Mum Truths: Breastfeeding

The first instalment....
Hi readers! Welcome back to my blog, this is the first of hopefully many 'Mum Truths'. In this blog post I'm going to be speaking about the reality of breastfeeding, my experience anyways. The things you don't get told, the things you do and the things you don't realise until your actually the one with the new born latched onto you. I hope this brings comfort and a sense of relief to other mums who might be going through the same stuff and even if your situation with your child is or was completely different here is an honest experience from one mum to hopefully many others who are trying their best. So before I start, to all you mums out there- Your doing great!! Enjoy the blog!

Breast or Bottle...
So to be clear I am pretty much exclusively breastfeeding (at the moment) with a bottle of formula in the afternoon and occasionally in the night. This I have been told is called combined feeding or combination feeding.
When I found out I was pregnant I was sure I was going to ONLY breastfeed! 'Breast is best' 'Its the natural thing to do' everyone said from strangers to health professionals which is not wrong, this opinion I agree with breastmilk is made for the baby of course its good for them maybe even it is best for them but in no way does that mean its easy to do or that bottle feeding/combined feeding should be negatively looked upon. Not knowing about combined feeding, hearing how terrible formula was for your baby (untrue) and being so keen to breastfeed my naïve prgnant brain thought it will be easy right? No. Although luckily I have not had as big a problem as some others have had it is far from easy and comes with challenges as any mother would know who has breastfed. Now being a mum I can see that everything to do with parenting comes with challenges- breastfeeding, bottle feeding, sleeping, bathing ect. - and we as mums and dads are just trying our best to be the best parents we can be, so to all those parents judging other parents for bottle feeding or judging that mum for breast feeding in public, just stop. We all need to support each other and realise we are all doing our very best no matter what choices we make or opinions we have we all have one thing in common, we love our children.  Breast vs Bottle debate resolved now back to my experience.

Latched on straight away but then...
After my beautiful daughter Ella-Grace was born and we got to recovery I was lucky enough for her to latch on automatically! Hearing how much other mothers have struggled with this (hold my hands up to you ladies I don't know how you did it) I am very thankful I didn't have that problem! So yeah she latched on straight away and the first night we had together was a relaxing yet surreal night I will never forget. Things seemed to be going well that entire night and most of the second day, then the night came and things got stressful. Not having slept in about 48 hours I was tired and very emotional, obviously to be expected as I just had a baby and as everyone liked to constantly remind me MAJOR SURGERY (this is exactly how people said it to me hahaha) Ella-Grace was still latching but would continue to cry after being fed.
Being in a ward with lots of other mums and mine screaming I felt like I was doing something wrong (sounds silly now but that's how I felt). Reece came to visit us and we were both a crying mess, still to this day I don't know how that didn't scare him away being the first time he'd seen us both since Ella-Grace was born. Anyway so there we were Ella-Grace and I uncontrollably crying and Reece also being a first time parent not really knowing what to do then thankfully the most lovely nurse came in and offered a formula feed as she advised me that my milk may be taking a while to come in. Reece accepted the offer for me and although I had no problem with formula the exhaustion and crazy hormone imbalance convinced me that I was failing at feeding already how was I going to do this!!
Reece had to leave (which only made me more upset) and I was left with the nurse cup feeding my little girl. I felt like a failure. And to this day I wish I knew that nurses name as she really helped me that night- helping me latch Ella-Grace on to get my supply going, leaving the buzzer close and telling me to buzz when ever she got too unsettled, positioning Ella-Grace in her crib in order to help her tummy, giving me advice and continuously checking on me to make sure we were both okay. Although it didn't stop me from being a complete emotional wreck it did help having someone I knew could help me.
I learned 2 important things that night that have stuck in my head.
1. The second night is always the hardest. I got told this by the midwife and several other mums, the first night your full of adrenaline then the second night the responsibility, exhaustion and hormones hit you and stress is at an all time high. But guess what? The second night ends and the next day begins.
2. Almost all babies have at least one cup feed in hospital. I was not a failure because of a little bit of formula and neither of course is any other mum that has to have their baby cup fed. It was at this point I decided to combine feed with a bottle in evening as it gave me peace on mind knowing that if she wouldn't/couldn't take from my breast at least she would be used to formula. This being a good decision given my situation at the moment which I will get into soon.

Back home and the first month...
The third day after I had Ella-Grace we were sent home! Nervous about being a mum and looking after her but looking forward to being in my own environment we set off home. That first night at home Reece really came to my rescue I was so exhausted and emotional I could not function properly. I feel guilty even saying that as I am not the priority, the baby is but as they say you cant look after someone else unless you look after yourself so that's what I had to do. Reece, my hero took Ella-Grace for a few hours and bottle fed her so I could sleep so when I got up after my first proper sleep in days there he was bottles sterilised and baby fed and fast asleep, if your reading this babe that really helped. An amazing dad from the start! So after this and up to now I have been combination feeding with no more than two bottles a day usually just the one in the afternoon. And apart from the normal breast feeding problems (sore nipples, constant feeding and soaking through breastpads ALL THE TIME) breastfeeding has been going well! Until about two weeks ago when a problem cropped up which might change the routine we have gotten so comfortable with.

Lactose intolerant...
Ella-Grace is now 6 weeks old and about 2 weeks ago she started to projectile vomit up all her milk, mostly after her formula but also after my breast milk. I spoke to my mum and the heath visitor about it and we came to the conclusion that she was lactose intolerant as I was as a baby. For those who don't know Lactose is a type of glucose that is in dairy products and I think (not a medical professional so don't quote me on this) there is some in breast milk but not a lot, and this is what my baby girl is allergic to. This means we had to switch to a lacto-free formula and I am now on a dairy free diet, originally I tried to cut down thinking it might help her grow out of it but she was still a bit sick so I have just boycott it entirely. So for the last two weeks after cutting that out and switching formula we haven't had any problems but today, the exact day I am writing this ironically, she has started to projectile vomit after breastmilk but not formula? Even though |I have cut out dairy? So that's the next challenge I am on and that is as far as my breastfeeding reality goes thus far.

Recap...
So to recap on my experience.. Latched straight away, breast milk production delayed, cup-feed leading to combination feeding, good few weeks of breastfeeding, lactose allergy appeared and now only processing formula. I have the health visitor again this week so hopefully find out the problem but who knows maybe breastfeeding will work out but maybe I might have to just feed her the formula which is something I never thought I would do because of the whole 'Breast is best' which I used to be so sure of but you know what things change and all babies are different and sometimes breast isn't best, what's best is whatever your baby needs/wants and as long as they are being fed that's what matters! So there it is my first 'Mum truths' blog post I hope you all enjoyed it thanks so much for reading and Ella-Grace if in the future you read this thanks for sleeping the entire time I typed it out haha. And again for all you expectant mums, new mums, experienced mums and not to forget the lovely dads your all doing a great job!!

Next time...
My next 'Mum Truths' will be on the topic of baby blues which will also include me talking a bit about my anxiety and panic disorder which obviously had a bit of a part to play in my baby blues and experience of becoming a new mum. I hope you will all be back to read it and that it might help someone going through similar things- as I always say that's the aim of my blogs, to remind people they are not alone and make a difference in this world we all call home.

And remember Stay Happy Everyone :)!

The Birth of Ella-Grace. (Labor and Delivery Story)

Baby is sleeping which means time to... blog?

Hello readers, thank you for being patient! The last time I wrote I was part way through being induced with no sign of baby girl arriving any soon and now here I am just put my beautiful daughter down for a nap, I should probably be sleeping but thought it was the perfect chance to at least start writing my labour and delivery story while its fresh in my mind. It was a bit of a crazy one!

Induction process continued...
So last I updated you it was Friday night and labour seemed a long time away as my body was making no changes. Fair to say that changed quickly! Saturday morning wasn't very eventful, I got up, washed my face and brushed my teeth then went to see Reece and my parents in the little café until it was time to be examined (24 hours since they put the peccary on my cervix), nervous but excited I awaited 1pm. 1pm came and went and eventually someone came to check my cervix and.... still 0cm dilated. I almost cried, this baby was never going to get here is how it felt. I was officially the eternally pregnant woman of Aberdeen. I know this sounds silly as the induction process is bound to take a while but with Reece having to go back to work on Monday and me being stuck in a hospital room seeing other women come and go, at the time it just feels that way or did for me anyway.
The nurse told me that in 6 hours they would put in my first Pitocin tablet (a stronger medication that would hopefully move things along!) Disappointed I went again to the café to see my parents, Reece already by my side my mood was far from happy, this process felt never ending! Trying to cheer me up my parents suggested going for a walk as this might help things going so the four of us went for a walk round the hospital.
6 hours passed and the nurse inserted the Pitocin tablet, 6 more hours later (around 2am) it would be time to check it again, I wasn't expecting much but to my surprise.. 1CM!!! I WAS 1CM dilated!! 2am and here I am messaging everyone I know letting them know my progress, it felt like I'd come so far! Another Pitocin tablet was inserted and now another 6 hour wait, hopeful that this would be the last step before labour I forced myself to get some sleep. My baby girl would be here soon!!
Through my happiness of being 1cm dilated though I was concerned as the babies heart kept dropping on the monitor hence why I was stuck on that machine a lot of the time. Although the doctors said it was okay and not a major problem, I couldn't help but have this horrible niggle in my head that something was wrong which later on I was to learn was correct.

Well that escalated quickly...
Again 6 hours had past this now being about 11am. Reece held my hand as my cervix was again checked we were hopeful for a big change.. 1cm and a half. This was so frustrating because 2cm was all I needed to get to in order have my waters broken. The doctor who examined me said that they were going to try and break my waters but it would be difficult, at this point I was so done with waiting so agreed to let them try. Luckily by half 11 there was a space on the labour ward for me to go and get my waters broken, heart in my throat Reece and I nervously went to our newly assigned room with my proud parents taking pictures of us on the way, finally in the labour ward!!
As my midwife went over the process of breaking my waters and starting the oxytocin drip I couldn't help but be distracted by the screaming of the woman next door to me.. if I wasn't nervous before I was now. I was always planning on going through labour on only gas and air now doubting my ability, would I be that screaming woman in a few hours. I had to shove my lunch down through my nerves as this would be all I could eat for the next who knows how many long.
Gas and Air at the ready, the midwife was ready to break my waters. After a few tries she managed to break into the membrane thus starting my waters breaking. After this my oxytocin drip was put in and things started to pick up fast!

Contractions and Pain Relief...
For those who have never had a baby I would love to be able to let you know what contractions feel like but I cant, the closest thing to it for me anyways is period pains that get worse and worse but even that cant prepare you for it.. not meaning to scare you don't worry you can get through it, your body knows what its doing!
As for pain relief there is obviously many options but for me I had been adamant from the start that I would be only using Gas and Air- this also known as nitrogen oxide, not a pain killer but a very good distraction from pain because it basically makes you feel drunk. I chose this method of pain relief for 2 reasons:
1. I am very stubborn when it comes to people helping me, I want to be able to do things myself for as long as I can and
2. Obviously throughout my pregnancy and induction there seemed to be a problem with baby's heart and a lot of the pain relief (particularly morphine) can slow down baby's hear which usually is safe enough but with the uncertainty on the condition on baby's heart I didn't want to take that chance.

So as my contractions picked up I breathed through them with my gas and air.  My mum and Reece laughing at me between contractions as the gas and air was making me giggle. Contraction. Break. Contraction. Break. This went on for about 7/8 hours with the contractions getting stronger and stronger and thanks to the support of Reece, mum and the midwife, gas and air making me laugh, Beyoncé in the background playing and my stubborn personality I managed to get through it! I like to think I could of continued this way up until I had to push but I didn't get that far as things took a turn.

Baby's Heart Rate Dropping...
Hours were passing and even though I was dealing with contractions as best as I could, with each labour pain baby girl's heartrate was dropping then going back then dropping. Doctors and midwives coming in and out to discuss the issue I couldn't help but worry. To find out what the problem was they tried to take blood from baby's head but I was barely over 2cm dilated so this was not manageable. It was now a guessing game and a decision had to be made whether to continue or have an emergency C-section- this being the situation I had dreaded and through all my hard-work was reluctant to get but baby was all that mattered so when the doctor asked what I wanted I didn't even hesitate to say C-section.

The wait...
Still having strong contractions, my oxytocin drip was detached hoping to stop my contractions before the C-section. My body had other ideas and naturally continued to contract right up until the C-section began. Anyway when the drip was switched off I was told another woman had been taken for a section so I would have at least an hours wait until it was my turn. I wasn't really keeping up with the time but I swear it felt longer than an hour! In and out of contractions different specialists came in to go over the risks of C-section, what could happen if baby isn't okay and how they would assess her downs syndrome risk. As a person obsessed with knowing every detail I had to get things repeated to me as my pain was blocking out the information. Reece knowing me so well he knew what my questions would be before I even needed to ask, so he got all the information I needed. With my contractions still going strong and baby's heartrate still continuing to drop I said bye to my mum, then Reece and I started to walk (well I was wheeled in my bed) to the theatre.

Hello Ella-Grace...
Being strong up to this point, the gas and air was wearing off, I was still getting contractions and Reece had to leave to get changed into scrubs I started to cry. Worried for the welfare of baby girl and without Reece by my side I started to get overwhelmed. Thank goodness for the amazing staff I had performing the spinal block and C-section on me, never in a million years did I think I would be calm in this situation let alone be able to laugh. For this I have high praise of the NHS staff of which were assigned to me.
Reece back in the room now, he was sat by my side holding my hand. All checks done, now numb from the waist down the surgeons started and told us in about 10-15 minutes we would see our baby girl. Reece and I anxiously waited for what felt like forever and to our relief, baby girl let out a massive cry. And so Ella-Grace was born (6 pounds 10 1/2 ounces, Time: 21.57, 19th March 2017). The best moment ever.
We found out at this moment that the chord had been wrapped round not only her neck but BOTH of her legs as well! This being the reason  her heart was dropping, making me even more proud of the decision I made to have a C-section or the situation may have been very different and we wouldn't of had her in our arms moments after birth. The doctor also checked for signs of down syndrome and nothing, even though we didn't mind either way this made us happy as it would then be unlikely she would have other complications. And FINALLY after all the checking I told the midwife to let Reece hold her next to me, I knew it would be an amazing moment for him to hold her first and I just loved looking at the two of them together. My entire world right in front of me, I got Reece's phone and started to take pictures and videos of this special moment.
Around 45 minutes later Reece went again to get changed and Ella and I got wheeled to recovery. My beautiful daughter in my arms, this was a surreal moment.

Thank you for reading...
So that's the story of how our beautiful daughter: Ella-Grace, came into the world. Thank you to my friends, family,NHS staff and as always my AMAZING fiancé also now father of our child for all the support! I am very lucky! I hope everyone that read this has enjoyed it and found it interesting. I will continue to blog about my recovery/early days of being a mum but little Ella takes up a lot of time and attention so please be patient. As always I have been truthful throughout my blog and do remember that all this is my experience and my opinion (for example pain relief) if you decide to do different I totally respect you. Well that's Ella-Grace waking up for a feed  now so I better end this here. Happy Mothers day for tomorrow for all the mothers out there I know I'm looking forward to it being my first of many and for any expectant mothers don't be scared of labour you can do this!

Stay Happy Everyone :) !

Induction: Early Stages

A Quick Update!

And let the Induction process begin! Hello readers, thank you for coming back to my blog people who have been before and if this is your first time here HEY hope you will enjoy reading. So currently 11.30pm, baby’s heartrate just checked (all looking good) and I am unable to get back to sleep. Good job I have my Queen B playlist and blog to keep me busy through this sleepless night.

So, since I can’t sleep or when I do manage to drift off I end up being woken up by nurses for checks I thought it would be the perfect time to write a quick update on what’s going on. At about 7am this morning I woke up and made some toast for me and Reece, riddled with nerves and excitement we ate our toast and got ready for the day. My parents who were driving us to the hospital left their house (which is an hour away) at 9am to come and pick us up, I phoned the hospital to ask what time they would like me to come in to which they responded with 11.30 am. YAY felt like baby girl was finally going to be here even though I know inductions can be lengthy at least it was a start. My parents arrived at around 10 am and we decided since we had time to kill we would go over the road for a cooked breakfast and a chat, my dad chill as usual and my mum beaming with excitement. Reece and I still feeling the same as we were earlier, excited, and nervous. Breakfast finished we headed to the hospital and got checked into the ward, Reece accompanying me to the ward and my parents waiting in the café until we could go out and meet them.

For anyone that is interested to know my birthing partners are obviously my fiancé, Reece, and my mum. So, they had decided to swap sitting with me in the induction as only one person is allowed in the induction ward with you (9am till 9pm) unless you go out to the lounge or café. This all things I learned today for the first time as it is my first baby, just relaying the information for all my readers who maybe have not had this experience before. Now checked in there was a lot of waiting, as there would be in a hospital it was quite busy. Surrounded by women who were all in pain and from what I could tell progressing a lot faster than I was, I expected this to make me more nervous but weirdly it made me less nervous knowing all these women were in the same boat as me and we would all have to go through a similar pain... don’t know if anyone else felt this way when they were in the hospital but that’s how I felt. I tried to take comfort from the other women’s pain instead of fear. Around 12.30pm the baby’s heartrate was checked along with my blood pressure- all fine- then my cervix was examined. Dilated 0… ugh. I expected this but still it’s disappointing, I just want my baby girl here! The midwife then inserted a pessary which she said would be in place for 24 hours unless I go into labour before this time. Here is hoping that it helps me dilate at least a little, 1cm and I would be ecstatic! The midwife informed me that I had to lie on my side for half an hour to which then I thought it was meant that she would come back to check but she didn’t so I ended up waiting for almost 2 hours just to find out she didn’t need to check on me and I could have gone for a walk. What an idiot I felt like haha oh well. So, I got dressed being careful not to dislodge the pessary and Reece and I went for a walk to meet my anxious parents who had probably had 5 + cups of tea/ coffee by now out of boredom.

An hour or two past, I had had a hot chocolate and gone for a walk to try get things going. Nothing yet. Went back to the ward to ask if we were okay to get a Chinese with my parents (Dad’s treat woo!) and eat it in the sitting area to which they were more than happy for us to do. After eating more Chinese food than I’d like to admit Reece and I went back to the ward to get baby’s heart rate checked again, all fine! Then midwife gave us the all clear to go for another wonder, back to the café we went! Time now being around half 6/7pm.

Reece, my parent’s, and I sat and chatted until about half 8 at which time I was shattered and had to be getting back to the ward anyways before they had to leave and go home. So, I said goodbye to my mum and dad until tomorrow and Reece came back with me to the ward to help me settle in before he had to leave.

Blankets now on my bed, teeth brushed, face washed, movie on and pyjamas looked out it was now time for Reece to go home until the morning. Cue floods of tears. I’m perfectly capable of spending time away from Reece but hormones kicked in and I don’t know it was just so nice having him near like a comfort blanket, damn love is weird makes you an emotional wreck. He dried my tears and gave me a cuddle then off he went for some well-deserved sleep. Miss him so much, roll on 9am!!

Now in my pyjamas, I watched the rest of the movie (Finding Dory btw) and tried to get some sleep. I got about an hour before being woken up for checks and that brings me to right now.

So, that’s the update! Not very interesting so far, aside from a few period type pains it was just a day of waiting around and replying to anxious messages from friends and family so sorry about that but my feedback from readers have praised my truthfulness and that’s the truth: Induction (to my experience so far anyway) is slow, slow and slow some more. A lot of waiting and checking and cups of tea... so much tea!!! I hope you enjoyed this quick update not sure when I will be able to post again as I’m hoping baby girl makes her appearance very soon and the next post I will be writing about will be my birth experience and introducing baby girl to the blog. Might take a while to get done as I’m sure baby girl will occupy my every waking moment but WATCH THIS SPACE! I will get there! Thanks for reading, feedback is always welcome! Till next time!

Stay Happy Everyone J!