Rough First Trimester! (Second Pregnancy)

Happy New Year Everyone.. 

New Years Day 2019

We are in 2019! Happy New Year Everyone! I hope you all had an amazing Christmas and New Year or even if you didn't that does not mean you cannot have an amazing 2019, I wish all good things for you guys, my lovely readers. 
Reece and I have been so fortunate to of had an amazing 2017 and 2018 with so much amazing things that have happened from Ella-Grace being born and growing into such an amazing toddler to us getting married, moving and more- as you will all know from previous posts. This year, 2019, we will be completing our family with baby 2 which brings me into today's post.  

Another pregnancy post...

Back with another pregnancy post! Most of my readers I know love these and are excited I am writing them again but I am also aware they are not for everyone. So, to those of you who prefer non-pregnancy related blog posts, do not worry! The next post will not be about pregnancy! But this one is so if you are not into pregnancy stories then click away and come back another time...if you are still here I assume you are here for the pregnant content so HI! Thank you for being here to follow me on my pregnancy journey with baby number two (still cannot believe I am saying that) I am so happy to share my experience with all of you. This post will be all about the first trimester (week 1 - week 13 of pregnancy)

- can I just add how weird it is writing about my first trimester now we are in 2019 as it was back in 2018, while writing this I am 19 weeks pregnant so just feels strange backtracking.. know what I mean? Sorry pointless side note back to regular programming- 

and I think it is fair to say that this time around has been tough for many reasons as you will read but once again I do want to stress that I know this is NOTHING compared to what some women have to go through and no matter what I am very grateful for carrying a new life, all obstacles and hardships are worth it. This is just my experience that I want to share with you guys, please know I am grateful and I am very aware that things could be worse. That however does not make it easy. 

So, without keeping you waiting on the edge of your seat any longer here is all the information on my first trimester...

Side note again: Just had a realisation that baby 2 could be reading this in the future! I just want to say I love you and I forgive you for making me so sore and sick hahaha! Just kidding, it's not your fault you were just a tiny fetus. I would go through it all again for you and I love you so much all ready.

4 - 6 weeks pregnant....

Positive test and 5 weeks pregnant on Honeymoon 

The last pregnancy related post that was up on my blog was all about how Reece and I conceived baby number 2 - link here : TTC Journey/LauraJane:Life

I left you all at me taking the pregnancy test (on the 27th September 2018: 4 weeks 3 days pregnant), it being positive and me telling Reece he was going to be a Daddy to two babies! Very exciting times. After this I told my family and close friends and then... oh yeah we were going away on our honeymoon DAYS after we found out (30th September 2018: 4 weeks 6 days pregnant). Felt like such a crazy thing to do when you have just found out your pregnant but hey ho, that is what we did and I know there is nothing dangerous about flying in early pregnancy (that I have been told anyway).

So, 30th September 2018 we set off on our honeymoon to Marmaris, Turkey. 1st October 2018, our first day on our honeymoon, I was 5 weeks pregnant. 

(I am still to share our honeymoon experience and all we did, how I coped with separation anxiety etc so I am not going to go into that in too much detail on here as that is a separate post but just to let you guys know that it is coming. Sorry it is so late.) 

We had an amazing first few days, I missed Ella-Grace beyond belief- again I will be going through that in a separate post- but we did enjoy our first few days on our honeymoon. Eating lots of food, enjoying the sunshine, taking part in loads of excursions (pregnancy safe ones), it was amazing. Then it got to day 4 and the sickness and anxiety set in. We still had 3 days left!  

Reece, bless him he really is the best husband ever. He has been talking about going away with me since we met pretty much, he has been abroad before and loves hot, sunny weather. Knowing I had never been to any other country bar the UK he has always been keen to take me away. It had never worked out for us really and now finally after 6 years together we had the chance to go away not only on holiday but on our honeymoon. Probably the only time we are ever going to go away just the two of us and of course I have terrible morning sickness from pregnancy and anxiety just over half way through our week away. I felt guilty but also knew another baby is what he wanted to so supporting me during the sickness was just something he had to deal with as a part of that. He was an angel and as I was sick in bed in our hotel room, air con blasting to cool me down, he ran to the closest shop to get me some crackers (that being the only thing I could stomach, literally even now just thinking about this time makes me feel sick). 
Now being about 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant I had come to realise that this morning sickness was way worse than last time, foreshadowing the rest of the first trimester. As for anxiety it was a combination of being away from home while feeling very sick and missing Ella-Grace more than words can even describe, making me even look into changing our flights home but it just was not feasible. Tears and sickness aside however we did push through and enjoyed the rest of the honeymoon, mostly by the pool in the hotel so I could still go back to our hotel room if I needed to but it was still so wonderful and we made so many good memories. 

8th October 2018 I was 6 weeks pregnant and we were on our way home from our honeymoon. I do not recommend travelling long distance when experiencing extreme morning sickness it was pretty tough. 9th October 2018 we were back home and reunited with Ella-Grace which made me so happy and cured my separation anxiety but obviously not my pregnancy sickness which kick starts the next set of weeks in the first trimester. 

6 - 9 weeks pregnant...

First sign of little bump and 9 weeks pregnant on Halloween

So as I said 6 weeks pregnant, back from Honeymoon, Reece back to work and me reunited with Ella-Grace which I was extremely happy about but felt horrendously sick and still very on edge and anxious. Mixed emotions. 

Looking back now I think it was a mixture of pregnancy hormones, my forever looming anxiety and all the change in routine (which I DO NOT do well with at all, my anxiety and panic attacks are kept at bay because of routine and planning) that made me feel quite down, not to mention the sickness. On top of that as well because I had just come back I wanted to do so much with Ella-Grace but because of the extent to which I felt sick I felt like I could not do anything and did not want to leave the sofa never mind the house, I did now and again and tried my best to go to the park or on walks but to be 100% honest the TV was my best friend and a lot of those early weeks were spent in our pyjamas on the sofa, So the Mum guilt of course set in as I hate not being active with Ella-Grace and too much TV is a personal pet hate so yeah; sickness, anxiety now add a dash of guilt. That was week 6 and 7 of my second pregnancy in a nutshell and week 8 started out the same except now Ella-Grace was ill too.. nightmare! Struggling with a chest infection and her asthma, our poor baby was having a tough time too. Meaning more time inside, more TV and a very stressed out Mama! I was seeing the TV time affect her behaviour and it was breaking me. These weeks were most definitely tough! Thankfully Halloween gave us a bit of a boost! As I turned 9 weeks pregnant Halloween came around and our little angel had a blast dressed as a bat and I shaved my head once again for charity. The sickness had not gone away but at least these events put my spirits up. Routine was coming back, anxiety was going down slightly and I tried to ignore the sickness and return to normality which was less TV (2 hours a day max), attending groups and sticking to a routine. I may have went a bit over board with this as you will see. 

10 - 13 weeks pregnant 

Ella-Grace seeing scan picture for the first time 

10 weeks pregnant now, into double digits (the date now being 5th November 2018). The exact day I turned 10 weeks pregnant I remember clearly because it was the day I had my booking appointment with the midwife, spent the day with my parents and enjoyed sparklers with Ella-Grace that night for the first time- it was adorable inserting pic below! 

Bonfire Night 2018

All fun and games. The booking appointment went well the only downfall was that it was quite late for a booking appointment. I had phoned just before we left on honeymoon to make the appointment for when we came back and they said that booking appointments were usually between 8 and 10 weeks and my practice obviously only had availability around when I was 10 weeks (With Ella-Grace I think my booking appointment was made for 8 weeks). Fun fact- they actually booked my first appointment for 12 weeks by mistake and I had to phone back to change it because obviously by that point I should be having a scan not a booking appointment but anyways, my booking appointment was later than most which meant my scan would be later. My first scan was booked for after I would turn 13 weeks pregnant. Not a big deal at all but one thing that was really hard for me was keeping the secret that I was pregnant. Most of my close family and friends knew but it was still a secret and a 'taboo' in a way if anyone knew before the first scan. I spoke in my previous pregnancy about how much this stressed me out and how I think no one should be made to feel bad for talking about their pregnancy before they reach 12 weeks or have their first scan. Pregnancy is amazing whether it be 9 days, 9 weeks or 9 months and it should be allowed and socially acceptable to be spoke about at any stage. This being the reason that instead of keeping it a secret from everyone this time round I did almost the opposite and told many close friends and family members pretty much as soon as I knew I was pregnant. Social media is a totally different thing for me personally I just had no interest in announcing it until I knew everything was okay with baby especially after our chemical pregnancy scare when trying but that is just me, I think anyone can announce it whenever they want that was just what we decided.  However if people asked or mentioned anything about pregnancy/ the fact that Reece and I were trying in person I did share the news, I was a lot more open this time and it helped but it still felt taboo to tell people and certain people acted like my pregnancy was a big secret no one could possibly know but that's not what I wanted so it was still a slight stressor. Which is when I learnt that my scan date was a week later than expected it made me kind of sad because I wanted this 'hush, hush' time to be over. I am a talker, I talk about what I am going through and what is happening in my life. Literally it is what I am doing right now by writing my thoughts, feelings and experiences on the internet so yeah I wanted everything to be open and the later scan put a damper on that for me. Sorry that was a large tangent I just wanted to explain, leave a comment if you can relate to what I mean or maybe you kept your pregnancy a secret for much longer? I would love to know either way. 

Anyway, so between 10 and 11 weeks pregnant I was still feeling horrendously sick but powering through with my strict routine in an attempt to control my anxiety and do more with Ella-Grace. This meant lots of groups. Gymnastics, football, dancing, swimming and the occasional drop in toddler group. Ella-Grace loved every one of these classes, especially gymnastics but as week 10 of my pregnancy past and almost to the end of week 11 I started getting severe lower back ache and tummy cramps. Started off minimal but on 17th November 2018 it got really painful and worrying, I phoned the midwife and was told to go straight to the hospital. My heart sank. I phoned Reece and told him he needed to come home from work to be with Ella-Grace while I went to the hospital, I phoned family to tell them the situation and off I went. One of the scariest moments of my life. 

I got to the hospital around 5pm and by this point I was in a lot of pain and feeling very very sick (the sickness was normal by now but the pain was not). Hours later, checked over by a midwife and then a doctor I was admitted to hospital on strong pain killers and anti-sickness tablets. They wanted me to have an early scan the next morning meaning I was being admitted for the night which I was not prepared for. My lovely friend who is also pregnant due very soon, drove to my house to pick up a bag Reece packed for me, went to the shop for some snacks and dropped them off at my hospital room, keeping me company for a little while. It was very sweet of her and I am so thankful. Her company calmed me when I was so worried. 

Keeping everyone updated but now at this point my friend had left and I was very tired I was just going to close my eyes and try to get some rest through my worry then in came a scan technician and told me they could scan me right then and there. 

18th November 2018 at 10pm I saw my second child for the first time via an emergency scan. 11 weeks and 5 days pregnant, almost 2 weeks before my confirmation scan was scheduled, there on the screen was the little life growing inside me and he/she was perfectly happy and healthy (thank goodness!). I was so relived! After checking my wriggly baby they also scanned to check my ovaries (the original fear was that I was experiencing an eptopic pregnancy where the baby attaches in the Fallopian tube but luckily that was not the case) they looked fine too. Baby looked good so at that point I could technically have gone home but with it being so late and being quite sick and sore they told me to stay over night and I would be checked and spoken to in the morning. I sent Reece the picture of the scan, writing, 'Baby 2 is looking great!' at 10.05pm. Needless to say he was also very happy and releaved. . 

After a bad nights sleep due to sickness and pain it was morning and they brought me some breakfast (surprisingly a lot of vegan options which I was happy about) I managed to stomach that thanks to the anti-sickness medication, the first thing I had ate in probably 12 hours. It was after this that I spoke to the doctor and after our chat (about symptoms, my daily life, diet etc) she came to the conclusion that I needed rest. I had been pushing myself too hard especially when I had not really been eating much due to sickness so I really needed to get my energy levels back. I had lost weight (now being under 9 stone due to not being able to eat because of pregnancy sickness) and she said to basically cool it for a while on Ella-Grace's activities, take anti-sickness tablets every day so I could start eating again and be on bed rest for a week. It was good advice and definitely what I needed to get better but the struggles did not stop there and being realistic, when your husband works a lot and you are alone at home with a toddler you cannot really be on bed rest. But I did give myself a break. Anyways so Ella-Grace and Reece came to meet me at the hospital and it was then that Ella-Grace laid eyes on her sibling for the first time (19th Novemebr 2018).

To cheer us up after the big scare, now we knew everything was okay with baby and I was home safe and sound, getting some rest, we announced our second pregnancy on Facebook. Everyone was delighted for us and wished me well. Luckily Reece was off the remainder of that day and managed to get the following day off also to help with Ella-Grace (taking her to her football class) and allow me to at least have two full days of bed rest before he had to return to work. 

The bed rest helped my back ache a lot and it was no longer scarily sore. The anti-sickness tablets were really helping me get my appetite back which was amazing too but the big downfall was they made me extremely drowsy which is not great when you are looking after a toddler by yourself so I had to be careful when I took them. I could take up to 3 doses which I definitely needed so I went for first thing in the morning while Reece was home to help, when Ella-Grace had her nap and just before bed so I could sleep through the drowsiness. They really did help the sickness and helped me and baby as far as nutrients go because I could then eat but the drowsiness was dreadful. I felt so dizzy and faint, I would snap at Reece if he tried to talk to me and I could not get up to play with Ella-Grace while I felt so out of it. I could see Reece getting fed up with me moaning about how the tablets made me feel but I did not care, it was horrible I felt all drugged up 3 separate times in the day and I hated it. Apart from being admitted to hospital this may well have been the absolute worst part of the first trimester, I was at my lowest point. No longer sick but once again I was anxious, tired, emotional, out of routine and FULL of Mum guilt. I was not being the Mum I wanted to be for Ella-Grace and felt she was missing out which was so hard. I knew I was growing her a sibling and I knew I had to get myself back to normal in order to look after her but damn I felt bad. I am usually the hands on Mum, up for playing and thinking of activities and groups to go to. I love learning with her and teaching her things. I had turned into a couch potato who used the TV as a baby sitter (especially in the drowsy times) I felt like I was the worst Mum in the world. Very dramatic and clearly not true but you fellow Mums out there will know, Mum guilt is real and convinces you of crazy things. 

Fast forward to week 13 and it was time for my scheduled scan (which would of been the first scan if we had not needed the emergency scan). Once again everything looked fine and by now I was on the mend. Off bed rest, down to one or no sickness tablets a day and gaining weight like I should be. Heading for the second trimester and SO ready to leave weeks 1-13 of my second pregnancy behind. And that was that, the first trimester.

Thank You For Reading...

And that is the first trimester done and dusted. It was a lot more challenging than my first pregnancy and I had some down times during it as you have read but looking back now I cannot believe how fast it went. I am now, as you are reading this, almost half way through my pregnancy! I cannot wait to meet our second bundle of joy and for Ella-Grace to meet her sibling. I am so lucky to be carrying this little life and although I felt like crap most of the first trimester I would go through it all again for this little life. So excited about this last edition to our family. 

Thank you for reading everyone, it was a long post so well done if you managed to stick around until the end. Comment below how you have found/are finding the first trimester? Or if you are in a totally different boat- for example still trying to conceive, finished having kids, going down a different path such as adoption or not having kids at all/any time soon- comment down below too and lets all have a conversation. I can't wait to hear all your stories just as I hope you have enjoyed reading mine. 

I will have more posts for you soon that I am sure you will not want to miss so keep an eye out for my next post! Follow me on my social media handles (@laurajanelifex on Instagram and LauraJane Life on Facebook). Till next time...

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

1 Year Post-Partum Update

Haven't blogged in a month.WHAT...

"Hello stranger", that must be what you are all thinking right now because it has been a WHOLE MONTH since I have published a blog post! I am sorry, I am so bad at keeping to a schedule with my writing it is really terrible (in dire need of an office so I don't just fall asleep on my laptop in bed haha) but life is busy, being a mother is non-stop and planning a wedding at the same time... that is on a whole other level. So yes it is annoying that my posting schedule is all over the place but this blog is all about honesty and being genuine, what is more honest and genuine than this, I am a Mother who is constantly running after a little toddler, trying to keep her fed, clean and happy, trying to teach her things and give her everything she needs on top of planning my wedding, having couple time with Reece, keeping a tidy house, see friends and family, manage anxiety and keep myself sane.. oh and yeah I  have to fit in my writing which I love and it is my job but sometimes the stay at home mum in me takes over and independent woman, be my own boss writer in me has to take a back seat BUT that is all okay because life happens and now I am back with a blog post I know a lot of people have been wanting me to write. Ella-Grace is now 1 year old (13 months) and other than her, many of you are interested in my journey post-partum. The last time I wrote about that was probably a few weeks after hse was born and apart from that I haven't really spoke about what I have been going through which I of course want to share with you because I know many Mothers read my blog and will be sharing the same experience- from trying to lose weight to the hair loss- So get ready with a snack and a drink because this post may be longer than the last novel you read. Happy reading! 

Weightloss...

This I think is the main question you all have been asking especially after seeing on my social media that I have lost a considerable amount of 'baby weight' and as far as what the scales say I now weigh less than I did before I had Ella-Grace- as for looks my 'mum tum' says otherwise, that floppy belly ain't going anywhere anytime soon but I am perfectly okay with that which I will get into in a minute. First however, I would like to say to all you Mother's out there whether you have just given birth and wondering how you will ever 'bounce back', your children are older and you are still struggling to lose weight or maybe you have lost the baby weight but still are not happy with the stretch marks left behind- STOP STRESSING! I know that is easier said than done, I have written in one of my previous posts how I struggled accepting how much my body had changed after having Ella-Grace and how my stomach had stretched, I wasn't confident in the way I looked but changing my perspective and lifestyle really changed everything! I think before you even try to make any changes to the way you look you have to change the way you feel and not look at your body as something negative or something to be ashamed of that has to be changed, look at your body and love it! Yes you may have some flabby bits, yes you have stretch marks, yes you may feel larger, frumpy even and it is perfectly okay to want to change this and be healthier but accept what you have at that point and look at your body and think this is a body that has been through a lot, a body that has brought life into the world, this is my body and I love it BEFORE any positive changes have been made. I am no personal trainer or have any kind of education that makes me qualified to give this advice but from personal experience I can tell you that looking at yourself negatively and crying because of how much you hate your body does not motivate you to lose weight or make changes, it makes you stressed and then you over think it which is when people can make unhealthy decisions. When you accept your body and show it love but also recognize some healthy changes you would like to make this is when you will see results and even if it takes a while you won't mind because you are confident and full of self-love because you know you are trying and at the end of the day what you look like is not the most important thing in the world. This goes for if you haven't had a baby, I remember all through my teenage years worrying about the way I looked and feeling really insecure, comparing myself to others but this is really the wrong way to go about it. Accept and love yourself no matter what stage you are at in life or what you look like, also support others in doing this and never compare yourself to others because everyone is going through their own journey and very little people think they are perfect and have no imperfections. I don't know if that makes any sense and I know I went on for a while but like I said one of the MOST important things I think is to change your perspective from hating your body to accepting it and radiating self-love then you can work on what you might want to change- this is also an amazing thing to show your child because I think all parents want their little one's to grow up to be self-confident.  

The next part like I said is about changing your lifestyle aka making healthy choices. I am not going to go into too much detail about nutrition and fitness because again, I am not qualified to give advice for everyone but I know what works for me and I know what I believe in. So one of the biggest lifestyle changes I made this past year is going vegan (plant-based diet free from all animal products), there is a huge debate on this and I am not going to go into all the ins and outs of why I am vegan but I will say a bit about what I think and believe. First of all, yes it is a big lifestyle change if you are used to a diet filled with animal products, there are some things you might think do not have animal products in that do but after a bit of research and looking in your local supermarket for the vegan/free from section oh and yeah, realizing the vast amount of AMAZING VEGETABLES that you can make meals from and get so much goodness from, it is a piece of cake (vegan cake of course haha) to make this change. Vegetables are usually as side dish but when they become center stage oh. my. goodness. they are amazing and you feel so healthy. And you can have some very tasty meals and I find myself not craving unhealthy snacks or takeaways and if you do have some snacks etc its fine because the majority of your diet is so so healthy! Here are some tasty meals I have made below: 

Vegetable Lasgane 

Creamy mushroom and spinach pasta

I am not saying this is a quick fix or a diet you should take on for a week or so to lose weight, I am saying it is a lifestyle change that makes a massive difference to your health and body, really cleans it out and you are full of goodness. Not to mention it being cruelty free and environmentally friendly which is very important! If anyone would like to hear more about why I am vegan or advice on going vegan I would love to help, please message me. 

As for exercise I am not one for the gym and literally feel that I have no time to do any at home but I do love to go on walks for Ella-Grace, especially in this nice weather we are having so I am constantly going on longs walks (1 hour- 2 hours). I don't drive so instead of getting the bus to Ella-Grace's groups/classes or friends houses, I just power walk or sometimes jog. Ella-Grace loves it because she either gets to look around and have some snacks or have a nap. I probably to this almost everyday. Other exercise I enjoy is swimming with Ella-Grace and I have started to take her to a dance/movement class (which is definitely a work out more for me than Ella-Grace). Doesn't sound like much but it adds up and the non-stop routine of Mum life is sure to keep you on your toes and I feel like I am never off my feet. There is of course a lot more exercise you could do and if you have the time to go to the gym etc that would be great too! Just whatever suits you! I am looking into joining a dance class myself after the wedding is finished because that is my sort of exercise, find something you enjoy doing and it will be a lot more effective. 

So over the past year since having Ella-Grace I have gone from not being able to do much (after a c-section), hating my body and having an unhealthy diet to being a confident, active, healthy Mama bear who radiates self-love, I am proud of myself and my body and think I am setting a good example for Ella-Grace which is the most important thing! I hope this helps you feel better if you are going through a tough time with self-confidence. Honestly, the way you look is not the be all and end all of everything so try not to focus on it too much and there is not such thing as perfect and as long as you are healthy that is what matters. I don't tend to weigh myself often but from when I last weighed myself I have probably lost a stone and half in the past year and I have gone from a size 14 to a size 8/10. Here are some pictures to show the weight loss difference:    

Then: Size 14

Now: Size 8

Now: Size 8

THEN AND NOW

Confidence/Baby blues...

Now moving away from the physical and talking about the emotional side of things, how I have felt confidence wise as a Mother and moving past baby blues. If you have been with my blog for a while you would of read my original post on baby blues and my other posts about how I have been dealing with my anxiety and panic attacks (if not feel free to go back and read them for a more in depth summary of my experiences). 

So for those of you who have not yet read my blog post on baby blues I will give you a quick recap. After having Ella-Grace I was very happy and we had an amazing bond but I also struggled with having panic attacks every night due to the exhaustion and stress of being a new mother. I felt like I wasn't doing anything right, I felt guilty for wanting 5 minutes to myself and because of my anxiety I felt like the whole world was ending pretty much, not for any reason just this impending doom feeling which I have spoke about before in my other posts about anxiety. I also felt that I could not speak to others about it because I was meant to be super happy because I just had this beautiful baby and was very lucky, I did not want to see ungrateful. I also had convinced myself that if the health visitor knew I was feeling down Ella-Grace would be taken away from me?? THIS IS NOT TRUE!! How did I get out of this state? Well after probably about 4 weeks of struggling and being in severe pain (c-section recovery) I pushed myself to face one of my biggest fears and that was taking Ella-Grace out and this was the best thing I could of done. Reece did not get any paternity leave due to him starting his new job the day after Ella-Grace was born and all of my family and friends although they phoned and visited as much as they could, they live at least an hour a way so a lot of the time I was by myself and I had to face my fears alone which made my anxiety a bit worse but also it pushed me and made me do things I was not comfortable with. I was always scared to take Ella-Grace out because I thought if she started to cry when we were out I would freeze and everyone would think I was a terrible mother? Again untrue. So at 4/5 weeks post baby I made a list of places I was scared to take Ella-Grace from the least stressful to the most and slowly worked my way through them. This slowly helped me gain confidence, got me out the house which was SO important and also I made some Mum friends which is a massive help because you see what others are going through and now 1 year on, taking Ella-Grace out to groups/to see friends is not only one of my favourite things to do but also a great was to de-stress me! Another reason I was stressed at the start I think was because it was such a big lifestyle change and there was no routine/organisation and anyone that knows me or reads my blog knows that routine keeps me sane! So as Ella-Grace grew and we got to know each other, a routine became established and I was a lot more chilled out. If that routine goes wrong or something changes last minute, yep I still have a bit of a freak out but I know how to manage my emotions and I can control my anxiety to a certain extent. 

Looking back on the past year and remembering how low my self-esteem was and how I always felt I wasn't doing things right, it is such a contrast to how I feel now! I no longer feel that I am doing things wrong and if anyone ever questions my Mothering ability or the way I am doing things I am confident enough to say I am happy with my decisions and that I know my daughter best. This I think is what everyone should aim towards feeling as a parent. No you won't always do the right thing and no you cannot tell the future but in the moment you can do what you think is right, stick to your guns and feel confident that you know what is best for your child. Confidence is key and although it is good to listen to others opinions/advice, never let anyone manipulate you or pressure you into parenting their way because you are not them, you are you and you should do things your way. I have gone from crying every night wondering if I am good enough for my daughter to being a confident person who is happy to say I am a damn good mum and I know what is right for my child. Accepting that no one is a perfect parent. It is a great feeling going from the new mum that needs support to being the one supporting others. So to any new Mothers thinking 'Am I doing okay?' the answer is YES! You are doing great! And if you are struggling that is okay, we all have those days, never feel ashamed to ask for help. 

C-section scar..

Another requested topic for this blog post was c-section healing and how it was dealing with that at the very beginning. So for anyone who thinks having a c-section is the easy option- you are wrong,please read my blog post on that it explains 10 reasons why that is not true. 

The pain, the inability to do anything without the fear of tearing your scar, walking round like a hunchback to weeks, the injections in your leg for 10 days after recovery and not to mention the stigma attached with having a cesarean, it all adds up and it is hard to deal with. Ultimately you have to be proud of what you have put your body through in order for your baby to be here and remember you have been though a major surgery, look after yourself! I am so lucky to of had Reece, he was an angel and although he was at work a lot he would do anything he could for me when he was home. 

As for the healing I am very fortunate to of had no problems so I don't really have much to say. I think it probably took about 8-12 weeks for me to no longer feel pain and feel able to do things without worrying about it (the recommended resting/healing time is 6 weeks from what I was told in the hospital). But even now although it is not sore and it is perfectly healed I still find it strange to wash/touch, it is almost numb but also quite sensitive. I feel that when I am in the shower washing that area I am very aware that I was cut open there and I am very careful. That might just be me, I don't know-comment below what your experience is with your scar when it is healed. All together though my feeling towards my scar is that I am proud of it and when I look at it I feel almost nostalgic, it brings back memories and I think that is wear my baby was taken out of my body into the world. Considering she was all tangled up in her chord and she was very nearly not with us because of it that cut in my stomach saved her life and I will always be grateful to the surgeons that performed my cesarean. Better stop there before I get all weepy haha. 

Hair loss...

This is one I have not spoke about on the blog before and I don't think many people do admit this but I have experience post-partum hair loss. Now I am not talking about clumps of hair coming out of my head but the front 'baby hairs' I think they are called have definitely snapped or fallen out and grown back to they are a lot shorter than my other hair. To be fair I have dyed it quite a lot since having Ella-Grace so that could also have something to do with it haha. Nothing I am too bothered about and I have not had it as bad as some women do post baby but it is just something I have noticed since having Ella-Grace so I thought I would mention it. 

Dry skin...

Redness round eyes 

Now this is one big thing I have dealt with since having Ella-Grace and that is dry skin. I have always had good skin, never been prone to spots, dry skin or oily skin. My skin has always been something about me that I have loved and I could fall asleep in my make up, wash it off the next day and honestly have no problems. During pregnancy I think my skin only got better and I do think I had that 'glowing' look that you are promised. That all changed when Ella-Grace was born and it was almost like she stole that glow from me and took my good skin with her- she is worth it though of course. 

So after having Ella-Grace I did notice that my skin was quite dry but thought nothing of it being too occupied with the big change that had just happened and having a new born to look after. I didn't wear any make up for a long time and then when I finally did decide to put some on that is when I really noticed the problem I was having. My skin would hurt when I had make up on, when I would take it off and I was noticing really dry and red patches on my skin. My eyes would swell when I took my make up off and when I would shave I would constantly bleed even after taking the precautions I needed to and moisturizing etc. Funnily enough Ella-Grace was also having some dry skin problems so I made an appointment at the doctor for both of us. 

Swollen eye

After speaking to the doctor I was told Ella-Grace was experiencing eczema (a medical condition in which patches of skin become rough and inflamed with blisters which cause itching and bleeding.) and I had something called dermatitis (a medical condition in which the skin becomes red, swollen, and sore, sometimes with small blisters, resulting from direct irritation of the skin by an external agent or an allergic reaction to it.) which is common for women after they have had a child apparently. 

Funnily enough we were prescribed the same creams, one being a steroid cream- which I only had to use on Ella-Grace once but use on myself whenever the red patches are really bad) then Aveeno which we both use daily. Ella-Grace's skin now 1 year on still gets a tiny bit dry sometimes but as long as we use the Aveeno on her after every bath she is perfectly fine. As for my skin, it has its ups and downs but I try to stick to a good skin care routine when I can. Washing my face every morning and night, applying the steroid cream on the really sore and red patches (especially my eyes because if they get bad they will swell) and then apply the Aveeno cream an hour later. This is especially important if I plan on wearing any make up or my skin will get really bad. I also find using a facemask now and again really helps. 

This used to bother me when I first was dealing with it because I was not used to having skin problems and I was usually very happy with my skin. But now I have been dealing with it for about a year I am used to it, know what to do when my skin gets bad and how to try and prevent it from getting really bad! If anything I am sort of happy it happened because I have started to wear a lot less make up (I used to do a full face every day!) and I have become quite happy with a bit of natural make up. Reece even says now that he can't believe I used to bother with spending an hour or more on my make up haha. Now when I do have a full face of make up you know it must be a special day haha aka my wedding day which is coming up soon! 

After using skin cream, so much better!

Make up practice for wedding, no swollen eyes!

Bonding... 

There are no words that could possible describe the bond I have with Ella-Grace. You know when you are pregnant you are going to love your baby but it isn't until you have them right in front of you that you really understand what that overcoming feeling of absolute unconditional love feels like. It is truly magic. Some people do struggle with finding that bond at the start because although you love them, they are a complete stranger to you and you do really need to get to know each other as you do with anyone you have met for the first time. So I truly believe in my experience anyways, that 1 year ago when my beautiful little girl was born it was love at first sight but it is now 1 year on that she is my best friend. I have said it before and I will say it again I brought her into the world and gave her life but she gave me life too, she has made me who I want to be. Ella-Grace if you are reading this in a few years time, know that you are my purpose and oh my goodness I hope you are proud of me. You will forever be my best friend girl! 

(If you are struggling with bonding however do not feel bad, being a Mother is hard and there is nothing wrong with asking for some help. A happy mum, makes a happy baby and just like other relationships, you have to build the bond even if there is love there.)

Going to keep this short and sweet because otherwise I will go on forever. I am just astounded that my body created and birthed my literal best friend. 

Period and Contraception... 

Weird one to end on perhaps and maybe a bit too much information but this is an honest blog like I have said before. So after having Ella-Grace, literally about 2 days after, I had it drummed into me by nurses and my midwife to think about contraception. Could not have sex for about 6 weeks after anyways but it is good to be prepared because not only can it be dangerous to get pregnant too soon after having a baby- especially after a c-section- but I also did not want to be pregnant again yet, or ever again, not for any bad reason I was just happy with the one for now, Ella-Grace had literally just been born. 

So after having my post-baby check up with the doctor we spoke over contraception and I decided on getting the implant. I have heard some horror stories about this form of contraception from struggling to get it out and having really bad symptoms, so before you go crazy in the comments warning me I do already know the bad things that can happen but from what I have researched there are pros and cons to all the different contraception. Why I chose the implant was because I knew if I took the pill I would forget it, I did not like the thought of getting injections every month and I just wanted something that I did not want to think about for a while. I knew it lasted 3 years and if me and Reece wanted to have another baby it most likely would not be before those 3 years were up and even though now Ella-Grace is older I am not going to lie, we have discussed maybe having another baby sooner than that but I still do not regret getting it in because if we do want to try sooner then I can get it out before then. We will just see how things go, we have a wedding to finish planning first! 

As for symptoms, i have been pretty lucky I think and have not noticed many. I think maybe the implant could of had something to do with my bad skin, I have had irregular periods- one month I won't have one then the next month I will be bleeding for what seems like weeks- but that does not really bother me, I can deal with it. I did not have bad bruising or scarring after either. So having had it in for a year now and looking at it overall I am happy with my decision to get it in, it has stopped me worrying about getting pregnant again sooner than I plan to and to be honest I have not really thought about it and for someone with anxiety who overthinks EVERYTHING not having to think about something is so refreshing! 

The end...

And I think I have covered all the bases, if you do think I have missed something or have any questions please comment below or message me. Sorry it was so long, I thought since it has been about a month since I last posted that you deserved a long post and well I had a lot to say as you can see! Thank you as always for reading, until the next blog post please remember to follow my social media accounts which you can find the links to in the menu next to this post>>>

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Stay Happy Everyone! :) 

Advice for New Parents: 5 Pieces Of Advice From Mum And 5 From Dad

Couples Who Blog Together, Stay Together...

Your eyes are not deceiving you my lovely readers, it is true. I have managed to rope my lovely husband-to-be into writing this blog post with me. I'm always asking him his opinions on blog posts but for this one I thought he would be amazing just to write a bit himself (well he talked and I typed what he said). So let's just get right into it. Happy Reading! 

Are we still New Parents ....

So with Ella-Grace getting closer to her 1st birthday I feel that Reece and I are now past the 'New Parents' stage right? I mean we are by no means experts, I mean I don't think you ever are, but I do think we now know our own child, we are in a routine and we are settled in the fact that yes we are able to keep this tiny human alive and relax. The feeling of 'OMG WE HAVE A BABY!' is gone and we can now barely remember life before our gorgeous daughter was part of our lives, which to me is when you know you are out of the new parent phase. So because of this new found confidence even through the rough times, we thought it would be nice to pass on our best advice to those who are soon to become parents or recently had a baby/babies. We are not trying to tell you what to do and by no means do you have to follow this advice but it is just a few things that we wish someone said to us or that we listened to from the start. We hope it helps. 

Advice From Mum

1. Always take extra

This is one you have probably heard before. Always take extra, ALWAYS! I mean extra clothes, nappies, wipes, snacks, milk, anything you think your baby may need take extra! And when you think you have packed extra, pack that little bit more. I know that might sound over the top but I have gone to my parents (which is an hour away) to stay for a few days and thought I packed SO much when in actual fact I ran out of things and ended up trying to survive without important things or I had to buy more even though I could of took stuff with me that I had at home. Same goes for when your just going out for an hour, pack as if you will be out for 3 or more hours because you never know what will happen and trust me you will be a lot less stressed if you have everything you could possibly need.

2. Look after yourself and make time for 'me time'

When that little one arrives it is so easy to neglect yourself in order to make sure your baby has all they need. You skip showers, go without sleep and snack instead of eating cooked/warm meals. But this is not good for either you or baby. I remember when I first took Ella-Grace home I could barely eat and I would refuse to sleep when she was sleeping thinking I need to do other things and be on top of everything. I ran myself out and with my anxiety that is never good, I was having panic attacks every night. So I started to look after myself better. Making sure at some point of the day I would have hot meals even if they were not at 'meal times', I made sure I had a quick 5 minute shower in the morning- my moment to breathe, I napped with Ella-Grace, I got dressed- it made me feel so much better to be out of my breast milk stained pj's. I started to feel more myself. Self care is not selfish it is the opposite. Happy Mum, Happy Baby. This will also help you get into a routine which for me is what keeps me sane, I love a routine.

3. View yourself through your babies eyes

Probably one of the most important bits of advice I could give. There is so much guilt that comes with being a parent. Why didn't I do this? Why did I do that? Am I a good enough mum? I haven't cuddled her enough today, I should of read her a story. All these things and more going round in your head constantly and you start to question if you are doing anything right. This can be very upsetting and stressful. But just find 2 minutes to stop yourself and look at yourself through your babies eyes. They don't think why didn't you wash the dishes, why didn't you kiss me three times instead of once before bed? Why didn't you take me out for a walk? They just see you, their parent that they depend on and adore. They just feel love and just seeing you and spending time with you is good enough for them. So give yourself a break before you breakdown. Don't stress about the amount of toys they have, how clean your house is, how good a parent you are being because I can tell you right now the fact you are asking yourself that question shows how much you care and that you are a great parent. So if you ever find yourself asking these questions think to yourself does it really matter? How does my baby see it? Because I bet you most of the time they will just be thinking that you are great!!

4. Face your fears

This might not be for everyone but it really worked for me. One of the things I was most anxious about when Ella-Grace arrived was taking her out.. anywhere. I was scared something would go wrong, she would cry and I wouldn't know what to do. I could of buckled under this fear and kept us inside the comfort of our home but I am so glad I didn't because then I would still be scared now and she wouldn't be as comfortable around people as she is, at least I don't think she would be. When she was around 5 weeks old I made a list of places I wanted to take her/needed to take her running from what made me least anxious to most anxious. One by one I achieved each one and my confidence grew and now we go out pretty much every day. Yes she has had some bad meltdowns but that's okay, she is a baby, they cry sometimes. If I never faced this fear there is no way I would be as happy and confident as I am now. Facing this fear really helped me and I realised it wasn't as scary as I thought.

5. Don't be scared to ask for help

Please, please listen to this one. Don't be afraid to ask for help! Whether that be help from your partner, your family or a medical professional, don't be afraid. It does not make you a bad parent or weak or anything like that, it makes you human just like anyone else and as I said earlier taking care of yourself is very important! I wouldn't of been able to get out the house, shower, get help with my baby blues if I did not ask for help and even though it took me a while to get over my stubborn self after asking for that help I became a better mother. So please never be afraid, no one will judge you and if they do they are the one's who should feel bad about themselves not you because there is nothing wrong with asking for help.


Advice From Dad

1.Babies cry, don't stress too much 

Don't over stress when baby cries because at early stages there is only a short list of things they need. The first time I was alone with Ella-Grace, I don't remember exactly when that was but she was still newborn, she was of course upset because she was missing her Mum and I was stressed out. LJ (LauraJane) was usually here to help me but this time it was all on me. But then I was like you are either hungry, need changed or sleep and not much out that can be wrong then I chilled myself out realizing that when they are young it is quite a simple list and when I figured it out she stopped crying and went to sleep.

2.Make the most of time with your baby

 As a full time working Dad, I have learnt to make the most of the time that I have with my family even when I am very tired from working all day. Pushing through being sleep deprived and doing bath time or  giving the last bottle of the day, even a half hour cuddle if that is all I can get in is worth it. If I am on a late shift I barely see them in the morning because of the way the routine is and then I go to work and come home late and Ella-Grace is already in bed so I haven't seen her all day and even worse she hasn't seen me all day. So when she wakes up in the middle of the night or I get home in time for her bed time routine I completely take over. This really helped Ella-Grace and I build a strong bond, make me more confident as a Dad and obviously gives LJ a break to chill or get her work done.

3. Help your partner as much as possible 

Be aware of your partners needs especially during late pregnancy because you don't want them stressing or doing something they shouldn't. There are limitations that heavily pregnant women have, things they find it difficult to do or shouldn't do that she would of done so I had to be aware of the fact that I needed to help more even if she was too stubborn to ask- which LJ is most of the time. I needed to put myself in her shoes. This is so important and trust me your partner will appreciate all the little things. Same after the birth especially with LJ having c-section. It was difficult to see her in pain and I wanted to do what I could to help. So make sure they can rest as much as possible make sure they are okay because they are the ones who just birthed a baby and need to recover. Take on the heavy load of the work, you know your partner would do the same for you.

4. Teamwork 

As a parent in a strong stable relationship, we work as a team, you know your own child better than anyone, don't let anyone influence your decisions if its not what you want for your child. For example LJ and I don't think because Ella-Grace is a girl means she has to be 'girly' or in pink and so many people gender associate and tell us we should be dressing her to 'look like a girl'. We have never listened to that, we dress her in what we think is nice whether that be a pink dress or a black tracksuit, we want her to be able to feel comfortable to wear whatever she wants and at the end of the day it is just clothes. Don't listen to people that tell you other wise. Same goes for any other situation, routine, diet, toys, you and your partner make the decision and as long as you have their best interests at heart that's what matters.

5. Babies have resilience 

Babies are more resilient than you think so when they have little bumps they probably scare themselves more than hurt themselves and the majority of the time a cuddle will fix it. Ella-Grace has knocked herself or hit herself accidentally so many times and so far (thankfully) she has never been majorly hurt just scared. They are not as fragile as you think and a scream does not always mean they are incredibly hurt. I would be more worried if they fell and hit themselves and did not scream and became unconscious. Obviously if you are unsure then get them checked but don't panic.

Thank you for reading...

And that is it, the best advice we feel we could give to new parents, I hope it helps! Is there any advice you think we have missed? Do you agree with our advice? Please comment below and let me know. Thank you for reading as always, I appreciate each and every one of my readers. If you would like to keep up to date with mine and my family's daily life as well as get notifications about the blog please follow my social media- links above post. Till next time.

Stay Happy Everyone :)!