Our TTC Story: Getting Pregnant with Baby #2

The secret is out...

Baby number 2 is on the way and finally I am able to share this with all of you. Now I can finally explain why I have been absent from the blog and why I have had posts 'pending' for a long time because many of them are about pregnancy and baby number 2, and as you will now read, trying to conceive. 

Before getting into this post I do want to say that this is all just my experience, opinions and emotions. I know that talking about TTC (trying to conceive), pregnancy, fertility, babies etc. can be triggering for some people who have had problems or bad experiences so if you feel this may upset you then please do not read or read with someone you trust to support you. Reece and I are very lucky to have our beautiful 20 month old daughter, Ella-Grace and to of conceived baby number 2 very quickly and although this time round TTC and pregnancy has proven to be a bit tougher that is nothing compared to what others go through and we feel so so blessed. I cannot stress that enough, I am so thankful. I just wanted to make that clear before I go into telling the story of our TTC journey. 

I also know that some people may feel uncomfortable with the topic of TTC because of course that involves somewhat talking about intimacy but that is how a baby is made and it is totally natural so I personally do not think it should be a taboo topic. We need to open up about these things and then maybe others will not feel so alone or awkward about their experiences. But if you are one of those people who do not wish to read about TTC and think it could be too much information then once again feel free to click away and you can come back for another post.  

With all that said it's time to get on with the post, starting with deciding to have another baby. Our last baby FOR SURE. 

Deciding to try for baby number 2 (our last child)...

New parents with our tiny Ella-Grace

Now you will have to forgive me for the blurry details, I may have been planning this post for a while but I am just now (13 weeks pregnant) finishing it off and my baby brain makes me forgetful. So after having Ella-Grace, Reece and I were not certain we wanted more children like some couples are. We were at that moment in time very happy with having just Ella-Grace and for all we knew this would be us set up for life when it came to the size of our family. Not ruling out the idea of more children completely but feeling confident that if Ella-Grace was to be the only child we chose to have that, that would be great and we were happy to have an only child. With this in mind around 4 weeks after Ella-Grace was born I got the contraceptive implant put in, feeling confident that we would not want another child (if ever) at least for the next 3 years which is how long the implant can stay in your arm before needing removed or changed. I decided on this form of contraception after a talk with my midwife and doctor about all the options I had and found this worked best for me. I did not have to think about it at all which is a plus for someone like me who has anxiety and would stress about taking tablets daily and it lasted a long time and as I said we were sure we did not want any other kids for a while if at all. I know that the implant can have some bad side effects for some women, in fact I know a lot of people who chose this and I think out of all of us I was the only one who did not have bad side effects so please do not take this as me recommending a course of contraception to you. If you would like advice on contraception please talk to a doctor not take my word for it as I am not a trained professional, this is just my experience. Anyways so yes from when Ella-Grace was 4 weeks old I was on the contraceptive implant lasting 3 years, until we changed our minds.

20 months old, 6 months left as an only child

Now do not get me wrong, I still think there are pros to having just one child. Many people said to me when I shared that we may just be having one child that it was not fair on Ella-Grace and that she would be spoiled and not have anyone to play with etc. This I do not think is true and is, in my opinion, a very judgemental way to look at a situation. There are many only children in the world and I can guarantee not all of them wish they had siblings and many of them are social and not 'spoiled' as people say. There is something truly special I think about putting all your time and energy into one child, that child being the centre of your world. This is what made us think we just wanted one child in the first place, because we just look at Ella-Grace and burst with pride and I loved the thought of everything I had being put in to raising our little angel and only her. Obviously this is not the path we chose to go down but we still believe this would of been great too and anyone who does wish to have one child, good for you, be confident with your decision and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We however changed our minds, for the following reasons.

36 weeks pregnant with Ella-Grace here 

The first reason being that I really wanted to experience pregnancy again and desperately wanted to have a natural birth. For those of you who have been reading my posts for a while you will know that with Ella-Grace I had an emergency c-section and although I did experience 10 hours of labour with only gas and air, I did not deliver naturally. Which as a woman is something that I am longing to experience. Not every woman does but I do and I think the fact that a woman's body can do that is so magical and although the pain is horrendous I really want to experience a natural birth once in my life. This may not happen obviously, birth is unpredictable and nothing is guaranteed but I am keeping hopeful that I will be able to do this VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I felt the first time around I did not appreciate being pregnant because of how excited I was to meet my first child, I wished it away and hoped that doing it a second time around I would appreciate it a bit more (proving to be harder than I thought but that's a different story). As well as this I know Reece wanted to be able to experience having paternity leave and actually spending some time bonding instead of having to go straight to work as he did for Ella-Grace. Because of a job change paternity leave was not available for Reece and the day after Ella-Grace was born he had to start a new job leaving me a new Mother alone with a new baby after a c-section straight away and Reece, a new dad not getting that bonding time. We both wanted time to get used to being new parents and enjoy our new family unit but never got that so that was definitely something we both thought would be amazing to get out of having another baby.

Another reason we started warming to the idea of having another child is that Ella-Grace is a very social child and loves other children. She is also very gentle with small babies and has not seemed to show any jealousy when I show attention to another child. So, where as some children may not benefit from a sibling or personality may fit being an only child, with Ella-Grace it was almost like she was telling us a sibling would be something she wanted. Obviously she is not really thinking that but we believe she will really rise to the challenge of being a big sister and will benefit. Children change all the time and who knows, she may become a bit more wild and less gentle, she will likely be jealous when baby gets here but in the long term I think in her situation she will love having a sibling. She already cuddles my belly and says 'baby', it is the cutest!

Lastly, we decided we wanted to try for another baby because well, we wanted another baby. I don't know what else to say about it. I have always been very maternal and I just felt in my gut that I was not yet done having children and although Reece at first was not sure he very quickly came to the conclusion that he felt the same and not only that we both automatically knew that if we were lucky enough to get pregnant again that this would be our last baby. Being a family of four would be our family unit complete and this time there most definitely would be no changing minds. I know many reading this may say we could 'change our minds again' or 'you never know' but I can confidently say this will be our decision and after baby 2 is born we will be shutting up shop when it comes to baby making. Our reasons for this is a whole other post in itself so if you would like to hear that then please let me know.

So yes, around Ella-Grace's first birthday this conversation of having baby number 2 was opened up and we at first decided to start trying in September 2018, which quickly turned into August 2018 when the only appointment available for my implant removal (just over 1 year after getting it in) was scheduled for 31st July 2018. The reason for deciding to try at this time was so that the wedding was out the way, we were moved into our new home and that hopefully Ella-Grace and baby number 2's birthdays would not be too close together- we conceived Ella-Grace in June 2016.

And so that was the decision made and baby dancing began...

August 2018 (First Month TTC)

Positive Ovulation Test

After getting my implant removed (July 31st 2018) my period started just hours after, which is very lucky as some women don't find that their period return for weeks or months meaning their fertility would not be back to normal, but because mine started straight away we were able to start trying quickly. So after a 5 day period we started 'baby dancing' daily to try and give us the best chance of getting pregnant. Now as fun as 'baby dancing' is, as parents finding the time and energy to 'baby dance' can be tricky especially with Reece working 9 hours most days but we made it work (Ella-Grace sleeping through the night certainly helped). Luckily I was able to roughly track my ovulation using an ovulation calendar and I also used ovulation strips, which you use like a pregnancy test, so I would know exactly when I ovulated. My first positive ovulation test was on the 11th August 2018. We had managed to fit in 'baby dancing' the few days prior, the day of ovulation and few days post, after this we cooled off for a bit as now ovulation had past we were finally in the waiting time. Which is the most annoying and stressful part of TTC, the not knowing and the long wait. For an anxious, control freak like me it was too much to take and I started testing and symptom spotting from 7 DPO (days past ovulation) which now in hindsight was a bad idea. But yeah from everything I had read, every video about TTC I had watched, it seemed like we were guaranteed to get pregnant and obviously when I think get pregnant because I had a smooth pregnancy the first time around I do not worry about anything going wrong.

Symptoms
As the wait went on I felt that I was starting to experience what could be pregnancy symptoms. My breasts were sore, I was feeling sick and more tired than usual.

Testing

First Faint Lines

I started testing as I said at 7 dpo and would test every two days. I became a serial tester and although at the time it felt exciting because I was so sure I was pregnant (based on symptoms and that we tracked ovulation) in hindsight it was a bad idea and I should of waited till closer to the time of my period. The problem is when you have an abundance of strip tests all you want to do is test, test, test especially when you are actively trying for a baby.

So the first few tests looked negative but as they were so early I thought just that, I was testing too early and then around 11 dpo I started to get what looked like a positive strip test. I thought I was imagining things but Reece could see the lines too. No missed period yet of course but I was starting to think I must be pregnant! Nearing when my period is due now and I upgraded from a strip test to a standard test, this showed up positive (I WISH I still had the picture of this test because it was the clearest positive I got but I think I deleted it unfortunately). At this point I was sure I was pregnant.. then I started getting cramps. Thinking nothing of it as I stared at my positive tests. The day before my period was due I went out and bought a clear blue test and that result was not what I had thought or wanted it to be. It was negative. 

Negative result? Confused

After experiencing pregnancy symptoms and getting lines on strip tests and one positive standard pregnancy test I was very confused when the clear blue test came back negative. The next day (the day my period was due) sure enough I got my period. A chemical pregnancy/early miscarriage did not come to mind immediately, I just assumed I was wrong and this was just my period starting. Then after speaking to a close friend who had also seen the tests and experiencing very painful cramps I decided to speak to a doctor. After this chat I came to the conclusion that I may have just gone through a chemical pregnancy.

Chemical Pregnancy 
I did not know how to feel and how to come to terms with the fact that I had gone through a chemical pregnancy. Just as I was beginning to think I was pregnant it was taken away from me yet I was still feeling pregnant (still feeling sick, tired and- the big symptom- I had sore, tender breasts. This symptom was something I had only ever experienced in my first pregnancy and at no other time in my life. It was the biggest sign first time round) but at the same time bleeding? I felt guilty for even caring because others have been through worse and it was so early on was I even pregnant? From what I have learned about chemical pregnancy it is likely that an egg and a sperm did meet in my body but failed to attach to my uterus wall which is why I experienced symptoms and got light positive tests (these tests although consistent barely got darker which is another sign of chemical pregnancy or miscarriage apparently) but then ultimately got my period and got a negative digital. It just was not meant to be this time. It was a hard and confusing time and still to this day I can't really describe how I feel about what happened or how I should feel? Sad, disappointed, guilty and confused. You can probably tell by the quick description of it that I am uncomfortable talking about it, it was a hard time, very confusing but I want others to know that if you think you are experiencing a chemical pregnancy- I get you, I have mixed emotions too. After the bleeding finally stopped, Reece and I tried to pick ourselves up and start again but this time taking a different approach.

September 2018 (Second Month TTC) 

So I started my period/chemical pregnancy bleeding on the 27th August 2018. This lasted for about 5-7 days I think. Hard to remember now as I tried to block out that memory because as I said it was an emotional and confusing time. Once the bleeding stopped Reece was ready to start trying again but every time I thought about 'baby dancing' I just got anxious as now I was scared to get pregnant in case something went wrong. This was my first ever experience in anything even close to a  miscarriage and it truly scared me. I feel so bad saying that because I know so many people who have gone through worse and to me this was almost like I just had my period but the thought that I may have been pregnant and then was no longer pregnant just scared me. What if it happened again, what if I miscarry when I'm further on, what if I have a still birth. I was frightened and did not want to have to deal with this but I did really want another child. I was getting angry with myself for physically being unable to 'baby dance' due to fear and anxiety. Reece of course was supportive as always and was just ready to try when I was ready. The ovulation tests were too stressful for me and so was even checking when I could possibly ovulating so that was also out the window, we decided to try care-free and if it happens it happens. We resumed 'baby dancing' 9th September. The ONLY day in September we had sex (important note). Our life got busy and I had put trying for a baby to the back of my mind. Knowing we had probably missed our fertile window and knowing we only tried once I was ready to get my period and face another month of trying but as symptoms built I started to think otherwise. 

List of symptoms

Symptoms were tricky to spot this time because I was still getting some of them from the month before- after having a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage you can continue to get symptoms for a while after. All September I was experiencing sore breasts and sickness. My emotions were high but due to this month being particularly bad for my anxiety and just having gone through a chemical pregnancy that's what I put this down to. The biggest symptom was a missed period.
I got to the 24th September (I was calculating my period to come every 4 weeks) and there was no period. However I was cramping so still awaiting the arrival of aunt flow not believing I could be pregnant. Another day past, more symptoms arose (breasts looking bigger, food aversions and cravings- I remember going for food with my sister and needing hot sauce which was a craving last pregnancy) and no period. Then another day, no period. And another. Reece was suspicious but was going by what I said so he even was not thinking I was pregnant. At this point we were also preparing to go on our honeymoon in the next few days so were so busy. Then, just to get it out the way and deal with the negative result that I thought I was going to get, I decided to test.

I'm Pregnant! 

That's right, September 27th 2018 (exactly a month after the bleeding started last month) in the Trinity centre bathroom with a pregnancy test bought from Superdrug I found out I was carrying baby number 2. The test line appeared IMMEDIATELY! I had never experienced such a fast result on a test before and I could not believe my eyes! So certain I was not pregnant that I had took a test in a public bathroom and there in front of my eyes was a positive pregnancy test! I immediately took a picture and showed it to Ella-Grace- who had no idea what I was talking about of course haha. Exclaiming to her that she would be a big sister! I was shocked and so happy! I could not wait to tell Reece. I had planned to tell him with a t-shirt I had bought for Ella-Grace the month before that said 'Totally Amazing Sister' on it but the t-shirt was at home and we were in town, literally minutes away from meeting Reece for lunch. There was no way I could keep it a secret all through lunch and wait till he got home to tell him so, when we met up at lunch I pretended I had bought Ella-Grace some new clothes and asked if he wanted to see it. He of course said yes, but instead of pulling out an item of clothing I took out a pregnancy test. I think Reece's words were 'You're pregnant? OMG Really?!" to which I obviously said yes and we hugged. He had the biggest smile on his face it was so sweet. Ella-Grace all the while was very confused and just wanted to go and get some food haha.

And after that goes into the first trimester which will be the next post so you will just have to wait for those details.

Summary of TTC experience...

Trying to conceive second time round proved to be very different to getting pregnant first time with Ella-Grace. It always would of been of course because no pregnancy or child is the same but also because circumstances and mindsets were totally different going into the TTC journey with baby 2. With Ella-Grace Reece and I had just discussed having children and were not actively trying although we were of the mind set that if we were to get pregnant that would be great. And so we did. Not really tracking it, it just happened somewhat unplanned but very much wanted! Where as this time round we had planned it down to the month we started trying and when we needed to baby dance. The chemical pregnancy threw a massive emotional spanner in the works but maybe that was meant to be in a way (I am not the type of person to say that usually but this kind of makes sense in my head), the month after we experienced a chemical pregnancy, my anxiety kicked in which forced us to take up a very similar approach to TTC to when we got pregnant with Ella-Grace ; if it happens, it happens. We did not want to put stress on us or over think it because we knew it could take a while. And it was when we took this attitude again much like the first time around we concieved baby number 2. I whole heartedly believe that when you stop thinking about it, that is when you get pregnant. I don't know if there is any scientific evidence to this or just a hunch but both times I found out I was pregnant was around the time I started thinking 'what happens, happens' and convincing myself I am probably not pregnant- how strange. Obviously different for everyone but just find it so fascinating that even though Reece and I were in two totally different places in life from when we conceived Ella-Grace to when we conceived baby 2, we still managed to conceive them in a similar way. Over all however I am so grateful that our TTC stories with both Ella-Grace and baby 2 have been short and although not at all times sweet, NOTHING compared to what others have gone through and are going through. We are very fortunate to be a fertile couple able to produce children easily, baby number two on the way and our family will be complete. I feel so lucky and undeserving to be in this position when so many others have been trying to start their family for a long time. Very thankful for my babies. Good luck to anyone who is TTC and no matter how you end up starting a family (naturally conceiving, IVF, adoption etc) it will be beautiful and they will be your children. There are all types of families and all have different stories, full support from me to all of you. 

Thank you for reading...

And breathe.. feel like I did a lot of talking (or should I say typing) especially in that last paragraph- just can't stress enough how grateful I am. Sorry if this was more of a chit chat type post rather than an informative l or helpful post. I just wanted to share with you my experience conceiving baby number 2 and that involves a lot of emotions that I can't really put into perfect grammar. If anyone would like a 'TTC tips' post that is more informative then please let me know. I am so happy to be on this journey again (even if the first trimester is not the most fun- more information on that in the next post) and thank you so much for reading. Double thank you for anyone who has been here long enough to read about us conceiving Ella-Grace and baby number 2! That would be almost 2 years of reading my posts and I am truly honoured you even care what I have to say and want to read about me and my life, thank you, thank you, thank you. Next up will be a post all about the first trimester, it has been eventful to say the least. You will all find out the details in due time. Now signing off another blog post from me, Reece, Ella-Grace AND baby 2....

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

1 Year Post-Partum Update

Haven't blogged in a month.WHAT...

"Hello stranger", that must be what you are all thinking right now because it has been a WHOLE MONTH since I have published a blog post! I am sorry, I am so bad at keeping to a schedule with my writing it is really terrible (in dire need of an office so I don't just fall asleep on my laptop in bed haha) but life is busy, being a mother is non-stop and planning a wedding at the same time... that is on a whole other level. So yes it is annoying that my posting schedule is all over the place but this blog is all about honesty and being genuine, what is more honest and genuine than this, I am a Mother who is constantly running after a little toddler, trying to keep her fed, clean and happy, trying to teach her things and give her everything she needs on top of planning my wedding, having couple time with Reece, keeping a tidy house, see friends and family, manage anxiety and keep myself sane.. oh and yeah I  have to fit in my writing which I love and it is my job but sometimes the stay at home mum in me takes over and independent woman, be my own boss writer in me has to take a back seat BUT that is all okay because life happens and now I am back with a blog post I know a lot of people have been wanting me to write. Ella-Grace is now 1 year old (13 months) and other than her, many of you are interested in my journey post-partum. The last time I wrote about that was probably a few weeks after hse was born and apart from that I haven't really spoke about what I have been going through which I of course want to share with you because I know many Mothers read my blog and will be sharing the same experience- from trying to lose weight to the hair loss- So get ready with a snack and a drink because this post may be longer than the last novel you read. Happy reading! 

Weightloss...

This I think is the main question you all have been asking especially after seeing on my social media that I have lost a considerable amount of 'baby weight' and as far as what the scales say I now weigh less than I did before I had Ella-Grace- as for looks my 'mum tum' says otherwise, that floppy belly ain't going anywhere anytime soon but I am perfectly okay with that which I will get into in a minute. First however, I would like to say to all you Mother's out there whether you have just given birth and wondering how you will ever 'bounce back', your children are older and you are still struggling to lose weight or maybe you have lost the baby weight but still are not happy with the stretch marks left behind- STOP STRESSING! I know that is easier said than done, I have written in one of my previous posts how I struggled accepting how much my body had changed after having Ella-Grace and how my stomach had stretched, I wasn't confident in the way I looked but changing my perspective and lifestyle really changed everything! I think before you even try to make any changes to the way you look you have to change the way you feel and not look at your body as something negative or something to be ashamed of that has to be changed, look at your body and love it! Yes you may have some flabby bits, yes you have stretch marks, yes you may feel larger, frumpy even and it is perfectly okay to want to change this and be healthier but accept what you have at that point and look at your body and think this is a body that has been through a lot, a body that has brought life into the world, this is my body and I love it BEFORE any positive changes have been made. I am no personal trainer or have any kind of education that makes me qualified to give this advice but from personal experience I can tell you that looking at yourself negatively and crying because of how much you hate your body does not motivate you to lose weight or make changes, it makes you stressed and then you over think it which is when people can make unhealthy decisions. When you accept your body and show it love but also recognize some healthy changes you would like to make this is when you will see results and even if it takes a while you won't mind because you are confident and full of self-love because you know you are trying and at the end of the day what you look like is not the most important thing in the world. This goes for if you haven't had a baby, I remember all through my teenage years worrying about the way I looked and feeling really insecure, comparing myself to others but this is really the wrong way to go about it. Accept and love yourself no matter what stage you are at in life or what you look like, also support others in doing this and never compare yourself to others because everyone is going through their own journey and very little people think they are perfect and have no imperfections. I don't know if that makes any sense and I know I went on for a while but like I said one of the MOST important things I think is to change your perspective from hating your body to accepting it and radiating self-love then you can work on what you might want to change- this is also an amazing thing to show your child because I think all parents want their little one's to grow up to be self-confident.  

The next part like I said is about changing your lifestyle aka making healthy choices. I am not going to go into too much detail about nutrition and fitness because again, I am not qualified to give advice for everyone but I know what works for me and I know what I believe in. So one of the biggest lifestyle changes I made this past year is going vegan (plant-based diet free from all animal products), there is a huge debate on this and I am not going to go into all the ins and outs of why I am vegan but I will say a bit about what I think and believe. First of all, yes it is a big lifestyle change if you are used to a diet filled with animal products, there are some things you might think do not have animal products in that do but after a bit of research and looking in your local supermarket for the vegan/free from section oh and yeah, realizing the vast amount of AMAZING VEGETABLES that you can make meals from and get so much goodness from, it is a piece of cake (vegan cake of course haha) to make this change. Vegetables are usually as side dish but when they become center stage oh. my. goodness. they are amazing and you feel so healthy. And you can have some very tasty meals and I find myself not craving unhealthy snacks or takeaways and if you do have some snacks etc its fine because the majority of your diet is so so healthy! Here are some tasty meals I have made below: 

Vegetable Lasgane 

Creamy mushroom and spinach pasta

I am not saying this is a quick fix or a diet you should take on for a week or so to lose weight, I am saying it is a lifestyle change that makes a massive difference to your health and body, really cleans it out and you are full of goodness. Not to mention it being cruelty free and environmentally friendly which is very important! If anyone would like to hear more about why I am vegan or advice on going vegan I would love to help, please message me. 

As for exercise I am not one for the gym and literally feel that I have no time to do any at home but I do love to go on walks for Ella-Grace, especially in this nice weather we are having so I am constantly going on longs walks (1 hour- 2 hours). I don't drive so instead of getting the bus to Ella-Grace's groups/classes or friends houses, I just power walk or sometimes jog. Ella-Grace loves it because she either gets to look around and have some snacks or have a nap. I probably to this almost everyday. Other exercise I enjoy is swimming with Ella-Grace and I have started to take her to a dance/movement class (which is definitely a work out more for me than Ella-Grace). Doesn't sound like much but it adds up and the non-stop routine of Mum life is sure to keep you on your toes and I feel like I am never off my feet. There is of course a lot more exercise you could do and if you have the time to go to the gym etc that would be great too! Just whatever suits you! I am looking into joining a dance class myself after the wedding is finished because that is my sort of exercise, find something you enjoy doing and it will be a lot more effective. 

So over the past year since having Ella-Grace I have gone from not being able to do much (after a c-section), hating my body and having an unhealthy diet to being a confident, active, healthy Mama bear who radiates self-love, I am proud of myself and my body and think I am setting a good example for Ella-Grace which is the most important thing! I hope this helps you feel better if you are going through a tough time with self-confidence. Honestly, the way you look is not the be all and end all of everything so try not to focus on it too much and there is not such thing as perfect and as long as you are healthy that is what matters. I don't tend to weigh myself often but from when I last weighed myself I have probably lost a stone and half in the past year and I have gone from a size 14 to a size 8/10. Here are some pictures to show the weight loss difference:    

Then: Size 14

Now: Size 8

Now: Size 8

THEN AND NOW

Confidence/Baby blues...

Now moving away from the physical and talking about the emotional side of things, how I have felt confidence wise as a Mother and moving past baby blues. If you have been with my blog for a while you would of read my original post on baby blues and my other posts about how I have been dealing with my anxiety and panic attacks (if not feel free to go back and read them for a more in depth summary of my experiences). 

So for those of you who have not yet read my blog post on baby blues I will give you a quick recap. After having Ella-Grace I was very happy and we had an amazing bond but I also struggled with having panic attacks every night due to the exhaustion and stress of being a new mother. I felt like I wasn't doing anything right, I felt guilty for wanting 5 minutes to myself and because of my anxiety I felt like the whole world was ending pretty much, not for any reason just this impending doom feeling which I have spoke about before in my other posts about anxiety. I also felt that I could not speak to others about it because I was meant to be super happy because I just had this beautiful baby and was very lucky, I did not want to see ungrateful. I also had convinced myself that if the health visitor knew I was feeling down Ella-Grace would be taken away from me?? THIS IS NOT TRUE!! How did I get out of this state? Well after probably about 4 weeks of struggling and being in severe pain (c-section recovery) I pushed myself to face one of my biggest fears and that was taking Ella-Grace out and this was the best thing I could of done. Reece did not get any paternity leave due to him starting his new job the day after Ella-Grace was born and all of my family and friends although they phoned and visited as much as they could, they live at least an hour a way so a lot of the time I was by myself and I had to face my fears alone which made my anxiety a bit worse but also it pushed me and made me do things I was not comfortable with. I was always scared to take Ella-Grace out because I thought if she started to cry when we were out I would freeze and everyone would think I was a terrible mother? Again untrue. So at 4/5 weeks post baby I made a list of places I was scared to take Ella-Grace from the least stressful to the most and slowly worked my way through them. This slowly helped me gain confidence, got me out the house which was SO important and also I made some Mum friends which is a massive help because you see what others are going through and now 1 year on, taking Ella-Grace out to groups/to see friends is not only one of my favourite things to do but also a great was to de-stress me! Another reason I was stressed at the start I think was because it was such a big lifestyle change and there was no routine/organisation and anyone that knows me or reads my blog knows that routine keeps me sane! So as Ella-Grace grew and we got to know each other, a routine became established and I was a lot more chilled out. If that routine goes wrong or something changes last minute, yep I still have a bit of a freak out but I know how to manage my emotions and I can control my anxiety to a certain extent. 

Looking back on the past year and remembering how low my self-esteem was and how I always felt I wasn't doing things right, it is such a contrast to how I feel now! I no longer feel that I am doing things wrong and if anyone ever questions my Mothering ability or the way I am doing things I am confident enough to say I am happy with my decisions and that I know my daughter best. This I think is what everyone should aim towards feeling as a parent. No you won't always do the right thing and no you cannot tell the future but in the moment you can do what you think is right, stick to your guns and feel confident that you know what is best for your child. Confidence is key and although it is good to listen to others opinions/advice, never let anyone manipulate you or pressure you into parenting their way because you are not them, you are you and you should do things your way. I have gone from crying every night wondering if I am good enough for my daughter to being a confident person who is happy to say I am a damn good mum and I know what is right for my child. Accepting that no one is a perfect parent. It is a great feeling going from the new mum that needs support to being the one supporting others. So to any new Mothers thinking 'Am I doing okay?' the answer is YES! You are doing great! And if you are struggling that is okay, we all have those days, never feel ashamed to ask for help. 

C-section scar..

Another requested topic for this blog post was c-section healing and how it was dealing with that at the very beginning. So for anyone who thinks having a c-section is the easy option- you are wrong,please read my blog post on that it explains 10 reasons why that is not true. 

The pain, the inability to do anything without the fear of tearing your scar, walking round like a hunchback to weeks, the injections in your leg for 10 days after recovery and not to mention the stigma attached with having a cesarean, it all adds up and it is hard to deal with. Ultimately you have to be proud of what you have put your body through in order for your baby to be here and remember you have been though a major surgery, look after yourself! I am so lucky to of had Reece, he was an angel and although he was at work a lot he would do anything he could for me when he was home. 

As for the healing I am very fortunate to of had no problems so I don't really have much to say. I think it probably took about 8-12 weeks for me to no longer feel pain and feel able to do things without worrying about it (the recommended resting/healing time is 6 weeks from what I was told in the hospital). But even now although it is not sore and it is perfectly healed I still find it strange to wash/touch, it is almost numb but also quite sensitive. I feel that when I am in the shower washing that area I am very aware that I was cut open there and I am very careful. That might just be me, I don't know-comment below what your experience is with your scar when it is healed. All together though my feeling towards my scar is that I am proud of it and when I look at it I feel almost nostalgic, it brings back memories and I think that is wear my baby was taken out of my body into the world. Considering she was all tangled up in her chord and she was very nearly not with us because of it that cut in my stomach saved her life and I will always be grateful to the surgeons that performed my cesarean. Better stop there before I get all weepy haha. 

Hair loss...

This is one I have not spoke about on the blog before and I don't think many people do admit this but I have experience post-partum hair loss. Now I am not talking about clumps of hair coming out of my head but the front 'baby hairs' I think they are called have definitely snapped or fallen out and grown back to they are a lot shorter than my other hair. To be fair I have dyed it quite a lot since having Ella-Grace so that could also have something to do with it haha. Nothing I am too bothered about and I have not had it as bad as some women do post baby but it is just something I have noticed since having Ella-Grace so I thought I would mention it. 

Dry skin...

Redness round eyes 

Now this is one big thing I have dealt with since having Ella-Grace and that is dry skin. I have always had good skin, never been prone to spots, dry skin or oily skin. My skin has always been something about me that I have loved and I could fall asleep in my make up, wash it off the next day and honestly have no problems. During pregnancy I think my skin only got better and I do think I had that 'glowing' look that you are promised. That all changed when Ella-Grace was born and it was almost like she stole that glow from me and took my good skin with her- she is worth it though of course. 

So after having Ella-Grace I did notice that my skin was quite dry but thought nothing of it being too occupied with the big change that had just happened and having a new born to look after. I didn't wear any make up for a long time and then when I finally did decide to put some on that is when I really noticed the problem I was having. My skin would hurt when I had make up on, when I would take it off and I was noticing really dry and red patches on my skin. My eyes would swell when I took my make up off and when I would shave I would constantly bleed even after taking the precautions I needed to and moisturizing etc. Funnily enough Ella-Grace was also having some dry skin problems so I made an appointment at the doctor for both of us. 

Swollen eye

After speaking to the doctor I was told Ella-Grace was experiencing eczema (a medical condition in which patches of skin become rough and inflamed with blisters which cause itching and bleeding.) and I had something called dermatitis (a medical condition in which the skin becomes red, swollen, and sore, sometimes with small blisters, resulting from direct irritation of the skin by an external agent or an allergic reaction to it.) which is common for women after they have had a child apparently. 

Funnily enough we were prescribed the same creams, one being a steroid cream- which I only had to use on Ella-Grace once but use on myself whenever the red patches are really bad) then Aveeno which we both use daily. Ella-Grace's skin now 1 year on still gets a tiny bit dry sometimes but as long as we use the Aveeno on her after every bath she is perfectly fine. As for my skin, it has its ups and downs but I try to stick to a good skin care routine when I can. Washing my face every morning and night, applying the steroid cream on the really sore and red patches (especially my eyes because if they get bad they will swell) and then apply the Aveeno cream an hour later. This is especially important if I plan on wearing any make up or my skin will get really bad. I also find using a facemask now and again really helps. 

This used to bother me when I first was dealing with it because I was not used to having skin problems and I was usually very happy with my skin. But now I have been dealing with it for about a year I am used to it, know what to do when my skin gets bad and how to try and prevent it from getting really bad! If anything I am sort of happy it happened because I have started to wear a lot less make up (I used to do a full face every day!) and I have become quite happy with a bit of natural make up. Reece even says now that he can't believe I used to bother with spending an hour or more on my make up haha. Now when I do have a full face of make up you know it must be a special day haha aka my wedding day which is coming up soon! 

After using skin cream, so much better!

Make up practice for wedding, no swollen eyes!

Bonding... 

There are no words that could possible describe the bond I have with Ella-Grace. You know when you are pregnant you are going to love your baby but it isn't until you have them right in front of you that you really understand what that overcoming feeling of absolute unconditional love feels like. It is truly magic. Some people do struggle with finding that bond at the start because although you love them, they are a complete stranger to you and you do really need to get to know each other as you do with anyone you have met for the first time. So I truly believe in my experience anyways, that 1 year ago when my beautiful little girl was born it was love at first sight but it is now 1 year on that she is my best friend. I have said it before and I will say it again I brought her into the world and gave her life but she gave me life too, she has made me who I want to be. Ella-Grace if you are reading this in a few years time, know that you are my purpose and oh my goodness I hope you are proud of me. You will forever be my best friend girl! 

(If you are struggling with bonding however do not feel bad, being a Mother is hard and there is nothing wrong with asking for some help. A happy mum, makes a happy baby and just like other relationships, you have to build the bond even if there is love there.)

Going to keep this short and sweet because otherwise I will go on forever. I am just astounded that my body created and birthed my literal best friend. 

Period and Contraception... 

Weird one to end on perhaps and maybe a bit too much information but this is an honest blog like I have said before. So after having Ella-Grace, literally about 2 days after, I had it drummed into me by nurses and my midwife to think about contraception. Could not have sex for about 6 weeks after anyways but it is good to be prepared because not only can it be dangerous to get pregnant too soon after having a baby- especially after a c-section- but I also did not want to be pregnant again yet, or ever again, not for any bad reason I was just happy with the one for now, Ella-Grace had literally just been born. 

So after having my post-baby check up with the doctor we spoke over contraception and I decided on getting the implant. I have heard some horror stories about this form of contraception from struggling to get it out and having really bad symptoms, so before you go crazy in the comments warning me I do already know the bad things that can happen but from what I have researched there are pros and cons to all the different contraception. Why I chose the implant was because I knew if I took the pill I would forget it, I did not like the thought of getting injections every month and I just wanted something that I did not want to think about for a while. I knew it lasted 3 years and if me and Reece wanted to have another baby it most likely would not be before those 3 years were up and even though now Ella-Grace is older I am not going to lie, we have discussed maybe having another baby sooner than that but I still do not regret getting it in because if we do want to try sooner then I can get it out before then. We will just see how things go, we have a wedding to finish planning first! 

As for symptoms, i have been pretty lucky I think and have not noticed many. I think maybe the implant could of had something to do with my bad skin, I have had irregular periods- one month I won't have one then the next month I will be bleeding for what seems like weeks- but that does not really bother me, I can deal with it. I did not have bad bruising or scarring after either. So having had it in for a year now and looking at it overall I am happy with my decision to get it in, it has stopped me worrying about getting pregnant again sooner than I plan to and to be honest I have not really thought about it and for someone with anxiety who overthinks EVERYTHING not having to think about something is so refreshing! 

The end...

And I think I have covered all the bases, if you do think I have missed something or have any questions please comment below or message me. Sorry it was so long, I thought since it has been about a month since I last posted that you deserved a long post and well I had a lot to say as you can see! Thank you as always for reading, until the next blog post please remember to follow my social media accounts which you can find the links to in the menu next to this post>>>

(Facebook: LauraJane Life / Instagram: @laurajanelifex ) 

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Stay Happy Everyone! :) 

From Bottle To Baby Food: Our Weaning Story So Far

Back to the baby…

Hello lovely readers! I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend, today I am going back to the baby, my baby Ella-Grace. By this I mean the past few blog post’s although related to Ella-Grace (when you’re a mum everything in your life is to do with your baby right?) they have not been focused on her or her development entirely. She turns 6 months tomorrow (gone so quick!) so I will be doing a full blog post on everything to do with my darling daughter (feeding, sleep, development ect.) but before that this blog post will be on weaning. Something I know a lot of the mum’s that read my blog’s have been waiting for me to write. So I will just get straight into it shall I? Happy reading!

Feeding so far…

I have done previous posts on Ella-Grace’s feeding (you can find all my posts on my homepage) and if you want to read them first you can but if not here is the low down. I breastfed Ella-Grace for 8 weeks and had to stop due to her not keeping my breastmilk down, losing weight and what we later found out to be a lactose intolerance. From then we got prescribed a lacto-free formula to give her. When she turned 4 months old we started slowly weaning her onto solid food. Letting her lead us to what she was ready for (not full blown baby led weaning but we let her show us what she did and didn’t want to try and how much food she could take if that makes sense?).

Ella-Grace's Meal Plan...

Before I get into how we started Ella-Grace on solid foods and what we gave her etc. I thought it would be good to write down exactly what her meal plan is at the moment (at 6 months old) for anyone who might want to know. I know a lot of my fellow mum readers like to read my experiences as they are going through the same thing so I thought writing down her meal plan might help or interest some of you, so here it is. 

7.00am- 240ml/8 ounces Aptamil Lacto-Free Formula 

8.30am- Breakfast: Weetabix (1xbiscuit mixed with 90ml/3 ounces of formula) 

                               1 x Orangix Fruitpot

11.30am- 240ml/8 ounces Aptamil Lacto-Free Formula 

2.00pm- Lunch: 2x Organic Fruitpot 

                          2x Kiddylicious Wafers

5.00pm- Supper: Homemade Mashed Veg

                           1x Organix Fruitpot 

                           1x Kiddylicious Wafer

7.00pm- 240ml/8 ounces Aptamil Lacto-Free Formula 

-We also try to give Ella-Grace water from her sippy cup with every solid meal....this is a working progress haha- 

Why 4 months old….

Now I know this can be a touchy subject. I actually didn’t know that until I seen on Facebook people getting very angry at a mother in the media over starting her baby on baby rice at 4 months old. This being exactly what we chose to do with Ella-Grace and personally I don’t see what is wrong with it, in fact I see it as a good thing. I understand everyone has their own opinion though so if you disagree or did something different with your child I respect that, every baby is different please comment below what you did I love to discuss different parenting decisions. However if you are going to comment negative things or be disrespectful (which I know the people in my little kindness community wouldn’t do) then please just exit this blog here. Cause that is not my vibe.

Anyway, back to what I was saying, why 4 months old? Well partly due to influence of those around me who I knew started their babies at 4 months and they were all perfectly happy and healthy children. Also because I felt that if she was going to be fussy with eating solids the earlier you start (within reason) the longer you have to get them used to taking solid food meaning you wouldn’t feel like they weren’t getting what they need when they are older. Lastly I knew my style of parenting if I had tried her with the baby rice in the morning and she didn’t want to take it I would know she wasn’t ready and stop. I would never force her to be weaned early. But in Ella-Grace’s case she took to solid food like a duck to water and at literally just 6 months she is doing really well.

The start- 4 months old…

A few days after Ella-Grace turned 4 months old we decided to start her with baby rice. From what I researched it is good to start slow instead of a lot at once as in start weaning one meal a day such as breakfast then the bottles/breastfeeding the rest of the day then eventually adding lunch etc. Which was my plan already so it just reinforced what I already thought. So we bought baby rice, our hope was to get a kind of porridge we could make with her formula (for example banana or some kind of fruit porridge) but with her being lactose intolerant and Reece and I preferring to use plant-based milk anyway such as rice or soy milk (let me know if you would like to hear more about this) it was difficult to find a porridge for 4 months that did not contain cows milk. So baby rice is what we went for. I know people say ‘it has no nutritional value’ but adding the formula to it she is already on... it then has nutritional value and the main thing for us was it helps her get used to solids.

So yes we tried her with baby rice. At first she was a bit curious as to what the spoon actually was so we let her hold it and kind of explore it for a minute then put some baby rice on the spoon placed it near her mouth and as I said she took to it really well. Not quite understanding it was food I guess just something new and trying to suck it off the spoon to start with but she ate a good amount of mouthfuls, we were very proud (and it was THE cutest thing I’d ever seen). I could of cried.. well okay I did cry haha. 

About two weeks after her first experience with food she was doing well having the baby rice for breakfast in the morning and bottles the rest of the day and we felt she was ready to try something else. We decided fruit would be best. We then purchased organic fruit pots- blended apple, banana and pear. And again she took to this at breakfast (along with her baby rice-very hungry baby) very well. So that was breakfast established we also tried to give her a fruit pot at lunch but she didn't take that so well so we pulled it back to the one meal. This being what I mean when I say I am trying to let her lead us, I feel we have a good bond and although she cannot tell me with words what she does and doesn't want or is and isn't ready for I feel I can communicate with her in other ways and I just know. Any other mums or dads feel this way? Like you just know your baby and feel you can communicate with them almost? I am probably sounding crazy haha but it seems to be working so far. So yeah by this point we we had breakfast down and bottles the rest of the time, then she turned 5 months old and we tried something new. 

5 months- Introducing Veg and Establishing 3 meals...

I feel that in Ella-Grace's 6 month of life (so from when she turned 5 months old) she progressed so much with everything. Will go into everything in her 6 month review soon but as in food I will go through this now. So we tried her again with fruit at lunch she still wasn't really loving it at that time of day so we pulled that back and decided maybe a meal at the start and the end of the day (before her last bottle) would make more sense to her. We started off tryng her with a brand of baby food called 'Babease' organic and meat and dairy free, perfect for our little angel and after getting used to the new taste in the first few mouthfuls she again took to that very well. We used this brand for about a week at supper time until my dad- Ella-Grace's Granddad (or as we call him Pops)- kindly bought us the same hand blender he had which works a charm for making pureed veg for Ella-Grace (link below to the blender I use). I firstly pureed carrots and butternut-squash and from there just pureed any veg I had in the flat and stored it in the freezer in small storage pots I purchased for weaning her (again all links below). That was her then having baby rice and a fruit pot for breakfast, bottles through the day and veg puree followed by a fruit pot at night. From this she advanced in her food very quickly as she now had got the hang of being spoon fed and understood that a bowl and spoon as well as a bottle meant food. So whenever we put anything on a spoon she was eager to try. Meaning not long after establishing breakfast and supper it almost came natural to her to take food at lunch time (fruit pots) then bottles in between then followed by trying wafers. Wafers are technically 6 months plus but with her being advanced in her food and on the packet saying you can offer them to younger babies AROUND 6 months we decided to try her- this being the most recent food we have tried her on which again she took to very well we think biting something has helped her teething also. All this leading to her meal plan above. And that's you all caught up! 

The Hardest Things About Weaning So Far... 

I know I have made her weaning sound all nice and dandy, no problems but of course their has been difficulties and bumps in the road. I would like to meet the baby who doesn't have them. Although we have had an easy time as in Ella-Grace hasn't been super fussy in trying the food or spitting it out ect. we have had other hard times with her weaning. 

1. Wanting only her fruit pot. 

For a while she loved her veg and don't get me wrong if Chef Mummy gets the veg combination right she can't get enough of it but recently she has gotten her head around her routine. Meaning she knows veg is followed by sweet fruit pot, so she tends to get a bit fussy with the veg putting her face to the side after a few mouthfuls knowing I will give her fruit. But I persist as I know she can and will eat it until she does eat it. Unless she got really upset then obviously it would be for a different reason but as I have said I feel like I just know when it comes to her food habits. So yeah somedays she eats her supper as normal some days she tries to out smart me and get the fruit pot first/instead, this can be a little difficult. 

2. Refusing water 

We have almost resolved this problem not as I always add either coconut water or normal water into her food and we have not replaced her sippy cup with a free-flow one instead of the one we have that she actually has to suck to get water out of but yeah this is still a bit of a challenge. Although she has taken to solid food really well giving her water to drink with her solid food has been difficult. Even when offered in a normal bottle that she drinks milk from she seems to refuse water (maybe doesn't like the taste I am not sure), not matter at what point we offer it to her- before or after the meal for example- it doesn't matter she just refuses it unfortunately. Because of her bottles and obviously all her food having some water in it she has never become dehydrated but has had a cough due to a bit of a dry throat. This as I said now improving but yeah was a frustrating problem. 

3. Biting too much wafer 

This is a recent difficulty that has cropped up. Well I don't know if it is a difficulty or if I am just over protective/scared but when feeding herself wafers she tends to bite off too much, I then while the part she bit off is still partly out of her mouth take it out and break into a smaller part before I place it back in her mouth for her. Part of me thinks I shouldn't be doing this as I don't want her to be put off feeding herself obviously and I know Reece is a lot more chilled about this than me. I panic. But I always think I would rather her take longer to feed herself than risk her choking. Maybe this is more of my problem than Ella-Grace's haha. I guess I need to find the balance. 

4.Wanting to eat too fast

This has always been a problem but one that is getting better slowly. Obviously when a baby drink a bottle or from the breast they can just keep drinking until they want to stop but when being spoon fed you need to take the spoon away put more food on it and give it back to them to have more. Ella-Grace thought when we took the spoon away from her we were in turn taking food away from her so she would get upset. Now she understands we will give her food again but she wants us to be faster. I am actually giggling imagining her face she just sits with her mouth open until the spoon comes back with more food haha. Tiny bit impatient which can make her frustrated but she does still take the food so its not a massive problem just sad seeing her get worked up. Getting better though so that's good.   

Feeling Confident...

I know everyone weans their baby differently. At different stages, with different foods ect. Of course all babies are different the same things would never work for all babies of course. Because of this I know a lot of parents can find weaning stressful and worry whether or not they are doing it right, whether or not their baby is getting enough and you know, all the endless worries. Googling 'Weaning' 1000 times. But I personally feel quite confident in the way our daughter is being weaned and what our plan is for her future diet. I encourage other parents to be confident with what they want for their babies, remember that you know your baby best and don't let other people's comments make you doubt yourself. If you want reassurance please reach out to a medical professional they will be the best people to help you. 

I spent a lot of time recently being anxious over what we were feeding Ella-Grace and whether or not she was gaining enough weight, getting the right nutrients ect. My self-doubt being increased as a lot of people disagreed with the fact we have chose to not give Ella-Grace meat and that we choose a plant-based form of milk, butter, cheese ect. Almost leading to me changing my mind (which is extreme as that would be a massive lifestyle change for me and what I had wanted for my daughter). Thankfully I spoke to those who support me and most importantly my health visitor who reassured me what I was doing and what I wanted for Ella-Grace is perfectly healthy, full of nutrients and that she is/ will continue to thrive. Gaining a KILO over a month of solid food. I am not going to go into the ins and out's of why we don't eat meat (Me not at all, Reece occasionally)/choose plan-based milk and why we want that for Ella-Grace as I just see it as a choice we have made just as eating meat is a choice however if you would like to hear about that let me know and I would be more than happy to write about it. I will say that we see this as the best option for our daughter and the health visitor more than supported us. 

So yes even with choosing a controversial (even though it shouldn't be) choice for our daughter I am feeling confident in her weaning so far. Confidence is key especially when it comes to parenting as so many things put you down.

If anyone would like to talk about weaning or anything I am more than happy to reply to your message (when I can). Remember your doing a great job!

What next?...

Well weetabix is something we have tried recently and is now what she gets for breakfast instead of baby rice, that transition was easy and I am glad as this has increased the nutritional value of her breakfast. Today as I am writing this we have tried hummus along with some veg at lunchtime (which we are now hoping for her to have every lunch along with her fruit pot). As for the future I am hoping to begin putting more in her puree's or what are more like mashed up veg now- more texture. Would like to add rice, maybe tomato, chickpeas, butter beans and more. After being told by the health visitor that she can have everything we have as long as it is blended/mashed into smaller pieces and softer textures the world is full of possibilities. I adore to cook so Ella-Grace girl you are in for some gourmet meals haha.  

Ella-Grace's Favourites...

Our little girl has taken to all her food well but some things she can't get enough of. These are the things that seem to be her favourites at the moment. 

1. All things blueberry 

This includes wafers and fruit pots. Both of those things her favourite flavour seems to be blueberry. 

2. Sweetcorn

Whenever I make a puree that includes sweetcorn she doesn't try to avoid it for her fruit pot she loves it.

3. Breakfast time

I don't know if this is her favourite food of the day but her breakfast is definitely her favourite time to eat. Either a morning person, loves weetabix or both. 

Links...

Here all all the links I promised through out the post. All the food I have tried Ella-Grace with and more. 

Babease baby food

Organix Fruit Pots

Braun Hand Blender

Clevamama Storage Pots

Till Next Time...

So that was quite a long post! I haven't done a long in depth one about Ella-Grace or what a parent has to go though in a while and I wanted to get all the detail in for you so that's why I have made it so long. Well done and thank you if you got to the end haha. 

Till next time don't forget to follow my social media for blog notifications and cute baby pics (links on homepage), check out my other blog posts if you haven't already and if you want to give my articles on baby gaga a read (latest one linked below). 

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Thank you for reading and thank you for being part of this kindness community I am trying to build. This will always be a place that loves and supports you! What is your babies weaning story? What age did you start weaning? What's their favourite food? Please comment below. I would love to know. Till next time my lovelies. 

Stay Happy Everyone :)!