Anxiety Update: August Breakdowns but Positive for September

IRONIC!

Before I start I would just like to say that I just finished writing this post and was just about to publish it then it all erased and now I am starting again... Oh the irony of how venting this to help my anxiety actually could give me so much of it because of it being deleted LOL! Back to the actual blog post. 

Back to basics..

Right Guys, I'm going back to basics for this blog post and letting my thoughts/feelings take over, so sorry if this post is a bit ranty (not a word haha) and random. I love all the content in my blog but for the past few blog posts I feel there has been some blurred lines. Most of you know as well as writing my personal blog I am a freelance writer mainly for BabyGaGa.com. Because of this I feel that my most recent blog posts although interesting and still me, sound a bit too much like articles which is not what my blog is about. I started my blog as a venting place for me and for other people who might be able to relate to my experiences to not feel alone. So that's exactly what I am doing today, venting! I need it! August was a particularly anxious month for me, I didnt talk about it at the time as I was dealing in it in my own little way but now I am in a better head space I can let it out, I know this is the majority of my readers favourite things to read and you all love how honest I am so hopefully you won't mind this back to basics rant. 

Whats been going on and how I've been..

So at the start of August, right before my birthday which is the 5th, I could feel that my anxiety and panic disorder was starting to play up. I knew this because I was starting to get stressed about little things, get short tempered with Reece (sorry babe) and it sounds weird but its almost like this feeling of tension comes on me and I feel constantly not relaxed. 

-Side note for those who want to read my full anxiety and panic disorder story please feel free to go to that post then come back here for the update- 

Anyways, yeah I was feeling this constant anxiety again and I knew that was bad. Although being a mum obviously comes with stressful times, Ella-Grace always keeps me busy so that actually helped because I would have no time to overthink all the little things that my anxiety brain was pestering me with (thanks for keeping mama sane baby girl, kisses!) Then Reece comes home, Ella-Grace goes down to sleep and I start to get very anxious, evening/night is always the worst for my anxiety in my experience. Night time equals overthinking time. I started to overthink about all the things I had to do: tidy and clean flat, have a bath, write articles ect. or the main thing my anxiety tackles now: my mothering ability. Which is crazy since I just posed a blog post about how I know I am a good mum but that is just the thing, anxiety is NOT your friend and makes you think irrational things which get you very down. Anyways all this lead me to be very anxious. I haven't been this way with my anxiety since way before I was even pregnant with Ella-Grace apart from baby blues but even that was different to just my anxiety playing up. So this almost felt like a test. Would I resort back to the dangerous ways I used to do to deal with my anxiety or would I keep strong and deal with these feelings healthily. Thankfully I am proud to say I kept strong and dealt with these mini breakdowns well. IMPROVEMENT YAY! In no way does this mean it was easy but I got through it. 

So when I was overthinking yes there were tears, yes I had to just sit and breathe through it some nights not getting the things done I would need to get done. But I was dealing with it and coping. Reece could also tell obviously that I was having a tough time but he knew I was doing okay so it was all good. 

Then the first major panic attack hit and that was the real test.

First big panic attack..

When I used to have panic attacks I would pace, cry and hyperventilate.. and that was a minor one! As for big ones, OMG! I would not wish that on anyone. It feels like everything bad that could possibly happen to you is going to happen to you in that moment (impending doom) and you just can't function! So as I said how would I deal with a major panic attack now after all this time. Well I found out, unfortunately it had to be on my birthday. 

So anyone who knows me (Reece tells me all the time haha) I am a bit of a control-freak and I love routine and planning. But when your 21st rolls around so things aren't the normal routine and surprise celebrations are happening meaning I didn't know about it or could prepare, my anxiety was bound to be a bit wobbly. I mean I loved it, surprise party was amazing and I am so grateful! But my anxiety brain, no no no she does not like! 

It was the morning of my birthday. Reece and Ella-Grace woke me up and gave me gifts and cards. I had breakfast and had a bath, things started off happy and chipper like a birthday especially your 21st should be. But then it changed. 

My hair and make up didn't look how I wanted and for some reason Reece and family were trying to convince me to get dressed up (now I understand it was for the party but at the time I thought we were just going to my mums so I said no and was getting frustrated). Getting more and more stressed now I started to have a panic attack. Saying things like "Why is everyone trying to get me to dress up", "I have no time to change now", "Everything is going wrong", "I look ugly, "I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone", "Worst Birthday Ever!". All these things of course not true and writing that now makes me cringe and I feel so guilty I ever said those things. Poor Reece had gone to so much effort to make my birthday morning happy and (unknown to me) plan a surprise party and here was me having a panic attack and snapping at him. Must be hard to deal with for him too. I am so grateful and never take anything for granted but when your in that negative head space, it just feels like the end of the world. I am just lucky Reece understands to just let me get it out my system and that I am actually really grateful. 

I tried to cheer myself up and make happy memories by getting pictures of me and Ella-Grace but my anxiety kept telling me I looked dreadful. Although I eventually cheered up, the party was great and the amazing fiance Reece is he sneakily packed an outfit for me to wear (honestly adore him) that birthday will still be tainted. That's the thing about anxiety is ruins even the best times. Focusing on the good parts helps and I aim to stay positive but it does bug me, I wish I could of just you know NOT had a freak out. 

And the second panic attack...

A few days after my birthday Reece had planned for the three of us to have our first family trip down to Newcastle! It was an overall fun trip but of course anxiety had to show her face and my 2nd major panic attack of that month took place.
It was our second evening in Newcastle and after a bit of shopping we thought we would take Ella-Grace back to the hotel room for a nap and I could quickly get changed (into the new outfit I just bought) for my birthday meal that we were going to that night. We had heaps of time so we were also going to go to the museum. A great plan right? Not when anxiety is involved.
Makeup looked good, Ella-Grace was napping. All was well. But then my outfit didn't fit and all I had with me was what I was wearing (which Ella-Grace had managed to make a mess of) and a casual shirt that I brought with me (which was nice but we were going to a fancy restaurant and for once I wanted to be able to dress up and look nice). Reece being the calm and rational person he is simply suggested "Why don't we just go back into town now and you can pick another outfit, get changed and we can carry on with our plans?" Great idea, but I was already having a panic attack. "I can never look nice", "You and Ella-Grace should go without me", "I've ruined the holiday", "We have no time now!" All these things I was ranting at Reece for about an hour, pacing the hotel room. Getting upset just thinking about it. Reece went to all the trouble to plan our first family trip and here was me having a panic attack over an outfit and although I know I can't help it and Reece understands I feel like I must be so hard to be with.

-Had to stop writing got too upset. Reece reassured me I am not a terrible fiance. Now I'm back- 

Anyway, after freaking out for an hour and a half I forced myself to go into town but now only time to go to the shops for half an hour before our meal.  I ended up doing exactly what Reece suggested in the first place.. ugh! So frustrating!
Of course we had a lovely time but again my anxiety tainted the experience and left us with less time to do the things we wanted to do. It really is a struggle sometimes and I really wish I could just snap myself out of these panic attacks but unfortunately I can't.

Improved but not perfect...

I am proud of myself because I did not resort back to the dangerous ways I used to deal with my anxiety. Although waiting out my panic attacks can mean I am feeling anxious for longer, when it is over I feel so much better instead of feeling better for 5 minutes followed by more anxiety. 

I still have a long way to go and I am going to meet with my doctor to discuss these panic attacks soon as I do want to improve more. I hate some of the things I say when I am incredibly anxious ad I wouldn't want Ella-Grace to hear me say anything negative. I want to be her role model and by fighting my demons I hope that is what I am being. 

But focusing on the positive I am proud of how far I have come and if I am ever feeling anxious when it is just me and Ella-Grace I am proud of the fact I can just fight through and put on a smile for my little girl, being her mum is top priority and I know even with my anxiety I AM doing a good job (can tell I am not anxious right now or I would be saying the opposite haha). Staying positive, staying strong and I will get there eventually. 

Positive for September...

Not letting my August breakdowns keep me down, I am looking into September with a positive mindset. Yes I am sure I will be anxious (it doesn't go away) but I will get through it and things will only get better! So far I haven't had any anxiety or panic attacks so that's a good start! Ella-Grace turns 6 months old this month, that is amazing! She definitely keeps me going and the support I receive from my darling Reece is amazing, so lucky to have this little family! Happy September hopefully!! 

-Proof-reading this as I finished it the other day and I just had a panic attack. But still positive! Try again tomorrow!-

I'm happy you don't get it...

To the people who think I am being dramatic or attention-seeking. The people who don't understand. Good! I am so happy you don't understand I would never wish the feeling of a panic attack or major anxiety on anyone because it is horrendous! But please respect those who do deal with it because trust me it is real even if it is not your reality. 

Advice...

For those who do relate and are maybe going through a tough time with anxiety, panic attacks, depression or another mental health issue. You are strong and will get through this tough time! From my personal experience this is my advice.. 1. Seek help from your doctor. This is scary I know but they are there to help and see this more often than you think. They can put you in contact with groups or therapists that could help you. All totally optional of course but please just reach out. 2. Make sure the people around you are positive and don't make you feel worse. You need a good support system in place. If they give you negative vibes and refuse to change to help your recovery, I am sorry but cut them out your life! You need to be happy and healthy and some people unfortunately can be toxic to that. and lastly 3. STAY POSITIVE! Yes its cliche and easier said than done- I have the most wonderful little human in my life and even I struggle to stay positive but looking at her little smile gives me hope and keeps me strong- it is possible. Find the something that makes you happy, positive and gives you a glimmer of hope and cling to it. Whether it be a person, an animal, a hobby or an object. Positive is key. Your presence in this world is important, never forget that!! 

Till next time... 

And the rant is over! That feels like a massive weight off my shoulders! Thank you for reading as usual, I hope you enjoyed reading my anxiety update. Until my next blog post why not read my latest article (link below) and don't forget to follow my social media for updates on my life/lots of cute baby pics! (links on homepage). How was your August? Stressful or Chilled out? Comment below.

10 Things That Happen To A Babies Body That Is Normal And 5 That Aren't 

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

Don't Even Get Me Started: Piercing Babies Ears

New Series....
Hi there readers! Thanks for coming back for more of my blog, hope your enjoying it and to all new here WELCOME! Today I have the start of a new series called 'Don't Even Get Me Started!'

"Don't Even Get Me Started" is basically going to be a series of me ranting about things than bug me, upset me or that I have a strong opinion on. Not everyone's cup of tea but 1. It will let me vent, it is after all my personal blog, and 2. I am still all about the positive vibes and nothing I rant about will be directed at a group of people or preached as everyone should think it, it is my personal opinion and if you disagree I encourage you to comment below- nothing wrong with a healthy debate.

Rant of the Day...

(This picture breaks my heart)
This has been on my mind after I seen a video being shared on Facebook. Piercing babies ears. I can't. This is no shade or disrespect to those who do decided to get their child's ears pierced, I'm sure you have your reasons but I just can't understand it and in my opinion it is cruel.
So here we go Don't Even Get Me Started!!!.....
Before I even had Ella-Grace or even found out I was pregnant I seen this same video of a mum taking her smiley baby to get her ears pierced and as they used the gun to pierce both ears the scream is horrendous and heartbreaking. And as I said I saw this video before I was pregnant and I was against it, I always say that people should have a choice in things that happen to them and a baby cannot verbalize this choice and I highly doubt they would choose this.  So it always made me sad but after having Ella-Grace and then seeing the video shared again, Oh my goodness I couldn't even finish the video. I felt sick to my stomach and it literally hurt my soul. I struggle enough to take Ella-Grace to get her immunizations (literally I stress about it for a week before and then almost faint when she gets them, dramatic but I just hate it and want to cuddle her) that she needs let alone some fashion accessories that cause unnecessary pain, all because why? They look pretty? So people know she's a 'girl'? I find that even more frustrating as ear piercings can be either gender and what kind of message is it to send to our children that you have to 'look like a girl' or 'look like a boy', but that's a totally different topic.

Not only will this hurt when the poor baby gets the piercings but the after care isn't the easiest either and she/he will likely be in a lot of pain for a while not to mention the change of infection. On top of all the other reasons for a baby to be unsettled why would you add another unnecessary one? It just does not make sense to me. I get when they get older they won't remember, people say the same thing to me about her injections but I still feel sick every single time she gets them and that doesn't make it any easier.

Not to mention this is a body modification which yes you can take out and it would heal up but it is still likely to leave a scar which might bother your child when they grow up. Yes they are our babies and we have to make decisions they cannot to keep them safe and alive but they are their own person and body modification is not one of these things we must choose.

Talking personally about my daughter now these are the reasons I would never think about getting her ears pierced as a baby...

1. I CANNOT bare to see her in any pain it physically makes me sick and all I want to do is remove her from the situation and make it all better. I had never felt this way before being a mum, the kind of feeling that your soul is literally pulling you towards your baby to save them from the pain. I had to make do with the injections as I knew they were for her health and that was hard enough, why would I put the both of us through this trauma as well? The guilt I would feel after would be overwhelming. 

2. It's not my body, it's hers. Yes she can't make decisions now but I'm pretty sure the innocent mind of a baby would not care if her ears were pierced and would choose the less painful option of not getting them done. Yes I put bows on her which she might not necessarily like, I don't know but she never cries when they are on and if she did it would be off as she clearly would be uncomfortable. As far as I possibly can I want her to make her own decisions and she's a baby so this is difficult, nearly impossible. So if I pierced her ears I would be going against everything I believe in. 

3. There is no need. Simple. I would much rather spend money on a new toy or play-set that could help her learn or develop, a new piece of clothing to keep her warm, a baby group where she can play. Something she needs or will love not something she has no interest in and will not aid her life in any way. 

Those are my reasons anyways. A lot of people may disagree which is fine let me know in the comments what you think I want to try and see your point of view but I can guarantee you won't change mine. Here I was actually going to link the video I seen but pains me so much I couldn't bring myself to look it up. If you want to watch one I am sure their are lots on You Tube, I bet you can't watch it without cringing or crying.
Just to add a very out there opinion on this, I think piercing babies ears should be illegal. Can you tattoo a baby? No. Any other bodily piercings? No. It is in my opinion a form of physical abuse as it is painful for them and so very unnecessary.


That's the end of the rant today, I told you I shouldn't of got started haha. I started being tame and ended in calling it abuse but I can't help it I just don't understand. Maybe your a mum, dad or guardian who has done this or would? Or someone who's parents did this to you? Please comment below if you disagree, I certainly don't want an argument but I am happy to read your opinion as you have read mine.

Bottom line for me, no ear piercings for Ella-Grace until the time she asks for it, IF she ever does. Over protective parent? Drama Queen? Maybe, but I'm happy with this opinion and living a ear piercing free life doesn't seem to be affecting her so we are all good.

Thanks for reading my first 'Don't Even Get Me Started" and letting me vent my feelings on this topic (and breathe haha). Until my next blog post why not check out one of my articles on Baby GaGa, links below:
15 Moms Reveal The One Thing They Said They Would Never Do (But Did Anyway) 
15 Most Ruthless Single Moms
15 Crazy Laws That Actually Discriminate Against Pregnant Women

Also please follow my social media accounts, links on blog homepage/menu.

Till next time readers...

Stay Happy Everyone!  




*I do not own nor did I personally take these images

How to keep your relationship strong after baby

One of my favourite things to write about... 

Good morning readers! I have been excited to write this blog post for you because -as cheesy as it sounds- Reece or mine and Reece's relationship, is one of my favourite things to write about because it's so happy! We have stayed just as in love, if not more since having Ella-Grace and I often get asked 'How do you make time for each other?' and that is how this blog post came about. I hope you find the the tips helpful or just enjoy reading how me and Reece have managed to keep our relationship strong since becoming parents.

A bit of info on our relationship...
So, I don't think I have ever gone into massive detail about mine and Reece's relationship before. How is started, how long we have been together etc. So I thought I would do that first. Reece and I have been together for 5 years now, I met him in my last year of school at a friend's birthday party. We bonded over the horrible taste of beer and we were both a bit shy compared to the other people at the party so I guess we just gravitated to each other (maybe it was fate).
When he had to leave that night he asked for my number and the rest is history.
Funny story, I was so shy when I met Reece that I barely looked at his face (tried to stare at my hands or anywhere else, I must of looked so nervous) so when he left that day up until I met up with him next I couldn't actually remember what he looked like hahaha! Now I see his face everyday I think it's imprinted in my memory for life! He has such a pretty face.... but I'm getting off track.
So yes as I said the rest is history. We moved in, got engaged, had our beautiful daughter and are now planning our 2018 wedding. Crazy how much can happen in 5 years! (Insert old pics).

 

Yes, we have have had arguments...
Now, I am not trying to sell us as this magical, fairytale relationship because of course it's not we have had some bad arguments, not often though to be honest. We always have this running joke after we have a big argument and make up, one of us end's up saying 'Well that's it till next year"!
As I was saying, I am in no way saying we are a the 'perfect couple', I mean there is really no such thing is there? But we are happy and love each other very much and I guess that's as close to perfect you can get.

The Tips...

1. Communication
This is the most important yet the easiest to forget. Communication in any relationship is key to maintaining it. Reece and I tell each other everything and always have, before Ella-Grace was born we had all the time in the world to talk about anything we wanted to. But when we had Ella-Grace everything became about her- as it should- so Reece and I found ourselves communicating only about Ella-Grace. Leaving him not being able to tell me about his work and me not telling him about how I was doing postpartum. So after a few weeks when everything settled we decided to fix this issue by simply asking questions! How was work? How was your day? How are you feeling? We would ask each other these questions if nothing else, every day. Making sure we each got out anything we needed to vent, keeping communication going and supporting one another.
So that's the tip here if you are struggling with communication since having a baby.... ASK QUESTIONS! I know it can be hard to remember when being a parent is the focus of your life but you have to remember to look after each other, through doing that you will both feel happy and be able to be the best parents you can be.

2. Date night
This is one you can only do when you feel comfortable and ready, go on a date. I had a tough time with baby blues, had a panic attack pretty much every night for the first 2 weeks of Ella-Grace's life. Obviously the fact I was a mum kept be going but as well as this Reece planned a date night for when Ella-Grace was a month old, to give me a chance to relax and show me what a good job I had been doing (he's cute like that). My sister watched Ella-Grace for 2 hours while we went for our date and although I pretty much spent the whole night texting my sister to check on the baby it was nice to sit with Reece and hold hands and be us. From then we decided that once a month we would do this and celebrate us. Which is again important. I know this is hard for some mothers and fathers to leave their baby- trust me I cried so much before hand- so don't feel you need to rush into it. Even if your date night is having a meal in the kitchen while your mum watching baby in the living room, that is still some time to spend as a couple and enjoy each other's company. This is another opportunity to open good communication between you and your partner also.



3. Don't Let Arguments Get Too Far
In the q&a I wrote last week, one of the questions was 'Do you and Reece argue more since becoming parents?' To which me and Reece answered no, we don't argue more but we do argue about different things and in the first few weeks when you are sleep deprived, the arguments can be quite petty. The trick is to not let the arguments go to far and try to forgive. For me when I get into an argument my anxiety always kicks in which can lead me to start having a panic attack due to the tension, which makes it hard for me not to keep arguing. I know that might sound confusing so here is an example if me and Reece are arguing and Reece (being his calm self) tries to walk away so we can both calm down, my anxiety kicks in and I can't let him walk off. I have to keep speaking, pacing and even if the argument is resolved I'm still spouting out anxious words. Reece is used to this and just let's me rant it out until I calm down, then we kiss and we are fine- this being what I mean by not letting things go to far.
I could stand and rant for an hour straight, Reece I'm sure is dying for me to shut up but we don't shout or scream or make threats. Instead we argue, we rant then kiss and its over. We love each other and we are not breaking up so what's the point in arguing. That is what every couple should remember in petty arguments, in the end you love each other so there is no point ruining that with threats and shouting. If the argument is serious enough that there is a potential for break up, that is a different story and I can't help you with that, sorry.
So yeah to round this tip up, yes arguments will happen but let them pan out, make up and never go to bed angry!

4. The Little Things
Some of my favourite times of the day, when small gestures are made. If you aren't ready for a full on date night or can't find time to sit and have supper together (which me and Reece definitely couldn't during the first month of being parents) there are still little things that mean so much. A hug, a kiss, a joke, something silly. All these little things are so important and I know things like silliness and jokes are part of the reason I fell in love with Reece, he always made me smile no matter what. So like communication after the first few weeks me and Reece were really trying to appreciate the little things that could be our time for example whenever Ella-Grace was having a nap we would give each other a big hug and say I love you, when I was feeding Ella-Grace we would watch a film or have a funny conversation about something silly. These times reminding me how much I loved Reece and that even though we are parents now, to each other we were still the same people that fell in love five years ago.
The little things. Reminding your partner of the reasons you fell in love or just reminding them that you do love them, can mean the world and will definitely help keep your relationship strong.


5. Stay Up That Little Bit Longer
I know, I know, sleep deprived enough and you should really 'sleep when baby is sleeping' but I tried this and I just felt that I seen Reece when he came home from work, fell asleep, then he was away again. Which made things so much harder because as I said communication is key and if you are sleeping there is no communication. I felt quite lonely at this point and all I wanted to do was cuddle Reece, watch a movie with him and ask him about his day. Which is exactly what we started doing and still do now. Yes we are more tired the next day but we both feel happy we had that time together to chill and communicate. Just like we did before Ella-Grace.
So if you and your partner are up for being a little bit extra tired now and again, I highly recommend this. It's worth your time.

6. Remember Your A Couple
Just a little one to finish. Remember your a couple. Yes, you are a mum and a dad ( or two mums or two dads, whatever your family situation may be) which are very important roles that should always be at the centre of who you are but you are also two people, in love and that is equally as wonderful. Remember it and appreciate it, cause not everyone has a happily ever after. This I make sure I never take for granted.


Thanks for reading...
So that's my tips, I hope they work for you and if not, comment below what works in your relationship. Thank you for reading as usual, I love hearing all the feedback. While your waiting for the next blog post why not check out one of my articles on 'Baby GaGa' (links below).

15 Crazy Laws That Actually Discriminate Against Pregnant Women
15 Most Ruthless Single Moms
15 Moms Reveal The One Thing They Said They Would Never Do But Ended Up Doing Anyway

Also if you want to follow my day to day life please follow my social media linked on my main blog page.

Till next time readers.

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

9 Reasons A C-Section isn't the easy option

Its been bugging me....
Welcome regular readers and new comers! Today's blog post is one that has been burning up inside me for a while. As most of you know I had an emergency c-section with my daughter Ella-Grace and many friends and some family members as well have also been through this same experience. This experience of BIRTH and PAIN.. but for some reason there is a false belief in many peoples minds that having a C-Section (Cesarean Section) is 'a -cop out' or the 'easy option'. 'Too posh to push' I hear often. Well I'm here to say that this is very wrong and here are the reasons why.

Not taking away from natural births...
Before I go into these reasons, I would like to point out that in no way am I trying to take away from mothers who have had a natural labor and delivery. I am not saying a c-section is harder, I am just saying that they are different but also equal in difficulty - Equal, not better or worse or harder/easier- I would love to hear about the difficulties of natural labor and I encourage you to comment below this blog I am genuinely curious as my experience was so different. But for this blog I am focusing on the judgement cc-section mums face and I hope anyone reading this who has had a natural/vaginal birth can support this post as I, and every other c-section mum should support yours. As I say in a lot of posts, supporting each other is key, we are all doing our best including with the birth.

What is a C-section...
For those who may not know or want a clearer definition of what a c-section ( cesarean section) is here is the definition taken from the 'NHS Choices' website along with a statistic:

"A Cesarean section, or C-section, is an operation to deliver your baby through a cut made in your tummy and womb.

The cut is usually made across your tummy, just below your bikini line.

A caesarean is a major operation that carries a number of risks, so it's usually only done if it's the safest option for you and your baby.

Around one in every four to five pregnant women in the UK has a Cesarean."

Now for the reasons... 

7 reasons why a C-section isn't the easy option 

1. The after pain
The after pain to any type of childbirth is going to be bad, you just had a baby come out of you in some way- of course your going to be in pain. But for some reason I always hear comments like 'At least you don't have to deal with tearing' or 'You can have sex sooner since it wont hurt'. No, no, no, no and NO! First of all the waiting time for sex is the same as after a vaginal birth (6 weeks I was told) and as for dealing with tearing, HELLO I have a tear, an incision and trust me that pain is very much there when the numbness wears off and it is very painful. I found it so painful in fact that for the first week or two but I'm getting ahead of myself. 

2. The higher and additional risks 
Now I did check this multiple times on websites and with actual medical professionals before I put this down as a reason as of course I didn't want to make a false statement. So as a c-section is a major surgery according to my research there is a higher risk of blood clots, infection, blood loss and death (death being 3X more likely). Additional risks include, paralysis (due to the spinal you have to get before hand), bowel and/or bladder injury and blood transfusion. Personally I wouldn't put increased/additional risk and easier option in the same sentence. 

3. Longer recovery time
After a vaginal birth you obviously also need recovery time but with a c-section there is usually a longer hospital stay and recovery process. I can't speak for the recovery process of a vaginal birth (although I am well aware it would be difficult)  but from my experience of a c-section the recovery process takes a long time and is very painful! Before you even leave the hospital there are things you need to work on including getting feeling back in your legs, standing, walking, getting your catheter out therefore making sure you can go to the bathroom naturally, showering and more, all this before you even take your baby home. On top of this you aren't aloud to walk far, drive at all, have only showers no hot baths and 'don't do too much, relax' this being pretty much impossible when your looking after a new baby and for me this was mostly on my own as Reece had to go back to work and most family live far away. Respect for the single mums out there with no help, how you manage to look after yourself and your baby alone with no help I do not know. 

4. After care
Slightly linking to my last point but valid of being a reason of its own, after care. The after care for a c-section is intense, you have to make sure you take enough pain killers to get you through the day, clean the wound (when dressing is removed), make sure to move around or wear socks that help your circulation (to prevent blood clots) and the worst of it, the 10 injections you have to get following the c-section. I don't know if I am being a baby or if they are this sore for most women but the injection (I think its anti-D but I could be wrong) you have to get is a lot worse than a normal needle. I managed to leave hospital after 2 days so you would think that was the end of the needles but I was told that i either had to inject myself or get Reece to do it, I chose for Reece to do it and oh my goodness, the dread I felt every morning for those 10 days when Reece came to me with the injection was unreal. The  pain of the needle stings all the way through your leg and I would have to sit and wince  in pain for at least 5 mins. 5 mins of a day for 10 days might not sound too bad but when your already dealing with the pain of the c-section, baby blues and looking after a new baby all these things can get on top of you quite easily, those 5 mins of pain which you dread every day just making it worse (obviously I know your better off getting the injection I am just saying it is not pleasant). 

5. Tasks increasingly difficult
Again I did already touch on this but to elaborate, tasks after a major surgery are obviously increasingly difficult or even impossible for at least the first 6 weeks. As I said you can't walk far, drive at all or take hot baths (which I wanted to do as it relax's me so much) and with basic movements such as sitting, standing, turning being extremely painful- even with pain relief- just looking after your new baby can be very difficult not to mention any other tasks you can to do like clean or maybe cook something for yourself. Even the 5 minutes of the day I would have a shower hurt so bad. 

6. Judgement 
Oh the judgement. The judgement you can receive from other people when you tell them you have had a c-section is so dis-heartening and can make you feel like you failed. I was desperate for a natural birth and after having a c-section some people made me feel as though I had failed my body and my child, I had not done what my body was supposed to do. When in actual fact if I had gone down the natural route (because of the situation with Ella-Grace's chord) I don't think I would have her here today. So no, I did not fail- I did exactly what a mother should, did what is best for her baby. My child was saved by a c-section and there is no way I would change my decision. The unnecessary judgement from getting a c-section definitely makes things harder than they need to be.  

7. Emergency
Most c-sections are emergency- as mine was. An emergency c-section isn't an easier option, it is something that can potentially be life saving. I would never choose to be in an emergency situation as it is a highly dangerous and scary event, again showing that a c-section is hard not easy. 

8. VB-AC 
Other than an emergency there are planned sections for many reasons which is not making it an easy option because it is planned, it is something that needs to be done for either the welfare of the mother, the child or both. One reason people might choose a c-section is if they have had one before as it is more difficult to have a VB-AC ( vaginal delivery after cesarean) than a natural birth on its own as the muscles have been ruptured in that area. So if that is what is best for mother and child or even if the mother just feels safer and more comfortable having a planned section that is important- the happier and calmer the mum is the more likely things will turn out okay. Each birth is personal to each mother and no matter what they choose it should not be judged. 

9. Increase chance of PND
When having a c-section there is also an increased chance of having PND (postnatal depression). This being because a lot of mothers can struggle to bond with their child as they maybe didn't get the labor/birth they wanted, they feel they have failed or the judgement that follows. I luckily bonded with Ella-Grace as soon as I seen her but even now there is a part of me that feels like I didn't 'give birth' to her as I never actually pushed her out and I don't know that feeling of giving birth naturally and having my baby put straight on my chest (as you see on one born every minute constantly). I am so happy I had a c-section as I have said, it saved her life and our bond is so strong I wouldn't change anything that happened for the world and I am proud of my labor and delivery. But there are many mothers in the world that really struggle with the fact they had to have a c-section and that is why the chance of PND is increased again making it clear that a c-section is not the easier option. 

Thank you for reading....
That's the end of this blog post I hope you enjoyed reading and if you can think of any other reasons or want to tell me about your c-section experience comment below. Or if you had a vaginal delivery comment about that too, I would love to know the difficulties that comes with that a c-section mother does not experience. No matter what kind of labor and delivery you went through, we should all support each other no matter what. Not to forget the dads out there who are also effected by this and any other ways family's can be started (surrogacy, adoption, IVF). Be kind to each other and I will see you soon readers, I hope this has made you rethink somethings.


Stay Happy Everyone :)!

(I do not own the images below) 

Fed is best.

Another highly requested blog post....
Hello there my readers! I hope you are all doing well! If this is your first time reading one of my blog posts, welcome! Today I am again writing another post that has been requested- my views on bottle vs breast and how you first establish feeding. I did touch on this in my breastfeeding blog post but I have been asked to go more in depth, so that's what I am doing. I hope you enjoy!

Figuring out feeding...
Before I even get into the whole "debate" I was asked by a reader how do you know what to do? When to feed the baby etc? This being something you only really find out when you have a baby - no matter how many parenting for idiot books you read. Being a mum who has now experienced both breast and bottle feeding I can put across how I figured it out as timing, routine etc is different with the two different types of feeding.

Breastfeeding- 
Breastfeeding is 100% on demand. You can try your hardest to time feedings but ultimately the baby is in charge. As far as I am aware from speaking to my midwife and health visitor (but don't quote me I am not a medical professional) you cannot over feed on breast milk and babies can feed every hour or more. Ella-Grace cluster fed, meaning she would be on and off, on and off my breast whenever she was awake. Partly for comfort and obviously because she was hungry. So to answer the question when it comes to breastfeeding you don't really know how much they are getting as you would when measuring a bottle and over-feeding is not possible so the timing and 'knowing what to do' isn't really a thing, you do as the baby demands. This being my knowledge from my experience. If you are worried about whether your baby is getting enough milk though (as I was when I came home from hospital) you can track feeds as well as dirty nappies that way you will get an idea of if your baby is getting enough. The way I did this was through an app on my phone where you would log each dirty nappy and time each feed. If Ella-Grace was feeding for longer than 10 mins and less than 1 hour then pulling away and having dirty nappies following this, I was assured that she was doing well. All babies are different though so as I said you really just have to listen to your baby and don't be scared to ask for help if you need to. The amount of questions I have asked the health visitor I'm surprised her head didn't explode haha.

Bottle feeding- 
Bottle feeding is a lot more scheduled, with set amounts and timings. On the formula tin it has guidelines as to how much your baby should eat and how often depending on their age. Ella-Grace (almost 4 months old) now has 180 mls, every 3-4 hours. I personally do not wake her up from her sleep for a feed every 4 hours, I know some people think you should but Ella-Grace has a good sleeping pattern now. She sleeps through the whole night and I don't want to mess that up and confuse her sleeping pattern by waking her up for a feed. Through the day though, yes she gets fed every 4 hours. You can overfeed on formula and formula fed babies are likely to get worse reflux and trapped wind (from what I can remember the health visitor telling me) so you do have to be careful with timings and not to overfeed your baby when on formula, hence why I feed her no less than 3 hours apart. I also burp her half way through her bottle now as she can struggle burping otherwise.

Again I am not a medical professional and I am NOT trying to tell you how to feed/look after your baby, I was asked to write about how a new mum figures out feeding hence why I am writing this. This is my experience and opinion.

Fed is best...
Referring to the title of this post 'Fed is best'. I decided to title it this instead of 'Breast is best' or Breast vs Bottle' because my belief is that feeding your baby, whether that is breast, bottle or both, that is really what is best and judging anyone based on how they are feeding their baby is no good for anyone, including the baby. So whatever way you feed your baby, well done your doing a great job.

Short recap on my feeding experience...
My last full post on feeding I was exclusively breast feeding Ella-Grace with the occasional bottle night from her Dad. Wow, how things can change. In Ella-Graces 3 month update I mentioned that I am now bottle feeding, no breast. Just before Ella-Grace was 2 months old she was having really bad reflux, which progressed to her not keeping down my breastmilk.. at all! She would feed, spew, feed, spew.. a never ending cycle. We then found out she was lactose intolerant and decided to try her on lacto-free formula which worked wonders, still a bit of reflux but she was keeping her food down. I adored breast feeding Ella-Grace and once I had cut all the dairy out of my diet I tried to wean her back onto the breast but even with all the pumping I did, my milk supply had drastically reduced and Ella-Grace was confused/upset with the lack of milk and switching between two different feeding methods. This is when Reece and I decided, bottle feeding was the way to go. Disappointing for me aas I was very keen to breastfeed Ella-Grace for as long as I could but now we have been bottle feeding Ella-Grace for almost 2 months now I do not regret our decision. It helped Ella-Grace and Reece bond more and to be honest Ella-Grace and myself are 10x calmer and happier, our routine is going well and I think this has been the best decision for our family.

Unnecessary Judgement...
I have touched on this subject in another blog post before so sorry if I am repeating myself but again this was what was requested of me and I am more than happy to oblige.
So to put it plain and simple my opinion on this debate over bottle or breast is-not to be rude but- mind your own business. So sorry if that sounds abrupt but I just think fair enough you have your own opinion on how you think children should be fed but unless someone asks for your opinion, keep that for your children. Don't push it on someone else or make someone else feel bad if their feeding arrangement for their child is different to yours. I have first hand experience in being judged for stopping breastfeeding and I cant explain how much that hurt, I adored breastfeeding and if I could of I would of continued for a very long time but it just wasn't meant to be. I would prefer my baby to be happy and gaining weight on bottle rather than spewing up my breast milk and screaming non stop just because 'breast is best. Don't get me wrong as I have said before my opinion is yes, of course breast milk is best. Your body makes that milk specifically for your baby but that in no way means bottle feeding mums should be judged or called bad mums for choosing that route of feeding. We should all be supporting each other because do you know what really matters? Not how a baby is being fed and whether you view that good or bad but that the baby is just being looked after thats what matters, that we are all trying our best as parents and whether that baby is breast or bottle fed, that baby is loved and with all the awful things that happen in the world and all the rotten things people can do judging fellow mums based on feeding when we are all just trying our best is not only ignorant but so very unkind. Stop this unnecessary judgement, start supporting each other.

So....
So the next time you see a mum bottle feeding their new born instead of judging the fact they are not breastfeeding, go over and say hi- you might make a friend. Next time you see a mum breastfeeding in public and you see people making comments, don't join the snarky remarks-stand up for your fellow mother. Cause we are all just doing the best we can and as someone said to me once, if your worrying whether your doing the right thing, whether you are a good mum or not.. you already are one. Cause at the end of the day no matter how each baby is fed, I can almost guarantee that they will all be so loved and cared for and that right there is what matters.
So stop this silly debate, it shouldn't be a debate. Forget about 'breast vs bottle' and just support each other and spread love, you never know what that mum and baby have been through. Everyone has a different story, we just have to care enough to not judge the cover.

Till next time...
I hope that makes sense, I know I kind of rambled on near the end there. Thanks again for reading and all the support I have received, Why not leave a comment and let me know your feelings on this topic? How do you feed your baby? Till next time.

Stay Happy Everyone :) !

How to start a blog

Another requested blog post....
Hello again readers! I hope everyone is doing well. When I posted on my social media asking what you guys would like me to write about I was overwhelmed with the response, so I am trying to work my way through each request this bringing me to today's blog post. 'How to start a blog'. This was requested by a reader who wanted to start a blog but didn't know how, I hope this helps. I am going to put down the steps that I went through when starting a blog, you obviously don't have to do them in this order or even this way (I am still new to blogging remember) but this is the way I went about starting 'LauraJane Life'. Enjoy!

Step 1: Research blogs/What do you want to blog about 
When starting a blog most likely you will already have an idea what you want to post: photography, beauty, lifestyle, reviews and more are all things a lot of people choose to blog about. So with me the first step was deciding I wanted to start a blog, knowing I wanted to write about being a new mum, my lifestyle and opinions (basically just an online diary for me to be honest I didn't expect others to like it so much). If you don't really have an idea what you want to blog about then you could always research other blogs for ideas and inspiration. Some people at this point may think of a title for their blog page, I personally didn't until the next step (took me forever) but feel free to do that first. So when you have your idea and know roughly what you want to blog about it's time to move to the next step.

Step 2: What site to use to set up your blog page/setting up your page 
There are multiple different sites you can use to set up your blog page, the two well known and most used ones being Blog spot (being the one I use) and Wordpress. Both these sites as far as I am aware are free, some other sites you may have to pay to set up your blog so be careful when signing up if you do not wish to pay to start your blog, remember to read the t&c. I chose Blog spot after watching a very old video on You Tube of 'Zoella' and 'Sprinkle of Glitter' in which they said they used Blog spot and that it was very simple to use and set up, being a massive fan of 'Zoella' of course I used the same platform as her. But yeah it's been a few months since I started my blog now so I can't remember every detail about setting my blog up but I remember you make an account (email and password) then the website takes you through each step including title, tag line, layout, pictures etc. with very clear instruction. Very simple and quick and obviously I enjoy using this platform so I would recommend this one but feel free to try others I just can't give advice on those, sorry.

Step 3: Write your first blog post 
I decided to write my first blog post before setting it up on social media etc because when I set up my Facebook page I wanted to have a blog post to post with it so it wasn't just a blank page (also I already had an Instagram and I just used the same one for my blog). I personally decided to write an introduction to my blog and myself, I felt this would invite people into my blog page and hopefully make people want to read what would come next (luckily worked for me). But you might want to jump right in and write a blog post about your chosen topic without an introduction, as I've said it is totally up to you this is just how I've done it. So write your blog post- it may take a while as it is your first one- proof read, add labels (words that link to your blog post so if people search one of those words your blog may come up), your location (if you want) and some picture. Preview it then publish! Now you are a blogger!

Step 4: Let people know about your blog through Social Media 
After I posted my first blog post I posted it on my personal blog page, a lot of my friends liked it, shared it and followed my page this prompting me to make an actual Facebook page for my blog which is what I did next (Facebook again gives you a step by step guide in making a page). I then posted this on the Facebook page and then again on my public Instagram. I personally don't have twitter but that would also be another form of social media that you might decide to use to promote your blog. And with any luck your blog will hopefully pick up!

More Tips...

- Hashtags are your best friends: they bring more people to your post therefore more views.
-Blog often (if possible)- the more you blog the more attention your blog gets.
-If you can't blog for a while make sure your readers know, post something on social media to keep them around.
-Writers block? Read other blogs or ask readers for ideas!
-Keep your layout up to date and interesting!
-Promote, promote, promote! Always post your blog posts on your social media, ask your friends to read and share, tell people face to face about your blog! You can also pay for advertisements but that is up to you if you want to start paying for promotion.

And after all this (if your aiming to be a paid blogger) your page will hopefully get enough views for you to be accepted by google adsense-which I just have been yay!- where you can have adverts on your page and the more clicks the more money you get, but that takes time so be patient! As amazing as it is to be paid to blog,  you have to not be blogging just for the money in my opinion, you have to enjoy it that way your readers will to! Your enjoyment will spread to your writing!

Hope that helps....
I hope that helped and if you are going to start a blog please leave a link in the comments or a usual any feedback! Good luck blogging fellow loggers and for those who enjoy being the readers not the writers I hope you continue to enjoy my blogs! Till next time.

Stay Happy Everyone :)! 

Mum Truths: Being a Mum but still being Me

Let me explain...
Hi readers!! I couldn't come up with a title to this blog that I felt explained well enough what I am going to write about so I am going to explain. When you become a mum that is fully what you are 24/7 a mum, everything is about the baby and you are mum. This being one of the biggest honors in the world, being able to be a mother is a privilege but at the same time you still are you, your still a person aside from your baby and sometimes this get's lost and mothers (and fathers I am sure experience this too) can feel guilty when feeling upset that by having a baby they don't feel themselves anymore. This is a feeling a lot of mums get including myself and not something to feel guilty about, so today that is what I am writing about. Keeping your sense of self/identity and having me time.

There is no shame....
Why the guilt? Why the shame? This should not exist. Having a baby is amazing and rewarding and as I said in the previous paragraph being a mother is something to be thankful for as not everyone gets this amazing opportunity. But people must remember that before a mum became a mum, they were just their own person with dreams, hobbies and opinions. All these things are still there when a woman becomes a mum but it can sometimes get lost and its okay to want that sense of self and time to be you away from your baby. In fact in my opinion this shows how much of an amazing mum you are, I myself want to show my daughter my dreams, my opinions and my hobbies. I want to show her that Mummy has a strong sense of self and on top of being your mum has goals of her own. Having a desire to find yourself again after having a baby doesn't make you a bad mum, it makes you human.

My experience...
I have always valued my independence and my ambitious nature. Since I was younger I have always had goals, dreams that I wanted to reach. Strong opinions and hobbies that I could list for anyone that asked. When I became a mum as much of a gift that was after a few weeks I did realise that I was feeling a bit lost. I adored my baby and being a mum had changed my life for the better definetley but I felt like if someone asked me my hobbies I wouldn't be able to answer or if someone said what's your goals in life I would be stuck for words. My blog really helped me as this was something that was mine but even most of my blog posts are about me as a mum for other mums and sometimes I would go weeks without posting. And as a lot of other mums do, I felt guilty for wanting my sense of self back, felt guilty for wanting to have me time to be that ambitious 20 year old I was and still deep down am.
Even though this was a concern for me to honest until recently I didn't have time to deal with it. Obviously Ella-Grace is my top priority and I was, still am adjusting to being a new mum. Some days I struggled to have a shower while Ella-Grace is napping let alone have some me time and find my identity again.

One step at a time...
The past few weeks as Ella-Grace has gotten a bit more independent (happy to sit or play for a while without my constant attention) and she has been a lot better when she is with Reece when I'm not there, I have managed to fit in me time. I started with just taking long baths which I have always loved to do (especially with a LUSH bathbomb, YES!) then I started to blog a bit more frequently, started exercising again, joined a creative writing class and as of yesterday I have officially applied to do my degree ( English Literature and Creative Writing) through Open University starting in October- this being something I have always aspired to do, get a degree. Obviously I didn't jump from having a long bath to Open University overnight, I had been thinking about applying since I was pregnant I just had lost that ambition being so focused on being the best mum I could be.

Why I don't feel guilty...
I have explained this a bit already but to make it personal to me, I did not feel guilt because I do everything I do not only for myself but for my daughter. I want to show her that you can do anything you put your mind to, you can be a mum and also get a degree (something many people tell you is impossible). I want to show her that you can look after your family and enjoy me time. I want her to know it is okay to think about yourself and that looking after your self physically AND mentally is good for not only yourself but the people you care about to. You can do your best when you are feeling your best and it is okay to make sure of that. A lot of mums and dads reading this might have different ambitions to me, they might not care about a degree and want to stay home with their children which is amazing! My point is you are showing your children that you know who you are, you make your own choices in your life and you look after yourself as well as others. This being a very, very important lesson to children and will in my opinion be key to their confidence and happiness in later life. I want my daughter to have a strong sense of self and never feel guilty about loving and taking care of her own needs, something society seems to make us feel bad about which is why this is so vital.

Hi I am....
So to conclude... Hi, I am LauraJane Bethune (soon to be Webster) I am 20 years old, engaged and have a daughter called Ella-Grace who is 3 months old. My hobbies are reading, writing and socialising. My goals are to get my English Literature and Creative writing degree and hopefully get a well paid job from this, I aim to be a good mum to Ella-Grace (and maybe another baby one day),get married to Reece, hopefully move to Edinburgh one day with my little family, go abroad with Reece and Ella-Grace for the first time and hopefully get rid of some baby weight (although not top on my list). I have strong opinions on equality and feel that my best qualities are being open-minded, kind and ambitious. I struggle with anxiety and can be a bit of a control-freak but I work on this everyday.
That's me and I am thankful I know who I am and as I have already said, I can show my daughter that this is important. I hope all you readers, anyone who might feel a bit lost finds your sense of self soon or even just finds a hobby they can do once a week that is a baby step. Comment below who you are? What are your hobbies, goals or opinions? I love to read your comments and feedback! Till next time readers (which will be very soon, I am super prepared this week haha)

Stay Happy Everyone :)! 

One for the Dads. Happy Father's Day!

One for the Dads...

Working Dads, Stay-at-home Dads, Step-Dads, Dads who have adopted, New Dads, Grandads, Great-Grandads, Experienced Dads, Single Dads... To All the Dads in the world; HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!! 

The role of a Dad is so vital and in my eyes just as important as the Mum's role but for some reason it often gets over looked or put down, but today it's all about you guys! This one is for all of you great dads in the world, your all doing a great job well done!

The Dads in my life.... 

My Dad... 

My dad is annoying, cheesy and has embarrassed me multiple times but I wouldn't change him for the world. We have had our fair share of arguments (especially when I lived at home) but his strength, confidence and selflessness is something I have always admired. I am lucky enough to have my mum and dad still together (a rare thing nowadays) and I have never seen my Dad treat my Mum with anything but respect and love from this I always knew if I were ever to be in a relationship with someone I knew how I should be treated and how I should treat them, with only respect and love. So when I met Reece and he treated me the same way I had seen my Dad treat my Mum I knew I had a keeper. No matter how much pain my dad is in he will offer to cook you something or carry your bag, no matter how little money he may have he is constantly trying to pay for things for you or make sure you have everything you need. Not to mention his cooking is THE BEST and he is an amazing grandparent to Ella-Grace (even if he can't cope with her crying haha), she loves her Pops! My Dad and I have totally different opinions on things and sometimes he really winds me up but his heart is good and I am lucky to call him Dad. So Dad, Happy Fathers Day sorry I cant be there today but me, Reece and Ella-Grace will see you very soon.

Reece's First Father's Day...

Happy First Father's Day Reece! Since the day I met you, you have respected, loved and empowered me in our relationship and now as our baby girl grows you will- as my dad did- show her how she should be treated and as you have me, you will love and empower her to do what she wants in life, I couldn't ask for a better Dad for our little girl and she just adores you in every way. Everytime you come home from work her little face lights up and it melts my heart! I have no idea how we got so lucky to have you, WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH! Sorry for the cheesiness readers but I mean every word of it. I have always my independence and never agreed with partners telling each other what to wear, what to do etc. and you have not only empowered my independence but also defended it in situations where people stereotyped our relationship (for example me being only aloud to do something when you tell me to, you would always defend me/back me up and say I make my own decisions). This being something I have always appreciated through out our relationship and what made me fall in love with you, the fact that Ella-Grace has a dad who will empower her independence and encourage her to follow her dreams means so much to me and is all I could ever want for our daughter. I could go on and on about what an amazing person/ dad you are, about how hardworking, kind, funny and what a hands-on dad you are but I would probably write a novel haha. Actions speak louder than words and right at this moment you've not long come home from work and you go straight to Ella-Grace, that says it all.

Why I am who I am....
I owe so much of the person I am today to these two men, so thank you again for being amazing, helping/supporting me and if I haven't said it enough already, Happy Fathers Day!!!

Dads all over the world....
As I said at the start this is to all the Dad's of the world, all shapes, sizes, all different parenting styles. Dad's are so important and so much of the time aren't mentioned unless its a joke about what Dad's do wrong which in my opinion isnt good enough. So today Dad's I'm writing to say Well done for the amazing job your doing not only looking after your children but also supporting your partners or maybe doing it on your own. There are so many different types of Dad's is hard to include them all but to all the different Dad's and all the different parenting styles you may have, Happy Father's Day!

Just a short one....
That's all really, just a quick post for Fathers Day. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a Dad or some Dad's may have sadly past so please make sure you say Happy Fathers Day to your Dad, Grandad, Step Dad or Dad's today, also (not to take away from dads but i think this is important to recognise) if you have a single mum, who'd doing it alone make sure you say Happy Fathers day to her too! Thank you for reading, why not leave a little comment telling me about your Dad or what you did for Fathers day this year? Till next time.

Stay Happy Everyone:)!

Ella-Grace : 3 Month Update!!

Tell them about yourself...

"Hi, My name is Ella-Grace Angela Webster! I am 3 months old and have grown/changed a lot since I was born. Mummy looks after me everyday, we have lots of fun singing songs, playing with toys and going on walks. Daddy comes home every night and is off 2 days a week, he is the best at bath time and makes me laugh when he reads me stories. I am growing very big and don't fit into my 0-3 month clothes anymore, Mummy just switched my clothes round to bigger sizes and I am now in size 3 nappies. My favourite things to do are listen to stories, sing songs, nap, have a bath, eat and I am very chatty especially to Mummy and Daddy. I don't like lying down I prefer to sit in my chair, I don't like when my hands or feet are covered I'm always kicking the blanket off me when mummy puts it on me and I especially don't like getting dressed, I prefer to be naked haha! I have learnt lots of new things since I was born and I am currently working on reaching my feet, they look so fun to play with! And that's all from me I think, Mummy will tell you more"

Where has the time gone....

Time really flies when you are having fun... or changing nappies, feeding the baby and all the other things you have to do as a parent. I am so grateful to have such a wonderful daughter and I have enjoyed her first three months so much, watching her grow is amazing but as most mums and dads I'm sure would agree part of me wishes she would slow down and stay my tiny baby for a bit longer!
The other day I put up a post asking for suggestions on what I could write about in my blog, I had many wonderful ideas and thank you so much readers for that I will be taking all of your thoughts on board. One of the things asked for was updates on Ella-Grace (which I am going to do ever three months) so here is her first update at 3 months old. Enjoy.


Feeding...
Since my breastfeeding post a lot has changed with Ella-Grace's feeding (if you would like to know more on my experience please go to my Mum Truths:Breastfeeding blog post). To slightly recap, Ella-Grace is lactose intolerant and even when I cut out dairy she was not keeping my breast milk down, because of this I had to change to bottle feeding her at 2 months. I loved breastfeeding Ella-Grace and really tried getting her back into it but after having bottles she was getting confused, my supply had dropped significantly despite pumping as often as I could and as I said the breast milk unsettled her tummy so to my disappointment I had to stop breastfeeding. I struggled with this as I really wanted to breastfeed her till at least 6 months and I felt like I had failed but as a very wise friend said to me "Fed is best!", to be honest as well she is a lot more settled on the formula and can digest it a lot better. For those interested we get 'Aptimil Lacto-free formula' on prescription for Ella-Grace (luckily as the formula is expensive and in quite small tins compared to average formula). Bringing it back to her update for 3 months she is currently getting 180ml of formula every 3-4 hours. That's all there really is to say on feeding (I will be going into more detail about switching to bottle feeding in a separate blog post as requested).

Sleeping...
Sorry to all the exhausted parents out there who's baby is up all night but Ella-Grace sleeps pretty much all night (still in our bedroom in her swinging cot) depending on what time we put her down, how much she has napped through the day and so on. Our routine with her at the moment is when Reece comes home from work around 7pm he has his supper then we bath her (two days a week), put her in her pjs, read a story then put her to bed with her toy giraffe (cannot forget that giraffe haha) and her dummy. Often she can take a while to settle because she spits her dummy out or rubs her eyes so much she wakes herself up but once she is out she sleeps pretty much all night, the most she will get up is once at about 2am for a bottle then back to sleep. The only worry we have when she is sleeping is the risk of cot death, my brother died when he was a baby of cot death which can mean she has an increased risk but we take all the necessary precautions and have a special alarm to monitor her breathing levels so thankfully she is fine, healthy and we don't need to stress too much. We are so lucky and as I said for the parents who are struggling with sleep I apologise and hope you can get some sleep very soon!

Teething...
Ella-Grace has only just started teething so not much to say about that yet, its a bit of a struggle as she has not quite yet got the co-ordination to hold a teething toy in her mouth so we are having to hold it there for her to chew then she will decide she wants her dummy to suck on instead and then switch again (can be a long process to get her settled). Apart from that and the excessive drooling we haven't had to give her any teething gel or anything like that yet but I know its on its way! Wish us luck, better get ordering those amber beeds I hear they work wonders.

Development...
Oh my goodness I am so proud of our little girls development! This is not to show off or put anyone else's baby down if they have not done some of these things yet- all babies are diffeent and develop at different stages/times- just giving an honest update on how Ella-Grace is getting on and thankfully she is developing well. So far she has laughed, smiled, can roll over from her stomach to her back (not quite mastered the back to belly roll yet, gets stuck on her side), she can grab things, hold her head up and is trying ALREADY to stand! I look at her every day and just think wow she has come so far from that tiny baby in the hospital and I couldn't be prouder. There are things we need to work on with her for example holding toys, messy play, sitting up etc. but all this will come in due time and I know that babies should meet certain milestones by certain ages but in my opinion she will do things when she is ready and able. But yeah at 3 months they are the things that she has developed so far.

Bonding...
As I have said in my previous blog posts I have thankfully had a very strong bond with Ella-Grace since she was born which has helped me through the stressful times in being a new mum, every day I love her more and more. It's hard to describe the bond with your child to someone who hasn't had children but for any of my readers who dont have children and want to know what the bond is like the best way I can describe the bond between me and my baby girl is that it's like we are one person, from the day she was born I have been with her and she has been with me and I feel like we are just one person or unit hence why it is so hard to leave her with someone even her Dad, we are inseparable and I love that. I realise that sounds a bit strange but that's the truth. She is my bestfriend, my little buddy for life. Especially with my anxiety I used to have panic attacks whenever I was alone but now I always have her by my side and I am obviously always busy so she has thankfully made my anxiety better in some ways, making our bond even bigger cause I feel I need her just as much as she needs me.

As for Reece the bond from birth wasn't as strong as mine was with her- which is common for Dad's as they are usually the one's at work, not the main caregivers- but it was always there. Over these past few months they have grew closer and she is gradually becoming more of a Daddy's girl (smiling when he comes home from work, wanting to go to him, letting him put her down to sleep). This gradual bond that they have gained over the past few weeks is in some ways even more special than our instant connection cause I feel that she has learned to love him and appreciates his presence a lot more than mine because I'm mum, here everyday where as she can miss him. This is not me being negative about our bond at all of course I love that she can rely on me to be there everyday, I just think its special that she has a different kind of bond with Daddy.

 We both love her very, very much and we are very fortunate to have a strong family bond.

Allergies and more...
Reece (Ella-Grace's daddy and my fiance) has a list of allergies (allergic to animal hair, hayfever, eczema) and on top of that he has asthma. Ella-Grace - not to our surprise- has developed hayfever, eczema and possibly (still unsure but it is likely) an allergy to animal hair. This on top of her lactose intolerance and reflux/constipation makes things a little difficult and we are constantly checking her breathing ect. as she has a risk of asthma. Luckily none of these allergies have severely bothered her as of yet and we have medicine to help with her constipation (Lactoloose) which she gets every night. As a parent your are constantly worried your child gets ill or hurt so her having these conditions does put me a big on edge but she has always been a little fighter and like her Mama wont let anything put her down. A very strong little lady we are bringing up and I love that about her. There is always the hope she will grow out of some of these allergies so we will just have to wait and see in the next update if they have improved.

Hopes and fears for the next three months... 
I hope for the next few months that Ella-Grace has continuing health and her development continues to go well. To be more specific I am hoping to try her with her first proper food and hopefully learn to sit up but as I said earlier I just want her to go at her own pace and she will do things when she is ready.
I am keeping positive about the future but as a parent you always worry. Ella-Grace has her second set of jabs coming up and she got quite ill the last time so I am a bit scared about that and also teething I am scared she will be very unsettled by and it might interrupt her sleep pattern. Hate seeing her in pain and my anxiety always is at it's peak if she is ever in distress so any kind of shake in her routine always gives me a bit of nerves but we will get through it.

Thank you for reading...
So that is Ella-Grace's 3 month update I hope you enjoyed reading, learnt a little bit about my daughter and maybe related to some of the things going on with her. As always please leave feedback, advice or maybe tell me how your baby is getting on? in the comments I love to read them. Till next time readers.

Stay Happy Everyone :)!