Sunday 11 August 2019

The Birth Of Sunday Eva Ray


SHE is here...

Yes by now I am sure you all are aware that 9 weeks ago I gave birth to another little girl; our second daughter was born on 7th June 2019 via a vaginal delivery (YES I got my VBAC) weighing 7 pounds 7 ounces. We named her..

Sunday Eva Ray Webster

I have been so looking forward to sharing Sunday's birth story here on my blog for all of you to read and I am so glad to finally be posting it! Both my girls have been keeping me very busy as you can imagine (adjusting to having two kids takes time that's for sure) so it has been hard to find a spare moment to sit down and write but I knew I needed/wanted to write up the birth story while still fresh in my mind. I have been making notes on paper for weeks so it is great to be finally putting those emotions and thoughts here on my blog, my online journal if you will. I hope you all enjoy reading about this special time of my life. 

It was a beautiful birth, I had always longed to experience a vaginal delivery but at the same time the birth came with medical complications that put both myself and Sunday's health at risk (I will be making a separate post about the complications and recovery). Making this birth quite hard to recover from both physically and mentally, I am still dealing with it today over 2 months post birth. As much as bringing new life into the world is glorious, my goodness birth trauma is real and the after effects of birth can be long lasting. 

Anyway I am sure you are all reading with anticipation, waiting for me to start actually telling Sunday's birth story so I shall stop babbling and get into it. The beautifully traumatic (oh how poetic) birth of baby Sunday Eva Ray. 

Reduced Fetal Movement...


04 June 2019

It was a Tuesday night. I had put Ella-Grace to bed as usual, said good night and I love you like every night and then went to chill in the living room. Usually by this point in my pregnancy (1 day past my due date) I would be going straight to bed myself but as my sister was staying over I decided to watch a movie with her instead. I got 3/4 or so through the movie and realised I had not felt the baby move in a few hours. I had previously visited the hospital due to low fetal movements several times through out the pregnancy and luckily each time everything had been fine. Knowing that usually everything was fine I did not panic and tried a few different things to get baby moving. A cold drink. something sugary, lying on my left side etc. None of it worked. Now starting to get a bit concerned I decided to phone the hospital and they advised me to come in to get baby checked again. It was now 10pm. 
Thinking I would be sent home I took no more than the clothes on my back, my phone, purse and (thank goodness) my charger. No need for my hospital bags right? Wrong! 



After some time on the fetal monitor and a chat with a Dr, it was decided between us that the best course of action now I was past my due date and still experiencing low fetal movement was to induce labor. Although of course this was my decision, I did agree this was the best course of action because I was not confident in feeling movements and YES I was ready for this baby to be out my body. However, I was upset that induction was happening. At first I didn't really think much into it but then it set in that I was being admitted to the hospital, being induced and would not be leaving without a baby that is when I got emotional and the tears started. I never wanted to be induced, I wanted so much for my body to go at it's own pace and to experience full natural birth. As well as this I was of course hoping for a VBAC (Vaginal birth after c-section) as for those who do not know my first birth was via an emergency c-section which at the time was my worst nightmare although it did save my daughters life, I will link Ella-Grace's birth story here [Ella-Grace's birth story ].
Induction puts down the chances of a VBAC down by 50%!!! So now I felt that a c-section was inevitable which really put me down. On top of this I was thinking about Ella-Grace and how much I wanted to go home and give her another hug, one last Mummy and Ella-Grace cuddle while she was still an only child. One last kiss before I turned the world she knew upside down and the attention she would normally receive would have to be shared. I was alone in a hospital room, just me and my feelings. I desperately wanted Reece with me to calm me down. I wanted everything to be okay. It was a moment of overwhelming emotion and a whirlwind of thoughts but once I got settled in the hospital room and was ready to sleep I felt much better and although I tossed and turned all night I did get some shut eye thankfully, I was definitely going to need it! My second baby would be here before I knew it, I thought to myself, and I could not wait. That is where Sunday's birth story begins. 

Induction Process Started... 

05 June 2019

After being told the night before that my induction would definitely not be started until Wednesday afternoon I was surprisingly woken up by two midwives at 6am Wednesday morning. They told me they were ready to start my induction by attempting to insert a balloon catheter. 

"The pressure should soften and open your cervix enough to start labour or to be able to break the waters around your baby. The balloon catheter may fall out by itself or will be removed by a midwife the following day" Is how the NHS explains the  use of a balloon catheter when inducing labor. 

I chose the balloon catheter as I felt that if I was going to get induced this would be the most natural way to do it as it had no chemicals, it was just there to encourage my body to go naturally and if my body was already dilating then it would be just the nudge I needed. I phoned Reece and my Mum to let them know what was going on and then on my own I went with the midwife to start the induction process. I could of waited for Reece to be there of course but at this point I just wanted to get things going and did not want to risk them getting busy and not being able to induce until later on. So off I went in hopes that I was dilated at least enough to fit the balloon catheter. Much to my disappointment that was not possible, 

After several attempts by two different midwives it was clear that the balloon catheter was a no go. So instead we decided the next best option (since I was aiming for a VBAC) was to insert a pessary. The pessary is inserted into the cervix and contains a chemical that should triggers contractions (I am not a medical professional so please don't hang on my every word when it comes to medical advice/knowledge, that is always best coming from your Doctor or Midwife). This was inserted and within an hour it kicked in, contractions started and baby's head was definitely engaging. All good signs, baby's heart rate was doing great and at this point my sister was with me followed by Reece and then my parents and Ella-Grace.

Always making me laugh


 This was the last time I would see Ella-Grace as my only child so that was very emotional, I made sure we got a picture of this moment. 
Last picture as an only child


As my parents and sister left with Ella-Grace (my Mum and Dad were who we chose to take care of Ella-Grace while I was in labor) the midwives came to check my monitors and contractions. They were concerned the contractions had kicked in a bit fast and maybe too consistently but because baby was okay they were not overly worried and no drastic measures needed to be taken thankfully. 
The rest of the day was spent working through contractions (by bouncing on the birthing ball, breathing, pacing- no pain relief yet), monitoring myself and baby and just spending time with Reece. That night Reece stayed with me in the hospital and then it was onto the second day of induction. 







06 June 2019

Around 9am the next day I was once again taken to a different room, this time to remove the pessary and check my cervix as it had been 24 hours. Reece was here this time to come with me to hold my hand. I was very nervous. One of the reasons I was so hoping to go naturally and not to be induced was that induction puts the risk of a uterine rupture up by 50% (that was what I was told anyway) and so when inducing you the medical staff will only do so much before c-section is the only safe option to them. So unlike regular induction, when you are getting induced and aiming for a VBAC they will only allow you one pessary and if that does not work then it is c-section most likely. Obviously it is your body and you have the choice but at that point medical staff would deem it unsafe to continue with induction. So yeah with my dream of having a vaginal birth and avoiding another c-section now hanging in the balance I held Reece's hand hoping that I was dilated enough to have my waters broken. I was offered gas and air but because I was hoping to only use this as a method of pain relief through out my labor I opted not to take it yet as I wanted to wait until I really needed it (I am so glad I waited). 
The midwife removed the pessary and after an uncomfortable cervix check she informed me that yes I had dilated 2cm at the front of my cervix but the back was still pretty much closed but definitely soft and baby's head had moved to an engaged position. So good and bad news really. Knowing I was very keen for a vaginal birth and as my body did react some what to the pessary myself, Reece, myself and the midwife decided that going back to the original plan of inserting the balloon catheter was the best way forward as this was guaranteed to open my cervix enough to have my waters broken. So with a bit of pain and struggle she managed to insert the balloon catheter, once again I refused gas and air. The balloon would now be in for 12-24 hours unless it fell out before. Once removed I would be moved to the labor ward to have my waters broken. At this point though it was another waiting game. 

Now trying to return to my room, the midwife said unlike the pessary the balloon would work on its own and I could just relax in bed (with the pessary walking and bouncing on the ball encourages it to work). Armed with this information I was ready to return to my room and relax with Reece but that was a bit more difficult than anticipated. Having this balloon catheter in was VERY uncomfortable! Obviously I expected some discomfort but it was actually very painful and at some points gave me contractions that felt overwhelming although I knew that this was not active labor. As well as the pain it was incredibly hard to walk with a wire hanging between my legs and going to the bathroom was interesting to say the least. I found that having the wire in my underwear rather than hanging was much more comfortable so after figuring that out and I eventually managed to get comfy in bed and the contractions slowed down. Despite now experiencing chills and back ache I was able to relax a little bit with Reece. Again the baby and myself were monitored intermittently, we were both doing well. 
So ready for baby 2 to arrive


Evening came and the midwife came once again to check on things with us. She suggested to Reece that he go home and have a good night sleep instead of staying in the hospital again as tomorrow he would need energy as I would get the balloon removed then and that is when things really get going. She said (now remember this because it is very important) that there was "no way I would be taken to labor ward during the night". After talking to Reece we both decided it was a good idea that he go home to have a good sleep and return early in the morning. So, Reece went home both of us knowing that as the midwife said there was "no way" anything could happen during the night right? That prediction ended up being both true and false. 

Labor Ward... or not...


07 June 2019. 

Sound asleep in the hospital with no expectation of being awoke during the night for any reason, however midnight came around and I had two midwives once again in my room. Half asleep I was told that they had a space for me in labor ward (it had now been over 12 hours since the balloon was placed in my cervix). I was shocked but as they instructed me I got all my stuff together and moved over to a room in labor ward. 
Now in the labor ward, I had been left in the room alone while the midwives got things prepared. At this point all I was thinking was I need to get Reece here now but I could not get hold of him on his phone. Now before you all start nominating Reece for the worst husband of the year award let me just say it was not his fault that my calls and messages were not going through. The signal at our house is not always the best and the same goes for the signal in the hospital room so our phones were just not connecting, I did not know this at the time however so assumed he must be asleep, I got friends and family trying to contact him and one friend also offered to go over to my house and bang on the door to wake him up, luckily we eventually did get hold of each other and Reece rushed to the hospital as fast as he could. Now knowing Reece was on his way I had managed to actually focus on the situation at hand and look around the room I was in. I started to get very nervous and emotional. The room I was in felt very clinical to me and although I am not complaining as people have to give birth in unimaginably places sometimes I just did not feel relaxed. I started to remember things that happened during my previous birth and how I was rushed for an emergency c-section which also made me very nervous that history would repeat itself. Most of all though I missed Ella-Grace, sounds like a bizarre thing to feel at a moment where you don't really want your two year old present but oh my goodness I missed her so much. Being her Mum has really helped me deal with my anxiety better, she helps me with my anxiety and at that moment I just wanted Ella-Grace with me and to give her a huge cuddle before our lives changed forever. Finally Reece arrived and he managed to calm my nerves and comfort me a bit, at this point the midwife then returned to inform me that the next step would be to get a cannula fitted. I was dreading this more than the labor itself! Let me explain this. 

I have never liked needles which is the same as most people but I could handle it as the needle is in and out and over with but with a cannula it stays in the vein and this freaks me out.  Before having Ella-Grace I had never had any experience with having a cannula fitted and so when I had one fitted when I was being induced with Ella-Grace I was very nervous. Unfortunately my experience getting one in when I was being induced with Ella-Grace was not pleasant. I found it quite painful and (I don't know why) the doctor who fitted it then decided to put it not in my hand but the side of my arm? I don't know if this is a common place to have it but I found this so uncomfortable, I kept knocking it so it was painful and when I was trying to hold Ella-Grace it would always get in the way as it was exactly where her head would be. It made my fear of cannulas worse instead of better and so when I was writing my bitrth plan for baby 2 one of the first things I wrote down was no routine cannulas (I only wanted one inserted when I really needed one) and I wanted it put in my hand. I spoke over this with my community midwife during one of my prenatal appointments and she said that 1. I can choose where I have it inserted as all the doctors are trained to put it in the hand and 2. I did not need to have a cannula routinely, I could request to only have one fitted when I need to have a drip or I of course could refuse to have one at all but with being induced this was not really possible. 

So yes I am in the labor ward with the midwife telling me I needed to get a cannula fitted. Of course I did know that when I was being moved to labor ward this would be the point that it would become necessary to have a cannula fitted but I was not yet going to be on a drip as far as I knew so I did try and discuss with the midwife whether I could wait until I knew I was getting a drip to get it in because I did not want to have one longer than I needed to. She still advised I got one and said I would soon be on a fluid drip and so I agreed to getting one fitted. The junior doctor came into the room and fitted my cannula (he was great, he knew I was nervous but calmed my nerves telling me that he was very quick at fitting them and he had no problem with my request for it to be fitted in my hand). As I held Reece's hand the doctor fitted it and as he was finishing off a midwife came in and said "she doesn't need one, she is being moved back to the other ward". I burst into tears. 
I understood of course that they no longer could break my waters because they needed the room for an emergency, this I completely understood and did not mind waiting but now I had exactly what I didn't want; a cannula fitted unnecessarily. This gave me so much anxiety! I felt liked the very small piece of control I had over my birth had been taken away from me and that was really hard for me. I cried for a while even with Reece trying to cheer me up. My anxiety had just sky rocketed and I was staring at this horrible needle in my hand wishing I could pull it out. I eventually calmed down and went to sleep. I know I am being very dramatic over something people get all the time in hospital but when you are already tired, emotional and now feeling out of control, it is overwhelming. However a couple hours of sleep later, it was now 9am and I was eating my breakfast. Now coming up to 24 hours since the balloon had been fitted in my cervix I was once again told there was a space in the labor ward for me. but this time we were not leaving until our baby was in my arms. 

Second time lucky...


It is now about 10am on 7th June 2019. I am in labor ward not leaving until this baby is here! I was lucky enough to have not one but two midwives with me and we were going over my details before taking the balloon out and breaking my water. This labor room was a little less clinical feeling I thought and there were big windows which let in natural light which was helping me feel somewhat calm but I was still beginning to over think again. I was remembering my previous labor experience and being rushed to theatre for a c-section. I was asking myself would I end up with a c-section again? I obviously was hoping for a VBAC and was keeping positive that I would be able to achieve this but this came with another set of worries. The fear of the unknown as I had never had a vaginal birth before, would I be able to handle it without pain relief? Would everything go okay? Will I need intervention? I was scared of all the outcomes. I also once again started to miss Ella-Grace and irrationally wished she was in the room. 
All these feelings just being in my head I was trying to stay calm on the outside. What helped me stay calm and distract myself from over thinking was asking the midwives lots of questions, the more informed you can be the more in control you feel or at least that is how I felt. My first birth I did not feel very in control so knowing the plan for my birth and how the midwives were hoping things would go really helped. It also helped to speak to Reece about all we were excited for; would baby 2 be a boy or a girl? What should we name the baby? Did Reece want to cut the cord? Things like that kept me excited rather than nervous. All information gathered it was now time to remove the balloon, check my cervix and break my water. 

Balloon out and water broke...

11am- Still refusing gas and air, one of the midwives removed the balloon- this was not painful- and checked my cervix. I was now dilated 2 and 1/2 cm and the back of my cervix was now open. The midwife managed to break my water- this was a bit more uncomfortable. The midwives then explained to me that I would be left for about 2 hours to see if my body would start regularly contracting itself meaning I would not need a drip (I was hoping for this outcome) but if my body did not start contracting regularly after 2 hours I would need the drip to help things along. One of the midwives explained to me that from this point on it would be safest to have the baby on constant monitoring (this meant having two belts over my bump which were hooked up to a monitor that would show the baby's heart rate and my contractions). I had this with Ella-Grace and was told it meant I could not stand up or get off the bed and so I was hoping to avoid this kind of monitoring. I really wanted to be mobile this time; I wanted to be able to pace, stand bounce on the ball, I just wanted to be able to change position if I wanted to and let gravity do it's work, From everything I had read being mobile helps your body push the baby down and actually being in a bed, on your back is the worst position. I spoke to the midwife about this and she informed me that it was my decision what happened to my body so I did not have to have the constant monitoring but that I was misinformed before and I would be free to move around as I wanted while on the monitor and the same with the drip. This made me feel a lot better and so I agreed to the monitoring as to me it was the best of both worlds; I get to move around and know how my baby is doing constantly. So now I had 2 hours for my body to start contracting itself and I was determined to get things going so I bounced on the birthing ball the entire time. Reece had some lunch, both midwives took breaks, we all had a good chat about everything from baby names to veganism (I really liked the two midwives who were caring for me). Contractions did start to build in these two hours, still refusing any pain relief/gas and air I just breathed through them on my own. I really was holding out until I felt I desperately needed the gas and air. I was informed by the midwife that inductions are much more intense contractions than natural labor and that most women go for an epidural but I was determined not to have one (to be honest more because of my fear of needles than anything, I have no judgement about what pain relief any women chooses during birth- whatever helps you get through it). Two hours had now passed and unfortunately although I was contracting it was not very regular so I needed the drip to help things along. That was the next step. 

Drip and intense contractions... 


1pm, now the drip was attached and for now at the lowest level. The midwife informed me that they would up the dose every half an hour until I was at the rate of contractions they wanted me to be at and then the drip would stay at that dose. I voiced my concern to them of my body being over stimulated which could put baby in distress (and she had been fine this whole time so I did not want to mess that up) but they reassured me they would very closely monitor me and baby and would do everything they could to stop this from happening. Although I had been induced this way before it was still unfamiliar territory as Ella-Grace's heart rate was never stable and she was in distress a lot of the time through the induction process and so I was not used to a calm situation like this one, I did not want it to change and suddenly have 5 doctors or more in the room with me like I had with Ella-Grace. I very much wanted this birth to be straight forward even though I was being induced and for Sunday to come into the world happily. 
As the drip began I was still bouncing on the ball and chatting away to Reece and the midwives, they soon intensified however and I decided to raise the bed so I could lean on it in a standing position while swaying my hips. This was the position I most liked and stayed like this for a couple of hours. Still no gas and air, breathing through contractions, talking at the small breaks in between and updating my instagram.. until I couldn't any more. 4pm- 3 hours since the drip started, 5 hours since my water was broken and over 48 hours after first being offered gas and air- I finally reached my breaking point and started to use the gas and air. I am so glad I waited to use it because the relief I felt when I finally started to use it was amazing, it didn't take any pain away but it certainly is a good distraction and made me giggle, Funny thing was I was holding onto that gas and air for probably an hour before I actually needed it, just having it in my hand just in case was a good enough support for a while (who cares about holding your partners hand just hold the gas and air hahaha). 
The contractions were so intense now that I was breathing the gas and air maybe a bit too much and I started to feel a bit faint. One of the midwives suggested (knowing that I did not want to lie on the bed but also didn't want me to fall if I did faint) that I lower the bed and sit at the edge leaning on Reece. I took her advice and got into this positon. With each contraction I would breathe heavily into the gas and air and push myself into Reece, letting my entire weight be held up by his body. Although in excruciating pain this was a very nice moment with Reece and the midwife even caught a snap of it for me. 
These contractions were VERY intense, the most intense contractions I had felt in both birth experiences. I could see the two midwives discussing something in the corner of the room and looking at my monitor. It worried me a bit and so I asked them if everything was okay and if baby was stable. They informed me that everything was okay and baby 2 was perfectly fine. I was still confused as to what they were discussing though so pressed them again but they said not to worry. One or two contractions later something switched, I no longer was only in pain I felt the need to push. This I had never experienced with Ella-Grace and so I was now at the point of birth that I was unfamiliar to. I was in disbelief however so did not speak up quite yet, it had been less than 5 hours and this was meant to take more than double that time at least right? I did not want to be that women who thinks she needs to push at like 3 or 4 cm (not that there is anything wrong with feeling that I do not know why I was worried about that, stubbornness I guess).  Well thank goodness the midwives are as amazing at their jobs as they are because they both took one look at me and asked "Do you need to push?" 


10 cm dilated in 5 hours...

After being asked this I did say to them that I felt I needed to push and before I could say anything else I was on the bed and the midwife said she was going to examine me. This panicked me. I think it was the fact I was on the bed on my back now more than anything that panicked me and I somehow convinced myself that something was wrong and I was going to be rushed to theatre again. It is funny to look back on now because I kept saying to the midwives "You aren't telling me something, you wouldn't tell me if something was wrong in case I panicked" like it was some kind of conspiracy theory haha! But at the time I really did feel like something was secretly wrong and they were just waiting for the right moment to tell me. Nothing was wrong however and when one of the midwives examined me and I asked how dilated I was she simply replied with "why don't you tell me". I guessed 10cm in a joking voice but also hopeful and to my surprise I was exactly right. I had dilated to 10cm in less than 5 hours!! I don't know why I was so shocked because I went from 2cm to 7cm within an hour with Ella-Grace before I needed the c-section so it was always a possibility that this would happen again but it was just so surreal. 10cm! Time to push! Now almost 5pm and the next hour was THE LONGEST hour of my life. 


PUSH...

It was only an hour, not even that but oh my goodness it was so intense I don't know where to start! The most intense, painful and yet rewarding experience of my entire life! 
Firstly, I would like to say that the 3 people in that room with me were amazing! Reece was by my side the whole time holding my hand, rubbing my back and whispering positive things in my ear. Telling me "I could do this" even though I was telling him I couldn't. The two midwives had two very different approaches of supporting me which was great because I felt I needed both. One of them was very sympathetic and spoke to me in a soft voice, much like the support I was getting from Reece was telling me I could do this and that baby would be here soon. The other midwife was very much no nonsense, told me what I had to do, when I had to push and at one point I was overly panicking that something was wrong and she told it to me straight, exclaiming "Look at me do you see me panicking? No then you need to calm down". Some people would of hated her approach but I needed that in that moment, someone to tell me what to do. It was an amazing balance of listening to what I felt but also keeping me rational while I was in so much pain. I wish every woman could have a support network like this during their birth. 
At this point I had switched from being on my back to leaning on the back of the bed to let gravity work with my pushes to bring the baby down and out of my body. I also at this point had given up on the gas and air- 1. because the midwives suggested I should put my energy into pushing instead of breathing in the gas and air and 2. I was just not able to remember to bring it to my mouth for each contraction. So here I was leaning on the back of the bed, no pain relief, pushing with Reece by my side and two amazing midwives guiding me. I remember with each contraction crying because the pain was so overwhelming and wishing for it to be over. This position was the position I always imagined I would give birth in and it was the best position but as the baby got closer and closer to exiting my body the midwives and I decided I would go on my back so I could have the baby placed on my chest. 
My legs now up in stirrups I used all my body weight to push my feet into the stirrups and all the energy I could muster to push this baby out. Reece says at this point I was going purple I was pushing so hard. Guided by the midwives they told me when to ease of and suggested now I use the gas and air to get through these last few pushed. Would you believe even at this point I feared I would end up with a c-section? I just felt like there is no way I could actually be doing this? My body is actually capable of pushing out this baby and avoiding a c-section? There is just no way right?  Wrong. I was doing it!! 
Now came what many women call the "ring of fire". I obviously never understood what that meant before but OMG now I do! The ring of fire being when the baby's head is entering the world. This was the one and only point I screamed. I am so proud of myself for going though this with no pain relief just as I wanted but OMG I could of used something for that one moment. One more push I was told to open my eyes, baby's body was out and my job was done. This beautiful baby was on my chest and what was the first thing that comes out my mouth? "I DID IT!!" I sounded like Ella-Grace when she manages to put on her shoes herself or something hahaha I could not believe I had actually done it! Looking at my baby in my arms and still I turned to Reece and asked "I really don't need a c-section?". I was in shock. It was surreal. It was a relief. It was everything I had every wanted. VBAC achieved!!! 



It's A Girl...


So overwhelmed with love and you know, the fact I JUST PUSHED OUT A BABY!  I didn't even think about whether baby was a boy or girl. The midwife asked if Reece wanted to discover the gender and tell me to which he of course said yes. Two seconds later Reece exclaimed to me "It's A Girl!". The midwife asked if we had a name for her. Crying happy tears, I turned to Reece and once again suggested the name I had loved for 9 months and although he had not loved it he agreed it was her name. And so I turned to look at my beautiful baby girl and said "Hi Sunday". Latched on to my breast like a champ this was one of the best moments of my life. Reece and I took some pictures and for this moment everything was perfect. Unfortunately that moment ended and the reality of what the birth had done to my body set in. I was not in recovery just yet. Major complications leading to surgery were to follow but that is for the next blog post. For now lets leave this post here with the birth of our glorious second daughter: Sunday Eva Ray Webster. Born on 7th June 2019 at 17.54, weighing 7lb 7 ounces. 



Summary of my Induced VBAC experience... 

My experience of having an induced VBAC is very positive looking from the start of induction to Sunday being born, unfortunately as you will all hear in the next post the complications after really tainted this experience for me dramatically. However the actual birth and induction over all was everything I could of asked for. I was so scared of being forced or coerced into having another c-section but I received the opposite. All the medical staff, especially the midwives were incredibly supportive of me achieving the vaginal birth I wanted. From the midwife who pushed for me to have the balloon inserted after the pessary and the doctor who was very sympathetic to my fear of needles to the two amazing midwives who helped me during active labor, I felt supported through out the induction process and birth.I 100% prefer a vaginal birth to a c-section it is just unfortunate that the complications after made for another hard recovery for me. There is nothing like the reward of bringing a child into the world whatever way you do it but for me feeling my body going through the motions of child birth, the most natural thing in the world (despite the fact I was induced) and pushing my child out was so much more rewarding than my c-section. Not that, that changes the love you feel for your baby after- I fell in love with my girls immediately despite their births being completely different. I cannot believe I managed to do it without any pain relief and only using gas and air for in total an hour. I am one bad ass child bearing goddess apparently hahaha. Every woman is of course no matter what method of pain relief but for me actually being able to do it without anything makes me feel like superwoman. I am very proud of myself and so happy I experienced my VBAC. The birth was perfect (again putting aside the complications). 

Dear Sweet Sunday...

Cuddles with Mummy at 5 weeks old

Now this is for my sweet girl, Sunday Eva Ray. I hope you do read this when you are older (right now you are wriggling in my arms while I try to type with one hand and your sister is next to me watching Barbie on Netflix). I want you to know how much myself, your Daddy and sister love you. Your birth was amazing and you made it a dream come true. I adored you the second you were placed on my chest. You have completed our family and we are so happy to have you here with us. Both you and I have had a tough recovery, you did not have the easiest start to life and it has taken us a while to get settled but one thing that was always easy and always strong was our bond and that is what got us through the difficult first two weeks. I am blessed to have you as a daughter and hope I am doing a good job as your Mummy. I am proud of you and love you no matter what. My sweet Sunday, you are my everything. 

Thank you for reading...

Finally I have shared this with my wonderful internet community. I do not only want to thank all my readers for reading Sunday's birth story but for all the support I have received during my absence on the blog. If you follow me on social media you will already know all of the complications myself and Sunday had following her birth and the tough recovery I am still going through. It has not been easy (although worth it) and I thank everyone for their messages of support, shared experiences and advice. I hope that this will be my return to the blog and I will now be able to post regularly again but as many of you know, having two kids is very busy so no promises. Whether you are a new reader or a reader who has been here since my first post in 2017, thank you so much I appreciate you all. Lastly, I hope you will all join me as I say this.... 

Welcome to the world Sunday Eva Webster. 


Our Breastfeeding Journey

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