Me Too.

Warning: Some of the content below may be graphic and contains stories of sexual assault and harassment. 

1 in every 6 women have been victim to attempted or completed rape.

Someone gets sexually assaulted every 98 seconds.

82% of child victims and 90% of adult victims are women. 

1 in every 33 men have been victim to attempted or completed rape. 

Ages 12-34 are most at risk of sexual assault. 

Can you see the problem?!

I don't really know how to start this post if I am being honest. It is such a serious subject and I want to do justice to anyone out there who has ever been victim to this. I want this blog post to raise awareness of this serious problem and to encourage others to speak up because you are NOT in the wrong. So with all this in mind I guess I will start the post.

On social media at the moment you may have noticed the hashtag #metoo , going around. To those who don't know what this is let me explain it to you.
The #metoo movement is about speaking out about sexual assault and/or harassment. It started with many actresses using the #metoo when sharing their stories of sexual assault and harassment at the hands of director Harvey Winestine and from this is took off and woman around the world (and some men) started to share their experiences, encouraging others to speak and supporting each other by stating #metoo.
This movement has been an eye opener to many people who thought sexual assault and harassment was not a problem in society, by the sheer amount of people who speak out you can clearly see that there is a VERY serious problem and something needs to be done about it!
This link explains the background of #metoo : #metoo background

In this blog post I will be sharing my own #metoo stories (yes more than one) and some other stories from some very brave woman who came forward and told me their unfortunate experiences. Due to legal reasons, safety and privacy the women other than myself I have decided to keep anonymous even though some of them were willing to be named. This anonymity however does not change the fact that these women are incredibly brave to of shared their story and allow me to share it on my blog. As well as these stories I will be sharing my views on some of the big problems in society including victim blaming and also identifying what I think we can do to encourage more people to speak out and hopefully stop sexual assault and harassment.

#Metoo. 

I myself have been victim to sexual assault and harassment. Countless times on nights out, men have  grabbed my breasts or put their hand up my skirt to grab my bum, this yes is sexual harassment  or I would go as far as to say assault. You have touched my body without my consent and made me feel very uncomfortable, this is disgusting. Other than this two accounts of sexual assault I have experienced will never fade from my memory and here they are.

I used to be a carer for the elderly and frail. I loved my job and the majority of the people I looked after were so lovely but on a few occasions elderly men had been appropriate towards me. Asking for massages from me, making sexual references to me, making things that were not sexual into a sexual experience for them (for example if I have to apply cream to them some male patients have made it clear they found this sexual by noises ect). All this inappropriate in itself but one time really stuck in my mind to this day and I did have reported. I will not be going into too much detail of the situation for legal reasons but the important details will be included. I was 19 years old, I was on a double shift (meaning I was on with a second carer) and we went to give personal care to an elderly man. I had never been to this man before but I had gotten the basic information from the company I worked for and the fellow carer I was with told me it was a routine visit she did and she would lead- she was older than me and seemed very experienced so I was more than happy to follow her lead. We went into the house and the elderly man was in his bed, our job was to get him cleaned up - he was incontinent- and up dressed through to the kitchen to have his breakfast. It seemed all routine at first when we were getting the stuff we needed to clean him ready, then the carer who was meant to be leading told me to clean him up and she would 'assist'. I write 'assist' like that because she just stood by me and did nothing. I, as usual, started doing my job very professionally. The man had soiled himself up his from meaning I needed to thoroughly clean his genitalia which as I said was fine, I was being professional and this cannot be helped that did not phase me. It did not even phase me when as I was cleaning him I could see he was getting aroused (don't want to be to graphic, I think you can tell what I mean), I was not mad at all at this, this sometimes cannot be helped and in fact I felt sympathy towards him at this point. I carried on my job, as I said a male sometimes cannot control this. But what can be controlled is your actions from this. He smiled at me and put his hand on my lower back as I cleaned him, to which I took as a thank you. His speech was not great so the hand on my back I took as a gesture of gratitude. But then his hand started to go lower until he was grabbing my bum and trying to put his hand in between my legs. I quickly removed his hand and carried on my job. He then tried to put his hand on my breasts and under my uniform. Again, I removed his hand and carried on. He continued to persist and with his other hand started to touch himself as I was cleaning him, trying to place my hand on his privates in a way that was not for cleaning (again trying to keep this not too graphic).  All this time the fellow carer could see what was happening and when I had reached my limit I stood back horrified but trying to remain calm and looked at her for help. She turned to me and said what I still to this today cannot believe "Just let him do it and we will be finished here quicker". I was horrified. At this point he was almost clean as I had endured this for almost half and hour so she took over cleaning him as I had froze. When she started to finish I went to walk away to wash my hands and calm myself so I could go back into the situation. Despite the horrible thing he had just done I was aware without me this carer could not hoist him to to his seat and take him through for his breakfast so I was prepared to carry on until my job was done. But I could not leave to wash my hands as his bedside was a very confined space and the carer I was on with insisted I stay where I was and blocked my way out, so for another 5 minutes I had to stand there trying to block the mans hands and ignore the faces and noises he was making at me. If all this was not bad enough his wife and daughter were in the next room and I had to take him through with a big smile on my face and say to his family 'That's him ready. All fine". I left that house scarred for life. Writing it all down now 2 years later I can feel that horrible sick feeling in my stomach that I felt that day. I can see every minute of that so clearly. As I left the house I wanted to phone my company instantly but the carer I was on with kept telling me 'Your making it a big deal', 'You just have to deal with it', 'You should of just let him do what he wanted'. So because of this carer's nonsense opinion I carried on my shift with her and did not phone my company until the next day. When I first told them they seemed very concerned and I had to go in and make a statement which they claimed they would pass on the 'appropriate authorities'. I said that I did not want to be placed there ever again and that the carer I was on with should be disciplined for her actions also as she was a big part in what made the situation worse. They agreed and at this point I felt like I had their full support, how it should be. But weeks past and I had heard nothing about it going any further and low and behold I was put on a double shift with that same carer and the man. I phoned my company incredibly annoyed and they claimed they 'forgot I did not want to be placed their' and 'did not have any statement from me'. I went on to tell them again what had happened and that I had given them a statement weeks ago, I was then made to feel that it was my fault, it was part of my job to deal with this and that I had 'received the training'. After that phone call I felt defeated and with no idea who to contact now, I left it. Fair to say Reece had to go through many nights of me crying about this. And that was the first time.

The second time I was sexually assaulted was on a night out, again when I was 19. It happened quickly but it felt like forever. Me and my friend had a great night, we had a few drinks and yes, we got drunk. Drunk enough to be uncoordinated but not drunk enough to not remember anything. We were waiting for a taxi joking with each other and laughing. Behind us was a group of guys and they were calling at us, looking us up and down but we just ignored them. Finally our taxi arrived and we stumbled in. Along with us however jumped in one of the guys behind us. We gave him a look and asked what he was doing, he said he heard where we were going and that he lives close so we could share a taxi. Thinking about it now I don't think I even mentioned where I lived, why would I of? My friend already knew, I would not of just randomly proclaimed my destination. However at the time this sounded like a genuine guy who just wanted to get home so we agreed. We all sat in the back, I was in the middle. It took about 15 minutes to get to my flat. My friend immediately fell asleep in the taxi or zoned out, I just know she was out of it. I sat there and put my head back intending to close my eyes until we got home then next thing I know there is a hand down my skirt, into my underwear and inside me. I was so shocked. I open my eyes and looked at the guy. I tried to grab his hand out of my pants but he held my one of my arms down and continued to assault me. I tried with my other hand to hit him and pull his hand away but I was drunk, uncoordinated and scared he would try something worse. I looked at my friend and the taxi driver. Waiting for them to respond to what was happening, surely they heard me telling him to stop or get off of me. But no one did anything. My friend to this day I don't think knows what happened and the taxi driver, I don't know. He did nothing anyways. The next few minutes I froze and just let it happen. He continued to violate me and saying "Maybe I should just get out at yours". We got to my flat. My friend thankfully woke as the taxi stopped, he removed his hand and started to try and get out the taxi. I chucked the money at the taxi driver and launched me and my friend out the car. I heard the taxi driver ask if he was getting out but I did not stop to find out what he would say. Once we got safely behind the building door I looked back the guy was out the taxi. We went up to my flat and my friend went straight to bed. I went straight into Reece and told him what happened. I actually apologised thinking it was my fault for letting that happen. Reece being the amazing person he is turned to me gave me a hug, got me into bed and calm and continued to tell me how it was not my fault. The next day I just tried to forget about it. Thinking no one would believe me, I was drunk, I froze, I don't even know the guys name, my friends was too drunk and out of it to be a witness. I blamed myself and decided to not report it. I now wish I did.

And breathe. Thank goodness that is over. I feel sick and those memories are horrible to bring to the fore front of my mind but I am so happy I told them. This was NOT my fault and I do NOT have to be quiet about it! I hope my story has encouraged others to speak out. This as you know happens to so many people every single day! Here are some more #metoo stories shared from the brave women I spoke to :

"#metoo I had passed out drunk at a party. A boy I knew well and considered as a friend stole my phone and found naked photos of myself that I had sent to my boyfriend and emailed them to himself. He then continued to assault me with his fingers as I was unconscious. I woke to my boyfriend punching him as he had walked in on him assaulting me."

"#metoo When I was 14, my boyfriend raped me in his bedroom. I froze and let it happen. I ran to the bathroom and cried. He told everyone in the school that we slept together and all my friends congratualated me. I knew no one would believe me that it was not consensual as I had not spoke up straight away. Still to this day no one knows this happened yet it has haunted me ever since."

"#metoo My boyfriend sexually abused me. He would push my hands where I didn't want them, push me and push me to get sex even if I didn't want it, make me feel weird for not wanting sex 24/7, force himself on me and continue to do so even though I would cry before, during and after sex - the pain was horrendous. The worst part was he made me feel like this was normal, this kind of abuse was deserved. When we broke up and I eventually got into a new relationship and told him what had happened previously he made me realise just how wrong it was. I had been raped, continuously. I'm still in denial, the word rape gives me panic attacks everytime."

"#metoo July 2013 it happened, October 2013 I got diagnosed with PTSD from sexual trauma. I had been speaking to a guy online for at least 4 years when I went to meet him for the first time. He had asked me to meet him before but I was afraid he wanted more than friendship so I always made excuses. He now had a long time girlfriend, I had ran out of excuses and he had booked my train tickets so I decided to finally meet with him. I was going to be staying at his flat for one night then returning home. We had made plans to go out drinking with some of his friends, I drunk maybe two units. He kept insisting on me drinking more and more, I had no reason not to trust him so I let him buy me drinks. I'm not sure if he spiked the drink or just ordered much stronger ones than I realised. I remember dancing and kissing one of his friends (who I was interested in) Then it goes a little hazy, I do not remember walking back to his. He said I could have the bed and sleep on the sofa then I remember him saying "we have to have sex". I kept saying no. He assaulted me with his hands and his mouth, not removing my tampon (I was on my period) it was very very painful. He trapped me against the wall and then everything goes black. I woke to used condoms on the floor, I was sick. He acted like nothing happened and insisted on walking me to the train station. The next day I got checked for STI's and they told me to report to the police but I was too scared. I was drunk, wearing a short skirt, he would say it was consensual, no one would believe me."

"#metoo A boy I considered a close friend. He came round one day to see if I was going out but I was sick so he decided to stay in with me. My family went out so it was just the two of us. We were chatting then he put his arm around me and before I knew it he was trying to kiss me and had his hand down my pants. I told him to stop and that I didn't want to but he did not stopped and tried to put my hand down his pants. Luckily my parents came back and that made him stop. He was very forceful and I am so glad my parents came in or I don't know what would of happened."

"#metoo In high school I was friends with this boy, we used to joke and flirt but nothing serious. We lost touch for a couple years when we left school but bumped into each other again and decided to me meet up. We went for coffee and then went back to his shared student flat. In his room we started kissing, he kept moving his hand towards my breasts and I kept removing it. Then suddenly he put his hands down my pants, I froze. He started to unbuckle his trousers which is when I burst into tears. For years I blamed myself, but my friend helped me realise I did nothing wrong."

"#metoo I was on a night out with who I thought were my friends and they spiked me. I passed out and woke up naked with two guys next to me. To make it worse they had took pictures of me naked which they used against me. This is the first time I have told anyone about this."

"#metoo I went to a house party and got spiked. A man forced himself on me. It has a horrific experience"

"#metoo I was groomed when I was 13 years old. A man who told me he was 17 when he was actually 40 threatened me saying if I did not send me him photos of myself naked then he would find me and do horrible things to me. This went on for months. Then he convinced me to travel to meet him. Thankfully I got scared and went home before we met. By then my mum had checked my phone and took me to the police to report everything. Turned out he had done this to 3 other young girls and worse."


I have no words. It is heartbreaking to hear that not only does this happen SO often but that women are so scared to speak out because of the high chance of victim blaming.

What needs to change....

There are many things that need to change in order to stop victim blaming and encourage more people to speak up. First of all, when people come forward about sexual assault or harassment they should NEVER be met with such questions as "What were you wearing?", "But were you drinking?" "Did you lead him/her on?", "Are you sure they raped you?". Automatically making the victim feel discouraged, ashamed, disbelieved and all the more traumatised. Yes there needs to be an investigation that involves questions but questions that are clearly trying to convince the victim that they are wrong should not be aloud. No matter what someone is wearing, whether they are drinking or not, it does not matter Rape is rape. No is no. It also does not excuse the criminal if they were drunk (not that they don't try to use this as an excuse). I have been drunk before and never once have I tried to assault or harass someone. Ever! Also I have come home drunk before and Reece has never EVER took advantage of that. Showing that in either case being drunk has nothing to do with it. As for what someone is wearing, this being an all to common phrase used when victim blaming women who have been assaulted. That is absolute nonsense! Not just in these situations, women are judged for what they wear constantly! From a young age we are told to cover up and told 'your not going out wearing that someone might get the wrong idea" it is absolute insanity. Speaking as a mother, Ella-Grace could go out wearing anything, heck she could go out wearing nothing and she still would not be 'asking to be raped' or in any way should not be respected. I will never understand how people don't understand EVERYONE has a body, and they way anyone decides to show it is their business. No one should be judged, disrespected, bullied and definitely not assaulted! This I think is one of the main attitudes that need to change, that the girl who walked home alone in a short skirt is not a slut and did not get raped because of her clothing. She got raped because of the person who did it to her and they are the ones to be blamed not her or her clothing. Obviously same would go for males but there is no denying it is more of a problem on the female side. So instead of telling your daughters what to wear and what not wear, telling them they are 'distracting boys' tell them to wear what they want and that they should demand respect no matter what.

Another thing that needs to change is this normality over boys touching girls without consent (yes I know I am focusing on females but that is because yes, they are at more of a disadvantage). I have actually seen boys put a hand up a girls skirt grab their bum and friends say 'oh well that's just boys'. That is not and should not be 'just boys', boys should be taught that they cannot just grab girls like that. It is not accepted! TV shows have been tackling this recently such as '13 Reasons Why" showing how this 'norm' can really have affect on a girls self-esteem and also this 'norm' can make some boys (not all) think they can take advantage of a girl entirely. This is a big problem! Literally every girl I have ever spoke to has been met with grabbing, pulling, inappropriate touching at some point of their life at the hands of a boy or man who thought it was his right to take advantage of a girl. Again not all boys and some girls are to blame for this also they do grab boys inappropriately. It is wrong all round! So next time you see someones bum pinched, boobs grabbed, speak up! As this is assault they have no right to grab anyone like that. I know I will be teaching Ella-Grace to respect herself and also to respect others.

Thirdly, we need to stop praising those who have committed such crimes. Actors, directors, footballers, anyone who commits such a crime should not be a loud to continue in these professions. By this I mean if someone who is not in the public eye they will get punished for their actions (that is what it should be anyway). But someone famous too commonly can pay their way out of it and continue to be praised, loved, winning awards for their 'great work' despite the suffering they have caused others. Some disagree with this as their actions have nothing to do with their work but my point is if someone commits this crime they should be in prison, they should be punished meaning they would not have a job to do in order to be praised for it and win awards. For example if an actor is filming and mist filming they are convicted of sexual assault they should be fired from that film and do their time in their punishment. Without doing this they are likely to continue such horrible actions and it will fill other people round the world with the attitude 'they can get away with it so why can't I'.

Lastly, when it comes to men. Yes I know I have spoke a lot about women because with out a doubt women are victim to sexual assaults more than men but that does not mean it does not happen to men. I also think the statistics may be slightly different if more men spoke up but why don't they? Simple. Because society's thinks men shouldn't be emotional and that there is some type of shame in admitting you as a man have been sexually assaulted or harassed. Many reactions being that men love sex why would they complain? But just as women it is not the victims fault and a man's no means just as much as a women's. No matter what, no means no. We need to be there to support male victims, it is not a joke, it is not okay. We need to teach our sons that it is okay to be emotional and if someone disrespects you or mistreats you it does not make you weak to speak up. More men have been speaking out recently, Johnathon Sacconejoly (a famous youtuber) recently spoke out about his sexual assault. I found this very brave and a great role model for other males to speak out! (video link 'I am a victim of sexual assault' ) I want any male victims who are reading this to know there is support out there for you and you have done nothing wrong! Links to support at the end of the post. 

Changing these things. Taking away victim blaming and the unspoken norm of inappropriate touching, more people would speak about assault and harassment and hopefully this crime could be reduced. Making boys aware of what they are doing is wrong (again not just boys and not all but I am pointing out the main problem in my opinion) the next generation will hopefully be more respectful. Letting men know it is okay to be emotional and speak out if you feel you have been affected. No matter age, gender, race, anything..touching someone without their consent, taking advantage of them, raping them is NOT okay.

Finished

That was a hard post to write but I am glad I have done it. I hope that I have done justice to everyone who has ever been affected with this. PLEASE comment any supportive messages, what you think need to change or if you have an experience similar, #metoo. Below I am going to add some links to places that can help you if you have been assaulted, documentaries and videos that I think highlight this problem! Please remember if anyone tells you they have been sexually assaulted or raped please believe them and help them. They chose you to confide in, they must trust you. Thank you to everyone who contributed, you are very brave! And this is where I will end this post. Thank you for reading. 

Documentary: The Hunting Ground

Video: Dear Daddy

Helplines: Rape Crisis Grampian

                 NHS - help after sexual assault

                 Women Against Rape

                 Survivors Trust

                 Male Rape and Sexual Assault Help

                 Rape Crisis Europe

                 NSPCC

                 Sexual Harassment Helplines

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

All Things Mental Health

10th October 2017, World Mental Health Day..

A blog post close to my heart. Good evening readers, this was not the blog post I had planned to upload. Yesterday I had started "10 Things I Want To Achieve Before I'm 30" as some of you may know through my social media. I was prepared for that to be what I uploaded today but then when scrolling through Instagram- It's World Mental Health Day! Struggling with mental illness myself and always being an advocate of how important mental health is, I couldn't not write a blog post about it. So sorry to those who may be disappointed as they wanted to read the other post but not to worry that one will be up VERY soon! Happy Reading.

All Things Mental Health....

The reason I named this post "All Things Mental Health" instead of "World Mental Health Day 2017" is because I want to not just write about how important World Mental Health Day is, but I wanted to talk about my mental health, how society views mental health, what I think should be done, a message to anyone having a tough time with mental health and of course the importance of World Mental Health Day. Yes that is a lot! So I thought "All Things Mental Health" was suitable for what I wanted to talk about, not to mention preparing all the readers for the quantity of writing that may be involved haha. I know a lot of you read my blog posts as a quick read, especially those with children as you don't have much time to read - trust me I know, I have been trying to read the Handmaid's Tale for about a month now- so don't feel you have to read all this at once, come back to it later if need be. But I do think it will be worth a read despite the length because as I said, Mental Health is so very important.

My Mental Health.... 

If you have been following my other blog posts you will know that I have suffered from anxiety and panic disorder my entire life, however to only be diagnosed in recent years. I have been through very dark times, dealing with my anxiety in very dangerous ways but slowly but surely I recovered and I am not dealing with my anxiety in healthy ways. I still have panic attacks, I had one yesterday. But with the support of my family and friends and the motivation i get from my beautiful daughter, I can get through it. 

- To read my full anxiety story please go to this blog post  Recovery is possible      - 

So that is the recap. My mental health at the moment is in a good place but for it to be that way I use many coping mechanisms. In the bad times when I do have panic attacks there are certain things I do to get through them. So I thought why not list these here, it might help someone. 

My Coping mechanisms

When I get anxious: 

Reading 
I don't do this one as much anymore as I do not have time- as I said earlier I have been trying to read "The Handmaids Tale" for about 3 weeks now and I am on page 2 haha). But when I do have the chance, it really calms me down. Books have the power to transport you to another place. You completely zone out of all your problems and you delve into the world in which the book takes place. A lost magic for many younger people I would say with all the technology. I hope to teach my daughter the wonders of books (actual paper books not kindles) and hopefully this may be her stress out-let like her Mama. 
Writing
As you all know of course, writing is a big stress buster for me. If I am having a particularly anxious day, getting it all out on my blog or blog social media pages to all you readers gives me a sense of relief. I have never been one for being able to tell someone face to face my problems, I am much better on paper. Writing is my passion and when I get into the zone I can really go for hours.
Bubble Bath 
Again I haven't been doing this one as recently at the moment. As strange as it sounds, having baths when it is dark outside or later on in the night is a big anxiety trigger for me. I don't know why it can just cause me stress and as it is getting dark earlier there are not enough hours in the day to let me have a bath when it does not make me anxious. But the days Reece is off work where I can have a bath in the day time. OMG. So relaxing, a hot bath with candles and a youtube video on (usually Zoella, Pointless Blogs or Jenna Marbles) it is heaven. All my stresses go away. A great way for me to manage my anxiety before it turns into a panic attack.
Talking- If I am feeling very anxious Reece always knows. So obviously I tell him what is wrong. This can either be a small few sentences or a half an hour rant, either way I will end up calm in Reece's arms. He is the ying to my yang (I think I am using that saying right haha) he is so calm and that kind of vibe just chills me out completley. Unless (sorry babe) he is the one at that moment unintentionally giving me anxiety then talking to him probably isn't the best idea but luckily this is rarely the case.
Distraction 
Pretty much all of the things I have just said fit into this but yes, distraction is a great idea! I don't mean distraction from things you have to inevitably deal with but distraction from the anxiety of it so you can deal with those things in a better head space. Watch a happy movie (my choice is usually matilda, shrek, arthur christmas or despicable me), watch YouTube videos, read a book, listen to music, write, go for a walk, phone your mum, play with your child. All of these things are a great way to say bye, bye to anxiety and hello to calm. Maybe you won't be happy, I am not saying this solves all my anxiety but it does stop me from having a breakdown or panic attack which means I am still in a calme enough mindset to be able to cope. Which as a mum, usually by myself with my daughter almost daily. Pushing through my anxiety and being able to do the things a mum needs to do is my main priority.

During A Panic Attack:
Removing myself from situation
Very Important. If you are having a panic attack especially if it is because of your environment or the person you are around at that moment of time. Remove yourself from that situation. The panic attack may continue or it may subside. For me it usually does continue for while but removing myself from the triggering situation instantly takes it down a peg and I will begin to calm down. If you have removed yourself from the situation and the panic attack continues one of the following may also help stop it.
Going for a walk 
Walk it off. Fresh air is always a good stress buster for me. When I am having a panic attack, a lot of the time I can start to feel very claustrophobic so getting outside in the fresh air and walking can really help. Just keep walking until you feel the panic attack subsiding. This really helped me during my baby blues just after Ella-Grace was born. Having a c-section I was stuck in the flat a lot and with my anxiety and hormones going crazy, I felt like I was always on the edge of panicking so taking Ella-Grace out for a short walk (whatever I could manage) worked wonders for me and is part of what got me through that tough time. 
Deep Breaths 
This one can be difficult but if you can manage it, it will really help. Slow, deep breaths. Calming breaths. I tend to hyperventilate or stop breathing all together (that is what it feels like anyways) so being able to regulate my breathing can really help and make me feel a step closer to calming down.
Sleeping 
Sleep the panic away. A lot of the time panic attacks and anxiety can cause you to lose sleep. Sleep deprivation just making your anxiety worse and increasing the chance of panic attacks. So if you can use the other coping mechanisms to calm yourself down enough, try and take a nap or get a good nights sleep. It can make a world of difference.
Letting it run itself out 
The last resort unfortunately. Sometimes anxiety will just be too much and I just have to let the panic attack run it's course. I pace around the room, I breath fast, sometimes I cry, sometimes I just sit and stare. Panic attacks can affect me in a lot of different ways and when it is overwhelming all I can do is let it happen. It can take minutes or it can take hours but keeping in mind it will be over and I will be happier always gets me through. Being a mum helps as even if I am having a panicky moment I have to look after Ella-Grace so that really helps me get through it and it passes quick. I am very lucky.

I hope knowing the ways I get through my anxiety and panic attacks help you if you are gong through the same thing. Now I know in my writing I must sound like I am fine, everything is a breeze, my anxiety hardly bothers me but that is not the case. Right now as I am writing this I am in a good place, I am not anxious which is not surprising as, as I just said this is a coping mechanism for me so of course I am calm now. Truthfully last night I went to bed early as I was having a panic attack, my mouth goes very dry and I get a banging headache when I get anxious, I cry for irrational reasons. I overthink things daily from why did I say that to why am I not a good enough mother. I can be a mess but that is the point. You wouldn't know that unless I was telling you like I am now, I can put on a brave face, I have coping mechanisms. This is what so many people use day to day to hide that they are struggling. I don't do that any more, if I am not okay I say I am not okay and I am so thankful to be able to do that. Not everyone can, people are still struggling in silence but as a society we can help and change that. Which brings me to my next point....

Society's View on Mental Health... 

Now before I get into what I think needs to change I would like to say that the awareness and support on mental health and mental illness has improved a lot over the years, there is help out there for people now that there never was before. You see advertisements on TV that tell you its okay to be struggling with mental issues. The internet has so many forums where people can get information and talk. So it is not all bad and if there is anyone out there who is really struggling and needs help I am going to link organisations below that could help you, please give them a look. 

But as well as the positive there is the negative and society still has a long way to go. MENTAL HEALTH IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS PHYSICAL HEALTH, IT IS OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY! As I said I am in a position and place now that I am confident in talking about my battles with anxiety, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, depression. Because the worst of that is behind me and I am very much in a happy head space (majority of the time) and I am able to look upon mental illness and mental health objectively and I know that it is okay not to be okay and it is okay to struggle mentally. But so many people struggle with this, so many people hide behind a fake smile and social media. So many people are suffering in silence. This should not be the case. If someone breaks their leg, people rush to sign their cast and offer to help. People say they feel depressed and so many people are quick to judge and say "stop attention-seeking" or "just get over it". Which I can tell you is so harmful to people who are having a tough time with their mental health. Mental Health needs to be taken as seriously as Physical Health. This is vital to saving so many lives. 

So lets start a change here, next time you see someone status on Facebook saying "I hate my life" instead of brushing it aside as attention seeking, why not give them a message to ask if they are okay? Next time you hear someone crying in the bathroom, see cuts on someones arm, someone being bullied, someone sitting alone in a classroom, even someone who is just looking sad. Ask if they are okay, ask if they want to sit with you, just say HI. I am going to be honest the amount of times I sat with a slight part of my long sleeve up hoping someone would notice a cut and ask if I needed help, some may say that is attention seeking but it so is not. It was not the attention I craved it was the help. I had no idea where to start to get help so I just wanted someone to notice I was struggling and not judge me. Luckily I had amazing people around me but again not everyone does. So please remember to ask someone if they are okay and mean it because change starts with you. 

In my opinion as well as society needing to change, the medical help people receive really needs to improve. In my experience the "help" I received from doctors and hospitals was dreadful, the amount of times I had been in hospital and was sent home after observation with a leaflet and a "have a good day". People are sent to hospital in the darkest time because of MENTAL health but as long as their PHYSICAL health is okay they are sent home. This makes no sense to me. I know hospitals are short of beds and I know there are medical professionals out there each and every day that do provide amazing help to those with mental illness and to those people I thank you. You are amazing. But the medical system as a whole, I think really needs to give more help to people in mental distress. Along with this I think it should be taught in schools or at least a talk every year on mental illness, signs to look out for when someone is depressed, how to cope with mental illness in a healthy way, who you can contact and above all it should be taught that (again) not being okay IS okay and you will not be judged. If a child is off school due to anxiety or depression it should not be looked on as "skiving or ditching or laziness" it should be looked upon as a stomach bug or any other physical illness would be, as time needed to get better. It has been a few years since I have been in school but from what I have heard from parents or younger people themselves, schools have not changed much and unfortunately the mental well-being of students is not their top priority. Again this does not go for all schools but definitely some. If society as a whole comes together and accepts that we all have mental health, we are all on the mental health spectrum. We all have good and bad mental health days. We ALL could one day suffer from a mental illness and you should treat others how you would wish to be treated if you were suffering. That would change everything for the better.  

To Anyone Going Through A Hard Time...

Firstly, You are important. You are loved. You are strong and you WILL get through this. Look at me from my darkest hours to having a beautiful daughter, getting married in a few months and working from home doing what I love. I recommend talking to a family member or friend and a doctor, they really are the people who should be able to help you. Things may seem dark right now but light is at the end of the tunnel. I know it is easy to roll your eyes at this, that is what I used to do. But please, reach out to someone. A family member, a friend, your doctor, a pet (yes, a pet if that is who you feel comfortable confiding in) people care about you I promise. Find someone or something that makes you happy and focus all your positive energy in that. You are important. The links below are to organisations that may be able to help you, one of which has helped me in the past. If none of this you feel will help you, please message me I have no problem making the time to message you even if you just want someone to say hi to today. I know how much I would of appreciated that in my darkest hours. As a last bit of advice that I give to literally EVERYONE: tell yourself what you would tell someone else. We always give others the positive advice "You will get through this, of course you matter, don't give up" but to ourselves "I am horrible, no one cares about me, I don't deserve happiness". This is so crazy. For some reason it is bad to love and care for yourself in society when it definitely not. So if you like so many others feel you are negative to yourself, please give yourself the advice you would give someone else because I bet you it is a hell of a lot more positive than what you are giving yourself. Love yourself, your great! 

Samaritians

Mind

SANE

SAMH

Why World Mental Health Day is so important....

I have probably covered it already but to summarise, World Mental Health Day is so important because it raises awareness. Every year, around the world it is a day that everyone is reminded that mental health is important. Mental illness is real. People post positive quotes, pictures, articles, blog posts just like this one. People are there for each other on this day and who knows World Mental Health day may have just stopped someone from ending their life because they have felt heard, listened to even without speaking. It does get better. Today shows that. 

Thank you for reading and I hope you are all well....

That was probably the longest and most all over the place blog post I have ever wrote. But that is because to me this is like having a chat with a close friend. I ramble on, I want my blog to be a friendly and kind place that you feel like you are just chatting to a friend. I hope you all feel that way. I hope this has helped anyone who needs a little boost again I am more than happy to reply to messages on my social media page (Facebook, Instagram and twitter linked above this post). When I eventually leave this earth I want to of made a difference and leave the legacy to my amazing daughter that Mummy may have not been the richest, the most famous or even the most successful but she cared and helped and made a difference. A role model I would be happy to have and I hope to be for her. Thank you so much again. My next blog post will be up very soon. Love yourself, take care of yourself and as always......

Stay Happy Everyone :) !