Potty Training Under 2

Writing about potty training already... 

How did this come about so fast? Feels like yesterday I changed Ella-Grace's first nappy (or more accurately watched a nurse change her as I could not get out of bed due to being numb from c-section) and now here I am, 28 weeks pregnant with baby number 2 watching her run around in 'big girl pants' and saying "Potty mama". Time goes way too fast, she is such a big girl now! 

Before I even get into the topic of potty training and everything that has come with our experience so far I would like to say a few things. First of all, I am no expert when it comes to potty training (I don't think anyone is?) this is simply a post explaining how potty training is going with Ella-Grace and advice as far as what is working for us- this is not to say what we do works for every child as every child is different. I do not think children HAVE to be potty trained at a certain age or anything like that, you as a parent decide when you think is the best time. Once again all children are unique, all learn at different paces in different ways and please in no way take this as me telling you what you should be doing because that is not what I am doing- half the time I don't even know what I am doing. We are all winging it at the end of the day. I have found reading other parents experiences very helpful and comforting in times I have struggled during this potty training process so I thought I would ask you all if I should share my experience and an overwhelming amount of you said yes so here it is. Also you all know I use this blog as a personal diary to get out my inner thoughts, I just choose to share these thoughts with the internet, that is all this is. Also apologies it has took me so long to get this posted, between pregnancy insomnia and my laptop crashing (losing my work SEVERAL times), it has been tricky to get it done but here I am!

Now that long (probably unneeded) explanation is out the way let us get on with the blog post...

(Side note: There will be no images of Ella-Grace on the toilet or in her pants etc. I personally am not comfortable with that)  

Past experience in potty training and thoughts going into it...

Like most first time parents- I would assume- I had no experience potty training and was quite apprehensive about approaching the whole thing. As someone with anxiety I control this with routine and schedule and being in a routine (in this case I am talking about nappies) it really stressed me out the thought of messing with that and now having to start a fresh, teaching Ella-Grace a whole new way of life pretty much. She has spent her whole life doing her 'business' in nappies and I have spent her whole life changing them, it is a big change for both of us. I also get very anxious about tasks that do not have instructions which of course potty training does not, mothering in general does not come with a handbook or 'wikihow' page you can just look up so whenever I enter a new experience in Motherhood I get a little (or a lot) stressed out. So needless to say, potty training was not something I was in a rush to do nor excited about doing. 

When Ella-Grace was 18 months old however (literally I think medically this is the earliest a child will be able to be potty trained due to physical development that needs to happen) she started showing signs of being ready for potty training. She hated her nappy and would always try to pull it off, she would hide to do a number 2 and she became very interested in the bathroom- specifically me going to the bathroom. So reluctantly I thought I would buy a toilet seat insert and see how she liked it. She sat on it no problem and seemed to want to be on it. As proud as I was, I was also in shock, I was not thinking about potty training her until she was 2 or 3 years old but she was telling me she wanted to sit on the toilet. It was at this point I went out and bought her some pants and set a few days aside to try this potty training thing (no idea what I was doing). This was my first ever experience trying to potty train and it did not go well. Although she did go to the toilet a few times and was interested in it, she was just not ready to understand the concept of 'I need to tell Mummy I need to go to the bathroom'. So after a day or two of accidents everywhere we decided she was just not ready. This was a very stressful two days with the change of routine and as you probably guessed there were many tears from me. After this we did keep the toilet seat out and if she asked to go on it then we would let her but we were not actively potty training her. So that was that for a few months. 

Trying again and signs of potty readiness...

Honeymoon past and Christmas came and went, it was now January- at this point life had gotten so busy that the potty seat was put away in the cupboard. This is when we decided to try again (Ella-Grace now being 21 almost 22 months old). We decided this for a number of reasons: 

1. Ella-Grace showing more signs of readiness 

Of course the most important thing to consider when thinking about potty training is, is my child ready? And once again, Ella-Grace started showing signs of readiness even more than before. As well as the signs I have already mentioned Ella-Grace also started to show the signs such as going number 2 at a certain time of day, telling me when she needed her nappy changed, understanding simple instructions, understanding words and what they mean (such as potty, pee pee etc), mimicking behaviour and waking up dry from her nap. All these were signs that she was ready and armed with this knowledge I had to consider other aspects of life to see if it was the right time for us as a family as well as for Ella-Grace and that nothing else would get in the way. 

2. Baby number 2 due in June 

This was more of a perk than a reason to potty train because of course if Ella-Grace had not been ready I would of never even considered starting potty training for this reason, but due to Ella-Grace showing signs this was something that popped into my head. As most if not all of you know I am due to have another baby in June and what a treat it would be to have to change half the amount of nappies. No nappy changes for my toddler only for the new born. Of course I would still be assisting Ella-Grace in the bathroom but not having to change her nappy along with baby two would be nice. 

3. No big changes or events for a while

As I said Christmas and New Year had just passed and now we were into January which for us is quite a slow month as I am sure it is for many families. Ella-Grace's second birthday was in March and baby was due in June which meant for a little while now we had no big plans, changes or events. Potty training too close to or during a big event or change can make the process more difficult and stressful for everyone involved so the fact that we had nothing really happening for a while made me think that it could be a good time. 

4. Second trimester and feeling good 

As I said, you have to make sure your child is ready for potty training and that there is nothing happening at the same time that will stress out your child during this transition but as well as this you as a parent MUST be ready for this process as it takes a lot of energy out of you, it takes up a lot of your time and as for the attention you already pay to your child, you need to triple that. The constant monitoring, the constant reminding, the constant watching them and more. It is a lot for a parent and a huge task you have to make sure you are at your best to be able to help your child through this transition. For me around this time I was into my second trimester, finally out of the sickness of the first 12 weeks and I felt myself getting a burst of energy. Although pregnancy can be a difficult time if you are going to do anything like this, the second trimester (at least for me) is the sweet spot and exactly when you want to do it. The start of pregnancy I would never have been able to do it as I was far too tired and sick, the third trimester I would definitely be too tired and forget about when I have a new born baby. I am not saying you cannot do it during these times but I am saying that for me, my mental health would not handle it and physically I feel I would struggle but the second trimester? Yeah lets do this!  

Researching and our chosen method...

Everything is lining up... Ella-Grace is ready, I am ready and now what? Time to do some research. Looking back on the first time we attempted to potty train I decided I did not do enough research. I looked at one method and thought, there I will try that, but there are so many different methods and opinions when it comes to potty training that I wanted to view more and fill myself with information. I looked at 3 day potty training methods, some that did day and night potty training at the same time, some methods that taught going number 1 and number 2 at different times, elimination communication potty training, potty training using pull ups, naked potty training, and so on and so forth. There are SO many different forms of information out there about all different types of potty training and from all this information I put together my own method combining the aspects I thought was important to my child's progress and what she needed. The main guidelines I used when potty training (which I pulled from all the different methods I looked at) were: 

1. Have a staying in period 

Although potty training does also have to be done out of the house it was important for us to establish it first at home before tackling public areas. Going to the bathroom is a vulnerable and private time and so we were prepared to get through the first part of the process at home. 

2. No more nappies 

Some methods use pull ups or potty train using nappies but for us the best way we could see to do it was to go 'cold turkey' as they say on the nappies (with the exception of nap time/bed time). 

3. Potty every half an hour 

Most methods say to remind your child often to go potty but it is up to you how often. We decided to put her on potty every half hour, quickly going to every hour. We probably asked her every 15 mins or so if she wanted to go.  

4. Nappy free time followed by pants 

The first day we let Ella-Grace run around bare and after this we introduced pants. 

5. Teaching words 

Teaching key words such as 'potty', 'pee pee' and 'poo poo'. This was very helpful when it came to understanding the process of potty training. Later she also caught onto words such as 'tissue', 'flush' and 'wash hands'. Once your child understands these words/phrases communication and teaching is so much easier. 

6. Praise and reward 

With it being just after Christmas we had so much left over chocolate/gifted chocolate so we used this as a reward if she went potty. As she got better as it though we just used praise which is all they really need. 

7. No punishments 

We knew we would be teaching her this way before I even researched anything. We did not want her to feel as if she had done something wrong when she had an accident as this would likely stress her out and we did not want to teach her that doing her business was bad because it is not. We simply acknowledged any accidents and patiently explained to her where to go next time. 

8. Teach privacy

Reece and I think teaching privacy is very important and this also includes when it comes to going to the bathroom. So we were not comfortable having anyone over during the times when she was running around in just pants, we wanted to teach her going to the bathroom was something private and she can have Mummy or Daddy helping her or have some alone time. We did not want her doing her buisness on a potty in a public area in front of others, we wanted to teach her to go to where it is private just as we would never change her nappy anywhere but nappy changing areas because this was private. A very important lesson I think to teach from the start. 

9. Tackle Day Time First 

As I said, we decided to tackle through the day first and nap time/evening time later. We found this to be best for Ella-Grace and according to what I have read as well as observed with Ella-Grace so far, night time readiness is very different and almost naturally occurs.

10. Only 5 - 15 minutes sitting on potty 

I read that letting your child sit on the toilet/potty for too long can affect their veins etc in that area and can be strenous for them so the recommended cut off time was 15 mins. After about 15 mins as well Ella-Grace would be more than ready to get off. 

Supplies..

1. Pants 

2. Toddler insert for toilet and/or small potty (we ended up needing both)

3.' Bambino' Potty training pants (NOT pull ups, the kind we got were cloth so more like pants so Ella-Grace did not get confuse it with a nappy)  

4. Nappies for bedtime and naptime

5. Cleaning products 

6. Wipes

7. Moisturiser (Ella-Grace's hands got really dry from the constant washing hands so moisturiser was important) 

8. Rewards (optional, praise can work just as well) 

9. Timer (I just used my phone) 

Staying in Period...

And so it begins. 10th January 2019 was Ella-Grace's first day at a new toddler group so of course we did not want to miss this. We had sort of introduced potty training a day or two prior to this and so we took her to the group in pants not wanting to confuse her by putting her back in a nappy (there were many accidents as it was just the beginning stage- I wish we had the potty training pants at this point haha). It was after this day though that we 'officially' started potty training and decided to stay at home for a good week and so this is where I will start the potty training story for you all. 

So treating the first day of the staying in period as the first full day potty training I decided to let Ella-Grace do this day pants and nappy free- so nothing on her bottom half. This was part of a few methods I read. By doing this I wanted to see just how many times a day she would go pee and hopefully see how well she regulated her bladder. It was less about trying to get her to use the potty- which of course I did- but more the last check to see if she was truly ready for potty training, From what I had read if a toddler urinates constantly their bladder is not mature enough for them to regulate it but if they are going every hour or so this is a sign they are regulating their bladder making potty training possible. I am not a medical professional but this was what I read and so we tested this theory. Ella-Grace often woke up from naps dry or we noticed she was staying dry in her nappy for longer periods of time and so it was not a shock to me that after the first day of potty training we came to the conclusion she was regulating her bladder and we were confident in our decision to potty train. She had many accidents on the floor (and one on the sofa, I think I counted about 8 accidents on the first day but this was expected and like I said not the big aim of the day. The aim was so see if she was ready and it did seem she was. We were not using the small potty at this point but rather we introduced the toilet seat insert as this is what we were putting her on as this is what she shown interest in, the big toilet that Mummy and Daddy use. We were putting her on every half hour to an hour on that first day, constantly reminding her/asking her if she needed to pee. The first few times this was exciting but then she got a bit bored of going on and so bubbles, her wash off nail polish, stories, we brought out a few things to keep her entertained during her time on the potty. We would sit her on the potty between 5 and 10 minutes each time, restarting the 30 min timer each time she would get off. If she at all seemed distressed about going on/being on the potty we would take her off- we wanted to avoid stressing her out or making her scared of the potty at all costs. We were very much trying to let her lead us. She may have peed once on the potty on that first day but the rest were accidents. So as the first day goes it went as expected, the constant reminding her to go to the toilet, every half an hour putting her on the toilet, cleaning up accidents and trying to teach her the key potty training words- fair to say both Ella-Grace and myself were shattered at the end of the first day and I still knew we had a long way to go. 

Progress followed by UTI...

The staying in period continued and on the second day we introduced pants. I explained to her what her pants were and how she was not to wear nappies now just pants. I told her that she should try to keep her pants dry and tell Mummy or Daddy if she needed the toilet. Then again our potty training method began (Reminding her about the toilet, putting her on potty for 5/10 mins every 30 mins, trying to teach her the potty words, if she did anything on the toilet she would get a little dairy free chocolate treat and of course constant hand washing). This was pretty much how the staying in period went, day in and day out we would do this routine. There were stressful times for both of us, many accidents and a lot of washing (I advise you buy a lot of pants and maybe keep them in just t-shirts or dresses) but we got through it. 

By day 3 Ella-Grace had gone from eight accidents to just on or two accidents, peeing on the toilet almost every time (going number 2 was still quite daunting for her and although she did go a once or twice in the toilet most of the time she would go in her nappy during nap time as this was the time she had regulated her body to go anyway). Now she was getting better at going to the toilet we had changed the method slightly. Instead of every half an hour we set the timer for every hour and this is where it stuck until she learnt to tell us herself. I was very proud of the progress she was making and thought to myself the hard part was over she is almost accident free... and then a UTI hit her. Very common during early potty training with girls according to our dr and although it is not a sign of not being ready to be potty trained (which is what I was worried about) it is something that needs treated with antibiotics. 

I used to get regular urine tract infections when I was younger and so I knew as soon as Ella-Grace said 'ow' when she peed that she had an infection. Thankfully with her being so good at peeing in the toilet now we were able to get a urine sample from her quickly meaning she got antibiotics very quickly and recovered within days. Surprisingly this did not hold her back as I thought it would and once the infection cleared up she had her first dry day!!

First dry day...

This had now been a full week of staying in and potty training. It had been difficult, it had been messy but it had been so worth it. I actually read one Mother's story about how she potty trained her child and one thing she said really stuck (I am going to try and find the exact post and credit it at the end of this post), she said 'wait for the first dry day' this is what I told myself in times where I was finding the potty training difficult as I knew the first dry day would be amazing and it was. Looking in the washing basket and only seeing the one pair of underwear she had worn that day to go in the wash and seeing how proud she was to have dry underwear, it was so precious. We were still putting her on every hour so it was very much her being on a schedule than us leaving her to it and her being able to tell us but still this was progress and from 8 accidents on the first day to none in just over a week! That was amazing. Very proud of our little girl and also proud of us for helping her get there. Now time to get out the house! 

First full day out...

Now, accomplishing potty training in your house is one thing but potty training outside the home, outside of your child's comfort zone, that is a whole different kettle of fish as they say. 

We had been on small outings before; doctors appointments, my 20 week scan, trips to ASDA, but 1. These were short trips and 2. We used the potty training pants and although they were always dry and she would go to the toilet when we were out, it was like a security blanket because we knew if she did have an accident that the cloth potty training pants would hold some amount of urine before any clothing etc got wet. It was time to take that security blanket away. Ella-Grace was ready and so were we. What better place to test this theory than a birthday party at a soft play haha no point starting small right? 

Dress on, hair done and pants on out the house for the first time, I was petrified and desperately did not want her to have an accident. Not because there would of been anything wrong in that, totally normal in fact but I knew Ella-Grace would get upset (by this point she was very aware that she wanted her pants to be dry) and did not want her to feel embarrassed. The party lasted 2 hours and Reece and I were on our game tracking how much she drank and how often we were putting her on the toilet (still every hour) and so with two successful trips to the toilet that was our first big outing with dry underwear NOT in training pants. Another milestone had been hit and we were ecstatic. This was the 26th of January so about 2 weeks after we started potty training. 

Introducing small potty...

So we have no accidents through the day at home, we can now go out of the house with pants on also, what was left? To trust in Ella-Grace. By now she knew the word 'pee pee', 'potty' and 'poo poo' and she had a good understanding of what they meant but yet she was rarely telling us she needed to go and rather waiting for us to put her on the potty. She was clearly regulating her bladder as every time we would put her on the potty she would pee, she knew every hour we would take her to the toilet. But we wanted to stop the schedule and let her lead us, it was now time for her to let us know when she needed to go and so to help with this we introduced a small potty in the living room. The reason for this being the big toilet she could not get on herself and so the small potty encouraged independence as she could sit on it herself. We taught her how to pull up and down her pants and trousers and explained when she needed to go 'pee pee' or 'poo poo' to let Mummy and Daddy know and to go on her potty. Still reminding her but now not putting her on every hour and once again (thankfully) she picked this up rather quickly. Sometimes by telling us and sometimes she needed the question of 'do you need to go potty?' to prompt her but she quickly got used to telling us when she needed to go. I think we had one or two accidents during this time of teaching her to tell us but over all she got it fairly quickly. Following this we moved the small potty into the bathroom as we still wanted to encourage privacy and that the bathroom is where she goes to do her business and we no longer timed how often she went to the bathroom, no more timer. Which brings us to right now. 

Where we are now...

So, as of now (March 2019) I can confidently say Ella-Grace is fully potty trained through the day. If she does go longer than 2 hours without peeing I will prompt her to go to the potty which she always does but majority of the time she lets us know when she needs to go. She does still wear a nappy at nap and bed time but we put her on the potty before she sleeps and so she often wakes up dry. Going number 2 on the potty is still somewhat of a task as she would usually do this during nap time (so in her nappy) as this is the time of day she seems to of regulated her body to do so but if she does need when she is awake she does tell us and with some prompting will go on the potty. Not as confidently as she does when she goes pee but she will still tell us and she knows where number 2 goes. We are working on making her more confident at this however. Ella-Grace has full understanding  now that her waste goes into the potty. She understands the whole process from knowing when she needs to go to the bathroom to washing her hands after. She gets up every morning as tells us it is time take off her nappy, go potty and put her pants on. She is proud when her pants are dry and likes to announce to everyone after she has gone 'pee pee' haha exclaiming yay every time! Still small progress to go and potty training through the night to tackle but so far so good and we are very proud of how she is doing.  

Method in a nutshell..

That may have sounded a bit all over the place so I am going to bullet point it for anyone that just wants the steps:

• Stay in period 1 week 
• First day- no pants or nappy, look for waste regulation and cues that child needs to go potty (holding private area, running around, hiding). Learning these cues will help you catch when they need to go potty and help them learn their own cues. Potty every 30 mins. 
• Second day- explain underwear. Potty every 30 mins, use knowledge of cues from day before. Teach key words. 
• Continue this for the remainder of the week. If child is having less accidents and seems to be doing well try potty every 1 hour. Teach key words. 
• Attempt an outing (no timeline just whenever you feel ready)
• When child is going to potty every hour and understanding key words try encouraging them to tell you when they need to go/go by themselves. 

Top tips...

1. Don't pressure your child

BIG no in my opinion is putting pressure on your child to be potty trained. Of course encourage and explain to them why an accident is an accident but never embarrass, never shame, never punish and never force. Changing from nappies to potty is a HUGE lifestyle change for any child no matter the age you start and during this time your child needs support, praise and compassion. You do not want to scare them away. 

2. Mother knows best 

I spent the whole time I was potty training (even now) questioning myself and if I was right for potty training Ella-Grace now. Was she truly ready? Can I do this? What should and shouldn't I be doing? I googled this until I was at my wits end and the only answer I could come up with was that nobody knows. Each parent does what they think is best for their child and although I could read other peoples experiences and opinions, I had to find my own and trust myself as a Mother that I know my child, what they are capable of and what is best for them. I believed that Ella-Grace was ready and I believed this was the right time to start potty training and so that is what I did. No one knows your child like you do, you have to trust yourself to make the right call. 

3. Ignore haters 

This kind of goes hand in hand with the last tip. I had some people telling me Ella-Grace was 'too young' and that I was 'forcing her', these did get me down for a bit and had me questioning myself but to be 100% honest, these people are not there to help you. Unless you ask for their opinion they have no right to tell you what to do and not do with your child, they have not seen the signs and they have not been the one raising them from the ground up. A stranger will see your child have one accident and suddenly proclaim that your child is 'not ready' to be potty trained but yet they did not see the 3 other times that day that your child successfully went to the potty. Although I know it is hard not to overthink what others opinions are as you yourself are not an expert please remember, like I said, you know what is best for your child and it is up to you to make the decision. Ignore any negative energy. 

4. Take it day by day

Just like most things in life you are going to experience good days and bad days, it is the same with potty training. One day your child will seem to be making immense progress and then the next they will have a few accidents, that's just how it is at the start, it is an adjustment for them and potty training definitely does not happen over night. So whether it takes days, weeks or months, just take it day by day. Your child has a day with little or no accidents then amazing, if they have a day where the potty has not been used then try again tomorrow. It is easier said than done but try not to stress, you will potty train your child eventually and then you will be sad that this is another experience checked off your list. Just take it day by day and you will get there. Remember accidents happen, it is part of potty training. 

5. Enjoy the small victories

Again linking to the last tip- enjoy the small victories. The potty training process is messy, tedious and frustrating for both you and your child, so when there are little victories really focus on them and celebrate them. Don't feel like you are doing a bad job because your child had 3 accidents, feel proud because you helped them make it to the potty at least once that day. Your child poop on the floor? That sucks! But you taught them what the word 'potty' meant today and that is progress. Little victories mean a lot and celebrating/praising these is what will encourage both you and your child to keep going. 

6. Don't focus on how long it is taking 

This was a hard one for me. Like I said, I am a person of schedule, routine and organisation (or at least I try to be as this keeps me sane) so I tried to have a time line in my head as to how long potty training would take. Lucky for me Ella-Grace has seemed to catch on relatively quickly for the most part but what I have come to realise is that potty training is a long process. When I was researching different potty training methods there were so many 'clickbait' titles I would say such as 'potty train in 3 days' or 'how I potty trained my child in 1 week'. Not to say that these parents did not manage to do this but it just pre-set a feeling in my head that the potty training process must have a time line. Once researching even more though and gaining some more experience myself I realised that it is really a continuous process for months or even longer sometimes. Yes, Ella-Grace caught on quickly and after I would say about 2 weeks I could say yes she is potty trained through the day so 'technically' that was my time line but the potty training does not stop there. She may have an accident some time in the future when she is excited, upset or just forgets to tell me she needs to go. She may have accidents when in a new sitiuation or one she is not used to- for example she had not had an accident in a long time but then she went to stay with my Mum for one night and she had one accident the next day because it was someone else putting her on the potty. She may have accidents once the new baby is here, it is often that children regress in a big life change but she may not. Of course we still have the night training to come so that is a factor too. Or none of these things will happen and she will have no accidents again, who knows. Potty training is a process that goes on for a long time, it is a life change and they take a while to get a hang of so my best advice would be just to make it part of your lifestyle and your routine. Going on the potty is a routine for us, we have accepted it as part of our day and whatever this means for Ella-Grace and what she needs as support for potty training is what we will continue to do- no timeline. 

7. You will find your own method 

My BIGGEST tip by far is do not focus or try to follow to the T someone else's potty training method. Of course be as informed as you can if that helps you and through researching potty training methods you can try to follow one but be prepared to find your own method. No children are the same and they will all learn and grow in their own unique ways, so following another parents method that worked for their child may not work for yours. The way we potty trained Ella-Grace was not a magical method I found on any website, blog, book or you tube video, it was all different methods and what I liked from those methods all mashed together to make the perfect potty training method for my little one. You may go through lots of methods before finding the rhythm that works for you and most importantly your child, it just takes patience and time. Just remember you will only potty train your child once (even if it does take a long time) and they will get there! You are going to blink and they will be living their own adult life so try and enjoy this experience as much as it will drain you. Also for those parents who feel pressured to start potty training- please don't, you will know when your child is ready and when you are ready to take this leap. It is not a race and there is no right time to do it.

Thank you for reading...

Wow that was a long post! I don't know if that all made sense- like I said I am no expert or childcare professional- but I hope it helped someone out there who is embarking on the potty training journey with their child or thinking about it. I am so proud of how Ella-Grace has dealt with the big change that is potty training and although there has been hard times it has gone relatively smoothly (we still have to tackle the evening potty training however). This massive fear that I had of potty training was in the end irrational and as well as being proud of my wonderful daughter, I am also proud of myself as a mother who battles with anxiety for not having a total relapse/breakdown- a few mini breakdowns sure but overall my mental health has stayed afloat. I have Reece to thank for supporting me through that and of course playing his part in  the potty training experience. If you feel I have missed anything or you have any questions about my experience in potty training please feel free to message me or comment below and I will reply asap! As always thank you for reading and you will hear from me again very soon with a more blog posts. 

Stay Happy Everyone! :) <3

FAME review

"FAME! I wanna live forever, I wanna learn how to fly.."  Iconic. The lyrics, the show, the film, the musical, no matter in what form, 'Fame' is well-known around the world and very popular but did this new production of the phenomenon, by SELLAdoor Productions, do justice to its priors? Well last night thanks to the wonderful people at His Majesty's Theatre Aberdeen, I had the opportunity to find out.

After a warm welcome from the staff at HMT my sister and I took our seats ready for the show. Note pad and pen in hand I was ready to take my notes and indeed I did take a few but the show was so attention grabbing that I put my pad down. 

With impressive dance sequences, outstanding vocals and believable acting, this show really tells the story of these performing arts teens very well. The set may be basic but this allows you to really focus on each individual character and their story which can be difficult when there is a larger cast but this production of FAME managed to keep my attention in each individual story line. 

With a mixture of adult humour and heart-melting moments, this show has something for all grown audiences to enjoy. I also applaud the show for highlighting the problem of drug use in society today, this was very sensitively done. 

Each cast member did an amazing job and all their talents shone through. I personally was captivated by the vocals of both Carmen (played by Stephanie Rojas) and Miss Sherman (played by Mica Paris), their rendition of the theme song 'FAME' had everyone on their feet. The hilarity of Joe (played by Albey Brookes), the emotion conveyed by Schlomo (played by Simon Anthony), the dance moves of Tyrone (played by Jamal Kane Crawford) are just a few more aspects of the show that stood out to me, I could not fault any of the cast members. 

And if after reading this review you are still on the fence whether or not to buy tickets to see the show maybe my sister's words will convince you, 

"How amazing is this?!" She exclaimed and this was only half way through. 

(Tickets are limited so if you are interested in seeing the show in HMT please go to aberdeenperformingarts.com/fame or if you are interested in seeing the show elsewhere all venues are listed here http://fameuktour.co.uk/ .)

Mothering Sunday

Happy Mothers Day....

Obviously Mothers Day has now passed but since this is a blog post all about the day that is 'Mothering Sunday', I would like to say a massive HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all the mums, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, single dads and anyone else taking on the mothering role, I hope you all had an amazing day celebrating how amazing you are. I also know for some people this day is especially hard, whether that be because you are a mother who has lost a child, a child who has lost a mother, a woman struggling to become a mother, a child who's mother is not around or whom you do not have a good bond with. Everyone views this day differently and goes through different emotions but I hope at the end of this day we all come together and support each other whether that be in celebration or grief. 

I am fortunate enough to have my mother and be a mother and I cannot tell you how appreciative I am for these two things. This will be the basis of this blog post (as well as a little bit about how my second mothers day went). I hope you enjoy this post and happy reading. 

My Mum...

So to the woman that started it all for me: my mum. I am not going to say that our mother-daughter relationship has been perfect and we had some pretty bad arguments when I lived at home but since moving out and especially since I got pregnant, we have become very close. I guess it's true what they say 'A mum and a daughter are closest when a daughter becomes a mum'. So close in fact that as well as Reece, she was my birthing partner and I gave Ella-Grace her name as a middle name ( Ella-Grace Angela) 

My mum is the kindest, funniest and most polite person I know and how she handled me and all my siblings (all together there is 8 of us by the way) by herself sometimes when my Dad was away in the army I will never know. She has gone through some really hard times but has always managed to stay strong and do all she can for her children. She has also made Reece feel very welcomed since we started going out and Ella-Grace absolutely adores her. I am very proud to call her my mum. 

My Second Mothers Day...

26th March 2017- My first Mothers Day (Ella-Grace 1 week old) 

11th March 2018- My second Mothers Day (Ella-Grace 11 months old)

Now this may be a bit confusing to some of you because Ella-Grace hasn't even turned one yet but this is in fact my second Mothers Day, meaning I have been lucky enough to have two Mothers day's in less than a year and it's all down to the dates. So Ella-Grace was born on the 19th of March 2017 and Mothers Day was on the 26th of March 2017 then this year Mothers Day was on the 11th of March 2018, just over a week before Ella-Grace's birthday, resulting in this being my second Mothers Day. Sorry if that sounds patronising I have just had so many people saying happy first mothers day so didn't want any confusion when I said it was my second mothers day. 

So onto the day itself, apart from having a bad migraine in the afternoon and having to lie down for a while, I had a brilliant Mothers Day which was a lot better than my first. Now don;t get me wrong my first mothers day was very cute, Reece made me breakfast in bed and got me flowers and a card and Ella-Grace was so tiny and cute but that soon after having a baby (especially after my c-section) I was very sore and very emotional so I am pretty sure I spent most of the day reaching for my pain killers and wiping away tears. Baby blues is real and it won't just go away because it is Mothers Day, so if any Mom's out there are in the same boat I was in last year, struggling through pain and baby blues don't worry you will heal and feel better and it is okay if you are not ecstatic today, it will just make you appreciate your next mothers day even more. So pain gone and in a better frame of mind, I woke up on Mothers Day, walked into the living room and was greeted with Reece and Ella-Grace next to a Mothers Day banner, flowers and a card. It was very sweet. 

The day continued with pancakes for breakfast, a bit of shopping and a lovely lunch out (Reece had found somewhere that mum's ate free that day so we got to save some pennies for the wedding as well which is always a good thing!). Then honesty I spent the rest of the day in bed because I wasn't feeling well, I felt really lazy but Reece reminded me that Mothers Day is a day for me to relax from all my normal mum duties and let him take over haha, usually my control freak self would be like no way but I was in no position to argue and enjoyed my little nap. It also gave Ella-Grace some time with Daddy which she always loves. I, as all Mothers, work my butt off every day and try my best to be a great mum to Ella-Grace at the same time as balancing everything else (writing, cleaning, socialising, cooking and more) so I think Mothers Day is well deserved and I am very proud of the job I have done as a Mother so far. Giving myself a pat on the back as we speak haha (or should I say as I type? As you read? you know what I mean). 

Thank You...

Just a short one, I hope you enjoyed reading it! Mothers Day is quickly becoming my favourite day- except Christmas, nothing can beat Christmas- as I just adore being a Mum and it is something I am very proud to be so to be able to celebrate it makes me very happy and reinforces in me that I am doing a good job! All Mothers are amazing of course but before I go I would like to say a massive Happy Mothers Day to a few of my Mummy friends (pictures below) that I have made since I had Ella-Grace who have been such an amazing support and I can say first-hand that they are super women!.... 

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

Anxiety struck again.

Those of you who have read my blog for a while will know that I struggle with anxiety and panic disorder (if you want to read my previous posts on this then feel free- Recovery is possible  /  Anxiety Update ). Most of the time I can deal with it just fine even to the point where my panic attacks are non-existent, but then there are times like the past two weeks where I could literally tear my hair out (and I have before- sounds drastic but that is how bad it used to get, feels like something is in your head that you just want to get out, it is truly horrid). I hide it well, not even purposely it is just an automatic reaction when I am around people. I don't know whether that is because I feel better when I am around friends because I can't overthink or if it is because I don't have time to think too much about things, that is why I think having Ella-Grace changed my anxiety for the better because as a mother you are so focused on your baby you cannot crawl into bed and cry for hours, you have a little life depending on you and that pushes you out of a slump, well that is how it is for me anyways. What I am trying to say is these past two weeks have been hard anxiety wise and panic attacks have been happening often. I know many of you who read my blog really love my honesty especially when it comes to my mental health and these are the posts you want to read which is great for me because it means I can vent which always helps. I am finally feeling like this dip is over- thank goodness- so I am able to share it and hopefully this will get me back into my regular blog posts because I have truly missed they joy I get out of it and all the feedback from you kind readers. First things, first.. where do I start? Well things always go down hill for me when I fall out of routine and that is exactly what happened.

I think I mentioned in my last post that Ella-Grace and I had been suffering from the flu, well that just threw us totally off. All better now but the routine was pretty much gone and although she is still a good sleeper once she gets to sleep settling her has been a difficult task. Gone are the days where we place her in her bed and she soothes herself. I'm not sure if it is a bit of separation anxiety or if like me she is just getting used to the routine again now she isn't ill, but Reece and I have been met with some serious screaming cries just as we enter her room to put her down. It can take up to an hour to get her down (rubbing her back, holding her hand, singing to her) and of course Ella-Grace is my main priority and I would sit and rub her back for 5 hours if that is what she needed (I do try and let her soothe herself but when she screams that way it is just going to make her stressed which I don't want) but doesn't mean it is easy on me especially when Reece is at work. You see from when she was born her cry (I mean her serious cry not a whimper) has been a trigger for my anxiety, my body goes all tense and I feel the sense of 'impending doom' that I associate with my panic attacks. Usually as I said I can manage it fine because she is very chilled out and seriously rarely ever cries but these past two weeks it is like she has changed to be very clingy and hard to settle which means that she has been crying for things she has never cried for before- for example putting her down to play while I cook supper. I know there are some parents who's child has always been clingy and you are probably thinking I am over exaggerating or being ungrateful for how "easy" I have had it but I am not trying to take away from what you have been through this is my mothering experience and how it is going for me, there are ups and downs for everyone they are just not always the same. Anyways so yes that was the first sign of my anxiety getting bad again, Ella-Grace's cry was really grating on me and I found myself getting frustrated with her even though of course it was not her fault which made me feel even worse as the mum guilt set in. With Ella-Grace being extra clingy as I said that meant our routine was completely off, the cleaning wasn't getting done, I had no time to write, just everything was a mess. To some people it may not seem like a big deal, I wish I was one of those people but ever since my anxiety was at its lowest I have slowly but surely found the best way to deal with it and that is by sticking to a routine, knowing what needs to be done at what time of day, no surprises or big changes that I don't expect, everything is planned to a T. I know what days Ella-Grace has certain groups, I know what time we get up, what time she goes down, the times I clean, the time I cook meals, the time I have to bath and get ready, the days Ella-Grace needs a bath, the days Reece is at work, the time he gets home from work, the time I write, what I need to write, what to post on my social media to promote my blog, the list goes on and to some people this would sound crazy, how can you plan all that every week? Why not go with the flow? Because I can't. If I do that then I just breakdown. So sorry if you message me for a last minute plan, I am most likely busy because I plan things far in advance. So even though we were all better, the routine was all a mess and that in my head means I am failing. Failing as a mother, failing as a fiance, failing as a blogger, failing as a person and that is when I hit rock bottom. So many people say to me "you seem to have it all together" and I smile and say "yeah I love routine" which although true it does not mean it is easy and as soon as that routine slips the smallest bit, as soon as I am late to a group or forget to brush Ella-Grace's teeth, I breakdown and my anxiety forces me to brand myself the worst person alive. At this point, cue the panic attacks.
Panic attacks, as I have said before, are the worst. In fact I have been sitting here for half an hour trying to write this next paragraph and getting panicky because I don't feel like what I am writing is making any sense because anxiety doesn't make sense, it is irrational and scary and just overwhelming. Honestly writing this is giving me stress because I don't feel like I am doing a good job in explaining anything and I really want to help those who are going through the same thing but I just feel like I am rambling. Ugh. I am sorry. 
Anyway, I am going to try and power through. The past two weeks with Ella-Grace being fussier than usual and my routine being non-existent my anxiety has been on the edge on top of that planning a first birthday party and a wedding all at the same time just took its tole and I found myself many nights just crying and feeling so low. Which is frustrating because its a happy time, this year is full of events that I will be sure to remember for the rest of my life and I want to enjoy them, planning and all, I don't want to be feeling low when I could be enjoying my daughter playing or writing blog posts or wedding planning with Reece. These are all fun things but during these past two weeks all of it just seemed stressful and to be honest I felt like I was a burden on everyone. The worst it got was Reece came home, Ella-Grace wasn't settling, supper wasn't made, the flat was a mess, I hadn't showered in days, I had snapped at Reece on the phone because I was stressed and I just felt so alone, I couldn't breathe. Panic set in. Reece (being the lovely man he is) came in helped me settle Ella-Grace and gave me a cuddle which yes made me feel better for a bit but every night for those two weeks I was feeling like I couldn't cope. The thing is anxiety makes the smallest thing seem terrible and to me if I am not on top of every little part of my life (which obviously isn't neccessary) then I just feel like a faliure. I want to be superwoman and when I don't feel like I can be that, the world is ending in my head. I cannot describe to you the feeling, it is how I imagine drowning would be. Everything is weighing down on you and you can't breathe. 

I am now feeling much better and we are back to routine. The past few days I have felt like superwoman, everything has been getting done but still today (as I mentioned) have had a dip because - shock- I haven't been in routine. I just have to take it a day at a time and try to remember the positive and what I have accomplished which is also my advice to everyone else who is struggling. 

And breathe. Now that is out I feel a bit better, sorry if it made no sense I just needed to ramble. Thank you for reading I hope this has made you feel less alone if you too are struggling with anxiety and please comment or message me your experiences, how you have been doing and how you cope. I would love to know. I am now hoping to get back to my regular blog posts now I am out of the funk I was in, thank you so much for being so patient. I will always have anxiety, I will always have good and bad days but that does not mean it has to rule me or my life. I am in control, I can battle this and no matter what my anxiety tells me, I AM a good person and I DO deserve happiness. 

Stay Happy Everyone :)! 

January Achievements

2018, the year of achievements..

Hi readers and happy February! I hope everyone is doing well. This is a post I am going to do monthly to track my achievements in 2018. 2017 was a great year and my biggest achievement was obviously giving birth and becoming a mother early in the year and the rest of that year was focused on getting the hang of the whole parenting thing. Now we are in 2018 and I feel a bit more in control and have a routine established when it comes to Ella-Grace I thought this year would be the year to start make some new goals and try and help people- which is always a goal of mine. Of course being the best mother I can be to Ella-Grace is my top priority but it is nice to set some goals for yourself and help others which I think in turn makes you a good role model to your children and as Ella-Grace gets older she will be able to take part hopefully. 

Off to a good start...

As soon as we returned from my parents after the festive season I wanted to make a start on my new years resolutions and I am happy to say I made a start/achieved quite a few of them within the first week. Which is great considering Ella-Grace and I have been ill for the past week now and so have not done much but eat and sleep meaning what you are about to read was all done at the start of January. Hoping we will be all better next week and back to our routine and goals. 

Achievements...

Went Full Vegan 
This one I am extremely proud of as I have wanted to do it for a while. As most of you know I have been meat-free and dairy free since Ella-Grace was just a few weeks old, Ella-Grace also has this diet. I did however eat eggs and over the Christmas period succumbed to the temptations and had some dairy (still no meat though). When the new year hit I was determined to go back to my dairy free ways and now cut out eggs too. I wanted a full plant-based diet that is free from animal cruelty and full of goodness- not to mention the amazing impact it will have on our environment. I caved once or twice and had egg while I was out but now I am so happy to say I am at the point where animal products simply repulse me and I feel sick if I eat them. Plant-based diet forever, I am feeling happier and healthier than ever. I will be doing a full blog post on this soon so that is all I will say for now but yeah big achievement!

Made an appointment to give blood
I have thought about doing this for so long but due to my fear of needles and the thought of getting blood taken making me feel faint, I haven't done it (not to mention getting tattooed and being pregnant -obviously at separate times- making me postpone it even more). But this January I bit the bullet and made an appointment. The appointment isn't until the end of February but at least I have made the appointment, no backing out now I am not one to let people down. I am not rolling around in riches so cannot donate lots of money to a charity but blood I can do and knowing that if myself, Ella-Grace or anyone else in my family could one day need a blood transfusion and also that my blood type (O negative) is so rare and is the only type that can be used for EVERYONE - yes everyone I feel like I have a super power- I had to do it. I could save someones life and that is amazing.

Donated food to a food bank
Something else I have wanted to do for a while but always forgot to do, donate food to a food bank. My local supermarket has done this for a long time where you can drop off tins of food and I have had tins sitting in my cupboard or ages (still in date though obviously). I was getting no use out of these tins but someone else could so finally after forgetting AGAIN when I went to do my food first food shop of 2018 I marched back home got the tins and went back to the shop to donate them. Since then whenever I am in the shop I pick up a tin of beans or something similar and put it in the box. I cannot tell you how good that feels. Also knowing Ella-Grace is seeing myself donate food and do good deeds often I hope she will learn from this, we all need to help each other and be a little bit kinder.

Created a cleaning schedule and kept on top of it
Okay this one has kind of gone downhill since we got this flu bug but I think that is a valid excuse to step back on the cleaning routine for a while. At the start of the month however unfortunately Reece got ill (don't worry he is okay now) and I had to do literally EVERYTHING because he needed his rest. Usually Reece helps with the chores and obviously Ella-Grace as much as he can but he just had to come home from work and go to bed in order for him to heal. Because of this my superhero powers must of kicked in and I was on top of every little thing from cleaning to parenting, I felt like Wonder Woman for those two weeks and I have no idea how I didn't pass out. So that was an achievement for me because I love a routine and I was on top of everything. Time will tell whether this routine returns after this illness has gone. I will let you know.

Stared planning Ella-Grace's birthday party
I wrote started but to be honest it is almost all finished apart from the minor details and I am so happy with how the whole party is coming together- going to write a separate post on 1st birthday party planning I think, let me know if that would interest anyone. Since Ella-Grace was born she has come to the Disney movie 'Moana' and everything related to it (toys, music, books) so that is the theme of her party, my sister has even booked someone to come dressed as Moana and sing the songs, she is going to love it. Our special girl deserves a super special birthday and I hope she will have lots of fun.

February Goals...

So that is how January went and now we are into February. Still a battling this illness but hoping to be over it soon and fulfill a few more goals...

• Finish planning Ella-Grace's party
• Give blood
• Plan more of the wedding
• Donate food again
• Create a writing schedule
• Go to trampoline park for the first time
• Book Swimming Lessons For Ella-Grace 

Till Next Time...

Thank you for reading this blog post, this one is more for myself to be able to encourage me to do something new/help people every month but I do hope it will also push you to do the same. What have you done this month? What have you achieved? What are your goals for the upcoming month? Comment below I would love to know. Till next time..

Stay Happy Everyone :)! 

Me Too.

Warning: Some of the content below may be graphic and contains stories of sexual assault and harassment. 

1 in every 6 women have been victim to attempted or completed rape.

Someone gets sexually assaulted every 98 seconds.

82% of child victims and 90% of adult victims are women. 

1 in every 33 men have been victim to attempted or completed rape. 

Ages 12-34 are most at risk of sexual assault. 

Can you see the problem?!

I don't really know how to start this post if I am being honest. It is such a serious subject and I want to do justice to anyone out there who has ever been victim to this. I want this blog post to raise awareness of this serious problem and to encourage others to speak up because you are NOT in the wrong. So with all this in mind I guess I will start the post.

On social media at the moment you may have noticed the hashtag #metoo , going around. To those who don't know what this is let me explain it to you.
The #metoo movement is about speaking out about sexual assault and/or harassment. It started with many actresses using the #metoo when sharing their stories of sexual assault and harassment at the hands of director Harvey Winestine and from this is took off and woman around the world (and some men) started to share their experiences, encouraging others to speak and supporting each other by stating #metoo.
This movement has been an eye opener to many people who thought sexual assault and harassment was not a problem in society, by the sheer amount of people who speak out you can clearly see that there is a VERY serious problem and something needs to be done about it!
This link explains the background of #metoo : #metoo background

In this blog post I will be sharing my own #metoo stories (yes more than one) and some other stories from some very brave woman who came forward and told me their unfortunate experiences. Due to legal reasons, safety and privacy the women other than myself I have decided to keep anonymous even though some of them were willing to be named. This anonymity however does not change the fact that these women are incredibly brave to of shared their story and allow me to share it on my blog. As well as these stories I will be sharing my views on some of the big problems in society including victim blaming and also identifying what I think we can do to encourage more people to speak out and hopefully stop sexual assault and harassment.

#Metoo. 

I myself have been victim to sexual assault and harassment. Countless times on nights out, men have  grabbed my breasts or put their hand up my skirt to grab my bum, this yes is sexual harassment  or I would go as far as to say assault. You have touched my body without my consent and made me feel very uncomfortable, this is disgusting. Other than this two accounts of sexual assault I have experienced will never fade from my memory and here they are.

I used to be a carer for the elderly and frail. I loved my job and the majority of the people I looked after were so lovely but on a few occasions elderly men had been appropriate towards me. Asking for massages from me, making sexual references to me, making things that were not sexual into a sexual experience for them (for example if I have to apply cream to them some male patients have made it clear they found this sexual by noises ect). All this inappropriate in itself but one time really stuck in my mind to this day and I did have reported. I will not be going into too much detail of the situation for legal reasons but the important details will be included. I was 19 years old, I was on a double shift (meaning I was on with a second carer) and we went to give personal care to an elderly man. I had never been to this man before but I had gotten the basic information from the company I worked for and the fellow carer I was with told me it was a routine visit she did and she would lead- she was older than me and seemed very experienced so I was more than happy to follow her lead. We went into the house and the elderly man was in his bed, our job was to get him cleaned up - he was incontinent- and up dressed through to the kitchen to have his breakfast. It seemed all routine at first when we were getting the stuff we needed to clean him ready, then the carer who was meant to be leading told me to clean him up and she would 'assist'. I write 'assist' like that because she just stood by me and did nothing. I, as usual, started doing my job very professionally. The man had soiled himself up his from meaning I needed to thoroughly clean his genitalia which as I said was fine, I was being professional and this cannot be helped that did not phase me. It did not even phase me when as I was cleaning him I could see he was getting aroused (don't want to be to graphic, I think you can tell what I mean), I was not mad at all at this, this sometimes cannot be helped and in fact I felt sympathy towards him at this point. I carried on my job, as I said a male sometimes cannot control this. But what can be controlled is your actions from this. He smiled at me and put his hand on my lower back as I cleaned him, to which I took as a thank you. His speech was not great so the hand on my back I took as a gesture of gratitude. But then his hand started to go lower until he was grabbing my bum and trying to put his hand in between my legs. I quickly removed his hand and carried on my job. He then tried to put his hand on my breasts and under my uniform. Again, I removed his hand and carried on. He continued to persist and with his other hand started to touch himself as I was cleaning him, trying to place my hand on his privates in a way that was not for cleaning (again trying to keep this not too graphic).  All this time the fellow carer could see what was happening and when I had reached my limit I stood back horrified but trying to remain calm and looked at her for help. She turned to me and said what I still to this today cannot believe "Just let him do it and we will be finished here quicker". I was horrified. At this point he was almost clean as I had endured this for almost half and hour so she took over cleaning him as I had froze. When she started to finish I went to walk away to wash my hands and calm myself so I could go back into the situation. Despite the horrible thing he had just done I was aware without me this carer could not hoist him to to his seat and take him through for his breakfast so I was prepared to carry on until my job was done. But I could not leave to wash my hands as his bedside was a very confined space and the carer I was on with insisted I stay where I was and blocked my way out, so for another 5 minutes I had to stand there trying to block the mans hands and ignore the faces and noises he was making at me. If all this was not bad enough his wife and daughter were in the next room and I had to take him through with a big smile on my face and say to his family 'That's him ready. All fine". I left that house scarred for life. Writing it all down now 2 years later I can feel that horrible sick feeling in my stomach that I felt that day. I can see every minute of that so clearly. As I left the house I wanted to phone my company instantly but the carer I was on with kept telling me 'Your making it a big deal', 'You just have to deal with it', 'You should of just let him do what he wanted'. So because of this carer's nonsense opinion I carried on my shift with her and did not phone my company until the next day. When I first told them they seemed very concerned and I had to go in and make a statement which they claimed they would pass on the 'appropriate authorities'. I said that I did not want to be placed there ever again and that the carer I was on with should be disciplined for her actions also as she was a big part in what made the situation worse. They agreed and at this point I felt like I had their full support, how it should be. But weeks past and I had heard nothing about it going any further and low and behold I was put on a double shift with that same carer and the man. I phoned my company incredibly annoyed and they claimed they 'forgot I did not want to be placed their' and 'did not have any statement from me'. I went on to tell them again what had happened and that I had given them a statement weeks ago, I was then made to feel that it was my fault, it was part of my job to deal with this and that I had 'received the training'. After that phone call I felt defeated and with no idea who to contact now, I left it. Fair to say Reece had to go through many nights of me crying about this. And that was the first time.

The second time I was sexually assaulted was on a night out, again when I was 19. It happened quickly but it felt like forever. Me and my friend had a great night, we had a few drinks and yes, we got drunk. Drunk enough to be uncoordinated but not drunk enough to not remember anything. We were waiting for a taxi joking with each other and laughing. Behind us was a group of guys and they were calling at us, looking us up and down but we just ignored them. Finally our taxi arrived and we stumbled in. Along with us however jumped in one of the guys behind us. We gave him a look and asked what he was doing, he said he heard where we were going and that he lives close so we could share a taxi. Thinking about it now I don't think I even mentioned where I lived, why would I of? My friend already knew, I would not of just randomly proclaimed my destination. However at the time this sounded like a genuine guy who just wanted to get home so we agreed. We all sat in the back, I was in the middle. It took about 15 minutes to get to my flat. My friend immediately fell asleep in the taxi or zoned out, I just know she was out of it. I sat there and put my head back intending to close my eyes until we got home then next thing I know there is a hand down my skirt, into my underwear and inside me. I was so shocked. I open my eyes and looked at the guy. I tried to grab his hand out of my pants but he held my one of my arms down and continued to assault me. I tried with my other hand to hit him and pull his hand away but I was drunk, uncoordinated and scared he would try something worse. I looked at my friend and the taxi driver. Waiting for them to respond to what was happening, surely they heard me telling him to stop or get off of me. But no one did anything. My friend to this day I don't think knows what happened and the taxi driver, I don't know. He did nothing anyways. The next few minutes I froze and just let it happen. He continued to violate me and saying "Maybe I should just get out at yours". We got to my flat. My friend thankfully woke as the taxi stopped, he removed his hand and started to try and get out the taxi. I chucked the money at the taxi driver and launched me and my friend out the car. I heard the taxi driver ask if he was getting out but I did not stop to find out what he would say. Once we got safely behind the building door I looked back the guy was out the taxi. We went up to my flat and my friend went straight to bed. I went straight into Reece and told him what happened. I actually apologised thinking it was my fault for letting that happen. Reece being the amazing person he is turned to me gave me a hug, got me into bed and calm and continued to tell me how it was not my fault. The next day I just tried to forget about it. Thinking no one would believe me, I was drunk, I froze, I don't even know the guys name, my friends was too drunk and out of it to be a witness. I blamed myself and decided to not report it. I now wish I did.

And breathe. Thank goodness that is over. I feel sick and those memories are horrible to bring to the fore front of my mind but I am so happy I told them. This was NOT my fault and I do NOT have to be quiet about it! I hope my story has encouraged others to speak out. This as you know happens to so many people every single day! Here are some more #metoo stories shared from the brave women I spoke to :

"#metoo I had passed out drunk at a party. A boy I knew well and considered as a friend stole my phone and found naked photos of myself that I had sent to my boyfriend and emailed them to himself. He then continued to assault me with his fingers as I was unconscious. I woke to my boyfriend punching him as he had walked in on him assaulting me."

"#metoo When I was 14, my boyfriend raped me in his bedroom. I froze and let it happen. I ran to the bathroom and cried. He told everyone in the school that we slept together and all my friends congratualated me. I knew no one would believe me that it was not consensual as I had not spoke up straight away. Still to this day no one knows this happened yet it has haunted me ever since."

"#metoo My boyfriend sexually abused me. He would push my hands where I didn't want them, push me and push me to get sex even if I didn't want it, make me feel weird for not wanting sex 24/7, force himself on me and continue to do so even though I would cry before, during and after sex - the pain was horrendous. The worst part was he made me feel like this was normal, this kind of abuse was deserved. When we broke up and I eventually got into a new relationship and told him what had happened previously he made me realise just how wrong it was. I had been raped, continuously. I'm still in denial, the word rape gives me panic attacks everytime."

"#metoo July 2013 it happened, October 2013 I got diagnosed with PTSD from sexual trauma. I had been speaking to a guy online for at least 4 years when I went to meet him for the first time. He had asked me to meet him before but I was afraid he wanted more than friendship so I always made excuses. He now had a long time girlfriend, I had ran out of excuses and he had booked my train tickets so I decided to finally meet with him. I was going to be staying at his flat for one night then returning home. We had made plans to go out drinking with some of his friends, I drunk maybe two units. He kept insisting on me drinking more and more, I had no reason not to trust him so I let him buy me drinks. I'm not sure if he spiked the drink or just ordered much stronger ones than I realised. I remember dancing and kissing one of his friends (who I was interested in) Then it goes a little hazy, I do not remember walking back to his. He said I could have the bed and sleep on the sofa then I remember him saying "we have to have sex". I kept saying no. He assaulted me with his hands and his mouth, not removing my tampon (I was on my period) it was very very painful. He trapped me against the wall and then everything goes black. I woke to used condoms on the floor, I was sick. He acted like nothing happened and insisted on walking me to the train station. The next day I got checked for STI's and they told me to report to the police but I was too scared. I was drunk, wearing a short skirt, he would say it was consensual, no one would believe me."

"#metoo A boy I considered a close friend. He came round one day to see if I was going out but I was sick so he decided to stay in with me. My family went out so it was just the two of us. We were chatting then he put his arm around me and before I knew it he was trying to kiss me and had his hand down my pants. I told him to stop and that I didn't want to but he did not stopped and tried to put my hand down his pants. Luckily my parents came back and that made him stop. He was very forceful and I am so glad my parents came in or I don't know what would of happened."

"#metoo In high school I was friends with this boy, we used to joke and flirt but nothing serious. We lost touch for a couple years when we left school but bumped into each other again and decided to me meet up. We went for coffee and then went back to his shared student flat. In his room we started kissing, he kept moving his hand towards my breasts and I kept removing it. Then suddenly he put his hands down my pants, I froze. He started to unbuckle his trousers which is when I burst into tears. For years I blamed myself, but my friend helped me realise I did nothing wrong."

"#metoo I was on a night out with who I thought were my friends and they spiked me. I passed out and woke up naked with two guys next to me. To make it worse they had took pictures of me naked which they used against me. This is the first time I have told anyone about this."

"#metoo I went to a house party and got spiked. A man forced himself on me. It has a horrific experience"

"#metoo I was groomed when I was 13 years old. A man who told me he was 17 when he was actually 40 threatened me saying if I did not send me him photos of myself naked then he would find me and do horrible things to me. This went on for months. Then he convinced me to travel to meet him. Thankfully I got scared and went home before we met. By then my mum had checked my phone and took me to the police to report everything. Turned out he had done this to 3 other young girls and worse."


I have no words. It is heartbreaking to hear that not only does this happen SO often but that women are so scared to speak out because of the high chance of victim blaming.

What needs to change....

There are many things that need to change in order to stop victim blaming and encourage more people to speak up. First of all, when people come forward about sexual assault or harassment they should NEVER be met with such questions as "What were you wearing?", "But were you drinking?" "Did you lead him/her on?", "Are you sure they raped you?". Automatically making the victim feel discouraged, ashamed, disbelieved and all the more traumatised. Yes there needs to be an investigation that involves questions but questions that are clearly trying to convince the victim that they are wrong should not be aloud. No matter what someone is wearing, whether they are drinking or not, it does not matter Rape is rape. No is no. It also does not excuse the criminal if they were drunk (not that they don't try to use this as an excuse). I have been drunk before and never once have I tried to assault or harass someone. Ever! Also I have come home drunk before and Reece has never EVER took advantage of that. Showing that in either case being drunk has nothing to do with it. As for what someone is wearing, this being an all to common phrase used when victim blaming women who have been assaulted. That is absolute nonsense! Not just in these situations, women are judged for what they wear constantly! From a young age we are told to cover up and told 'your not going out wearing that someone might get the wrong idea" it is absolute insanity. Speaking as a mother, Ella-Grace could go out wearing anything, heck she could go out wearing nothing and she still would not be 'asking to be raped' or in any way should not be respected. I will never understand how people don't understand EVERYONE has a body, and they way anyone decides to show it is their business. No one should be judged, disrespected, bullied and definitely not assaulted! This I think is one of the main attitudes that need to change, that the girl who walked home alone in a short skirt is not a slut and did not get raped because of her clothing. She got raped because of the person who did it to her and they are the ones to be blamed not her or her clothing. Obviously same would go for males but there is no denying it is more of a problem on the female side. So instead of telling your daughters what to wear and what not wear, telling them they are 'distracting boys' tell them to wear what they want and that they should demand respect no matter what.

Another thing that needs to change is this normality over boys touching girls without consent (yes I know I am focusing on females but that is because yes, they are at more of a disadvantage). I have actually seen boys put a hand up a girls skirt grab their bum and friends say 'oh well that's just boys'. That is not and should not be 'just boys', boys should be taught that they cannot just grab girls like that. It is not accepted! TV shows have been tackling this recently such as '13 Reasons Why" showing how this 'norm' can really have affect on a girls self-esteem and also this 'norm' can make some boys (not all) think they can take advantage of a girl entirely. This is a big problem! Literally every girl I have ever spoke to has been met with grabbing, pulling, inappropriate touching at some point of their life at the hands of a boy or man who thought it was his right to take advantage of a girl. Again not all boys and some girls are to blame for this also they do grab boys inappropriately. It is wrong all round! So next time you see someones bum pinched, boobs grabbed, speak up! As this is assault they have no right to grab anyone like that. I know I will be teaching Ella-Grace to respect herself and also to respect others.

Thirdly, we need to stop praising those who have committed such crimes. Actors, directors, footballers, anyone who commits such a crime should not be a loud to continue in these professions. By this I mean if someone who is not in the public eye they will get punished for their actions (that is what it should be anyway). But someone famous too commonly can pay their way out of it and continue to be praised, loved, winning awards for their 'great work' despite the suffering they have caused others. Some disagree with this as their actions have nothing to do with their work but my point is if someone commits this crime they should be in prison, they should be punished meaning they would not have a job to do in order to be praised for it and win awards. For example if an actor is filming and mist filming they are convicted of sexual assault they should be fired from that film and do their time in their punishment. Without doing this they are likely to continue such horrible actions and it will fill other people round the world with the attitude 'they can get away with it so why can't I'.

Lastly, when it comes to men. Yes I know I have spoke a lot about women because with out a doubt women are victim to sexual assaults more than men but that does not mean it does not happen to men. I also think the statistics may be slightly different if more men spoke up but why don't they? Simple. Because society's thinks men shouldn't be emotional and that there is some type of shame in admitting you as a man have been sexually assaulted or harassed. Many reactions being that men love sex why would they complain? But just as women it is not the victims fault and a man's no means just as much as a women's. No matter what, no means no. We need to be there to support male victims, it is not a joke, it is not okay. We need to teach our sons that it is okay to be emotional and if someone disrespects you or mistreats you it does not make you weak to speak up. More men have been speaking out recently, Johnathon Sacconejoly (a famous youtuber) recently spoke out about his sexual assault. I found this very brave and a great role model for other males to speak out! (video link 'I am a victim of sexual assault' ) I want any male victims who are reading this to know there is support out there for you and you have done nothing wrong! Links to support at the end of the post. 

Changing these things. Taking away victim blaming and the unspoken norm of inappropriate touching, more people would speak about assault and harassment and hopefully this crime could be reduced. Making boys aware of what they are doing is wrong (again not just boys and not all but I am pointing out the main problem in my opinion) the next generation will hopefully be more respectful. Letting men know it is okay to be emotional and speak out if you feel you have been affected. No matter age, gender, race, anything..touching someone without their consent, taking advantage of them, raping them is NOT okay.

Finished

That was a hard post to write but I am glad I have done it. I hope that I have done justice to everyone who has ever been affected with this. PLEASE comment any supportive messages, what you think need to change or if you have an experience similar, #metoo. Below I am going to add some links to places that can help you if you have been assaulted, documentaries and videos that I think highlight this problem! Please remember if anyone tells you they have been sexually assaulted or raped please believe them and help them. They chose you to confide in, they must trust you. Thank you to everyone who contributed, you are very brave! And this is where I will end this post. Thank you for reading. 

Documentary: The Hunting Ground

Video: Dear Daddy

Helplines: Rape Crisis Grampian

                 NHS - help after sexual assault

                 Women Against Rape

                 Survivors Trust

                 Male Rape and Sexual Assault Help

                 Rape Crisis Europe

                 NSPCC

                 Sexual Harassment Helplines

Stay Happy Everyone :)!