted to pay extra attention to in the next scan, subtly letting us know that it was a sign that they would look out for by again saying 'your baby is 1 in 5 of downs and at 20 years old this is very rare'. We left the scan happy to see our baby again but now worried about her more than ever, comforting each other with a tight grip of  each other's hand the whole way home and that night for the first time it was Reece that needed comforting. More than happy to return the strength he had given me over the years we spoke about everything, cuddled in bed with our little life and eventually we drifted off to sleep.

The final weeks...
Following this scan I had a midwife appointment, this being the third or fourth different midwife I'd actually seen due to all the moving and delayed appointments because of the switch of practice. The final midwife I had and still have now was lovely and bubbly but at this appointment I got a very serious tone from her setting alarm bells off. After all the normal checks, she asked 'are you nervous since you are 1 in 5 of downs?' and to that I answered not really, I'm excited and keeping positive. The midwife heard this and seemed to be very surprised '1 in 5 of down syndrome, so young, this is very rare.. I don't want you going into hospital unprepared for what might happen'. To the midwife's defence I think she meant this in the nicest way possible and was just trying to warn/prepare me for the checks and possible lengthy hospital stay ahead but I felt so anxious in that moment right there, a sudden feeling of oh my goodness my baby is so ill everything is going wrong! I smiled when I left but as soon as I was gone I was on the phone to Reece overwhelmed.
Luckily I had learnt over time how to keep my anxiety at bay and avoid full blown panic attacks but I do have a tendency to get a bit obsessive when over thinking so when I got home at the end of the day I spent hours searching everything on downs syndrome birth experiences and other mothers stories but unfortunately no amount of social media posts, blogs, YouTube videos, google searches or inspiring stories could stop me from worrying!
Since this appointment slowly I started to get less anxious and more content with the situation and again Reece and I were more excited than worried. With every strong kick in the ribs I got being a reminder that she was okay. I could almost here a little voice along with each kick saying 'Mum, Dad I'm fine in here! Stop worrying'.  Weeks passed heartbeat looked strong, each scan even though estimated weight being small there was still significant growth so the consultant went from alarmed to accepting she was just a small baby and her femur bone length could just be a result of me being smaller height than average. Finally all positive news! The first time Reece and I had felt like a run of the mill, no problem pregnancy rather than the HIGH RISK PREGNANCY of such a young couple. Baby girl was so close to being here now (I say 6 days overdue still no baby in my arms haha!)

Good times are here...

So from 37 weeks onward things were just getting better! My maternity pay had started finally after being delayed, we had prepared everything for baby girl, had an amazing pregnancy photoshoot thanks to my talented sister, baby showers (yes multiple, I have the best people in my life) and to top it all off Reece FINALLY landed a job he had wanted after a year of gaining experience.. this meaning more money for us as a family and an overall pretty perfect life, everything coming together all we had to do was wait for this baby girl to get here! Little did we know we would still be waiting at 41 weeks.. maybe I should of ate more spicy food who knows (old wives tales ah the disappointment they bring haha)! And that's it the end of my pregnancy journey, on the blog anyways I personally still have a possible few days left of carrying baby girl.

That's all folks...
For those of you who actually made it to the end of this blog post, sorry I know it was a long one but didn't want to miss any detail, thank you so much for reading and I hope you have enjoyed reading my journey. My pregnancy has been above all memorable and certainly worth while, I am beyond ready for baby girl to be here and hopefully she will be here before the week is out if the induction goes successfully tomorrow (Wish me luck!!). I would like to thank my fiancé, friends and family for supporting me I am blessed with some amazing people in my life and can't wait for you all to meet little one. Till next time everyone, thanks again hope to be introducing baby girl to you all soon!
Stay Happy Everyone :) !

My Pregnancy Journey. (Part 2)

Recap of Part One...
Hi again readers, I hope everyone is enjoying my posts so far. Welcome to part two of my pregnancy journey, if you haven't read part one in it I went over the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy including how my partner and I found out I was pregnant and the amazing yet stressful experience we had at our first scan. So yeah if you haven't read Part one I recommend you do before you read this one if you are interested :) In part two I'm going to write about the significant events of the second trimester and the experience my partner and I had during this time, I'm hoping to make it a bit of a lighter tone than last time but as everyone knows life isn't always perfect and tough times happen so as usual the post will be genuine and truthful. The good, bad and the ugly as they say. So here it is.

Second Trimester begins...
THE SECRET IS OUT! Finally I don't have to keep my beautiful miracle a secret anymore and I can enjoy taking growing bump pictures and sharing them with anyone I choose. This took a lot of my anxiety away thank goodness and even though we didn't have the best experience at our first scan the photo reminder that baby was alive and kicking was so reassuring. Along with our joy though was the worry about little one's down syndrome risk, again neither of us minded the actual chance of her having downs it was more the fear of being able to look after a child with a disorder of which would have different challenges to what we originally expected. We just wanted to be the best parents we could be and if baby was to have down syndrome we would want to be prepared. So from this we read up about the disorder and decided to get in touch with a friend who's son has down syndrome, this though helpful in the sense of what to expect when baby was here the pregnancy experience was slightly different to ours as no risk had shown up on our friend's scan and instead she had found out her son had the disorder at birth. I was very grateful for this information but still unsure what to do about my own situation and whether or not to get more invasive checks (amniocentesis or CVS) to confirm or reject down syndrome being present.
Still uncertain we decided to wait for the blood results to come back and sure enough about a week later we got a letter.. "Dear Miss Bethune, we are writing to inform you that from your blood tests we can confirm your baby has a 1 in 5 risk of having downs syndrome" the situation had suddenly gone from slight chance to a high risk and a decision needed to be made even though I think we had already made our decision. No to invasive tests.
Invasive testing for us was too much of a risk, with both of the tests involving injecting into the womb leaving a chance of miscarriage it just was not worth it. I would much rather not know whether or not our child had downs syndrome and have her be born into the world for us to love rather than interfere and end up losing our bundle of joy for a definitive answer of something that made no difference to us. On top of this I don't think my anxiety could handle losing a child, I would of spiralled back into panic attacks for sure and as a couple we knew we would love and take care of baby no matter what the situation so again it was not worth it to us. Obviously this is our own view NO judgements on people who choose invasive testing, its an individual choice and experience this was just what we felt was right for us. Tough decision for anyone to make.
So 14/15 weeks pregnant at this point, 1 in 5 risk of downs syndrome and no invasive testing. Leaving us with the unknown of our child's fate of having down syndrome of which we will find out at the birth (which as baby girl is still not here.. 5 days over due now... we still don't know what the future will hold). Reece and I were okay with this though, almost relieved just to know the chances and be able to continue on with our lives and looking forward to the birth. I mean no point stressing if you wont know the answer till the day right?- rich coming from someone with anxiety who stresses over nothing but hey sometimes I try take my own advice haha- So that was that.

Hole in Heart?....
So the weeks were passing I had another midwife appointment at my new doctors practice (had to change due to the move of address). The two main things that happened at this appointment were that I was reminded of the 1 in 5 risk, again being asked if I wanted invasive testing to which I gave the same response and also my history with anxiety was discussed with me and as I was doing better (off my medication) the PMHA (Prenatal Mental Health Team) were happy that if I was struggling I would notify them. This I was very happy about considering how much I had struggled in the past and to hear someone say my significant improvement wouldn't affect my pregnancy or my ability gave me a sense of confidence and peace.
Because of the 1 in 5 risk of downs syndrome we were recommended to have scans every two weeks , the first one with a sonographer went fine all looked good but for a more in depth look we were put to a doctor for another scan which is when things changed.. our little wriggler was perfect in our eyes but sadly now at 18/19 weeks we are told she has a hole in her heart.
This time I managed to hold back the tears and as Reece and I held hands we listened to what the doctor had to say. She said that a hole in the heart was common with downs syndrome babies but the hole in the heart that is usually expected with a downs syndrome baby would of been in the bottom chamber where as this hole was in the top so it could just be a developmental delay and it is possible it will heal itself over the next few weeks.
Slightly reassured, slightly worried, slightly shocked. All these feelings went through my body at once. Scans were now changed to once a week, special monitoring by a doctor.. Scary to say the least but we had faith our baby would pull through it and lucky for Reece and I we were able to stay strong together. Credit to him he is a rock, without him I'm almost certain my anxiety would of taken over and panic would of set in but I had his calm vibe and strength to keep me going. Reminding me of another reason why I am so lucky to have him as my partner and father of our baby girl. He's asleep right now but when he wakes up he will probably be reading this.. Love you darling.

ITS A GIRL....
Hole in heart detected and now weekly scans by a doctor, not the most positive experience but the doctor was lovely and to keep us in high spirits we decided to book a gender scan (which we got twice as the naughty baby decided to be difficult the first time) and also to our surprise we got a 4D picture with this scan also.. that was amazing!!!!! So yes 20 weeks pregnant and we find out that our little bundle of joy is a GIRL and also has the cutest button nose, clearly seen in the 4D scan. Magical moment. One of my favourite memories of this pregnancy was Reece saying he loved the thought of having his "Two girlies"... makes me smile every time :) So although yes there is the 1 in 5 chance of down syndrome and a hole in baby's heart SHE (as we knew this now haha) was still alive and if she was as stubborn as her two parents we knew she would be fine and so we continued to look at the positive. The weekly scan's in the hospital then began and that is where I shall leave part two.


End of Part Two.
Another emotional post here, amazing for me to look back on the experience and write about it. Hope you enjoyed reading it, the final part of my pregnancy journey will be up soon (depending if baby girl decides to make her appearance tomorrow or not). Thank you for reading, please feel free to leave a comment.
Stay Happy Everyone :)!

Blog Take 1...

Well I will try anything once so lets see how this pans out....

Hi readers or maybe just Hi to myself, my friends/family who might take a glance and my fiancé who promised to read my blog (if it's interesting enough for him haha). Who ever is reading, hello I hope your day has gone amazing!

So I guess I should start with some basic details about myself...

My name is LauraJane. Age 20. Female. Engaged to a wonderful man and currently 40 weeks pregnant with our first child, a baby girl. I'm currently on maternity leave from my job as a care assistant for adults and children with disabilities and I study social sciences, I am a strong believer in equal rights and everyone being able to be who they are. Goal in life: Be a good person and make a difference.

That's all the get to know me stuff out the way, now why I've decided to start a blog...

A lot led up to me deciding to start a blog.
Since I was a little girl I've always loved to read books and for as long as I can remember I've wrote a diary and short stories of my own, I'm actually surprised it's took me this long to start a blog!  
I am currently 3 days over baby's due date and as any expectant mother would know as well as the extreme excitement and nerves, I am feeling massive and very bored because of all the waiting! This has put my mind on overdrive (when will the baby come? Will I have to be induced? Will she get here before my fiancé has to go back to work?) so to take my mind off this slightly I thought it would help to type it all out.
I am a very opinionated person (which I'm sure you will find out through these blog posts) a blessing at times as I am proud of things I believe in and I'm happy I know my own mind but at the same time the amount of thoughts I have sometimes is overwhelming for me and probably my fiancé (he's a keeper for listening to me rant about so many things!) So yeah a blog will let me get all these opinions/thoughts out and maybe I will meet other people on the internet who want to chat about the same stuff or who knows maybe I will help someone out in their life (THAT'S THE DREAM!) So that's another reason for my new venture into blogging.

Mainly I'm starting a blog to give my brain a break from thinking, my mouth a break from talking, get all my views and feelings out there in the world and maybe somewhere someone will read and like it and if not its a great diary for me!

What type of posts will there be...

I'm not expecting much to come from this blog, I'm happy to use it as a personal blog to just chat to myself on but if by some magic I manage to channel my inner 'Zoella' and people enjoy my posts here is some of the things you will likely see me post:

- New Mum Journey: Obviously when little girl arrives she will be the centre of my world and it will be a totally new experience, changing me as a person for life. I mean I will be a MUM, that's a big responsibility. So I will be writing about my thoughts and feelings on being a new mum which will hopefully help me through any tough times I will face and I know many girls and boys becoming parents who can feel alone or scared when they are going through this new change as I'm sure I will so hopefully as well as  providing myself with sanity I can help others, that's always the goal!

-Anxiety/Panic Attacks: For a while now I have suffered with Anxiety and panic attacks and although I have quite a good grip on handling it at the moment, I have my bad days and becoming a new mum I'm sure will trigger it a bit but keeping positive and again with the aim to help others writing everything down will help myself and others hopefully. I will probably do a whole post on this, telling my story even if this doesn't reach an audience I'm sure it will be good self help.

-Thoughts and Opinions: Like anyone I have my views and opinions on the world for example I am a massive (please don't be scared away by this word) Feminist. Just to clarify I mean equal rights for EVERYONE, so often people think feminists have double standards or only think about female rights I would like to challenge this stereotype on the internet and show that Feminism is not scary and is exactly what it says on the tin: equal rights for both genders: at least that's my version of it. That is one example of what I'm passionate about anyways, if you don't agree fair enough again just a way to get my views and opinions out my head and maybe get in touch with some people in the world who do agree.

-Life: It is what it is, an online diary for myself wouldn't be just that without posts about my life. Hopefully someone will find it interesting :)

Till next time...
So yeah that's me and what I want to write about. I realise this post is just me rambling on about myself and its probably full of grammatical errors but hey practice makes perfect and at the moment this is a personal diary :)
So yeah I'm going to try post as much as I can between the nappy changes and feedings when baby finally gets here, if anyone actually liked reading this thank you I will try continue to interest you and any advice is very welcome.

That's it then my first blog post!
Stay Happy Everyone :)!!!!