9 Reasons A C-Section isn't the easy option

Its been bugging me....
Welcome regular readers and new comers! Today's blog post is one that has been burning up inside me for a while. As most of you know I had an emergency c-section with my daughter Ella-Grace and many friends and some family members as well have also been through this same experience. This experience of BIRTH and PAIN.. but for some reason there is a false belief in many peoples minds that having a C-Section (Cesarean Section) is 'a -cop out' or the 'easy option'. 'Too posh to push' I hear often. Well I'm here to say that this is very wrong and here are the reasons why.

Not taking away from natural births...
Before I go into these reasons, I would like to point out that in no way am I trying to take away from mothers who have had a natural labor and delivery. I am not saying a c-section is harder, I am just saying that they are different but also equal in difficulty - Equal, not better or worse or harder/easier- I would love to hear about the difficulties of natural labor and I encourage you to comment below this blog I am genuinely curious as my experience was so different. But for this blog I am focusing on the judgement cc-section mums face and I hope anyone reading this who has had a natural/vaginal birth can support this post as I, and every other c-section mum should support yours. As I say in a lot of posts, supporting each other is key, we are all doing our best including with the birth.

What is a C-section...
For those who may not know or want a clearer definition of what a c-section ( cesarean section) is here is the definition taken from the 'NHS Choices' website along with a statistic:

"A Cesarean section, or C-section, is an operation to deliver your baby through a cut made in your tummy and womb.

The cut is usually made across your tummy, just below your bikini line.

A caesarean is a major operation that carries a number of risks, so it's usually only done if it's the safest option for you and your baby.

Around one in every four to five pregnant women in the UK has a Cesarean."

Now for the reasons... 

7 reasons why a C-section isn't the easy option 

1. The after pain
The after pain to any type of childbirth is going to be bad, you just had a baby come out of you in some way- of course your going to be in pain. But for some reason I always hear comments like 'At least you don't have to deal with tearing' or 'You can have sex sooner since it wont hurt'. No, no, no, no and NO! First of all the waiting time for sex is the same as after a vaginal birth (6 weeks I was told) and as for dealing with tearing, HELLO I have a tear, an incision and trust me that pain is very much there when the numbness wears off and it is very painful. I found it so painful in fact that for the first week or two but I'm getting ahead of myself. 

2. The higher and additional risks 
Now I did check this multiple times on websites and with actual medical professionals before I put this down as a reason as of course I didn't want to make a false statement. So as a c-section is a major surgery according to my research there is a higher risk of blood clots, infection, blood loss and death (death being 3X more likely). Additional risks include, paralysis (due to the spinal you have to get before hand), bowel and/or bladder injury and blood transfusion. Personally I wouldn't put increased/additional risk and easier option in the same sentence. 

3. Longer recovery time
After a vaginal birth you obviously also need recovery time but with a c-section there is usually a longer hospital stay and recovery process. I can't speak for the recovery process of a vaginal birth (although I am well aware it would be difficult)  but from my experience of a c-section the recovery process takes a long time and is very painful! Before you even leave the hospital there are things you need to work on including getting feeling back in your legs, standing, walking, getting your catheter out therefore making sure you can go to the bathroom naturally, showering and more, all this before you even take your baby home. On top of this you aren't aloud to walk far, drive at all, have only showers no hot baths and 'don't do too much, relax' this being pretty much impossible when your looking after a new baby and for me this was mostly on my own as Reece had to go back to work and most family live far away. Respect for the single mums out there with no help, how you manage to look after yourself and your baby alone with no help I do not know. 

4. After care
Slightly linking to my last point but valid of being a reason of its own, after care. The after care for a c-section is intense, you have to make sure you take enough pain killers to get you through the day, clean the wound (when dressing is removed), make sure to move around or wear socks that help your circulation (to prevent blood clots) and the worst of it, the 10 injections you have to get following the c-section. I don't know if I am being a baby or if they are this sore for most women but the injection (I think its anti-D but I could be wrong) you have to get is a lot worse than a normal needle. I managed to leave hospital after 2 days so you would think that was the end of the needles but I was told that i either had to inject myself or get Reece to do it, I chose for Reece to do it and oh my goodness, the dread I felt every morning for those 10 days when Reece came to me with the injection was unreal. The  pain of the needle stings all the way through your leg and I would have to sit and wince  in pain for at least 5 mins. 5 mins of a day for 10 days might not sound too bad but when your already dealing with the pain of the c-section, baby blues and looking after a new baby all these things can get on top of you quite easily, those 5 mins of pain which you dread every day just making it worse (obviously I know your better off getting the injection I am just saying it is not pleasant). 

5. Tasks increasingly difficult
Again I did already touch on this but to elaborate, tasks after a major surgery are obviously increasingly difficult or even impossible for at least the first 6 weeks. As I said you can't walk far, drive at all or take hot baths (which I wanted to do as it relax's me so much) and with basic movements such as sitting, standing, turning being extremely painful- even with pain relief- just looking after your new baby can be very difficult not to mention any other tasks you can to do like clean or maybe cook something for yourself. Even the 5 minutes of the day I would have a shower hurt so bad. 

6. Judgement 
Oh the judgement. The judgement you can receive from other people when you tell them you have had a c-section is so dis-heartening and can make you feel like you failed. I was desperate for a natural birth and after having a c-section some people made me feel as though I had failed my body and my child, I had not done what my body was supposed to do. When in actual fact if I had gone down the natural route (because of the situation with Ella-Grace's chord) I don't think I would have her here today. So no, I did not fail- I did exactly what a mother should, did what is best for her baby. My child was saved by a c-section and there is no way I would change my decision. The unnecessary judgement from getting a c-section definitely makes things harder than they need to be.  

7. Emergency
Most c-sections are emergency- as mine was. An emergency c-section isn't an easier option, it is something that can potentially be life saving. I would never choose to be in an emergency situation as it is a highly dangerous and scary event, again showing that a c-section is hard not easy. 

8. VB-AC 
Other than an emergency there are planned sections for many reasons which is not making it an easy option because it is planned, it is something that needs to be done for either the welfare of the mother, the child or both. One reason people might choose a c-section is if they have had one before as it is more difficult to have a VB-AC ( vaginal delivery after cesarean) than a natural birth on its own as the muscles have been ruptured in that area. So if that is what is best for mother and child or even if the mother just feels safer and more comfortable having a planned section that is important- the happier and calmer the mum is the more likely things will turn out okay. Each birth is personal to each mother and no matter what they choose it should not be judged. 

9. Increase chance of PND
When having a c-section there is also an increased chance of having PND (postnatal depression). This being because a lot of mothers can struggle to bond with their child as they maybe didn't get the labor/birth they wanted, they feel they have failed or the judgement that follows. I luckily bonded with Ella-Grace as soon as I seen her but even now there is a part of me that feels like I didn't 'give birth' to her as I never actually pushed her out and I don't know that feeling of giving birth naturally and having my baby put straight on my chest (as you see on one born every minute constantly). I am so happy I had a c-section as I have said, it saved her life and our bond is so strong I wouldn't change anything that happened for the world and I am proud of my labor and delivery. But there are many mothers in the world that really struggle with the fact they had to have a c-section and that is why the chance of PND is increased again making it clear that a c-section is not the easier option. 

Thank you for reading....
That's the end of this blog post I hope you enjoyed reading and if you can think of any other reasons or want to tell me about your c-section experience comment below. Or if you had a vaginal delivery comment about that too, I would love to know the difficulties that comes with that a c-section mother does not experience. No matter what kind of labor and delivery you went through, we should all support each other no matter what. Not to forget the dads out there who are also effected by this and any other ways family's can be started (surrogacy, adoption, IVF). Be kind to each other and I will see you soon readers, I hope this has made you rethink somethings.


Stay Happy Everyone :)!

(I do not own the images below) 

Recovery is possible: Overcoming anxiety, panic attacks and other mental health issues.

Take a Deep Breath and here I go...

I can't believe I am writing this. For my whole life I have kept this very private, secret even (apart from the minor details) but it is in no way something I or others who experience this should be ashamed of so for that reason I am sharing my story and encourage others to do the same. Let us help each other and fight the stigma of mental illness.
As you can tell by the title of this blog post, today I will be writing about my anxiety and panic disorder as well as other issues that I have experienced through this. Some things I am going to write not even close family know, but I feel now I am of sound mind and my mental health is the best it has ever been it is time to tell my story to hopefully help others and as I have already mentioned, end this silly stigma surrounding mental illness. So here it is, a genuine and candid story of suffering and then recovering from mental illness.

Warning: This post goes into intense detail of my struggles with anxiety, panic attacks and more. If you feel this might upset you this post might not be for you, if this is the case please skip this post and check out one of my other ones that might interest you more. 

Public knowledge... 
I have Anxiety and Panic Disorder. This is public knowledge, I was diagnosed 2 years ago (although I have been suffering from it my entire life) and since then have not kept it a secret that I suffer from this and anyone who knows me personally has probably seen me in my bad times or at least had a discussion with me about this. For those who don't know much about Anxiety and Panic Disorder, the best way I can explain it to you from my experience is that I have CONSTANT anxiety and worry about everything, some being rational (this is the normal kind of anxiety) but a lot being irrational (this causing anxiety disorder). Because of this anxiety I have it causes me to have panic attacks, panic attacks for me start of with me being anxious about one thing then it builds up until I have a feeling of impending doom (like something terrible is going to happen) and that there is the peak of the panic attack where I start to either cry, pace, hyperventilate or sometimes I just get so overwhelmed I cant function, I just have to sit down and I can just about breath but that is it. Panic attacks can last for hours, luckily now I know signs and triggers so can easily diffuse one (usually) but a year or so ago it would be so bad I would end up in hospital or I would go to drastic measures to make it stop which brings me to my next point, the secrets.

My secrets are out...
So as I said anxiety and panic attacks are no secret of mine but the way I have dealt with them in the past or just how low I have got through my disorder I have kept secret from pretty much everyone, even family. Reece is the only person who knows everything until now so here it goes.  Since I was about 16 till about the end of 2015 I self-harmed. Just typing that is scary but as I've said these things should not have to be hidden and I refuse to hide it anymore. I don't really know where to start with this I have never told my whole story before to anyone but I'm going to try my best.
I started off light, I would break the blade out of my razor and just do little scratches, just one at first. I cant explain the reason except when you are having such bad anxiety and especially if it turns into a panic attack you will try anything to get it to stop and the best way to do this is distraction. Now I always tried to distract myself in other ways (watching TV, reading etc. ) but sometimes my anxiety, like a little mean voice in my head would take over and the only way I felt like I could shut that voice up and in a way punish myself for being a bad person (this was what my anxiety always convinced me of) was to inflict pain upon myself. And for that split second of pain, that voice would be gone as your mind is too busy focusing on the pain. But that's exactly the problem, it distracts you for a second and when that second is over that's it back to anxiety and panic and now you have the added stress of that little voice going "why did you do that?" "how are you going to hide it?" "Your such an idiot!" "Everyone is going to hate you". In this deep anxiety you can't think straight so your irrational thoughts convince you to cut again, cut deeper, then one cut turns into an arm full until your sitting there in pain, regretting it and by then you have bled and cried so much you just go to sleep. Now this progression from lightly making one scratch to cutting a lot happened gradually to start with but once I moved out and started going on nights out where alcohol was involved (which is a depressant in itself) is when it got really bad. Thankfully Reece stuck by me otherwise I don't know where I would be today.

The darkest time...
Just a warning again before you keep reading. If you cringed at the paragraph before this one or it is making you feel sad STOP READING!! I have written this so people can relate and hopefully myself and others wont feel so alone in this, I do not want hate or to cause anyone any sadness all I want is to tell my story and show others that there is light at the end of the tunnel so if you are here because you want to know there is light then please keep reading. This paragraph as I have said explains the darkest time in my life but it IS followed by recovery!
By 18 years old I had been self-harming on and off for about 2 years and I was now moved in with Reece. We had so many good times in the first flat we had, lots of laughs and fun, I loved living with Reece then and I still do now. But in between all these fun times I always had bad times usually when I was alone in the flat, multiple times Reece would come home to me crying, having a panic attack with cuts on my arms. He has always dealt with it so well so many times I expected him to leave or not be able to deal with it but he always stayed, not only that he looked after me and was always calm.
This again went on for a while, I would have a good, happy few weeks then plummet back down to depression. Then we moved flat to the one we are still in now and in November 2015 I had been signed off work due to being in and out of hospital for my anxiety and panic disorder (this being when I had finally been diagnosed). This was a very low time for me not mentioning the money trouble me and Reece got in due to me not working, I was now getting help for my anxiety and panic attacks in the form of medication and I was on a waiting list for counselling (3 month waiting list....) with all intentions of wanting to get better but then another wave of anxiety and panic happened one night, this worse than I had ever experienced. Reece was meant to be going out that night and I remember lying in bed thinking 'I cant do this' and 'No one cares about me' and then I swallowed a handful of my medication. The medication I was on being one that slows down your heartrate to stop panic attacks was highly dangerous if you took to many so I lay down expecting not to be here the next morning, then I don't remember much. I remember Reece talking to an someone on the phone (he had phoned an ambulance) and I remember the paramedics coming in and helping me down the stairs. I was taken to A&E where they did a number of tests and luckily I had taken enough to lower my blood pressure/heartrate significantly but with close monitoring of my heart over night and a talk with the psychiatrist the next day I was aloud to go home and advised to rest it off and try contacting the counselling again. After this scary incident I am sad to say I did the exact same thing a month later this time my body (thankfully) rejected the tablets and I spewed most of them back up, again meaning with close monitoring over night, a talk with the phychiatrist and my arms being bandaged up (as I had also severely self-harmed) I was again sent home. That being the lowest point of my anxiety but good news it went up from there.

Recovery and how I got there...
Now I know there is probably a lot of readers thinking 'she just did that for attention' and trust me I have heard it all before but do you know what.. YES! Yes I did it for attention but not the kind of attention you are thinking. I didn't want people to feel bad for me or give me sympathy, I wanted HELP! Yes at the time of taking the tablets I felt like I didn't want to be here anymore but part of me deep down wanted someone to save me, someone to help me. I felt like I needed to try to commit suicide so I would be taken to hospital so someone could help me, save me, someone could take away this horrible monster which is anxiety surely that's what happens if you are that depressed you want to die right? Unfortunately with me experience in the hospital/doctors I barely got a simple 'don't worry its going to be okay'.
'Here take some leaflets' 'Take more pills' 'Don't worry your on the waiting list for counselling...oh wait sorry you will have to apply again' this being the kind of things every single medical professional I spoke to said/ did for me. I was literally sitting there begging for them to help me and I would be sent home with a leaflet, more pills (that I had just overdosed on) and a promise that 'a counselor will contact you'. Now I am not bashing the NHS, the NHS is amazing and there are so many talented medical professionals helping/saving people every day but when it comes to Mental Health in my experience it is lacking, I felt worse after seeking help than I did before mainly because I still wasn't getting help after asking for it. At one point I was actually given a number for an organisation that I was told was going to 'help me a lot' if I gave it a call so I plucked up the courage to pick up the phone and to my disappointment the women on the phone told me that they were unable to help me unless I needed a home carer or residential care.. the irony being that I was now working as a carer so the fact that I was being asked if I needed a home carer was almost laughable. I felt so misunderstood and helpless. This is when I decided to change things on my own. I cut out caffiene, lowered my alcohol intake, started seeing friends/family more, reading more, really focusing on my triggers and learning to control them. On top of all this one of the biggest things I did was stop taking my medication- now this was discussed with a doctor and the decision was made to stop taking it as it made me feel worse and gave me the overdose temptation when I felt down, I am NOT recommending stopping your medication without professional help- this really helped me. So slowly but surely I was spending more time with Reece, family and friends, I stopped self-harming, I learned to deal with my anxiety, I recovered, I was happy. Then just as I was feeling my happiest, I found out I was pregnant with Ella-Grace (funny how life works) and since then right through my pregnancy and since having my beautiful baby girl I have been the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I LOVE MY LIFE! Yes, I have anxious times and yes I have had panic attacks especially when experiencing baby blues (which I have wrote about in my baby blues blog post) but oh my goodness I have never felt better. And being a mum although stressful, it has given me purpose, it has made me so so happy. My baby girl means everything to me and that I would of never had if I succumed to my demons. I am so thankful that I made it through to the otherside, HAPPY!

The people that saved me... 
Although I say I recovered myself really it was the support from so many people that got me through.

My friends:
 I have so many wonderful friends that helped me through my hard times but the two I would like to thank especially is two of my best friends Holly and Ellie, I seen them pretty much every week through my tough times and recovery and the support from them was amazing they reminded me every time I seen them that I was important and they loved me so much, so many nights out through my bad times I remember sitting for hours talking to them about my struggles and they would listen. With most of my friends living out of Aberdeen, having friends I could see often was what I needed. Charleigh and Keely, my two best friends who live out of Aberdeen were also a massive support even though most of the time it was over text, those text conversations were so vital in my recovery.

 


My family: 
My family still do not know to the extent my struggles unless they are reading this now which sounds crazy I know that they are finding out in writing but I have always been better getting things out when I write them than speaking and if that's what is best for me I hope they understand. Anyways even though they did not know a lot about my struggles they were still there, every visit to see my parents distracted me from my struggles and reminded me how much I would hurt these people if I wasn't here, how loved I am by my family is what always kept me strong.

Reece, Reece and Reece again:
WOW. There is nothing else I can say that would be able to explain how much he helped me except he is my hero. He saved me, he is the reason I am here. I can't count the amount of times he let me shout at him for no reason because I was having a panic attack that I couldn't control, he picked me up off the floor after crying so much I passed out, he cleaned and bandaged my cut arms, slept in hospital waiting rooms because he didn't want to leave me or stayed up all night even if he had work the next day because I couldn't sleep because of stress. People say love is dead, this is love. Putting up with every breakdown and never even coming close to breaking his calm vibe, never coming close to leaving. He always stayed. He always cuddled me even when I told him to get off-which I never meant. Everytime I said I don't want to be in this world anymore he would pull me out of that dark place with tears in his eyes telling me how important I am and how loved I was. This is movie love, I owe him my life. Reece if I don't tell you enough I adore you, I love you.

(by my hospital bed all day)

A message to readers....

So that's my story and with a tear in my eye I end it here. Before I finish though I would like to say to anyone struggling with demons as I did, YOU ARE IMPORTANT! I know that can go in one ear and out the other but please please listen to me you are loved, you are important and i know you feel horrible now but I hope my story shows you that it can better! I went from the darkest place, wanting to leave this world to becoming a mother and soon to be wife with a wonderful future ahead of me, I would never of experienced that if I wasn't here, I wouldn't of had my daughter, I wouldn't be getting married, I wouldn't have a future and I am SO thankful I do. The future is bright I promise. I hope this story encourages you to reach out to a doctor, a family member, a friend or even a pet if that's the only way you can get your feelings out. Even if you write it out like this first. Please, please get help even message me, my Facebook page is tagged on my blog page I will find the time to talk to you. Just don't give up. I will be doing a tips on dealing with anxiety and panic attacks soon maybe that will help. I know this final message is a bit all over the place but I just really don't want anyone to think they are alone they are not. So yeah I guess I should end this here and as I publish this post I am ready for the judgement, the confusion from family and maybe even some hate. But if there is one soul in that sea of judgement I helped with this post it will have been all worth it. Getting this all out has took a weight off my shoulders also which feels amazing. Leave some feedback in the comments, if your comfortable maybe even tell me about your recovery? Always happy to hear from my readers, till next time.

Stay Happy Everyone :)!