Planning A Budget Wedding: Top 10 Tips

Another Wedding post...

Hello everyone! I hope you are all doing well and thank you so much for reading my last post all about my wedding day!... I mean OUR wedding day.. sorry Reece haha! 

I had so many congratulatory messages and I felt so loved. I know many of my friends and also many of my readers who are engaged and planning their weddings and nowadays a lot of people try to do it on a budget, just as Reece and I have, so I thought now all the wedding stress is over and done with that I would reflect on the planning process and give you guys my top ten tips on planning a budget wedding. Some of these stem from what I think helped through the planning process and we are glad we did and others stem from things we probably could of done better or wish we had implemented in our planning. I hope you all like it and find these tips helpful, comment below if you have any advice for brides-to-be. Happy Reading Everyone! 

Top 10 Tips...

1. Give yourself time 

21st June 2015- The day we got engaged 

22nd June 2018- Our wedding day 

So, Reece proposed to me back in 2015 on the top of Blackpool tower (I used to go to Blackpool a lot with my family when I was younger so he knew this was a special place that held a lot of memories- he can be sweet sometimes). That day marked 3 years of us being in a relationship and as we got to the top of the tower, we spoke for a bit and he told me how important I was to him, how much he loved me and that he had been thinking about how long we had been together, then followed the question "Will you marry me?". OF COURSE I said yes! After the excitement of the engagement had settled down and we were finally looking at planning it we knew two things. 1. Have it in June seeing as this was a special month for us, and 2. 2 years planning.  Well 2 years quickly turned into 3 years when we found out we were expecting a little one and I am so glad we postponed it. Gave us an extra year of planning and time to focus on our little girl. 

So that is my first bit of advice. Give yourself time to plan the wedding it does not have to be straight away. I know the excitement of getting engaged takes over you- ask Reece I wanted to get married 6 months later but clearly that was not an option. If you are planning a budget wedding the longer you have to save money and plan the better, some places even give you major discounts if you book far in advance. And if unexpected things happen during the planning and you have to postpone don't be down about it, see it as a good thing that you not have extra time to make your day extra special. Love has no expiry date and whether you wait 10 months or 10 years to marry each other, it won't matter, just do what is best for the two of you and what is in your budget. 

2. Search far and wide 

Okay, so I didn't exactly search that far as in the other side of the world or anything, I did very much limit my search to Scotland/UK (not meaning my online searches) but what I mean is consider different options, different costs and don't jump at the first thing you see. My wedding dress I searched 3 shops and online, the reception venue we viewed countless places, bridesmaids dresses and flower girl dresses we looked through multiple websites, I rummaged through several discount stores for decor. I know in excitement it is easy to say lets just get it but if you are trying to save some pennies and stick to budget maybe look to see if you could get what you want for less, who doesn't love a bargain. 

Of course, if the you find something perfect and within budget first time then go for it, our ceremony venue was the first thing we decided on and looked no where else as it was in budget and beautiful. You just have to weigh out the pros and cons for yourself and ask 'Could I look somewhere else?' or 'Is this the one?'. 

3. Join Facebook Groups

I cannot express enough how useful I found this! I'm not usually one to participate or be a part of a lot of Facebook groups but 'Bargain Weddings UK' and especially, 'Your Private Wedding Hub', came in so handy in times of struggle as you can speak to so many brides (and some grooms) that are in the same boat as you and you often get really good advice. Whether your bridesmaid is stressing you out and you need to vent, you want to know the best place for centerpieces on a budget or you are looking for hair and make up inspiration, I can promise you that there will be a flood of comments that can be so helpful. Of course there are occasionally dramas like on most Facebook groups but I just avoid those posts haha. I never thought this would be a tip I would be giving someone but honestly, those groups probably planned a good chunk of my wedding for me or at least they helped. 

4. Ask Family and Friends to help 

My Mum's masterpiece, our wedding cake

Now I am not meaning ask all your family and friends to give you cash to pay for your wedding but a lot of the time (at least in my experience) your guests will want to contribute to your wedding as a gift especially if they know you are on a budget. This can allow you to also use peoples skills to benefit your wedding. For example, my Mum is amazing at baking, she made Ella-Grace's birthday cake, so as a wedding gift my Mum (with the help of my Dad) made our wedding cake, which was beautiful. My older sister wanted to pay for our photographer as a gift so that was great, I also knew that same sister was good at hair so I asked her if she would do the hair for the wedding. She said yes and all our hair looked beautiful. Reece's auntie made half of our buffet, we used an Argos gift card that we got as a gift for our wedding rings, my close friend made my flowers and bought my veil, the wedding party all paid there own outfits and others guests put money in cards and gave us them early with notes like 'please put this towards your special day'. This also adds a personal touch to your wedding as you know everyone pulled together and helped you out in your time of need and aspects of your wedding came from the people you love. 

5. D.I.Y Wedding

The start of one of the centre pieces

Similar to the before tip, use your own strengths and try your hand at some D.I.Y. We bought all of our decorations from discount stores such as Home Bargains, Poundland and Colourbox world and we (really I should say I) decorated our reception venue ourselves. I made our card box out of a cardboard box and some paint we have lying around, the place cards were from pound land and I wrote and decorated them myself. Each centerpiece was put together by me, Reece and some of our wedding party and I did my own nails. There are just little bits and bobs that you can do to save money by doing it yourself. Each centre piece was probably around £6 or £7, some people spend hundreds! Well that just was not in our budget so yeah, get crafty. 

6. What is important to you? 

Sit down with your partner,multiple times during the planning to make sure you are still focused, and discuss what is important to the both of you and what aspects of your wedding you want to spend the most and least money on. There were little extra's the we weren't so fussed on and either didn't have in our wedding at all or budgeted the cost quite low. For example all the bridesmaids flowers were 79p each from home bargains. Other things that were really important to us and we knew would have to be in the higher price range to be what we wanted, we spent more money on. These things included my wedding dress (which we did get at a discounted price but still expensive) and our venue. 

7. Save, save, save!

This relates to my first tip-giving yourself time to plan your wedding- because the more time you have to plan, the more time you have to save. Me and Reece had very little savings for the wedding (due to having a baby in the middle of the planning haha) and this is one thing that I think would of helped us budget better and be less stressed instead of paying the wedding off with each pay that came in. So yes, better to have savings so you can properly budget but if like us you don't have much, try and save what you can and budget what you have coming in. 

8. Don't compare your wedding to others

This was something I often did which now I look back on was silly. I thought about all those lavish weddings that you see on TV and the few I had attended that were on the more fancy side with five course meals and bands etc. I would question whether our guests would have a good time and if they would look down at our low budget wedding but actually it was quite the opposite. A lot of people said they loved the more chilled out vibe of our wedding and that they loved helping themselves to the buffet of food. Also if anyone where to judge us on our low budget wedding then they were not people that should be at the wedding as they would clearly not have the right mind set. A wedding is about celebrating two people spending the rest of their lives together, not how expensive the centerpieces were. 

9. Stick to budget (try and leave some wiggle room) 

Last wedding dress fitting

Very important tip! Stick to your budget and if at all possible leave some extra money left over for any emergency payments or extras. We were actually really good at budgeting everything, we were very tight but it was working out.. and then I got the price for my wedding dress alterations! As you all know I have lot quite a lot of weight since having Ella-Grace and because of this (as my dress had been picked for about 2 years prior to our wedding) my wedding dress had to be taken in 4 sizes! Great for me that I am healthier than I was and felt amazing in my dress but for our budget, this was a catastrophe which is why I advise you leave some wiggle room. That would of helped us a lot in that moment. Thankfully we managed to re-configure things and with a little help from family and friends we managed it! 

10. Remember what the day is actually about.

This, by far, is the most important bit of advice I could give anyone who is planning their wedding and got me through some major bridezilla moments. Remember what the day is actually about! It is about you and your partner and the two of you are going to spend the rest of your lives together. It is about celebrating love and commitment. It is a day all about the two of you and it only happens once. Don't worry about what other people think, don't worry about how much money you have, don't worry about any of the material things or the traditional things that you apparently 'must do'. Just think about you and your partner and what you want in your wedding day, if you two are happy your guests should be too as they are there just to celebrate your special day. 

"I want a happy marriage more than I want a beautiful wedding" is one of my favourite quotes, try and remember that through the planning. 

Thanks for reading...

So, that's it! My 10 top tips for planning a budget wedding, I hope that was useful or at least interesting to some of you. Thank you so much for reading as always it is very much appreciated! To any brides or grooms to be, good luck with the planning and enjoy your magical day! It truly is the best day of your life! 

Please remember to like my Facebook page (LauraJaneLife) and follow me on Instagram (@laurajanelifex) for more on my day to day life, cute toddler pics and notifications on when a new blog post is published. Links are on in side bar. 

Till next time my lovely readers...

Stay Happy Everyone! :) 

Advice for New Parents: 5 Pieces Of Advice From Mum And 5 From Dad

Couples Who Blog Together, Stay Together...

Your eyes are not deceiving you my lovely readers, it is true. I have managed to rope my lovely husband-to-be into writing this blog post with me. I'm always asking him his opinions on blog posts but for this one I thought he would be amazing just to write a bit himself (well he talked and I typed what he said). So let's just get right into it. Happy Reading! 

Are we still New Parents ....

So with Ella-Grace getting closer to her 1st birthday I feel that Reece and I are now past the 'New Parents' stage right? I mean we are by no means experts, I mean I don't think you ever are, but I do think we now know our own child, we are in a routine and we are settled in the fact that yes we are able to keep this tiny human alive and relax. The feeling of 'OMG WE HAVE A BABY!' is gone and we can now barely remember life before our gorgeous daughter was part of our lives, which to me is when you know you are out of the new parent phase. So because of this new found confidence even through the rough times, we thought it would be nice to pass on our best advice to those who are soon to become parents or recently had a baby/babies. We are not trying to tell you what to do and by no means do you have to follow this advice but it is just a few things that we wish someone said to us or that we listened to from the start. We hope it helps. 

Advice From Mum

1. Always take extra

This is one you have probably heard before. Always take extra, ALWAYS! I mean extra clothes, nappies, wipes, snacks, milk, anything you think your baby may need take extra! And when you think you have packed extra, pack that little bit more. I know that might sound over the top but I have gone to my parents (which is an hour away) to stay for a few days and thought I packed SO much when in actual fact I ran out of things and ended up trying to survive without important things or I had to buy more even though I could of took stuff with me that I had at home. Same goes for when your just going out for an hour, pack as if you will be out for 3 or more hours because you never know what will happen and trust me you will be a lot less stressed if you have everything you could possibly need.

2. Look after yourself and make time for 'me time'

When that little one arrives it is so easy to neglect yourself in order to make sure your baby has all they need. You skip showers, go without sleep and snack instead of eating cooked/warm meals. But this is not good for either you or baby. I remember when I first took Ella-Grace home I could barely eat and I would refuse to sleep when she was sleeping thinking I need to do other things and be on top of everything. I ran myself out and with my anxiety that is never good, I was having panic attacks every night. So I started to look after myself better. Making sure at some point of the day I would have hot meals even if they were not at 'meal times', I made sure I had a quick 5 minute shower in the morning- my moment to breathe, I napped with Ella-Grace, I got dressed- it made me feel so much better to be out of my breast milk stained pj's. I started to feel more myself. Self care is not selfish it is the opposite. Happy Mum, Happy Baby. This will also help you get into a routine which for me is what keeps me sane, I love a routine.

3. View yourself through your babies eyes

Probably one of the most important bits of advice I could give. There is so much guilt that comes with being a parent. Why didn't I do this? Why did I do that? Am I a good enough mum? I haven't cuddled her enough today, I should of read her a story. All these things and more going round in your head constantly and you start to question if you are doing anything right. This can be very upsetting and stressful. But just find 2 minutes to stop yourself and look at yourself through your babies eyes. They don't think why didn't you wash the dishes, why didn't you kiss me three times instead of once before bed? Why didn't you take me out for a walk? They just see you, their parent that they depend on and adore. They just feel love and just seeing you and spending time with you is good enough for them. So give yourself a break before you breakdown. Don't stress about the amount of toys they have, how clean your house is, how good a parent you are being because I can tell you right now the fact you are asking yourself that question shows how much you care and that you are a great parent. So if you ever find yourself asking these questions think to yourself does it really matter? How does my baby see it? Because I bet you most of the time they will just be thinking that you are great!!

4. Face your fears

This might not be for everyone but it really worked for me. One of the things I was most anxious about when Ella-Grace arrived was taking her out.. anywhere. I was scared something would go wrong, she would cry and I wouldn't know what to do. I could of buckled under this fear and kept us inside the comfort of our home but I am so glad I didn't because then I would still be scared now and she wouldn't be as comfortable around people as she is, at least I don't think she would be. When she was around 5 weeks old I made a list of places I wanted to take her/needed to take her running from what made me least anxious to most anxious. One by one I achieved each one and my confidence grew and now we go out pretty much every day. Yes she has had some bad meltdowns but that's okay, she is a baby, they cry sometimes. If I never faced this fear there is no way I would be as happy and confident as I am now. Facing this fear really helped me and I realised it wasn't as scary as I thought.

5. Don't be scared to ask for help

Please, please listen to this one. Don't be afraid to ask for help! Whether that be help from your partner, your family or a medical professional, don't be afraid. It does not make you a bad parent or weak or anything like that, it makes you human just like anyone else and as I said earlier taking care of yourself is very important! I wouldn't of been able to get out the house, shower, get help with my baby blues if I did not ask for help and even though it took me a while to get over my stubborn self after asking for that help I became a better mother. So please never be afraid, no one will judge you and if they do they are the one's who should feel bad about themselves not you because there is nothing wrong with asking for help.


Advice From Dad

1.Babies cry, don't stress too much 

Don't over stress when baby cries because at early stages there is only a short list of things they need. The first time I was alone with Ella-Grace, I don't remember exactly when that was but she was still newborn, she was of course upset because she was missing her Mum and I was stressed out. LJ (LauraJane) was usually here to help me but this time it was all on me. But then I was like you are either hungry, need changed or sleep and not much out that can be wrong then I chilled myself out realizing that when they are young it is quite a simple list and when I figured it out she stopped crying and went to sleep.

2.Make the most of time with your baby

 As a full time working Dad, I have learnt to make the most of the time that I have with my family even when I am very tired from working all day. Pushing through being sleep deprived and doing bath time or  giving the last bottle of the day, even a half hour cuddle if that is all I can get in is worth it. If I am on a late shift I barely see them in the morning because of the way the routine is and then I go to work and come home late and Ella-Grace is already in bed so I haven't seen her all day and even worse she hasn't seen me all day. So when she wakes up in the middle of the night or I get home in time for her bed time routine I completely take over. This really helped Ella-Grace and I build a strong bond, make me more confident as a Dad and obviously gives LJ a break to chill or get her work done.

3. Help your partner as much as possible 

Be aware of your partners needs especially during late pregnancy because you don't want them stressing or doing something they shouldn't. There are limitations that heavily pregnant women have, things they find it difficult to do or shouldn't do that she would of done so I had to be aware of the fact that I needed to help more even if she was too stubborn to ask- which LJ is most of the time. I needed to put myself in her shoes. This is so important and trust me your partner will appreciate all the little things. Same after the birth especially with LJ having c-section. It was difficult to see her in pain and I wanted to do what I could to help. So make sure they can rest as much as possible make sure they are okay because they are the ones who just birthed a baby and need to recover. Take on the heavy load of the work, you know your partner would do the same for you.

4. Teamwork 

As a parent in a strong stable relationship, we work as a team, you know your own child better than anyone, don't let anyone influence your decisions if its not what you want for your child. For example LJ and I don't think because Ella-Grace is a girl means she has to be 'girly' or in pink and so many people gender associate and tell us we should be dressing her to 'look like a girl'. We have never listened to that, we dress her in what we think is nice whether that be a pink dress or a black tracksuit, we want her to be able to feel comfortable to wear whatever she wants and at the end of the day it is just clothes. Don't listen to people that tell you other wise. Same goes for any other situation, routine, diet, toys, you and your partner make the decision and as long as you have their best interests at heart that's what matters.

5. Babies have resilience 

Babies are more resilient than you think so when they have little bumps they probably scare themselves more than hurt themselves and the majority of the time a cuddle will fix it. Ella-Grace has knocked herself or hit herself accidentally so many times and so far (thankfully) she has never been majorly hurt just scared. They are not as fragile as you think and a scream does not always mean they are incredibly hurt. I would be more worried if they fell and hit themselves and did not scream and became unconscious. Obviously if you are unsure then get them checked but don't panic.

Thank you for reading...

And that is it, the best advice we feel we could give to new parents, I hope it helps! Is there any advice you think we have missed? Do you agree with our advice? Please comment below and let me know. Thank you for reading as always, I appreciate each and every one of my readers. If you would like to keep up to date with mine and my family's daily life as well as get notifications about the blog please follow my social media- links above post. Till next time.

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

I am a good mum and I'm not afraid to say it!

This needs to be said... 

Good evening readers! I hope you are all doing well and thank you for coming back for another blog post. To those who are new here, Welcome!! 

I am writing this little post not only as a boost for myself but also as a boost for my fellow mums (and dads), reminding you all of what a good job your doing! So lets get right into it!

Why I am writing this...

When I found out I was pregnant right up to when Ella-Grace was born I had this image in my head of what kind of mum I was going to be, I wanted to be perfect (obviously there is no such thing but that is what I had in my head when I was imagining mum life). Then Ella-Grace arrived and it was amazing but I also came to find the reality of being a new mum wasn't the glamorous picture that your are shown on TV or that I had in my head. Still I adored being a mum, even in the hard times and as every parent, I was doing the best I could. But being a good mum in the 21st century is impossible with trying your best meaning nothing when it comes to social media trolls, closed minded people and articles attacking certain types of parenting. Everyone has an opinion and what they think is advice, leaving you feeling drained and almost forgetting that your child is your child, it's up to you how they are brought up. 

Guilt, shame, embarrassment, isolation and worthlessness. All these feelings can be thrust upon you, your always wondering if your doing things right. This past week I have really noticed that being a mum comes with so much scrutiny. 

You are given unwanted 'advice' and ignorant judgement from every corner.

Breastfeed your baby, don't breastfeed in public. Formula is abuse, don't give that to your child. Never co-sleep. Don't hold your baby too much. Don't feed your baby jarred food, you must make homemade. If you go out with your friends your a bad mom. Don't buy your child anything they want they will get spoiled but if they have a tantrum you must stop them straight away cause it is affecting other people. Don;t give them sweets. Don't hold them this way. You must wake your baby for feeds. Don't wake your baby for feeds. DON'T, DON'T, DON'T. DO, DO, DO! The list is endless and no matter what you do someone will be judging you. It can really get you down and I know it has for me, I am usually a super nice person (I like to think) but if anyone attacks my abilities as a mum I get very defensive and upset cause I know how much I love my baby girl and try my best to be the best mum I can be. 

Now constantly second guessing yourself because of all the scrutiny you recieve, you have now branded yourself as bad mum. But that's NOT true! 

I am a good mum...

I am a good mum. Saying this is almost viewed as taboo, you are at risk of looking like a know it all mum or vain. But this is insane! I AM A GOOD MUM! Why should I be ashamed to say it?

I have so many days that maybe someone has grilled me about parenting or I have read an article that made me feel bad. I've sat and cried thinking I am doing an injustice to my child and I need to do better but when I finally sit back to think this is what I feel.

Ella-Grace is my whole world. I feed her, I clothe her, I keep her warm, clean and happy. I play with her, try to teach her things, praise her, encourage her development. Above all I love and adore the bones of her. I am with her day in and day out. She has grown and developed from a tiny newborn to a healthy 5 month old baby and that is thanks to me. I am a good mum!!! 

There are children in the world who's parents have left them or abused them and here you are losing sleep on whether that scratch on their face could of been prevented by you- which I assure you probably couldn't. Please mums and dads of the world don't over think other peoples comments especially on social media and in click-bait articles. Look at the big picture, you are here loving and keeping this little human alive and that little human in turn adores you. I can guarantee they aren't worrying about what Auntie Karen said about how breastfeeding in public is disgusting, they just want fed. I AM A GOOD MUM and guess what so are you. 

Dads, I'm not forgetting about you...

I am all about equal rights, some may even say too much and run away from me when I call myself a feminist (but thats a topic for another day). So I personally hate when being a dad is brushed over like it's not a vital role because it most certainly is! Yes I have titled this blog post 'I am a good mum' but that is simply because I am a mum and this post was inspired by a lot of mums I know and that is the perspective I am writing from but Dads, if you are reading this you are all doing an amazing job as well. I know first hand through Reece (Ella-Grace's dad) how much a dad can love their child and do anything and everything for their child equally to a mother, Reece is an outstanding father and I know many of the dads reading this are too and I would just like to take a minute before I end this blog post to recognize that Dads, no matter what shape or size you are great!

I hope this gave you a boost...

I hope after reading this you have a little bit of a boost and are reminded what a good job your doing as a parent! Comment below what makes you a good mum or dad? Do you have a positive message for other parents? Tag someone you think needs a boost! Thank you for reading until next time please check out some of my articles on BabyGaGa.com (Latest linked below). And don't forget to follow me on my social media profiles for daily insights into 'LauraJane Life' - links on homepage and in menu.

15 Whisper Confessions By Moms Who Couldn't Breastfeed

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

9 Reasons A C-Section isn't the easy option

Its been bugging me....
Welcome regular readers and new comers! Today's blog post is one that has been burning up inside me for a while. As most of you know I had an emergency c-section with my daughter Ella-Grace and many friends and some family members as well have also been through this same experience. This experience of BIRTH and PAIN.. but for some reason there is a false belief in many peoples minds that having a C-Section (Cesarean Section) is 'a -cop out' or the 'easy option'. 'Too posh to push' I hear often. Well I'm here to say that this is very wrong and here are the reasons why.

Not taking away from natural births...
Before I go into these reasons, I would like to point out that in no way am I trying to take away from mothers who have had a natural labor and delivery. I am not saying a c-section is harder, I am just saying that they are different but also equal in difficulty - Equal, not better or worse or harder/easier- I would love to hear about the difficulties of natural labor and I encourage you to comment below this blog I am genuinely curious as my experience was so different. But for this blog I am focusing on the judgement cc-section mums face and I hope anyone reading this who has had a natural/vaginal birth can support this post as I, and every other c-section mum should support yours. As I say in a lot of posts, supporting each other is key, we are all doing our best including with the birth.

What is a C-section...
For those who may not know or want a clearer definition of what a c-section ( cesarean section) is here is the definition taken from the 'NHS Choices' website along with a statistic:

"A Cesarean section, or C-section, is an operation to deliver your baby through a cut made in your tummy and womb.

The cut is usually made across your tummy, just below your bikini line.

A caesarean is a major operation that carries a number of risks, so it's usually only done if it's the safest option for you and your baby.

Around one in every four to five pregnant women in the UK has a Cesarean."

Now for the reasons... 

7 reasons why a C-section isn't the easy option 

1. The after pain
The after pain to any type of childbirth is going to be bad, you just had a baby come out of you in some way- of course your going to be in pain. But for some reason I always hear comments like 'At least you don't have to deal with tearing' or 'You can have sex sooner since it wont hurt'. No, no, no, no and NO! First of all the waiting time for sex is the same as after a vaginal birth (6 weeks I was told) and as for dealing with tearing, HELLO I have a tear, an incision and trust me that pain is very much there when the numbness wears off and it is very painful. I found it so painful in fact that for the first week or two but I'm getting ahead of myself. 

2. The higher and additional risks 
Now I did check this multiple times on websites and with actual medical professionals before I put this down as a reason as of course I didn't want to make a false statement. So as a c-section is a major surgery according to my research there is a higher risk of blood clots, infection, blood loss and death (death being 3X more likely). Additional risks include, paralysis (due to the spinal you have to get before hand), bowel and/or bladder injury and blood transfusion. Personally I wouldn't put increased/additional risk and easier option in the same sentence. 

3. Longer recovery time
After a vaginal birth you obviously also need recovery time but with a c-section there is usually a longer hospital stay and recovery process. I can't speak for the recovery process of a vaginal birth (although I am well aware it would be difficult)  but from my experience of a c-section the recovery process takes a long time and is very painful! Before you even leave the hospital there are things you need to work on including getting feeling back in your legs, standing, walking, getting your catheter out therefore making sure you can go to the bathroom naturally, showering and more, all this before you even take your baby home. On top of this you aren't aloud to walk far, drive at all, have only showers no hot baths and 'don't do too much, relax' this being pretty much impossible when your looking after a new baby and for me this was mostly on my own as Reece had to go back to work and most family live far away. Respect for the single mums out there with no help, how you manage to look after yourself and your baby alone with no help I do not know. 

4. After care
Slightly linking to my last point but valid of being a reason of its own, after care. The after care for a c-section is intense, you have to make sure you take enough pain killers to get you through the day, clean the wound (when dressing is removed), make sure to move around or wear socks that help your circulation (to prevent blood clots) and the worst of it, the 10 injections you have to get following the c-section. I don't know if I am being a baby or if they are this sore for most women but the injection (I think its anti-D but I could be wrong) you have to get is a lot worse than a normal needle. I managed to leave hospital after 2 days so you would think that was the end of the needles but I was told that i either had to inject myself or get Reece to do it, I chose for Reece to do it and oh my goodness, the dread I felt every morning for those 10 days when Reece came to me with the injection was unreal. The  pain of the needle stings all the way through your leg and I would have to sit and wince  in pain for at least 5 mins. 5 mins of a day for 10 days might not sound too bad but when your already dealing with the pain of the c-section, baby blues and looking after a new baby all these things can get on top of you quite easily, those 5 mins of pain which you dread every day just making it worse (obviously I know your better off getting the injection I am just saying it is not pleasant). 

5. Tasks increasingly difficult
Again I did already touch on this but to elaborate, tasks after a major surgery are obviously increasingly difficult or even impossible for at least the first 6 weeks. As I said you can't walk far, drive at all or take hot baths (which I wanted to do as it relax's me so much) and with basic movements such as sitting, standing, turning being extremely painful- even with pain relief- just looking after your new baby can be very difficult not to mention any other tasks you can to do like clean or maybe cook something for yourself. Even the 5 minutes of the day I would have a shower hurt so bad. 

6. Judgement 
Oh the judgement. The judgement you can receive from other people when you tell them you have had a c-section is so dis-heartening and can make you feel like you failed. I was desperate for a natural birth and after having a c-section some people made me feel as though I had failed my body and my child, I had not done what my body was supposed to do. When in actual fact if I had gone down the natural route (because of the situation with Ella-Grace's chord) I don't think I would have her here today. So no, I did not fail- I did exactly what a mother should, did what is best for her baby. My child was saved by a c-section and there is no way I would change my decision. The unnecessary judgement from getting a c-section definitely makes things harder than they need to be.  

7. Emergency
Most c-sections are emergency- as mine was. An emergency c-section isn't an easier option, it is something that can potentially be life saving. I would never choose to be in an emergency situation as it is a highly dangerous and scary event, again showing that a c-section is hard not easy. 

8. VB-AC 
Other than an emergency there are planned sections for many reasons which is not making it an easy option because it is planned, it is something that needs to be done for either the welfare of the mother, the child or both. One reason people might choose a c-section is if they have had one before as it is more difficult to have a VB-AC ( vaginal delivery after cesarean) than a natural birth on its own as the muscles have been ruptured in that area. So if that is what is best for mother and child or even if the mother just feels safer and more comfortable having a planned section that is important- the happier and calmer the mum is the more likely things will turn out okay. Each birth is personal to each mother and no matter what they choose it should not be judged. 

9. Increase chance of PND
When having a c-section there is also an increased chance of having PND (postnatal depression). This being because a lot of mothers can struggle to bond with their child as they maybe didn't get the labor/birth they wanted, they feel they have failed or the judgement that follows. I luckily bonded with Ella-Grace as soon as I seen her but even now there is a part of me that feels like I didn't 'give birth' to her as I never actually pushed her out and I don't know that feeling of giving birth naturally and having my baby put straight on my chest (as you see on one born every minute constantly). I am so happy I had a c-section as I have said, it saved her life and our bond is so strong I wouldn't change anything that happened for the world and I am proud of my labor and delivery. But there are many mothers in the world that really struggle with the fact they had to have a c-section and that is why the chance of PND is increased again making it clear that a c-section is not the easier option. 

Thank you for reading....
That's the end of this blog post I hope you enjoyed reading and if you can think of any other reasons or want to tell me about your c-section experience comment below. Or if you had a vaginal delivery comment about that too, I would love to know the difficulties that comes with that a c-section mother does not experience. No matter what kind of labor and delivery you went through, we should all support each other no matter what. Not to forget the dads out there who are also effected by this and any other ways family's can be started (surrogacy, adoption, IVF). Be kind to each other and I will see you soon readers, I hope this has made you rethink somethings.


Stay Happy Everyone :)!

(I do not own the images below) 

Fed is best.

Another highly requested blog post....
Hello there my readers! I hope you are all doing well! If this is your first time reading one of my blog posts, welcome! Today I am again writing another post that has been requested- my views on bottle vs breast and how you first establish feeding. I did touch on this in my breastfeeding blog post but I have been asked to go more in depth, so that's what I am doing. I hope you enjoy!

Figuring out feeding...
Before I even get into the whole "debate" I was asked by a reader how do you know what to do? When to feed the baby etc? This being something you only really find out when you have a baby - no matter how many parenting for idiot books you read. Being a mum who has now experienced both breast and bottle feeding I can put across how I figured it out as timing, routine etc is different with the two different types of feeding.

Breastfeeding- 
Breastfeeding is 100% on demand. You can try your hardest to time feedings but ultimately the baby is in charge. As far as I am aware from speaking to my midwife and health visitor (but don't quote me I am not a medical professional) you cannot over feed on breast milk and babies can feed every hour or more. Ella-Grace cluster fed, meaning she would be on and off, on and off my breast whenever she was awake. Partly for comfort and obviously because she was hungry. So to answer the question when it comes to breastfeeding you don't really know how much they are getting as you would when measuring a bottle and over-feeding is not possible so the timing and 'knowing what to do' isn't really a thing, you do as the baby demands. This being my knowledge from my experience. If you are worried about whether your baby is getting enough milk though (as I was when I came home from hospital) you can track feeds as well as dirty nappies that way you will get an idea of if your baby is getting enough. The way I did this was through an app on my phone where you would log each dirty nappy and time each feed. If Ella-Grace was feeding for longer than 10 mins and less than 1 hour then pulling away and having dirty nappies following this, I was assured that she was doing well. All babies are different though so as I said you really just have to listen to your baby and don't be scared to ask for help if you need to. The amount of questions I have asked the health visitor I'm surprised her head didn't explode haha.

Bottle feeding- 
Bottle feeding is a lot more scheduled, with set amounts and timings. On the formula tin it has guidelines as to how much your baby should eat and how often depending on their age. Ella-Grace (almost 4 months old) now has 180 mls, every 3-4 hours. I personally do not wake her up from her sleep for a feed every 4 hours, I know some people think you should but Ella-Grace has a good sleeping pattern now. She sleeps through the whole night and I don't want to mess that up and confuse her sleeping pattern by waking her up for a feed. Through the day though, yes she gets fed every 4 hours. You can overfeed on formula and formula fed babies are likely to get worse reflux and trapped wind (from what I can remember the health visitor telling me) so you do have to be careful with timings and not to overfeed your baby when on formula, hence why I feed her no less than 3 hours apart. I also burp her half way through her bottle now as she can struggle burping otherwise.

Again I am not a medical professional and I am NOT trying to tell you how to feed/look after your baby, I was asked to write about how a new mum figures out feeding hence why I am writing this. This is my experience and opinion.

Fed is best...
Referring to the title of this post 'Fed is best'. I decided to title it this instead of 'Breast is best' or Breast vs Bottle' because my belief is that feeding your baby, whether that is breast, bottle or both, that is really what is best and judging anyone based on how they are feeding their baby is no good for anyone, including the baby. So whatever way you feed your baby, well done your doing a great job.

Short recap on my feeding experience...
My last full post on feeding I was exclusively breast feeding Ella-Grace with the occasional bottle night from her Dad. Wow, how things can change. In Ella-Graces 3 month update I mentioned that I am now bottle feeding, no breast. Just before Ella-Grace was 2 months old she was having really bad reflux, which progressed to her not keeping down my breastmilk.. at all! She would feed, spew, feed, spew.. a never ending cycle. We then found out she was lactose intolerant and decided to try her on lacto-free formula which worked wonders, still a bit of reflux but she was keeping her food down. I adored breast feeding Ella-Grace and once I had cut all the dairy out of my diet I tried to wean her back onto the breast but even with all the pumping I did, my milk supply had drastically reduced and Ella-Grace was confused/upset with the lack of milk and switching between two different feeding methods. This is when Reece and I decided, bottle feeding was the way to go. Disappointing for me aas I was very keen to breastfeed Ella-Grace for as long as I could but now we have been bottle feeding Ella-Grace for almost 2 months now I do not regret our decision. It helped Ella-Grace and Reece bond more and to be honest Ella-Grace and myself are 10x calmer and happier, our routine is going well and I think this has been the best decision for our family.

Unnecessary Judgement...
I have touched on this subject in another blog post before so sorry if I am repeating myself but again this was what was requested of me and I am more than happy to oblige.
So to put it plain and simple my opinion on this debate over bottle or breast is-not to be rude but- mind your own business. So sorry if that sounds abrupt but I just think fair enough you have your own opinion on how you think children should be fed but unless someone asks for your opinion, keep that for your children. Don't push it on someone else or make someone else feel bad if their feeding arrangement for their child is different to yours. I have first hand experience in being judged for stopping breastfeeding and I cant explain how much that hurt, I adored breastfeeding and if I could of I would of continued for a very long time but it just wasn't meant to be. I would prefer my baby to be happy and gaining weight on bottle rather than spewing up my breast milk and screaming non stop just because 'breast is best. Don't get me wrong as I have said before my opinion is yes, of course breast milk is best. Your body makes that milk specifically for your baby but that in no way means bottle feeding mums should be judged or called bad mums for choosing that route of feeding. We should all be supporting each other because do you know what really matters? Not how a baby is being fed and whether you view that good or bad but that the baby is just being looked after thats what matters, that we are all trying our best as parents and whether that baby is breast or bottle fed, that baby is loved and with all the awful things that happen in the world and all the rotten things people can do judging fellow mums based on feeding when we are all just trying our best is not only ignorant but so very unkind. Stop this unnecessary judgement, start supporting each other.

So....
So the next time you see a mum bottle feeding their new born instead of judging the fact they are not breastfeeding, go over and say hi- you might make a friend. Next time you see a mum breastfeeding in public and you see people making comments, don't join the snarky remarks-stand up for your fellow mother. Cause we are all just doing the best we can and as someone said to me once, if your worrying whether your doing the right thing, whether you are a good mum or not.. you already are one. Cause at the end of the day no matter how each baby is fed, I can almost guarantee that they will all be so loved and cared for and that right there is what matters.
So stop this silly debate, it shouldn't be a debate. Forget about 'breast vs bottle' and just support each other and spread love, you never know what that mum and baby have been through. Everyone has a different story, we just have to care enough to not judge the cover.

Till next time...
I hope that makes sense, I know I kind of rambled on near the end there. Thanks again for reading and all the support I have received, Why not leave a comment and let me know your feelings on this topic? How do you feed your baby? Till next time.

Stay Happy Everyone :) !

Recovery is possible: Overcoming anxiety, panic attacks and other mental health issues.

Take a Deep Breath and here I go...

I can't believe I am writing this. For my whole life I have kept this very private, secret even (apart from the minor details) but it is in no way something I or others who experience this should be ashamed of so for that reason I am sharing my story and encourage others to do the same. Let us help each other and fight the stigma of mental illness.
As you can tell by the title of this blog post, today I will be writing about my anxiety and panic disorder as well as other issues that I have experienced through this. Some things I am going to write not even close family know, but I feel now I am of sound mind and my mental health is the best it has ever been it is time to tell my story to hopefully help others and as I have already mentioned, end this silly stigma surrounding mental illness. So here it is, a genuine and candid story of suffering and then recovering from mental illness.

Warning: This post goes into intense detail of my struggles with anxiety, panic attacks and more. If you feel this might upset you this post might not be for you, if this is the case please skip this post and check out one of my other ones that might interest you more. 

Public knowledge... 
I have Anxiety and Panic Disorder. This is public knowledge, I was diagnosed 2 years ago (although I have been suffering from it my entire life) and since then have not kept it a secret that I suffer from this and anyone who knows me personally has probably seen me in my bad times or at least had a discussion with me about this. For those who don't know much about Anxiety and Panic Disorder, the best way I can explain it to you from my experience is that I have CONSTANT anxiety and worry about everything, some being rational (this is the normal kind of anxiety) but a lot being irrational (this causing anxiety disorder). Because of this anxiety I have it causes me to have panic attacks, panic attacks for me start of with me being anxious about one thing then it builds up until I have a feeling of impending doom (like something terrible is going to happen) and that there is the peak of the panic attack where I start to either cry, pace, hyperventilate or sometimes I just get so overwhelmed I cant function, I just have to sit down and I can just about breath but that is it. Panic attacks can last for hours, luckily now I know signs and triggers so can easily diffuse one (usually) but a year or so ago it would be so bad I would end up in hospital or I would go to drastic measures to make it stop which brings me to my next point, the secrets.

My secrets are out...
So as I said anxiety and panic attacks are no secret of mine but the way I have dealt with them in the past or just how low I have got through my disorder I have kept secret from pretty much everyone, even family. Reece is the only person who knows everything until now so here it goes.  Since I was about 16 till about the end of 2015 I self-harmed. Just typing that is scary but as I've said these things should not have to be hidden and I refuse to hide it anymore. I don't really know where to start with this I have never told my whole story before to anyone but I'm going to try my best.
I started off light, I would break the blade out of my razor and just do little scratches, just one at first. I cant explain the reason except when you are having such bad anxiety and especially if it turns into a panic attack you will try anything to get it to stop and the best way to do this is distraction. Now I always tried to distract myself in other ways (watching TV, reading etc. ) but sometimes my anxiety, like a little mean voice in my head would take over and the only way I felt like I could shut that voice up and in a way punish myself for being a bad person (this was what my anxiety always convinced me of) was to inflict pain upon myself. And for that split second of pain, that voice would be gone as your mind is too busy focusing on the pain. But that's exactly the problem, it distracts you for a second and when that second is over that's it back to anxiety and panic and now you have the added stress of that little voice going "why did you do that?" "how are you going to hide it?" "Your such an idiot!" "Everyone is going to hate you". In this deep anxiety you can't think straight so your irrational thoughts convince you to cut again, cut deeper, then one cut turns into an arm full until your sitting there in pain, regretting it and by then you have bled and cried so much you just go to sleep. Now this progression from lightly making one scratch to cutting a lot happened gradually to start with but once I moved out and started going on nights out where alcohol was involved (which is a depressant in itself) is when it got really bad. Thankfully Reece stuck by me otherwise I don't know where I would be today.

The darkest time...
Just a warning again before you keep reading. If you cringed at the paragraph before this one or it is making you feel sad STOP READING!! I have written this so people can relate and hopefully myself and others wont feel so alone in this, I do not want hate or to cause anyone any sadness all I want is to tell my story and show others that there is light at the end of the tunnel so if you are here because you want to know there is light then please keep reading. This paragraph as I have said explains the darkest time in my life but it IS followed by recovery!
By 18 years old I had been self-harming on and off for about 2 years and I was now moved in with Reece. We had so many good times in the first flat we had, lots of laughs and fun, I loved living with Reece then and I still do now. But in between all these fun times I always had bad times usually when I was alone in the flat, multiple times Reece would come home to me crying, having a panic attack with cuts on my arms. He has always dealt with it so well so many times I expected him to leave or not be able to deal with it but he always stayed, not only that he looked after me and was always calm.
This again went on for a while, I would have a good, happy few weeks then plummet back down to depression. Then we moved flat to the one we are still in now and in November 2015 I had been signed off work due to being in and out of hospital for my anxiety and panic disorder (this being when I had finally been diagnosed). This was a very low time for me not mentioning the money trouble me and Reece got in due to me not working, I was now getting help for my anxiety and panic attacks in the form of medication and I was on a waiting list for counselling (3 month waiting list....) with all intentions of wanting to get better but then another wave of anxiety and panic happened one night, this worse than I had ever experienced. Reece was meant to be going out that night and I remember lying in bed thinking 'I cant do this' and 'No one cares about me' and then I swallowed a handful of my medication. The medication I was on being one that slows down your heartrate to stop panic attacks was highly dangerous if you took to many so I lay down expecting not to be here the next morning, then I don't remember much. I remember Reece talking to an someone on the phone (he had phoned an ambulance) and I remember the paramedics coming in and helping me down the stairs. I was taken to A&E where they did a number of tests and luckily I had taken enough to lower my blood pressure/heartrate significantly but with close monitoring of my heart over night and a talk with the psychiatrist the next day I was aloud to go home and advised to rest it off and try contacting the counselling again. After this scary incident I am sad to say I did the exact same thing a month later this time my body (thankfully) rejected the tablets and I spewed most of them back up, again meaning with close monitoring over night, a talk with the phychiatrist and my arms being bandaged up (as I had also severely self-harmed) I was again sent home. That being the lowest point of my anxiety but good news it went up from there.

Recovery and how I got there...
Now I know there is probably a lot of readers thinking 'she just did that for attention' and trust me I have heard it all before but do you know what.. YES! Yes I did it for attention but not the kind of attention you are thinking. I didn't want people to feel bad for me or give me sympathy, I wanted HELP! Yes at the time of taking the tablets I felt like I didn't want to be here anymore but part of me deep down wanted someone to save me, someone to help me. I felt like I needed to try to commit suicide so I would be taken to hospital so someone could help me, save me, someone could take away this horrible monster which is anxiety surely that's what happens if you are that depressed you want to die right? Unfortunately with me experience in the hospital/doctors I barely got a simple 'don't worry its going to be okay'.
'Here take some leaflets' 'Take more pills' 'Don't worry your on the waiting list for counselling...oh wait sorry you will have to apply again' this being the kind of things every single medical professional I spoke to said/ did for me. I was literally sitting there begging for them to help me and I would be sent home with a leaflet, more pills (that I had just overdosed on) and a promise that 'a counselor will contact you'. Now I am not bashing the NHS, the NHS is amazing and there are so many talented medical professionals helping/saving people every day but when it comes to Mental Health in my experience it is lacking, I felt worse after seeking help than I did before mainly because I still wasn't getting help after asking for it. At one point I was actually given a number for an organisation that I was told was going to 'help me a lot' if I gave it a call so I plucked up the courage to pick up the phone and to my disappointment the women on the phone told me that they were unable to help me unless I needed a home carer or residential care.. the irony being that I was now working as a carer so the fact that I was being asked if I needed a home carer was almost laughable. I felt so misunderstood and helpless. This is when I decided to change things on my own. I cut out caffiene, lowered my alcohol intake, started seeing friends/family more, reading more, really focusing on my triggers and learning to control them. On top of all this one of the biggest things I did was stop taking my medication- now this was discussed with a doctor and the decision was made to stop taking it as it made me feel worse and gave me the overdose temptation when I felt down, I am NOT recommending stopping your medication without professional help- this really helped me. So slowly but surely I was spending more time with Reece, family and friends, I stopped self-harming, I learned to deal with my anxiety, I recovered, I was happy. Then just as I was feeling my happiest, I found out I was pregnant with Ella-Grace (funny how life works) and since then right through my pregnancy and since having my beautiful baby girl I have been the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I LOVE MY LIFE! Yes, I have anxious times and yes I have had panic attacks especially when experiencing baby blues (which I have wrote about in my baby blues blog post) but oh my goodness I have never felt better. And being a mum although stressful, it has given me purpose, it has made me so so happy. My baby girl means everything to me and that I would of never had if I succumed to my demons. I am so thankful that I made it through to the otherside, HAPPY!

The people that saved me... 
Although I say I recovered myself really it was the support from so many people that got me through.

My friends:
 I have so many wonderful friends that helped me through my hard times but the two I would like to thank especially is two of my best friends Holly and Ellie, I seen them pretty much every week through my tough times and recovery and the support from them was amazing they reminded me every time I seen them that I was important and they loved me so much, so many nights out through my bad times I remember sitting for hours talking to them about my struggles and they would listen. With most of my friends living out of Aberdeen, having friends I could see often was what I needed. Charleigh and Keely, my two best friends who live out of Aberdeen were also a massive support even though most of the time it was over text, those text conversations were so vital in my recovery.

 


My family: 
My family still do not know to the extent my struggles unless they are reading this now which sounds crazy I know that they are finding out in writing but I have always been better getting things out when I write them than speaking and if that's what is best for me I hope they understand. Anyways even though they did not know a lot about my struggles they were still there, every visit to see my parents distracted me from my struggles and reminded me how much I would hurt these people if I wasn't here, how loved I am by my family is what always kept me strong.

Reece, Reece and Reece again:
WOW. There is nothing else I can say that would be able to explain how much he helped me except he is my hero. He saved me, he is the reason I am here. I can't count the amount of times he let me shout at him for no reason because I was having a panic attack that I couldn't control, he picked me up off the floor after crying so much I passed out, he cleaned and bandaged my cut arms, slept in hospital waiting rooms because he didn't want to leave me or stayed up all night even if he had work the next day because I couldn't sleep because of stress. People say love is dead, this is love. Putting up with every breakdown and never even coming close to breaking his calm vibe, never coming close to leaving. He always stayed. He always cuddled me even when I told him to get off-which I never meant. Everytime I said I don't want to be in this world anymore he would pull me out of that dark place with tears in his eyes telling me how important I am and how loved I was. This is movie love, I owe him my life. Reece if I don't tell you enough I adore you, I love you.

(by my hospital bed all day)

A message to readers....

So that's my story and with a tear in my eye I end it here. Before I finish though I would like to say to anyone struggling with demons as I did, YOU ARE IMPORTANT! I know that can go in one ear and out the other but please please listen to me you are loved, you are important and i know you feel horrible now but I hope my story shows you that it can better! I went from the darkest place, wanting to leave this world to becoming a mother and soon to be wife with a wonderful future ahead of me, I would never of experienced that if I wasn't here, I wouldn't of had my daughter, I wouldn't be getting married, I wouldn't have a future and I am SO thankful I do. The future is bright I promise. I hope this story encourages you to reach out to a doctor, a family member, a friend or even a pet if that's the only way you can get your feelings out. Even if you write it out like this first. Please, please get help even message me, my Facebook page is tagged on my blog page I will find the time to talk to you. Just don't give up. I will be doing a tips on dealing with anxiety and panic attacks soon maybe that will help. I know this final message is a bit all over the place but I just really don't want anyone to think they are alone they are not. So yeah I guess I should end this here and as I publish this post I am ready for the judgement, the confusion from family and maybe even some hate. But if there is one soul in that sea of judgement I helped with this post it will have been all worth it. Getting this all out has took a weight off my shoulders also which feels amazing. Leave some feedback in the comments, if your comfortable maybe even tell me about your recovery? Always happy to hear from my readers, till next time.

Stay Happy Everyone :)!