Thursday 18 January 2018

Advice for New Parents: 5 Pieces Of Advice From Mum And 5 From Dad











Couples Who Blog Together, Stay Together...


Your eyes are not deceiving you my lovely readers, it is true. I have managed to rope my lovely husband-to-be into writing this blog post with me. I'm always asking him his opinions on blog posts but for this one I thought he would be amazing just to write a bit himself (well he talked and I typed what he said). So let's just get right into it. Happy Reading! 

Are we still New Parents ....


So with Ella-Grace getting closer to her 1st birthday I feel that Reece and I are now past the 'New Parents' stage right? I mean we are by no means experts, I mean I don't think you ever are, but I do think we now know our own child, we are in a routine and we are settled in the fact that yes we are able to keep this tiny human alive and relax. The feeling of 'OMG WE HAVE A BABY!' is gone and we can now barely remember life before our gorgeous daughter was part of our lives, which to me is when you know you are out of the new parent phase. So because of this new found confidence even through the rough times, we thought it would be nice to pass on our best advice to those who are soon to become parents or recently had a baby/babies. We are not trying to tell you what to do and by no means do you have to follow this advice but it is just a few things that we wish someone said to us or that we listened to from the start. We hope it helps. 

Advice From Mum

1. Always take extra


This is one you have probably heard before. Always take extra, ALWAYS! I mean extra clothes, nappies, wipes, snacks, milk, anything you think your baby may need take extra! And when you think you have packed extra, pack that little bit more. I know that might sound over the top but I have gone to my parents (which is an hour away) to stay for a few days and thought I packed SO much when in actual fact I ran out of things and ended up trying to survive without important things or I had to buy more even though I could of took stuff with me that I had at home. Same goes for when your just going out for an hour, pack as if you will be out for 3 or more hours because you never know what will happen and trust me you will be a lot less stressed if you have everything you could possibly need.


2. Look after yourself and make time for 'me time'


When that little one arrives it is so easy to neglect yourself in order to make sure your baby has all they need. You skip showers, go without sleep and snack instead of eating cooked/warm meals. But this is not good for either you or baby. I remember when I first took Ella-Grace home I could barely eat and I would refuse to sleep when she was sleeping thinking I need to do other things and be on top of everything. I ran myself out and with my anxiety that is never good, I was having panic attacks every night. So I started to look after myself better. Making sure at some point of the day I would have hot meals even if they were not at 'meal times', I made sure I had a quick 5 minute shower in the morning- my moment to breathe, I napped with Ella-Grace, I got dressed- it made me feel so much better to be out of my breast milk stained pj's. I started to feel more myself. Self care is not selfish it is the opposite. Happy Mum, Happy Baby. This will also help you get into a routine which for me is what keeps me sane, I love a routine.


3. View yourself through your babies eyes


Probably one of the most important bits of advice I could give. There is so much guilt that comes with being a parent. Why didn't I do this? Why did I do that? Am I a good enough mum? I haven't cuddled her enough today, I should of read her a story. All these things and more going round in your head constantly and you start to question if you are doing anything right. This can be very upsetting and stressful. But just find 2 minutes to stop yourself and look at yourself through your babies eyes. They don't think why didn't you wash the dishes, why didn't you kiss me three times instead of once before bed? Why didn't you take me out for a walk? They just see you, their parent that they depend on and adore. They just feel love and just seeing you and spending time with you is good enough for them. So give yourself a break before you breakdown. Don't stress about the amount of toys they have, how clean your house is, how good a parent you are being because I can tell you right now the fact you are asking yourself that question shows how much you care and that you are a great parent. So if you ever find yourself asking these questions think to yourself does it really matter? How does my baby see it? Because I bet you most of the time they will just be thinking that you are great!!

4. Face your fears


This might not be for everyone but it really worked for me. One of the things I was most anxious about when Ella-Grace arrived was taking her out.. anywhere. I was scared something would go wrong, she would cry and I wouldn't know what to do. I could of buckled under this fear and kept us inside the comfort of our home but I am so glad I didn't because then I would still be scared now and she wouldn't be as comfortable around people as she is, at least I don't think she would be. When she was around 5 weeks old I made a list of places I wanted to take her/needed to take her running from what made me least anxious to most anxious. One by one I achieved each one and my confidence grew and now we go out pretty much every day. Yes she has had some bad meltdowns but that's okay, she is a baby, they cry sometimes. If I never faced this fear there is no way I would be as happy and confident as I am now. Facing this fear really helped me and I realised it wasn't as scary as I thought.

5. Don't be scared to ask for help


Please, please listen to this one. Don't be afraid to ask for help! Whether that be help from your partner, your family or a medical professional, don't be afraid. It does not make you a bad parent or weak or anything like that, it makes you human just like anyone else and as I said earlier taking care of yourself is very important! I wouldn't of been able to get out the house, shower, get help with my baby blues if I did not ask for help and even though it took me a while to get over my stubborn self after asking for that help I became a better mother. So please never be afraid, no one will judge you and if they do they are the one's who should feel bad about themselves not you because there is nothing wrong with asking for help.


Advice From Dad

1.Babies cry, don't stress too much 


Don't over stress when baby cries because at early stages there is only a short list of things they need. The first time I was alone with Ella-Grace, I don't remember exactly when that was but she was still newborn, she was of course upset because she was missing her Mum and I was stressed out. LJ (LauraJane) was usually here to help me but this time it was all on me. But then I was like you are either hungry, need changed or sleep and not much out that can be wrong then I chilled myself out realizing that when they are young it is quite a simple list and when I figured it out she stopped crying and went to sleep.

2.Make the most of time with your baby


 As a full time working Dad, I have learnt to make the most of the time that I have with my family even when I am very tired from working all day. Pushing through being sleep deprived and doing bath time or  giving the last bottle of the day, even a half hour cuddle if that is all I can get in is worth it. If I am on a late shift I barely see them in the morning because of the way the routine is and then I go to work and come home late and Ella-Grace is already in bed so I haven't seen her all day and even worse she hasn't seen me all day. So when she wakes up in the middle of the night or I get home in time for her bed time routine I completely take over. This really helped Ella-Grace and I build a strong bond, make me more confident as a Dad and obviously gives LJ a break to chill or get her work done.

3. Help your partner as much as possible 


Be aware of your partners needs especially during late pregnancy because you don't want them stressing or doing something they shouldn't. There are limitations that heavily pregnant women have, things they find it difficult to do or shouldn't do that she would of done so I had to be aware of the fact that I needed to help more even if she was too stubborn to ask- which LJ is most of the time. I needed to put myself in her shoes. This is so important and trust me your partner will appreciate all the little things. Same after the birth especially with LJ having c-section. It was difficult to see her in pain and I wanted to do what I could to help. So make sure they can rest as much as possible make sure they are okay because they are the ones who just birthed a baby and need to recover. Take on the heavy load of the work, you know your partner would do the same for you.

4. Teamwork 


As a parent in a strong stable relationship, we work as a team, you know your own child better than anyone, don't let anyone influence your decisions if its not what you want for your child. For example LJ and I don't think because Ella-Grace is a girl means she has to be 'girly' or in pink and so many people gender associate and tell us we should be dressing her to 'look like a girl'. We have never listened to that, we dress her in what we think is nice whether that be a pink dress or a black tracksuit, we want her to be able to feel comfortable to wear whatever she wants and at the end of the day it is just clothes. Don't listen to people that tell you other wise. Same goes for any other situation, routine, diet, toys, you and your partner make the decision and as long as you have their best interests at heart that's what matters.

5. Babies have resilience 


Babies are more resilient than you think so when they have little bumps they probably scare themselves more than hurt themselves and the majority of the time a cuddle will fix it. Ella-Grace has knocked herself or hit herself accidentally so many times and so far (thankfully) she has never been majorly hurt just scared. They are not as fragile as you think and a scream does not always mean they are incredibly hurt. I would be more worried if they fell and hit themselves and did not scream and became unconscious. Obviously if you are unsure then get them checked but don't panic.

Thank you for reading...

And that is it, the best advice we feel we could give to new parents, I hope it helps! Is there any advice you think we have missed? Do you agree with our advice? Please comment below and let me know. Thank you for reading as always, I appreciate each and every one of my readers. If you would like to keep up to date with mine and my family's daily life as well as get notifications about the blog please follow my social media- links above post. Till next time.



Stay Happy Everyone :)!

Friday 12 January 2018

Hello 2018!

First Blog post of 2018....

Happy New Year Everyone! I hope you all have had a great holiday and first week of January. Thank you for everyone who wished me and my family a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and also for keeping up with my social media and blog post even though I have been taking a break. I am back now though with this the first blog post of 2018! And I thought I would just keep it quite chatty. I know most of my readers are fellow parents who enjoy to read my experiences in motherhood so I thought I would just tell you a bit about Ella-Grace's First Christmas and New Year but also a bit about the first week of January and getting back into routine. I also want to let you know what I have planned for the blog this year. Happy Reading!

Matching Christmas Jumpers and Lots of Toys...







So on the few days up to Christmas I was a bit worried that it wasn't going to go well at all. Ella-Grace was unwell, coughing and sneezing, at one point I had to take her down to the hospital as I was worried she had whooping cough. But luckily she did not have whooping cough and although the night of the 23rd was probably the most dreadful night we have had with Ella-Grace (she cried and did not sleep a wink, thank goodness for Moana , the only thing that calmed her), she seemed to make a miraculous recovery on Christmas Eve afternoon/Christmas day morning so that was great! The best present I could of asked for as I just wanted her to have an amazing First Christmas, which she did. 

Christmas eve was pretty uneventful for her as she was so tired and went to bed quite early but we did manage to squeeze in time to put on and take a picture of our matching pjs that my mum bought us. Pic below of Mummy Elf, Daddy Elf and Santa's Little Helper.


After Ella-Grace was in bed, my whole family watched Polar Express and then just before we went to bed we put out Ella-Grace's gift already for her to see in the morning (except the ones from Santa of course, he hadn't arrived yet).

Christmas morning Ella-Grace slept in, we actually had to wake her for her first bottle of the day. After which we took her into the living room and the look on her face was amazing. I know she didn't know really what was going on or even what Christmas is but I do think babies are good at reading emotion so since we were all positive and merry she felt that and that led to her excitement. She played in her ball pit and we opened half of her presents with her then she got hungry so while she tucked into some breakfast we opened the rest of her gifts and showed her as she ate. The rest of the day was full of food, watching films and playing with toys. It was definitely my best Christmas and Ella-Grace had a great day.

Two things I do want to say about this Christmas is..
1. It was my first Christmas not eating meat and to all the people who think you can't enjoy Christmas dinner  or meals in general really, without the meat you are mistaken. I was definitely satisfied. I did however give in to the dairy filled desserts even though my main meals were vegan but now I am back home I am back to my dairy free/meat free diet.
2. Wow being a parent at Christmas is so tiring! Hats off to my mum for doing it with eight children, I was tired just running round after Ella-Grace and playing with all her toys with her. It was a more busy and less relaxing Christmas than I had ever had before but would not change it for the world I loved it and can't wait for next year.



Those weird few days between Christmas and New Year..


Unfortunately Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were Reece's only days off until New Year so he had to back to work in Aberdeen where as Ella-Grace and I stayed at my parents which is more than an hour away. He returned or New Years Eve and then we all went home together in the evening on New Y|ears Eve but that almost a week without him was strange and we missed him a lot. But not complaining as some people have lost love ones at this time or are without their partners for months on end so I know how lucky we are it was just strange as neither Ella-Grace or I have ever been away from Reece for that long. That week between Christmas and New Year is always weird anyways as you don't really know what to do with yourself, that's how I always feel anyways. But although I did have a bit of an anxious head on as Reece wasn't with me we did have fun with my family and the reunion on New Years Eve was so sweet (even if Ella-Grace was a bit hesitant to go to Daddy at first). 

New Years Eve and New Years Day, Daddy is Back...


As I just mentioned the reunion was sweet. Ella-Grace was a bit confused as to why he had been gone so long and she had become quite clingy to me and my mum but after about half an hour she was happy to give her Daddy a big cuddle. Reece fed her her last bottle at about 8pm and we both put her to bed wishing her a Happy New Year. We then continued to have some food and a drink with my family and played charades (much to Reece's displeasure haha, me and my sister on the other hand love it!). Midnight hit and it was Happy New Year all round, welcome to 2018! Ella-Grace was particularly happy about this as when midnight hit and we had to move her upstairs to our bedroom she decided it was party all night haha. Fair to say Reece and I were shattered when it came to the morning.
New Years Day was our last day at my parents and all the family came round, including Ella-Grace's cousins who she adores and it was so much fun. Then it was back home, meaning the end of the festive season unfortunately. 

First Week of 2018, ups and downs already...

When we got back I was having a bit on anxiety. As much as I love Christmas (and trust me I LOVE Christmas) being somewhere else and not in her regular routine really through Ella-Grace off . She didn't want to sleep in her own bed, she didn't want to nap, she seemed even more unset when Reece left for work because she probably felt he was going away for a long time again, it was all a bit confusing. Which I was expecting but when you have anxiety and routine is what keeps to calm and collected even if you are expecting it you can get overwhelmed. My sister did take Ella-Grace on the 4th of January for a sleepover as Reece and I had a friends night out which was really fun, I love going out with Reece and dancing and being silly with him, reminds me just how much I love him but the next day that turned sour as well as Reece had to go to hospital. Before anyone jumps to conclusions is wasn't because of the alcohol, Reece had actually ripped his stomach lining most likely a week before but didn't know and the alcohol had aggravated it even though it was a small amount he drunk. He was sent back home with painkillers and tablets to help repair his stomach. Obviously the main concern is that Reece gets better that is what I was worried about but at the same time it added another stressor to me as Reece even though he was still going to work when he came home he really had to take it easy which meant majority of the housework tasks as well as Ella-Graces bath and bed routine (which Reece is usually in charge of) and not to mention the masses of unpacking and putting away Christmas presents we had to do was all left to me. I'm not going to lie, I had a few days of crying and being stressed which led me to feel ill and it was all just a total mess. So that is the downs but with downs there is always ups. Thanks to Ella-Grace's new toys and her long morning nap I started to get things done. First priority for me was getting the Christmas decorations down and everything sorted for the new year. A fresh start away from anxiety. Once that was done I tackled all the cleaning and once that was done I just had to keep on top of it so that there was not masses to do. I always find that I am less stressed when I keep myself busy but not overwhelmed so establishing a cleaning schedule is good for me. Through seeing me less stressed and in a routine Ella-Grace seemed to follow suit and we got back to a routine we like which is why I am able to write this for you now as she is napping peacefully in her bed. I even managed to meet some of my new years resolutions already (but I will save that for another blog post). Reece has thanked me so much for keeping on top of everything so he can rest up and to be honest I do feel a bit like superwoman as I have no idea how I have managed to get everything done (I mean I haven't washed my hair in like 5 days but that's the next task) so yeah I am feeling quite proud of myself which is how you should start a new year right? Now I am looking forward to Reece being off on Friday for a whole 9 DAYS so we can do lots of family stuff and take Ella-Grace swimming hopefully, its been a while! So for anyone who is feeling anxious and stressed about the year ahead or even just the week ahead take this as an example of how you can change things around. Just try to be positive things will get better and this can still be a great year. 

What to expect from 'LauraJane Life' in 2018...

So yes that is you up to date with me so far and now I am back in a routine there will be lots of blog posts to come. Here is what to expect.... 

- Monthly Resolution Reviews: In order to encourage me to keep up with my resolutions and keep myself positive I am going to write a monthly blog on resolutions I have completed, started and things I have accomplished each month in 2018. When I get anxious I often find myself thinking I haven't done enough or I am not doing a good job as a mother, fiance, friend or all round person so by writing monthly post on what I have done I think will keep my positive and I thought you would all like to hear about them too. 

-New Vegan Recipes: Just this week I have tried out some new recipes and I am eager to share my new plant based meals with everyone. 

-Ella-Grace updates and Mummy blog posts: Of course this blog was started about my pregnancy, motherhood and beautiful daughter Ella-Grace so she will be at the fore front of most of these blog posts. I am also thinking about doing an 'Advice for New Mums in 2018' post now I am feeling a bit more experienced with an almost 1 year old (can't believe I am saying that!).

AND MORE.. IDEAS ALWAYS WELCOME. 

And that's all for the first blog post of 2018! I hope you liked reading and are going to continue to be part of my little kindness community here on 'LauraJaneLife' I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read my blog. Don't forget to follow my social media pages (links above post). Until next time...

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

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