My Pregnancy Journey. (Part 2)

Recap of Part One...
Hi again readers, I hope everyone is enjoying my posts so far. Welcome to part two of my pregnancy journey, if you haven't read part one in it I went over the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy including how my partner and I found out I was pregnant and the amazing yet stressful experience we had at our first scan. So yeah if you haven't read Part one I recommend you do before you read this one if you are interested :) In part two I'm going to write about the significant events of the second trimester and the experience my partner and I had during this time, I'm hoping to make it a bit of a lighter tone than last time but as everyone knows life isn't always perfect and tough times happen so as usual the post will be genuine and truthful. The good, bad and the ugly as they say. So here it is.

Second Trimester begins...
THE SECRET IS OUT! Finally I don't have to keep my beautiful miracle a secret anymore and I can enjoy taking growing bump pictures and sharing them with anyone I choose. This took a lot of my anxiety away thank goodness and even though we didn't have the best experience at our first scan the photo reminder that baby was alive and kicking was so reassuring. Along with our joy though was the worry about little one's down syndrome risk, again neither of us minded the actual chance of her having downs it was more the fear of being able to look after a child with a disorder of which would have different challenges to what we originally expected. We just wanted to be the best parents we could be and if baby was to have down syndrome we would want to be prepared. So from this we read up about the disorder and decided to get in touch with a friend who's son has down syndrome, this though helpful in the sense of what to expect when baby was here the pregnancy experience was slightly different to ours as no risk had shown up on our friend's scan and instead she had found out her son had the disorder at birth. I was very grateful for this information but still unsure what to do about my own situation and whether or not to get more invasive checks (amniocentesis or CVS) to confirm or reject down syndrome being present.
Still uncertain we decided to wait for the blood results to come back and sure enough about a week later we got a letter.. "Dear Miss Bethune, we are writing to inform you that from your blood tests we can confirm your baby has a 1 in 5 risk of having downs syndrome" the situation had suddenly gone from slight chance to a high risk and a decision needed to be made even though I think we had already made our decision. No to invasive tests.
Invasive testing for us was too much of a risk, with both of the tests involving injecting into the womb leaving a chance of miscarriage it just was not worth it. I would much rather not know whether or not our child had downs syndrome and have her be born into the world for us to love rather than interfere and end up losing our bundle of joy for a definitive answer of something that made no difference to us. On top of this I don't think my anxiety could handle losing a child, I would of spiralled back into panic attacks for sure and as a couple we knew we would love and take care of baby no matter what the situation so again it was not worth it to us. Obviously this is our own view NO judgements on people who choose invasive testing, its an individual choice and experience this was just what we felt was right for us. Tough decision for anyone to make.
So 14/15 weeks pregnant at this point, 1 in 5 risk of downs syndrome and no invasive testing. Leaving us with the unknown of our child's fate of having down syndrome of which we will find out at the birth (which as baby girl is still not here.. 5 days over due now... we still don't know what the future will hold). Reece and I were okay with this though, almost relieved just to know the chances and be able to continue on with our lives and looking forward to the birth. I mean no point stressing if you wont know the answer till the day right?- rich coming from someone with anxiety who stresses over nothing but hey sometimes I try take my own advice haha- So that was that.

Hole in Heart?....
So the weeks were passing I had another midwife appointment at my new doctors practice (had to change due to the move of address). The two main things that happened at this appointment were that I was reminded of the 1 in 5 risk, again being asked if I wanted invasive testing to which I gave the same response and also my history with anxiety was discussed with me and as I was doing better (off my medication) the PMHA (Prenatal Mental Health Team) were happy that if I was struggling I would notify them. This I was very happy about considering how much I had struggled in the past and to hear someone say my significant improvement wouldn't affect my pregnancy or my ability gave me a sense of confidence and peace.
Because of the 1 in 5 risk of downs syndrome we were recommended to have scans every two weeks , the first one with a sonographer went fine all looked good but for a more in depth look we were put to a doctor for another scan which is when things changed.. our little wriggler was perfect in our eyes but sadly now at 18/19 weeks we are told she has a hole in her heart.
This time I managed to hold back the tears and as Reece and I held hands we listened to what the doctor had to say. She said that a hole in the heart was common with downs syndrome babies but the hole in the heart that is usually expected with a downs syndrome baby would of been in the bottom chamber where as this hole was in the top so it could just be a developmental delay and it is possible it will heal itself over the next few weeks.
Slightly reassured, slightly worried, slightly shocked. All these feelings went through my body at once. Scans were now changed to once a week, special monitoring by a doctor.. Scary to say the least but we had faith our baby would pull through it and lucky for Reece and I we were able to stay strong together. Credit to him he is a rock, without him I'm almost certain my anxiety would of taken over and panic would of set in but I had his calm vibe and strength to keep me going. Reminding me of another reason why I am so lucky to have him as my partner and father of our baby girl. He's asleep right now but when he wakes up he will probably be reading this.. Love you darling.

ITS A GIRL....
Hole in heart detected and now weekly scans by a doctor, not the most positive experience but the doctor was lovely and to keep us in high spirits we decided to book a gender scan (which we got twice as the naughty baby decided to be difficult the first time) and also to our surprise we got a 4D picture with this scan also.. that was amazing!!!!! So yes 20 weeks pregnant and we find out that our little bundle of joy is a GIRL and also has the cutest button nose, clearly seen in the 4D scan. Magical moment. One of my favourite memories of this pregnancy was Reece saying he loved the thought of having his "Two girlies"... makes me smile every time :) So although yes there is the 1 in 5 chance of down syndrome and a hole in baby's heart SHE (as we knew this now haha) was still alive and if she was as stubborn as her two parents we knew she would be fine and so we continued to look at the positive. The weekly scan's in the hospital then began and that is where I shall leave part two.


End of Part Two.
Another emotional post here, amazing for me to look back on the experience and write about it. Hope you enjoyed reading it, the final part of my pregnancy journey will be up soon (depending if baby girl decides to make her appearance tomorrow or not). Thank you for reading, please feel free to leave a comment.
Stay Happy Everyone :)!