Me Too.

Warning: Some of the content below may be graphic and contains stories of sexual assault and harassment. 

1 in every 6 women have been victim to attempted or completed rape.

Someone gets sexually assaulted every 98 seconds.

82% of child victims and 90% of adult victims are women. 

1 in every 33 men have been victim to attempted or completed rape. 

Ages 12-34 are most at risk of sexual assault. 

Can you see the problem?!

I don't really know how to start this post if I am being honest. It is such a serious subject and I want to do justice to anyone out there who has ever been victim to this. I want this blog post to raise awareness of this serious problem and to encourage others to speak up because you are NOT in the wrong. So with all this in mind I guess I will start the post.

On social media at the moment you may have noticed the hashtag #metoo , going around. To those who don't know what this is let me explain it to you.
The #metoo movement is about speaking out about sexual assault and/or harassment. It started with many actresses using the #metoo when sharing their stories of sexual assault and harassment at the hands of director Harvey Winestine and from this is took off and woman around the world (and some men) started to share their experiences, encouraging others to speak and supporting each other by stating #metoo.
This movement has been an eye opener to many people who thought sexual assault and harassment was not a problem in society, by the sheer amount of people who speak out you can clearly see that there is a VERY serious problem and something needs to be done about it!
This link explains the background of #metoo : #metoo background

In this blog post I will be sharing my own #metoo stories (yes more than one) and some other stories from some very brave woman who came forward and told me their unfortunate experiences. Due to legal reasons, safety and privacy the women other than myself I have decided to keep anonymous even though some of them were willing to be named. This anonymity however does not change the fact that these women are incredibly brave to of shared their story and allow me to share it on my blog. As well as these stories I will be sharing my views on some of the big problems in society including victim blaming and also identifying what I think we can do to encourage more people to speak out and hopefully stop sexual assault and harassment.

#Metoo. 

I myself have been victim to sexual assault and harassment. Countless times on nights out, men have  grabbed my breasts or put their hand up my skirt to grab my bum, this yes is sexual harassment  or I would go as far as to say assault. You have touched my body without my consent and made me feel very uncomfortable, this is disgusting. Other than this two accounts of sexual assault I have experienced will never fade from my memory and here they are.

I used to be a carer for the elderly and frail. I loved my job and the majority of the people I looked after were so lovely but on a few occasions elderly men had been appropriate towards me. Asking for massages from me, making sexual references to me, making things that were not sexual into a sexual experience for them (for example if I have to apply cream to them some male patients have made it clear they found this sexual by noises ect). All this inappropriate in itself but one time really stuck in my mind to this day and I did have reported. I will not be going into too much detail of the situation for legal reasons but the important details will be included. I was 19 years old, I was on a double shift (meaning I was on with a second carer) and we went to give personal care to an elderly man. I had never been to this man before but I had gotten the basic information from the company I worked for and the fellow carer I was with told me it was a routine visit she did and she would lead- she was older than me and seemed very experienced so I was more than happy to follow her lead. We went into the house and the elderly man was in his bed, our job was to get him cleaned up - he was incontinent- and up dressed through to the kitchen to have his breakfast. It seemed all routine at first when we were getting the stuff we needed to clean him ready, then the carer who was meant to be leading told me to clean him up and she would 'assist'. I write 'assist' like that because she just stood by me and did nothing. I, as usual, started doing my job very professionally. The man had soiled himself up his from meaning I needed to thoroughly clean his genitalia which as I said was fine, I was being professional and this cannot be helped that did not phase me. It did not even phase me when as I was cleaning him I could see he was getting aroused (don't want to be to graphic, I think you can tell what I mean), I was not mad at all at this, this sometimes cannot be helped and in fact I felt sympathy towards him at this point. I carried on my job, as I said a male sometimes cannot control this. But what can be controlled is your actions from this. He smiled at me and put his hand on my lower back as I cleaned him, to which I took as a thank you. His speech was not great so the hand on my back I took as a gesture of gratitude. But then his hand started to go lower until he was grabbing my bum and trying to put his hand in between my legs. I quickly removed his hand and carried on my job. He then tried to put his hand on my breasts and under my uniform. Again, I removed his hand and carried on. He continued to persist and with his other hand started to touch himself as I was cleaning him, trying to place my hand on his privates in a way that was not for cleaning (again trying to keep this not too graphic).  All this time the fellow carer could see what was happening and when I had reached my limit I stood back horrified but trying to remain calm and looked at her for help. She turned to me and said what I still to this today cannot believe "Just let him do it and we will be finished here quicker". I was horrified. At this point he was almost clean as I had endured this for almost half and hour so she took over cleaning him as I had froze. When she started to finish I went to walk away to wash my hands and calm myself so I could go back into the situation. Despite the horrible thing he had just done I was aware without me this carer could not hoist him to to his seat and take him through for his breakfast so I was prepared to carry on until my job was done. But I could not leave to wash my hands as his bedside was a very confined space and the carer I was on with insisted I stay where I was and blocked my way out, so for another 5 minutes I had to stand there trying to block the mans hands and ignore the faces and noises he was making at me. If all this was not bad enough his wife and daughter were in the next room and I had to take him through with a big smile on my face and say to his family 'That's him ready. All fine". I left that house scarred for life. Writing it all down now 2 years later I can feel that horrible sick feeling in my stomach that I felt that day. I can see every minute of that so clearly. As I left the house I wanted to phone my company instantly but the carer I was on with kept telling me 'Your making it a big deal', 'You just have to deal with it', 'You should of just let him do what he wanted'. So because of this carer's nonsense opinion I carried on my shift with her and did not phone my company until the next day. When I first told them they seemed very concerned and I had to go in and make a statement which they claimed they would pass on the 'appropriate authorities'. I said that I did not want to be placed there ever again and that the carer I was on with should be disciplined for her actions also as she was a big part in what made the situation worse. They agreed and at this point I felt like I had their full support, how it should be. But weeks past and I had heard nothing about it going any further and low and behold I was put on a double shift with that same carer and the man. I phoned my company incredibly annoyed and they claimed they 'forgot I did not want to be placed their' and 'did not have any statement from me'. I went on to tell them again what had happened and that I had given them a statement weeks ago, I was then made to feel that it was my fault, it was part of my job to deal with this and that I had 'received the training'. After that phone call I felt defeated and with no idea who to contact now, I left it. Fair to say Reece had to go through many nights of me crying about this. And that was the first time.

The second time I was sexually assaulted was on a night out, again when I was 19. It happened quickly but it felt like forever. Me and my friend had a great night, we had a few drinks and yes, we got drunk. Drunk enough to be uncoordinated but not drunk enough to not remember anything. We were waiting for a taxi joking with each other and laughing. Behind us was a group of guys and they were calling at us, looking us up and down but we just ignored them. Finally our taxi arrived and we stumbled in. Along with us however jumped in one of the guys behind us. We gave him a look and asked what he was doing, he said he heard where we were going and that he lives close so we could share a taxi. Thinking about it now I don't think I even mentioned where I lived, why would I of? My friend already knew, I would not of just randomly proclaimed my destination. However at the time this sounded like a genuine guy who just wanted to get home so we agreed. We all sat in the back, I was in the middle. It took about 15 minutes to get to my flat. My friend immediately fell asleep in the taxi or zoned out, I just know she was out of it. I sat there and put my head back intending to close my eyes until we got home then next thing I know there is a hand down my skirt, into my underwear and inside me. I was so shocked. I open my eyes and looked at the guy. I tried to grab his hand out of my pants but he held my one of my arms down and continued to assault me. I tried with my other hand to hit him and pull his hand away but I was drunk, uncoordinated and scared he would try something worse. I looked at my friend and the taxi driver. Waiting for them to respond to what was happening, surely they heard me telling him to stop or get off of me. But no one did anything. My friend to this day I don't think knows what happened and the taxi driver, I don't know. He did nothing anyways. The next few minutes I froze and just let it happen. He continued to violate me and saying "Maybe I should just get out at yours". We got to my flat. My friend thankfully woke as the taxi stopped, he removed his hand and started to try and get out the taxi. I chucked the money at the taxi driver and launched me and my friend out the car. I heard the taxi driver ask if he was getting out but I did not stop to find out what he would say. Once we got safely behind the building door I looked back the guy was out the taxi. We went up to my flat and my friend went straight to bed. I went straight into Reece and told him what happened. I actually apologised thinking it was my fault for letting that happen. Reece being the amazing person he is turned to me gave me a hug, got me into bed and calm and continued to tell me how it was not my fault. The next day I just tried to forget about it. Thinking no one would believe me, I was drunk, I froze, I don't even know the guys name, my friends was too drunk and out of it to be a witness. I blamed myself and decided to not report it. I now wish I did.

And breathe. Thank goodness that is over. I feel sick and those memories are horrible to bring to the fore front of my mind but I am so happy I told them. This was NOT my fault and I do NOT have to be quiet about it! I hope my story has encouraged others to speak out. This as you know happens to so many people every single day! Here are some more #metoo stories shared from the brave women I spoke to :

"#metoo I had passed out drunk at a party. A boy I knew well and considered as a friend stole my phone and found naked photos of myself that I had sent to my boyfriend and emailed them to himself. He then continued to assault me with his fingers as I was unconscious. I woke to my boyfriend punching him as he had walked in on him assaulting me."

"#metoo When I was 14, my boyfriend raped me in his bedroom. I froze and let it happen. I ran to the bathroom and cried. He told everyone in the school that we slept together and all my friends congratualated me. I knew no one would believe me that it was not consensual as I had not spoke up straight away. Still to this day no one knows this happened yet it has haunted me ever since."

"#metoo My boyfriend sexually abused me. He would push my hands where I didn't want them, push me and push me to get sex even if I didn't want it, make me feel weird for not wanting sex 24/7, force himself on me and continue to do so even though I would cry before, during and after sex - the pain was horrendous. The worst part was he made me feel like this was normal, this kind of abuse was deserved. When we broke up and I eventually got into a new relationship and told him what had happened previously he made me realise just how wrong it was. I had been raped, continuously. I'm still in denial, the word rape gives me panic attacks everytime."

"#metoo July 2013 it happened, October 2013 I got diagnosed with PTSD from sexual trauma. I had been speaking to a guy online for at least 4 years when I went to meet him for the first time. He had asked me to meet him before but I was afraid he wanted more than friendship so I always made excuses. He now had a long time girlfriend, I had ran out of excuses and he had booked my train tickets so I decided to finally meet with him. I was going to be staying at his flat for one night then returning home. We had made plans to go out drinking with some of his friends, I drunk maybe two units. He kept insisting on me drinking more and more, I had no reason not to trust him so I let him buy me drinks. I'm not sure if he spiked the drink or just ordered much stronger ones than I realised. I remember dancing and kissing one of his friends (who I was interested in) Then it goes a little hazy, I do not remember walking back to his. He said I could have the bed and sleep on the sofa then I remember him saying "we have to have sex". I kept saying no. He assaulted me with his hands and his mouth, not removing my tampon (I was on my period) it was very very painful. He trapped me against the wall and then everything goes black. I woke to used condoms on the floor, I was sick. He acted like nothing happened and insisted on walking me to the train station. The next day I got checked for STI's and they told me to report to the police but I was too scared. I was drunk, wearing a short skirt, he would say it was consensual, no one would believe me."

"#metoo A boy I considered a close friend. He came round one day to see if I was going out but I was sick so he decided to stay in with me. My family went out so it was just the two of us. We were chatting then he put his arm around me and before I knew it he was trying to kiss me and had his hand down my pants. I told him to stop and that I didn't want to but he did not stopped and tried to put my hand down his pants. Luckily my parents came back and that made him stop. He was very forceful and I am so glad my parents came in or I don't know what would of happened."

"#metoo In high school I was friends with this boy, we used to joke and flirt but nothing serious. We lost touch for a couple years when we left school but bumped into each other again and decided to me meet up. We went for coffee and then went back to his shared student flat. In his room we started kissing, he kept moving his hand towards my breasts and I kept removing it. Then suddenly he put his hands down my pants, I froze. He started to unbuckle his trousers which is when I burst into tears. For years I blamed myself, but my friend helped me realise I did nothing wrong."

"#metoo I was on a night out with who I thought were my friends and they spiked me. I passed out and woke up naked with two guys next to me. To make it worse they had took pictures of me naked which they used against me. This is the first time I have told anyone about this."

"#metoo I went to a house party and got spiked. A man forced himself on me. It has a horrific experience"

"#metoo I was groomed when I was 13 years old. A man who told me he was 17 when he was actually 40 threatened me saying if I did not send me him photos of myself naked then he would find me and do horrible things to me. This went on for months. Then he convinced me to travel to meet him. Thankfully I got scared and went home before we met. By then my mum had checked my phone and took me to the police to report everything. Turned out he had done this to 3 other young girls and worse."


I have no words. It is heartbreaking to hear that not only does this happen SO often but that women are so scared to speak out because of the high chance of victim blaming.

What needs to change....

There are many things that need to change in order to stop victim blaming and encourage more people to speak up. First of all, when people come forward about sexual assault or harassment they should NEVER be met with such questions as "What were you wearing?", "But were you drinking?" "Did you lead him/her on?", "Are you sure they raped you?". Automatically making the victim feel discouraged, ashamed, disbelieved and all the more traumatised. Yes there needs to be an investigation that involves questions but questions that are clearly trying to convince the victim that they are wrong should not be aloud. No matter what someone is wearing, whether they are drinking or not, it does not matter Rape is rape. No is no. It also does not excuse the criminal if they were drunk (not that they don't try to use this as an excuse). I have been drunk before and never once have I tried to assault or harass someone. Ever! Also I have come home drunk before and Reece has never EVER took advantage of that. Showing that in either case being drunk has nothing to do with it. As for what someone is wearing, this being an all to common phrase used when victim blaming women who have been assaulted. That is absolute nonsense! Not just in these situations, women are judged for what they wear constantly! From a young age we are told to cover up and told 'your not going out wearing that someone might get the wrong idea" it is absolute insanity. Speaking as a mother, Ella-Grace could go out wearing anything, heck she could go out wearing nothing and she still would not be 'asking to be raped' or in any way should not be respected. I will never understand how people don't understand EVERYONE has a body, and they way anyone decides to show it is their business. No one should be judged, disrespected, bullied and definitely not assaulted! This I think is one of the main attitudes that need to change, that the girl who walked home alone in a short skirt is not a slut and did not get raped because of her clothing. She got raped because of the person who did it to her and they are the ones to be blamed not her or her clothing. Obviously same would go for males but there is no denying it is more of a problem on the female side. So instead of telling your daughters what to wear and what not wear, telling them they are 'distracting boys' tell them to wear what they want and that they should demand respect no matter what.

Another thing that needs to change is this normality over boys touching girls without consent (yes I know I am focusing on females but that is because yes, they are at more of a disadvantage). I have actually seen boys put a hand up a girls skirt grab their bum and friends say 'oh well that's just boys'. That is not and should not be 'just boys', boys should be taught that they cannot just grab girls like that. It is not accepted! TV shows have been tackling this recently such as '13 Reasons Why" showing how this 'norm' can really have affect on a girls self-esteem and also this 'norm' can make some boys (not all) think they can take advantage of a girl entirely. This is a big problem! Literally every girl I have ever spoke to has been met with grabbing, pulling, inappropriate touching at some point of their life at the hands of a boy or man who thought it was his right to take advantage of a girl. Again not all boys and some girls are to blame for this also they do grab boys inappropriately. It is wrong all round! So next time you see someones bum pinched, boobs grabbed, speak up! As this is assault they have no right to grab anyone like that. I know I will be teaching Ella-Grace to respect herself and also to respect others.

Thirdly, we need to stop praising those who have committed such crimes. Actors, directors, footballers, anyone who commits such a crime should not be a loud to continue in these professions. By this I mean if someone who is not in the public eye they will get punished for their actions (that is what it should be anyway). But someone famous too commonly can pay their way out of it and continue to be praised, loved, winning awards for their 'great work' despite the suffering they have caused others. Some disagree with this as their actions have nothing to do with their work but my point is if someone commits this crime they should be in prison, they should be punished meaning they would not have a job to do in order to be praised for it and win awards. For example if an actor is filming and mist filming they are convicted of sexual assault they should be fired from that film and do their time in their punishment. Without doing this they are likely to continue such horrible actions and it will fill other people round the world with the attitude 'they can get away with it so why can't I'.

Lastly, when it comes to men. Yes I know I have spoke a lot about women because with out a doubt women are victim to sexual assaults more than men but that does not mean it does not happen to men. I also think the statistics may be slightly different if more men spoke up but why don't they? Simple. Because society's thinks men shouldn't be emotional and that there is some type of shame in admitting you as a man have been sexually assaulted or harassed. Many reactions being that men love sex why would they complain? But just as women it is not the victims fault and a man's no means just as much as a women's. No matter what, no means no. We need to be there to support male victims, it is not a joke, it is not okay. We need to teach our sons that it is okay to be emotional and if someone disrespects you or mistreats you it does not make you weak to speak up. More men have been speaking out recently, Johnathon Sacconejoly (a famous youtuber) recently spoke out about his sexual assault. I found this very brave and a great role model for other males to speak out! (video link 'I am a victim of sexual assault' ) I want any male victims who are reading this to know there is support out there for you and you have done nothing wrong! Links to support at the end of the post. 

Changing these things. Taking away victim blaming and the unspoken norm of inappropriate touching, more people would speak about assault and harassment and hopefully this crime could be reduced. Making boys aware of what they are doing is wrong (again not just boys and not all but I am pointing out the main problem in my opinion) the next generation will hopefully be more respectful. Letting men know it is okay to be emotional and speak out if you feel you have been affected. No matter age, gender, race, anything..touching someone without their consent, taking advantage of them, raping them is NOT okay.

Finished

That was a hard post to write but I am glad I have done it. I hope that I have done justice to everyone who has ever been affected with this. PLEASE comment any supportive messages, what you think need to change or if you have an experience similar, #metoo. Below I am going to add some links to places that can help you if you have been assaulted, documentaries and videos that I think highlight this problem! Please remember if anyone tells you they have been sexually assaulted or raped please believe them and help them. They chose you to confide in, they must trust you. Thank you to everyone who contributed, you are very brave! And this is where I will end this post. Thank you for reading. 

Documentary: The Hunting Ground

Video: Dear Daddy

Helplines: Rape Crisis Grampian

                 NHS - help after sexual assault

                 Women Against Rape

                 Survivors Trust

                 Male Rape and Sexual Assault Help

                 Rape Crisis Europe

                 NSPCC

                 Sexual Harassment Helplines

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

Sick Baby.Stressed Mama

Hello again...

Hi Readers! So the last two posts have been related to food and after this I wasn't sure what to write about so I put up a poll on my social media accounts (thanks to everyone who voted!). Pizza Recipes or Ella-Grace being ill was the two options and Ella-Grace being ill was the winner. As some of you may know Ella-Grace in the past two weeks was quite unwell- she seems all better now thank goodness- it started as a little cold then she had a high temperature, sore throat, ear infection. It was not a good time. We were out of routine, neither of us getting any sleep, both of crying. Not fun. But we got through it! I know there are many parents, mainly mothers who read my blog and as you know if you read it regularly I am very honest about my experiences in motherhood. I hope to help others and let them know they are not alone in this journey, and our babies do get ill, no its not your fault and you are doing the best you can! So lets get into it. 

Poorly Baby...

I have just mentioned it but yes, Ella-Grace was very ill. It was so sad to see her not laughing or playing just upset and very sleepy. Don't get me wrong this was only a minor illness there are so many babies and children suffering from serious illnesses, my hat goes off to those parents who have to deal with that, it must be so difficult. But this blog post was just to explain how I've handled the stress of having a poorly baby, because no matter how minor it is, a sick baby can be very stressful. 

I knew she was getting ill when she started having a runny nose, I just knew it! Then for sure, it went down hill from there and all the other symptoms appeared. Ella-Grace is in quite a set routine which keeps us both happy, with my anxiety I am a bit of a routine freak, its makes me feel like I know what I am doing haha. But with Ella-Grace being ill the routine was out the window, my anxiety was high and I spent 99% of my time sitting in bed with Ella-Grace watching movies. Not going to lie, I would count the minutes until Reece came home as it was quite overwhelming at some points and I cannot tell you how much I needed to shower!! With all this said I am going to give my fellow parents some tips from my experience on how to stay sane while your baby is under the weather, as they say. 

How to get through it..

1. Walk Away and Breathe

This was probably my hardest week as a mum so far, I have been lucky enough that Ella-Grace has been quite a chilled out baby but the two weeks of her being ill she was far from that. I was so not used to the amount of crying, at some points I actually had to put her down in her crib and just walk away to gain some sense of calm. And THATS OKAY! You are not a bad parent if you have to walk away for a second, it is so hard to listen to your baby cry and it can be so overwhelming but you are there trying your very best, 5 minutes to breath is not a bad thing. It helps you clear your head. 

2.Let baby lead even if that means you lose the routine

I am always trying new foods, new activities, lots of new things with Ella-Grace. Keeping her in her routine of breakfast, lunch, supper with 3 bottles in between. We go to baby groups, she has her naps and I get my work done. This keeps my anxiety at bay and makes both of us as I said, content and happy! But when she was ill most of this went out the window! Her blocked nose made it hard for her to eat, we skipped our baby groups, napping in her own bed was out the window.. and I let this happen. Yes I tried to put her down now and again or tried to get her to eat a meal at the right time, trying to keep in routine wasn't a bad thing but when she showed discomfort or fussiness I just abandoned it. Most of the time ending with both of us cuddled in bed. This may not be ideal but whatever makes your baby happy and makes sure they are getting enough rest, that is worth it! And gives you peace as well. Don't worry about the housework or any other work you need to do (I literally got no articles written and just managed a very small blog post) just focus on you and your baby!

3. Bring in help and give yourself a break

Ella-Grace is usually a dream at nap times meaning I could get a shower, do some housework, get some writing done. But when she was ill she reverted back to how she was as a newborn. Always wanting to be held and cuddled. So don't be scared to ask for some help so you can get that shower, get some work done or even have 5 minutes to yourself. I went on a night out. Yes, I said it my daughter was ill and I went out with a friend. I had been dealing with a very poorly Ella-Grace for a week, one of those nights alone because Reece had a night out and that night was very difficult- she refused to sleep anywhere but her pram while Moana was on the TV. So after a week my fellow mum was free and we went out while Reece watched Ella-Grace for the night. So many mothers feel bad about this, WHY? Yes your a mum and your soul purpose is to look after them but to do that you need to look after yourself and this includes having time away from your baby to breath, be you and come back refreshed and ready! Ella-Grace was perfectly safe at home being looked after by her Daddy and I got that much needed break and do you know what, my anxiety went down and I handled the next week of her being ill a lot better. 

So no matter if you want a night out, a shower, to do some work or even just an hour's nap do not be afraid to ask for some help. I'm lucky I have Reece who comes home every night but I know there are many people who are single parents, reach out to whoever you can and that you trust. Look after you!

4. The weird things sometimes work

Sleeping the night in the pram, sleeping in the baby carrier, baked beans and only baked beans! As long as they are resting, fed and happy when they can be, that is what matters. Try everything and when something works stick with it! Even if others think it's weird, Ella-Grace for 3 nights in a row when she was ill would only sleep in her pram (think it was something to do with the angle it was at) and one parent I told said that was so strange and that I should not be doing that. To that parent I say, sleeping in her pram those three nights she got three full nights sleep which aided her in getting better and let me and Reece get the sleep we needed to be able to look after our poorly daughter to the best of our ability. As long as they are safe, if it works do it! 

5. Doctor and Pharmacy 

Obviously the best people to ask if your baby is ill is the doctor and the pharmacy. Ella-Grace did not receive any medicine from the doctor but she did give me some handy tips on what could help and over the counter medication that could help. Below is some of the things that were recommended for us to help with Ella-Graces cold and sore ear that we found really worked

-Vicks

Put in in a bowl of hot water in the room they are in, rub it on their chest or put a bit in their bath all of these things really helped Ella-Grace! 

- Prop the bed up

Put some books or a small pillow underneath the mattress of their cot where the baby's head will be so it props them up, this should help them breath better while they have a cold and therefore help baby sleep more. 

- Nasal spray to clear nose

This one can be hard as many babies, including Ella-Grace, hate this but a nasal spray can really help clear there airways. Sterimar nasal spray

-Paracetemol 

Use as directed by doctor or pharmacist. 

6. Try and Treasure the extra cuddles 

I spent a lot of the time in the last two weeks wanting Ella-Grace to go down in her own bed so I could get things done but as I said she would only sleep on me or right next to me in bed. And these times I really tried to treasure, now she is back to her normal self she is back to being super independent and not wanting a cuddle which I obviously prefer because she is healthy and happy but I would like a little cuddle while cosy in my bed again. So treasure these moments even if they are not ideal. They are only small once. 

Thanks for reading...

Feel like all my posts at the moment are almost like lists, I hope you are all still enjoying them! My next blog post however will definitely not be in list format and I am very much looking forward to writing it and showing it to all of you. I hope this little blog post gave you some helpful advice on how to deal with your poorly baby and has made you feel like your not alone when you are finding it difficult. Till next time don't forget to follow my social media (links on homepage). 

Stay Happy Everyone :) 

Quick and Easy Butternutsquash soup

Quick Post...

Hello again Readers! Just a quick post today, as some of you will know if you follow my social media, Ella-Grace has a viral infection. She has been so unsettled and all my efforts have been going into trying to cheer her up and make her feel better. I was actually going to skip a week of blogging but with Ella-Grace down for a nap I thought I would share this quick, yummy recipe.

I think it was Thursday evening, Ella-Grace was unwell and I was exhausted. Really didn't want to cook but obviously I had to as Ella-Grace always eats what we eat so if I didn't cook a healthy meal for myself and Reece that would mean she would not be having a good meal which she obviously needs. So with my beautiful girl in mind, I thought to myself what is healthy, easy to eat and one of Ella-Graces favourite's? The answer being butternut-squash, so I decided to make butternut-squash soup. I had made a lot of soups before it is one of my favourite things to make and eat, I was expecting this soup not to turn out great to be honest because I just kind of threw a few different vegetables in a pot with stock and cooked it but it turned out so yummy! Ella-Grace had two bowls! I also managed to make the exact right amount which is something I never manage to do - I always make too much- but this time I managed to make a bowl for me, Reece, Ella-Grace and a second bowl for Ella-Grace's lunch tomorrow. 

Recipe...

Ingredients 

• - 1/2 bag of frozen butternut-squash
• -1 carrot 
• -1 mug of frozen sweetcorn
• -4 or 5 frozen cauliflower florets 
• -250ml soy milk 
• -150ml vegetable stock
• -1 tsp coriander 
• -1 tsp ginger 

Method

• Put veg in a large saucepan, add milk and stock. Bring to boil.
• Add coriander and ginger. Let simmer until all veg is soft (20/25mins) 
• Take off heat. Use hand blender until smooth.
• Season with salt and pepper (after removing baby's) 
• Serve with bread or toast. 

Thanks for Reading...

Thanks for reading! Told you it was very simple and very easy. We all love it and I certainly be making it again, comment below if you use it. I am hoping Ella-Grace gets better soon and then I will hopefully be able to upload a longer blog post! Don't forget to follow my other social media (links above) Till next time readers...

Stay Happy Everyone :)! 

Baby Weaning: Tips and Meal Ideas!

Its been a while...

Hi everyone, sorry it has been a while! I think it has actually been almost 2 weeks since I posted a blog post. I do try to post one every week but sometimes this can be difficult. Not due to lack of ideas or motivation, I love writing and have A LOT of ideas of blog posts I want to write but with Halloween just passing, Christmas coming up, planning a wedding, starting to think about Ella-Grace's birthday and just the day to day tasks of being a stay-at-home mum and working from home writing Articles for Baby GaGa and various other freelance opportunities that has come up. Also all of Ella-Grace's clubs I take her to and seeing family and friends, cleaning the house and you know relaxing and keeping myself sane haha. Writing my blog every week as well as all this can be difficult at times. Saying that I would not change any of it for the world, I love every aspect of it and I know all my lovely readers understand when a blog post is delayed or I am off the radar for a while. If you do want to keep up with myself and Ella-Grace more often please follow my social media which I can quickly post to more often- links above. Anyway back to today's post. By request I am going to be doing another weaning post today. I am happy to say Ella-Grace is still thriving with her solid food and a lot of mothers have reached out to me and asked me to write some tips for weaning and some ideas of meals to give a baby. So here it is, enjoy!

Ella-Grace weaning update...

So the last update I did for Ella-Graces weaning she had just turned 6 months. I had started slowly weaning her at 4 months old which I do not recommend for everyone, a lot of people start at 6 months which is fine too, but in Ella-Grace's case and the advice I got from my health visitior 4 months was the perfect time for her. It stopped her being constipated, it stopped her being sick and she has developed and grown so much since we started weaning. 

-For all the info please read my blog post, "From Bottle To Baby Food: Our Weaning Story So Far" 

So, at now almost 7 and a half months Ella-Grace has 3 bottles of Aptimil Lacto-free formula a day and 3 solid meals a day. The times vary depending on her naps - she usually has 2 naps a day, after breakfast and after lunch- , here is a rough idea of what a daily routine food wise can be:

6am-7am : 210ml Bottle 

8am-9am: Breakfast - Weetabix (1 & 1/2 biscuits&120ml formula mixed with 1 tsp of peanut butter) 

                                    1x Organix Fruitpot 

                                    1x Slice of Toast (Crusts cut off, Dairyfree butter)

                                    Cup of Water 

10.30am-11am: 210ml Bottle 

1pm-2pm: Lunch - Baked beans mixed with mushy peas, Quorn chicken pieces and broccoli. 

                                  1x Organix Fruitpot 

                                  Cup of Water 

5pm- 6pm: Supper - Mild Chilli (Quorn mince, kidney beans, onion, mushroom, peppers, tomatoes, sweetcorn) with rice, peas and cabbage. 

                                 1x Organix Fruit pot 

                                 Cup of Water 

7pm-8pm: 210ml Bottle 

I also will give her a small snack while she is waiting for me to cook or if we are out and she seems a bit peckish, these are usually also of the Organix brand (all dairy free and organic!). Rice cakes, sweetcorn rings, carrot puffs ect. Will add the link to the Organix website below. 

I no longer puree Ella-Graces food unless it is a meal that would be pureed anyway such as soup. She eats what me and Reece eat obviously with no added sugar or salt. 

Tips...

Weaning can be tricky and every baby is different so what works for one baby might not work for another. I have been lucky that Ella-Grace has thrived on solid food, now at 7 months old she very rarely refuses anything. But there was some hard times and I found out foods and textures she doesn't like and ways of eating she prefers. I figured out what worked for her and now we are doing great! Here is some tips that might help you with weaning your baby onto solid food.

1. Start soft and simple - When I first started weaning Ella-Grace the first thing I gave her was baby rice. It is kind of like porridge and you can find it in most supermarkets, you add formula or breast milk to it and it turns to the consistency of porridge. This is a good one to try as it is very soft, no lumps and is a taste your baby will be used to. Following on from this I tried her with a fruit pot, this is also soft but a different taste to what they are used to. Since it is sweet however they are likely to enjoy the taste. From then I slowly tried her with new things and that's how we got to where we are now. Slowly built form textures and tastes they know for a gradual transition. 
2. Take your time - This one is very important. Don't rush! When I give Ella-Grace her breakfast (her favourite meal of the day) she scoffs in down so quick! But then it comes to lunchtime and I could be sitting there for up to an hour and a half waiting for her to eat or finish eating. And I am okay with that. If it is a food that I spoon feed her she usual has it quicker but for finger foods such as vegetables, well-cooked pasta ect. she might play with it for a while before she eats it. That's how babies and children learn, through play. Ella-Grace loves to play with her food, she is learning what it is and how it feels in her hand, its all new. But instead of me, after 20 minutes, going okay your not eating and take her to get cleaned up I let her do her thing. And sure thing after she has played a bit she puts a bit of her food in her mouth and she will eat it. Take your time and let your baby discover what food is, it is all so new,
3. Don't force it - There will be a time when your baby just refuses what you are giving them. In Ella-Grace's case this was banana, she hates it! I tried it in different ways, pureed, cut up, mixed in things, she hated it. But that's okay. If you realise your baby isn't taking to something, stop anf offer them something else and try that kind of food another time. No point in forcing them to have something in their mouth and eat it if they are just going to cry and get overwhelmed. That is counter-productive. So as frustrating as it may be when they refuse a food as you just want the best for them, don't force it they will get there in there own time. 
4. Try different textures and flavours -As I said at the start all babies are different and some flavours and textures they are going to like more than others, but that doesn't mean you can't try different kinds. From puree's to finger foods, I give a mixture of both to Ella-Grace. At the moment she seems to be liking the finger foods and flavours such as butternutsquash, carrot and brussel sprouts she seems to love. Trying all different flavours and textures you will come to find what your baby likes but also be giving them a wide varitey of experience with different foods hopefully meaning as they grow they will be open to a variety of different meals. Even challenge yourself to try something with your baby you have never tried before, lead by example. 
5. Let them feed themselves - I have already partly touched on this, baby's love to discover and some will cry as soon as you put a spoon or bit of food to their mouth. Ella-Grace is quite independent and a lot of the time likes to feed herself. So give them something they can manage to hold such as green beans or toast and they will have a great time. 
6. Give them a hand - Sometimes Ella-Grace will be eating a finger food then it will get too small for her to control and she gets frustrated knowing there is food in her hand but she cannot put it in her mouth. So at this point I will help her by placing it in her mouth for her. Some may say this is counter productive and she won't learn how to do it herself but thats just not true she will do it when she has the hang of her hand movements, for now instead of her getting overwhelmed then probably not finishing her food I give her a bit of help. No crying, no frustration. A happy and full baby. 
7. Eat at the same time - Family meal times are important any age including as babies. It might be frustrating trying to eat your own food as well as helping/watching your baby eat but if they see you eating and the way you eat they are likely to copy. Also this will stop them wanting what you are eating if they have food themselves. Ella-Grace always tries to grab whatever I am eating if she does not have food herself. Yes your food might go a bit cold if your baby needs some help but honestly I think it is so worth it. Starting meals sitting at the table as a family early is so important for me anyways and will definitely help them learn by copying Mummy or Daddy. This is also a good habit to get into as you will only have to make one meal and both eat it at the same time. Ella-Grace loves to sit in her high chair and watch me cook and I love it  too. 
8. Start with one meal a day and build up - This one helped me a lot who likes to do things step by step. When I used to think of weaning it would get me panicked until I read "start with one meal a day and build on that". So whatever time of day your baby is happiest or most content, just whatever time of day you think is best. Start with that meal (breakfast, lunch or supper). I go into more detail in my other weaning blog post but to sum up I started breakfast with Ella-Grace first, then moved onto lunch which she did not take well to so I stopped that then went to supper, so for a while she was having breakfast and supper and then we started lunch and there you have it 3 meals a day. This happened over a span of 2 months (from four to six months) now at 7 months old she eats what I eat and it is great. 
9. Keep it positive- This goes for pretty much everything you are trying to introduce baby to. Keep positive and happy! I know how easy it is to get stressed and overwhelmed when baby is not taking the food or refuses to open their mouth but the more anxious you get the more anxious they will get and they will start to associate meal times with stress. Which you don't want because that will make weaning even harder! So try to keep positive and not make eating a big deal, if they don't want something one day try it again another day. If your eating a meal together and they refuse to try their food and just want to play with it, let them and have some of your food. This has been great for Ella-Grace, I used to get quite stressed when she would refuse food but she could sense that it just made her more overwhelmed so I took a deep breath and calmed down. Now every meal time I have a smile on my face and no matter what I do not let myself get stressed. If you feel that way just put the baby's food down and take a minute.
10. Praise- I praise Ella-Grace after every meal and so does Reece. We clap and say "yay!" and give her lots of kisses and cuddles. After EVERY meal. This positive reaction will encourage baby to eat as they will want to receive this positive reaction. 

These are my top tips. I am not a professional or have any medical training so if worried always consult with your doctor but these are the things that have worked for Ella-Grace. I hope they have helped. 

Meal Ideas....

Breakfast: 

• Weetabix and a spoon of peanut butter (6 months +)

Made with breastmilk or formula (I find 90ml for 1 biscuit and 120ml for 1 and a 1/2) add 1 tsp of peanut butter, mix and let cool. Spoon feed to baby or let them feed themselves. 

(ELLA-GRACE FAVOURITE)

• Toast with Dairy-Free Spread and Scrambled Egg (6 months+)

At the moment I still eat eggs and I found it would be unfair for me to not let Ella-Grace have them if I have them myself. I do however buy local RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) eggs or buy them from a friend where I can see the chickens are being looked after and loved. I found out recently that you can make "Tofu Scramble" so I am definitely going to try this as a substitute to eggs. 

Scrambled Eggs- Crack 2 eggs in a jug, add a splash of soy milk and microwave for 1-2 minutes  

Toast- Cut off crusts, toast, spread on dairy-free butter and cut into slices. Give as finger food. 

• Banana Pancakes (6 months +)

2 ripe bananas mashed. 1 cup of flour. 1 cup of soy milk. 1 tablespoon of baking powder. Mix. Heat pan on medium heat, tiny bit of vegetable oil. Spoon a bit of mix in the pan. When middle of pancake begins to bubble or edges seem to be firming up flip. Cut pancake into strips. Spread some dairy-free butter and give as finger food. 

• Porridge (6 months +)

I buy the "oat so simple" sachets of porridge where you can pour milk into the sachet to measure. Tear packet, pour porridge oats in bowl. Pour soy milk in the sachet up to the line. Pour in bowl. Microwave 2 mins. mix and let cool. Spoon feed to baby. 

Lunch: 

• Baked beans and Mushy Peas with Toast (6 months +) 

Easy and weird combo (Ella-Grace loves it though). Quarter tin of reduced sugar and salt beans into bowl and quarter tin of mushy peas in bowl. Mix and heat for 1- 2 minutes. Let cool and spoon feed. Add toast and dip in sauce, offer as finger food. 

(ELLA-GRACE FAVOURITE)

• Quorn "chicken" pieces, broccoli, sweetcorn and fussilli pasta (6/7 months +) 

Quorn chicken- Quarter tin of tomatoes in bowl add quorn chicken, microwave for 5 mins. 

Broccoli, sweetcorn and pasta- cook until very soft, drain

Let cool and serve as finger food. 

• Soup (Vegetable, tomato, potato, butternutsquash etc.) (4 months +) 

Link to my tomato soup recipe : Roasted Tomato and Basil Soup

More soup recipes coming soon 

• Butter beans, butternutsquash and carrots 

Boil in pan until soft. Offer as finger food. 

Supper: 

• Homemade Pizza (7 months +)

Base: Buy pre-made base (homemade pizza base recipe coming soon) 

Sauce: 1 tin of chopped tomatoes, 1tsp oregano, 1tsp garlic powder, 1 tsp basil, finely chopped onions. Fry onions until soft, add other ingredients bring to boil and simmer 

Toppings: For Ella-Grace I just top hers with some vegan cheese and put her veggies on the side as a finger food.

Cook pizza 10-15 mins, once cooked cut into small slices and give as finger food 

• Mild Quorn & Veggie Fajitas- torn up totrilla and fajita mix for them to pick up as finger food (7 months +) I also grate some vegan cheese on her tray for her to pick at if she wants.

Quorn pieces or Quorn steak strips, red onion, mushrooms, green pepper, cherry tomatoes (halved), sweetcorn. Fry in pan, add tinned tomatoes, basil, garlic powder, pepper. 

I don't give Ella-Grace mushrooms or onion as finger food out of the mix as I think it is a difficult taste/texture for her, they are in there for the adults. 

• Mild Quorn Chili and Rice with |Peas and Cabbage (6/7 months +) 

Boil peas and cabbage. 

Boil rice until soft, add knob of butter and mix. 

Heat oil in frying pan, fry onion and mushroom. add peppers, kidney beans, quorn mince, carrot shavings, basil, garlic powder, ginger and cumin. Mix, Add tinned tomatoes, bring to boil and simmer. 

Use food processor to cut chilli into smaller chunks so you are able to spoon feed with the soft rice. Give peas and cabbage as finger food. 

Chili can also be cooked in the slow cooker. 4 hours on high. 

(ELLA-GRACE FAVOURITE)

• Spaghetti and Meat-free "meatballs" with carrots (6/7months +) 

(Pic above is of spaghetti bolognase which I make and give to her in a similar way) 

Cook Spaghetti. 

Boil carrots. 

Quorn meatballs, mushrooms, onion, lightly fry. Add tinned tomatoes. Oregano, basil, garlic powder. Bring to boil and let simmer then add cooked carrots and mix. 

Cut Meat-free "meat balls" in half give as finger food along with spaghetti and sauce mix. I also grate vegan cheese on her tray for her to pick at if she wants. 

Ella-Grace can eat the meatballs and carrots no problem, needs some help with the spaghetti. You could also do this with fussilli pasta which is easier for a baby to hold and bite. 

Snacks/After meals:

(I use the brand Organix for all of her snack food that I do not make) https://www.organix.com/

• Organix fruit pots 
• Organix sweetcorn rings 
• Organix carrot puffs 
• Organix Rice Cakes
• Cut up cucumber 
• Toast 
• Pineapple pieces 

All the ages are a rough estimate and these meals Ella-Grace (7 months) eats as they but they can be pureed for those weaning their babies that way. All my meals are dairy and meat free but can be substituted if you want. I cook these meals based on what I was told by my health visitor Ella-Grace can eat, always ask a medical professional if unsure. 

Thanks for Reading...

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this and I hope it has helped you with your weaning problems. Comment below if you try any of my tips, have any other tips or have any feedback for the blog! Always appreciate hearing from readers! Don't forget to check out my latest articles on BabyGaGa.com (link below) and follow my social media accounts for cute baby pics and blog updates (links above blog post). Till next time. Hopefully won't be so long this time. 

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Stay Happy Everyone :)!