The Birth of Ella-Grace. (Labor and Delivery Story)

Baby is sleeping which means time to... blog?

Hello readers, thank you for being patient! The last time I wrote I was part way through being induced with no sign of baby girl arriving any soon and now here I am just put my beautiful daughter down for a nap, I should probably be sleeping but thought it was the perfect chance to at least start writing my labour and delivery story while its fresh in my mind. It was a bit of a crazy one!

Induction process continued...
So last I updated you it was Friday night and labour seemed a long time away as my body was making no changes. Fair to say that changed quickly! Saturday morning wasn't very eventful, I got up, washed my face and brushed my teeth then went to see Reece and my parents in the little café until it was time to be examined (24 hours since they put the peccary on my cervix), nervous but excited I awaited 1pm. 1pm came and went and eventually someone came to check my cervix and.... still 0cm dilated. I almost cried, this baby was never going to get here is how it felt. I was officially the eternally pregnant woman of Aberdeen. I know this sounds silly as the induction process is bound to take a while but with Reece having to go back to work on Monday and me being stuck in a hospital room seeing other women come and go, at the time it just feels that way or did for me anyway.
The nurse told me that in 6 hours they would put in my first Pitocin tablet (a stronger medication that would hopefully move things along!) Disappointed I went again to the café to see my parents, Reece already by my side my mood was far from happy, this process felt never ending! Trying to cheer me up my parents suggested going for a walk as this might help things going so the four of us went for a walk round the hospital.
6 hours passed and the nurse inserted the Pitocin tablet, 6 more hours later (around 2am) it would be time to check it again, I wasn't expecting much but to my surprise.. 1CM!!! I WAS 1CM dilated!! 2am and here I am messaging everyone I know letting them know my progress, it felt like I'd come so far! Another Pitocin tablet was inserted and now another 6 hour wait, hopeful that this would be the last step before labour I forced myself to get some sleep. My baby girl would be here soon!!
Through my happiness of being 1cm dilated though I was concerned as the babies heart kept dropping on the monitor hence why I was stuck on that machine a lot of the time. Although the doctors said it was okay and not a major problem, I couldn't help but have this horrible niggle in my head that something was wrong which later on I was to learn was correct.

Well that escalated quickly...
Again 6 hours had past this now being about 11am. Reece held my hand as my cervix was again checked we were hopeful for a big change.. 1cm and a half. This was so frustrating because 2cm was all I needed to get to in order have my waters broken. The doctor who examined me said that they were going to try and break my waters but it would be difficult, at this point I was so done with waiting so agreed to let them try. Luckily by half 11 there was a space on the labour ward for me to go and get my waters broken, heart in my throat Reece and I nervously went to our newly assigned room with my proud parents taking pictures of us on the way, finally in the labour ward!!
As my midwife went over the process of breaking my waters and starting the oxytocin drip I couldn't help but be distracted by the screaming of the woman next door to me.. if I wasn't nervous before I was now. I was always planning on going through labour on only gas and air now doubting my ability, would I be that screaming woman in a few hours. I had to shove my lunch down through my nerves as this would be all I could eat for the next who knows how many long.
Gas and Air at the ready, the midwife was ready to break my waters. After a few tries she managed to break into the membrane thus starting my waters breaking. After this my oxytocin drip was put in and things started to pick up fast!

Contractions and Pain Relief...
For those who have never had a baby I would love to be able to let you know what contractions feel like but I cant, the closest thing to it for me anyways is period pains that get worse and worse but even that cant prepare you for it.. not meaning to scare you don't worry you can get through it, your body knows what its doing!
As for pain relief there is obviously many options but for me I had been adamant from the start that I would be only using Gas and Air- this also known as nitrogen oxide, not a pain killer but a very good distraction from pain because it basically makes you feel drunk. I chose this method of pain relief for 2 reasons:
1. I am very stubborn when it comes to people helping me, I want to be able to do things myself for as long as I can and
2. Obviously throughout my pregnancy and induction there seemed to be a problem with baby's heart and a lot of the pain relief (particularly morphine) can slow down baby's hear which usually is safe enough but with the uncertainty on the condition on baby's heart I didn't want to take that chance.

So as my contractions picked up I breathed through them with my gas and air.  My mum and Reece laughing at me between contractions as the gas and air was making me giggle. Contraction. Break. Contraction. Break. This went on for about 7/8 hours with the contractions getting stronger and stronger and thanks to the support of Reece, mum and the midwife, gas and air making me laugh, Beyoncé in the background playing and my stubborn personality I managed to get through it! I like to think I could of continued this way up until I had to push but I didn't get that far as things took a turn.

Baby's Heart Rate Dropping...
Hours were passing and even though I was dealing with contractions as best as I could, with each labour pain baby girl's heartrate was dropping then going back then dropping. Doctors and midwives coming in and out to discuss the issue I couldn't help but worry. To find out what the problem was they tried to take blood from baby's head but I was barely over 2cm dilated so this was not manageable. It was now a guessing game and a decision had to be made whether to continue or have an emergency C-section- this being the situation I had dreaded and through all my hard-work was reluctant to get but baby was all that mattered so when the doctor asked what I wanted I didn't even hesitate to say C-section.

The wait...
Still having strong contractions, my oxytocin drip was detached hoping to stop my contractions before the C-section. My body had other ideas and naturally continued to contract right up until the C-section began. Anyway when the drip was switched off I was told another woman had been taken for a section so I would have at least an hours wait until it was my turn. I wasn't really keeping up with the time but I swear it felt longer than an hour! In and out of contractions different specialists came in to go over the risks of C-section, what could happen if baby isn't okay and how they would assess her downs syndrome risk. As a person obsessed with knowing every detail I had to get things repeated to me as my pain was blocking out the information. Reece knowing me so well he knew what my questions would be before I even needed to ask, so he got all the information I needed. With my contractions still going strong and baby's heartrate still continuing to drop I said bye to my mum, then Reece and I started to walk (well I was wheeled in my bed) to the theatre.

Hello Ella-Grace...
Being strong up to this point, the gas and air was wearing off, I was still getting contractions and Reece had to leave to get changed into scrubs I started to cry. Worried for the welfare of baby girl and without Reece by my side I started to get overwhelmed. Thank goodness for the amazing staff I had performing the spinal block and C-section on me, never in a million years did I think I would be calm in this situation let alone be able to laugh. For this I have high praise of the NHS staff of which were assigned to me.
Reece back in the room now, he was sat by my side holding my hand. All checks done, now numb from the waist down the surgeons started and told us in about 10-15 minutes we would see our baby girl. Reece and I anxiously waited for what felt like forever and to our relief, baby girl let out a massive cry. And so Ella-Grace was born (6 pounds 10 1/2 ounces, Time: 21.57, 19th March 2017). The best moment ever.
We found out at this moment that the chord had been wrapped round not only her neck but BOTH of her legs as well! This being the reason  her heart was dropping, making me even more proud of the decision I made to have a C-section or the situation may have been very different and we wouldn't of had her in our arms moments after birth. The doctor also checked for signs of down syndrome and nothing, even though we didn't mind either way this made us happy as it would then be unlikely she would have other complications. And FINALLY after all the checking I told the midwife to let Reece hold her next to me, I knew it would be an amazing moment for him to hold her first and I just loved looking at the two of them together. My entire world right in front of me, I got Reece's phone and started to take pictures and videos of this special moment.
Around 45 minutes later Reece went again to get changed and Ella and I got wheeled to recovery. My beautiful daughter in my arms, this was a surreal moment.

Thank you for reading...
So that's the story of how our beautiful daughter: Ella-Grace, came into the world. Thank you to my friends, family,NHS staff and as always my AMAZING fiancé also now father of our child for all the support! I am very lucky! I hope everyone that read this has enjoyed it and found it interesting. I will continue to blog about my recovery/early days of being a mum but little Ella takes up a lot of time and attention so please be patient. As always I have been truthful throughout my blog and do remember that all this is my experience and my opinion (for example pain relief) if you decide to do different I totally respect you. Well that's Ella-Grace waking up for a feed  now so I better end this here. Happy Mothers day for tomorrow for all the mothers out there I know I'm looking forward to it being my first of many and for any expectant mothers don't be scared of labour you can do this!

Stay Happy Everyone :) !

Induction: Early Stages

A Quick Update!

And let the Induction process begin! Hello readers, thank you for coming back to my blog people who have been before and if this is your first time here HEY hope you will enjoy reading. So currently 11.30pm, baby’s heartrate just checked (all looking good) and I am unable to get back to sleep. Good job I have my Queen B playlist and blog to keep me busy through this sleepless night.

So, since I can’t sleep or when I do manage to drift off I end up being woken up by nurses for checks I thought it would be the perfect time to write a quick update on what’s going on. At about 7am this morning I woke up and made some toast for me and Reece, riddled with nerves and excitement we ate our toast and got ready for the day. My parents who were driving us to the hospital left their house (which is an hour away) at 9am to come and pick us up, I phoned the hospital to ask what time they would like me to come in to which they responded with 11.30 am. YAY felt like baby girl was finally going to be here even though I know inductions can be lengthy at least it was a start. My parents arrived at around 10 am and we decided since we had time to kill we would go over the road for a cooked breakfast and a chat, my dad chill as usual and my mum beaming with excitement. Reece and I still feeling the same as we were earlier, excited, and nervous. Breakfast finished we headed to the hospital and got checked into the ward, Reece accompanying me to the ward and my parents waiting in the café until we could go out and meet them.

For anyone that is interested to know my birthing partners are obviously my fiancé, Reece, and my mum. So, they had decided to swap sitting with me in the induction as only one person is allowed in the induction ward with you (9am till 9pm) unless you go out to the lounge or café. This all things I learned today for the first time as it is my first baby, just relaying the information for all my readers who maybe have not had this experience before. Now checked in there was a lot of waiting, as there would be in a hospital it was quite busy. Surrounded by women who were all in pain and from what I could tell progressing a lot faster than I was, I expected this to make me more nervous but weirdly it made me less nervous knowing all these women were in the same boat as me and we would all have to go through a similar pain... don’t know if anyone else felt this way when they were in the hospital but that’s how I felt. I tried to take comfort from the other women’s pain instead of fear. Around 12.30pm the baby’s heartrate was checked along with my blood pressure- all fine- then my cervix was examined. Dilated 0… ugh. I expected this but still it’s disappointing, I just want my baby girl here! The midwife then inserted a pessary which she said would be in place for 24 hours unless I go into labour before this time. Here is hoping that it helps me dilate at least a little, 1cm and I would be ecstatic! The midwife informed me that I had to lie on my side for half an hour to which then I thought it was meant that she would come back to check but she didn’t so I ended up waiting for almost 2 hours just to find out she didn’t need to check on me and I could have gone for a walk. What an idiot I felt like haha oh well. So, I got dressed being careful not to dislodge the pessary and Reece and I went for a walk to meet my anxious parents who had probably had 5 + cups of tea/ coffee by now out of boredom.

An hour or two past, I had had a hot chocolate and gone for a walk to try get things going. Nothing yet. Went back to the ward to ask if we were okay to get a Chinese with my parents (Dad’s treat woo!) and eat it in the sitting area to which they were more than happy for us to do. After eating more Chinese food than I’d like to admit Reece and I went back to the ward to get baby’s heart rate checked again, all fine! Then midwife gave us the all clear to go for another wonder, back to the café we went! Time now being around half 6/7pm.

Reece, my parent’s, and I sat and chatted until about half 8 at which time I was shattered and had to be getting back to the ward anyways before they had to leave and go home. So, I said goodbye to my mum and dad until tomorrow and Reece came back with me to the ward to help me settle in before he had to leave.

Blankets now on my bed, teeth brushed, face washed, movie on and pyjamas looked out it was now time for Reece to go home until the morning. Cue floods of tears. I’m perfectly capable of spending time away from Reece but hormones kicked in and I don’t know it was just so nice having him near like a comfort blanket, damn love is weird makes you an emotional wreck. He dried my tears and gave me a cuddle then off he went for some well-deserved sleep. Miss him so much, roll on 9am!!

Now in my pyjamas, I watched the rest of the movie (Finding Dory btw) and tried to get some sleep. I got about an hour before being woken up for checks and that brings me to right now.

So, that’s the update! Not very interesting so far, aside from a few period type pains it was just a day of waiting around and replying to anxious messages from friends and family so sorry about that but my feedback from readers have praised my truthfulness and that’s the truth: Induction (to my experience so far anyway) is slow, slow and slow some more. A lot of waiting and checking and cups of tea... so much tea!!! I hope you enjoyed this quick update not sure when I will be able to post again as I’m hoping baby girl makes her appearance very soon and the next post I will be writing about will be my birth experience and introducing baby girl to the blog. Might take a while to get done as I’m sure baby girl will occupy my every waking moment but WATCH THIS SPACE! I will get there! Thanks for reading, feedback is always welcome! Till next time!

Stay Happy Everyone J! 

My Pregnancy Journey. (Part 3)

The Last leg of the Journey...
Welcome back readers! Thank you so much for reading this far, I hope you have all enjoyed reading about my journey just as much as I have enjoyed writing about it. An emotional rollercoaster pregnancy I have had but wouldn't change it for the world, I just can't to have baby girl in my arms finally! So to recap, the last two blog posts covered finding out I was pregnant to around 20 weeks pregnant (go read if you would like to catch up before reading this part!). In this final pregnancy blog post I will be writing about the last 20+ weeks of pregnancy and what me and my partner experienced during this time. Like life is, these weeks had its ups and downs but HEY we are still here going strong and looking forward to bringing our baby girl into the world by the end of this week (Induction scheduled for tomorrow woo!).

Scans, scans and more scans...
Weekly scans now, checking up on that hole in the heart and keeping track of baby girl's anatomy. I would like to take this moment to thank the doctor we had in the hospital for these weekly checks, since we had quite a bad experience at the first scan we really appreciated the way this doctor was with me especially. Helped me keep calm through my nerves. So a few scans had past each seemed to be a bit more reassuring than the other as baby girl's anatomy had been growing as normal and the hole in the heart although still present seemed to be getting smaller, healing hopefully.
For people that may not know when they are checking the heart on a ultrasound scan carefully they can put on a setting which shows the direction of the blood flow through the heart, in turn being able to see if the blood is going in and out of the right chambers/crossing over properly etc. (excuse my lack of medical terminology, it has been a while since I did my biology exam) So yeah checking this each time we had a scan it was a relief for us seeing that everything seemed normal and the hole had not caused miss-direction of blood flow as if this happened it could have been a completely different and fatal problem, we feel very lucky to have experienced this as we know some parents and their babies aren't that lucky unfortunately.
So between 25-30 weeks (cant remember exactly what week sorry) the doctor gave us the all clear to begin growth scans instead of anatomy scans, YAY! The baby's hole in the heart seemed to have healed but the doctor did let us know that scans can only be so accurate and baby girl may require to have a scan on her heart when she is born as well as other tests to check for down syndrome since she was high risk and also blood was to be taken from her umbilical chord due to my blood being O-negative, this though we had been told was easy to treat through medication and only a problem if our blood mixed. I feel I should mention there are other signs in the scan that can indicate down syndrome but none were found, these signs only being present in 50% of babies who have down syndrome so even though they weren't found in our scan she was still classed as high risk hence the extra after birth checks she will be having.
The checks after birth were not a worry for us, of course its not ideal no one wants their baby to have to undergo lots of tests you just want to cuddle them and protect them but we were just so happy that she was looking healthy enough to actually get to the birth part it could have been so much worse. We were so happy for the three of us, things were looking up!

Stressful events over yet?...
So I think it would be worth mentioning that while we were getting the weekly scans and obviously our biggest concerns were the baby and her health other big decisions and stressful events had occurred making things just that bit more difficult. I wont go into to much detail as I could take up a whole other blog post but here are the significant parts. Reece and I had some trouble with our new landlord, as nice as he was he was not ready to let go of his house and we felt more like the house was just that a house not a home, not the best when you are going to bring a baby into the world. We found ourselves missing the previous two bedroom flat we had, it was so much better for us for so many reasons (better landlords, more homely, we were free to decorate, better area, more shops, could actually get signal on our phones.. just to name a few reasons). Thankfully we were able to get our old flat back in the end and the landlords even agreed to take the rent down because they the same as us missed having us occupy the flat, so much to thank our landlords for its unreal! Life is so much easier when you have a great relationship with your landlords!
Another thing we had decided to do due to the baby and moving AGAIN was postpone our wedding (originally meant to be this year now going to be next year). This being difficult for us as we had a lot of it planned out already and we really wanted to be married but at the same time love is love no matter the circumstances and we didn't need a bit of paper to show us that we loved each other, I'd like to think anyone who met us could see that we were head over heals for each other. We knew we could get married whenever, the main focus was making a good home for the three of us and making sure baby girl had everything she needed before anything else. So that was that moving again and wedding postponed two very big decisions that happened at the same time as the constant scans checking on baby, lots of worry but we got through it! End of the stressful events right? Unfortunately no.
So by 34 weeks we had, had one other growth scan which went fine, nothing to report our baby girl was beautiful and healthy. But then we got the second growth scan accompanied by an appointment with the consultant and they found what was written in my notes as a red flag. Baby girl's estimated weight was on the small side as well as her femur bones measuring significantly smaller than her weeks. The sonographer kept her cool making us feel like it was not a big deal but her concern must of been shown in the notes as when we went up to the consultant she felt the need to remind us that we had a 1 in 5 risk with no invasive testing being done. I said I was aware of this and she nodded, circled "Small femur measurement" and left the room. I already knew what was meant by this but Reece was confused. While she was out the room I explained to Reece that a sign of downs syndrome being present was small estimated weight (her being 4 pounds when she was meant to be 5 1/2 pounds +) and also a short femur measurement, I knew this through the endless amount of googling I had done on pregnancy and down syndrome signs. Although many people tell
me not to google things or that its a bad idea I find it keeps my anxiety at bay being informed on everything and anything I could be. The consultant came back in and said that she had consulted with other doctors and they had agreed that it is not a massive worry at the moment but that it was something that they wanted to pay extra attention to in the next scan, subtly letting us know that it was a sign that they would look out for by again saying 'your baby is 1 in 5 of downs and at 20 years old this is very rare'. We left the scan happy to see our baby again but now worried about her more than ever, comforting each other with a tight grip of  each other's hand the whole way home and that night for the first time it was Reece that needed comforting. More than happy to return the strength he had given me over the years we spoke about everything, cuddled in bed with our little life and eventually we drifted off to sleep.

The final weeks...
Following this scan I had a midwife appointment, this being the third or fourth different midwife I'd actually seen due to all the moving and delayed appointments because of the switch of practice. The final midwife I had and still have now was lovely and bubbly but at this appointment I got a very serious tone from her setting alarm bells off. After all the normal checks, she asked 'are you nervous since you are 1 in 5 of downs?' and to that I answered not really, I'm excited and keeping positive. The midwife heard this and seemed to be very surprised '1 in 5 of down syndrome, so young, this is very rare.. I don't want you going into hospital unprepared for what might happen'. To the midwife's defence I think she meant this in the nicest way possible and was just trying to warn/prepare me for the checks and possible lengthy hospital stay ahead but I felt so anxious in that moment right there, a sudden feeling of oh my goodness my baby is so ill everything is going wrong! I smiled when I left but as soon as I was gone I was on the phone to Reece overwhelmed.
Luckily I had learnt over time how to keep my anxiety at bay and avoid full blown panic attacks but I do have a tendency to get a bit obsessive when over thinking so when I got home at the end of the day I spent hours searching everything on downs syndrome birth experiences and other mothers stories but unfortunately no amount of social media posts, blogs, YouTube videos, google searches or inspiring stories could stop me from worrying!
Since this appointment slowly I started to get less anxious and more content with the situation and again Reece and I were more excited than worried. With every strong kick in the ribs I got being a reminder that she was okay. I could almost here a little voice along with each kick saying 'Mum, Dad I'm fine in here! Stop worrying'.  Weeks passed heartbeat looked strong, each scan even though estimated weight being small there was still significant growth so the consultant went from alarmed to accepting she was just a small baby and her femur bone length could just be a result of me being smaller height than average. Finally all positive news! The first time Reece and I had felt like a run of the mill, no problem pregnancy rather than the HIGH RISK PREGNANCY of such a young couple. Baby girl was so close to being here now (I say 6 days overdue still no baby in my arms haha!)

Good times are here...

So from 37 weeks onward things were just getting better! My maternity pay had started finally after being delayed, we had prepared everything for baby girl, had an amazing pregnancy photoshoot thanks to my talented sister, baby showers (yes multiple, I have the best people in my life) and to top it all off Reece FINALLY landed a job he had wanted after a year of gaining experience.. this meaning more money for us as a family and an overall pretty perfect life, everything coming together all we had to do was wait for this baby girl to get here! Little did we know we would still be waiting at 41 weeks.. maybe I should of ate more spicy food who knows (old wives tales ah the disappointment they bring haha)! And that's it the end of my pregnancy journey, on the blog anyways I personally still have a possible few days left of carrying baby girl.

That's all folks...
For those of you who actually made it to the end of this blog post, sorry I know it was a long one but didn't want to miss any detail, thank you so much for reading and I hope you have enjoyed reading my journey. My pregnancy has been above all memorable and certainly worth while, I am beyond ready for baby girl to be here and hopefully she will be here before the week is out if the induction goes successfully tomorrow (Wish me luck!!). I would like to thank my fiancé, friends and family for supporting me I am blessed with some amazing people in my life and can't wait for you all to meet little one. Till next time everyone, thanks again hope to be introducing baby girl to you all soon!
Stay Happy Everyone :) !

My Pregnancy Journey. (Part 2)

Recap of Part One...
Hi again readers, I hope everyone is enjoying my posts so far. Welcome to part two of my pregnancy journey, if you haven't read part one in it I went over the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy including how my partner and I found out I was pregnant and the amazing yet stressful experience we had at our first scan. So yeah if you haven't read Part one I recommend you do before you read this one if you are interested :) In part two I'm going to write about the significant events of the second trimester and the experience my partner and I had during this time, I'm hoping to make it a bit of a lighter tone than last time but as everyone knows life isn't always perfect and tough times happen so as usual the post will be genuine and truthful. The good, bad and the ugly as they say. So here it is.

Second Trimester begins...
THE SECRET IS OUT! Finally I don't have to keep my beautiful miracle a secret anymore and I can enjoy taking growing bump pictures and sharing them with anyone I choose. This took a lot of my anxiety away thank goodness and even though we didn't have the best experience at our first scan the photo reminder that baby was alive and kicking was so reassuring. Along with our joy though was the worry about little one's down syndrome risk, again neither of us minded the actual chance of her having downs it was more the fear of being able to look after a child with a disorder of which would have different challenges to what we originally expected. We just wanted to be the best parents we could be and if baby was to have down syndrome we would want to be prepared. So from this we read up about the disorder and decided to get in touch with a friend who's son has down syndrome, this though helpful in the sense of what to expect when baby was here the pregnancy experience was slightly different to ours as no risk had shown up on our friend's scan and instead she had found out her son had the disorder at birth. I was very grateful for this information but still unsure what to do about my own situation and whether or not to get more invasive checks (amniocentesis or CVS) to confirm or reject down syndrome being present.
Still uncertain we decided to wait for the blood results to come back and sure enough about a week later we got a letter.. "Dear Miss Bethune, we are writing to inform you that from your blood tests we can confirm your baby has a 1 in 5 risk of having downs syndrome" the situation had suddenly gone from slight chance to a high risk and a decision needed to be made even though I think we had already made our decision. No to invasive tests.
Invasive testing for us was too much of a risk, with both of the tests involving injecting into the womb leaving a chance of miscarriage it just was not worth it. I would much rather not know whether or not our child had downs syndrome and have her be born into the world for us to love rather than interfere and end up losing our bundle of joy for a definitive answer of something that made no difference to us. On top of this I don't think my anxiety could handle losing a child, I would of spiralled back into panic attacks for sure and as a couple we knew we would love and take care of baby no matter what the situation so again it was not worth it to us. Obviously this is our own view NO judgements on people who choose invasive testing, its an individual choice and experience this was just what we felt was right for us. Tough decision for anyone to make.
So 14/15 weeks pregnant at this point, 1 in 5 risk of downs syndrome and no invasive testing. Leaving us with the unknown of our child's fate of having down syndrome of which we will find out at the birth (which as baby girl is still not here.. 5 days over due now... we still don't know what the future will hold). Reece and I were okay with this though, almost relieved just to know the chances and be able to continue on with our lives and looking forward to the birth. I mean no point stressing if you wont know the answer till the day right?- rich coming from someone with anxiety who stresses over nothing but hey sometimes I try take my own advice haha- So that was that.

Hole in Heart?....
So the weeks were passing I had another midwife appointment at my new doctors practice (had to change due to the move of address). The two main things that happened at this appointment were that I was reminded of the 1 in 5 risk, again being asked if I wanted invasive testing to which I gave the same response and also my history with anxiety was discussed with me and as I was doing better (off my medication) the PMHA (Prenatal Mental Health Team) were happy that if I was struggling I would notify them. This I was very happy about considering how much I had struggled in the past and to hear someone say my significant improvement wouldn't affect my pregnancy or my ability gave me a sense of confidence and peace.
Because of the 1 in 5 risk of downs syndrome we were recommended to have scans every two weeks , the first one with a sonographer went fine all looked good but for a more in depth look we were put to a doctor for another scan which is when things changed.. our little wriggler was perfect in our eyes but sadly now at 18/19 weeks we are told she has a hole in her heart.
This time I managed to hold back the tears and as Reece and I held hands we listened to what the doctor had to say. She said that a hole in the heart was common with downs syndrome babies but the hole in the heart that is usually expected with a downs syndrome baby would of been in the bottom chamber where as this hole was in the top so it could just be a developmental delay and it is possible it will heal itself over the next few weeks.
Slightly reassured, slightly worried, slightly shocked. All these feelings went through my body at once. Scans were now changed to once a week, special monitoring by a doctor.. Scary to say the least but we had faith our baby would pull through it and lucky for Reece and I we were able to stay strong together. Credit to him he is a rock, without him I'm almost certain my anxiety would of taken over and panic would of set in but I had his calm vibe and strength to keep me going. Reminding me of another reason why I am so lucky to have him as my partner and father of our baby girl. He's asleep right now but when he wakes up he will probably be reading this.. Love you darling.

ITS A GIRL....
Hole in heart detected and now weekly scans by a doctor, not the most positive experience but the doctor was lovely and to keep us in high spirits we decided to book a gender scan (which we got twice as the naughty baby decided to be difficult the first time) and also to our surprise we got a 4D picture with this scan also.. that was amazing!!!!! So yes 20 weeks pregnant and we find out that our little bundle of joy is a GIRL and also has the cutest button nose, clearly seen in the 4D scan. Magical moment. One of my favourite memories of this pregnancy was Reece saying he loved the thought of having his "Two girlies"... makes me smile every time :) So although yes there is the 1 in 5 chance of down syndrome and a hole in baby's heart SHE (as we knew this now haha) was still alive and if she was as stubborn as her two parents we knew she would be fine and so we continued to look at the positive. The weekly scan's in the hospital then began and that is where I shall leave part two.


End of Part Two.
Another emotional post here, amazing for me to look back on the experience and write about it. Hope you enjoyed reading it, the final part of my pregnancy journey will be up soon (depending if baby girl decides to make her appearance tomorrow or not). Thank you for reading, please feel free to leave a comment.
Stay Happy Everyone :)!

My Pregnancy Journey. (Part 1)

Back again...
Had a really good response from my first blog post yesterday, especially
from those with children/expecting. For that reason I've decided to write about my pregnancy from the first test to now, 4 days overdue walking like a penguin. It will be split into 3 different posts as I have a lot to say and don't want to miss detail. So here is Part One.

Overview...
First of all I would like to say I feel more than blessed to of been able to not only get pregnant and carry a baby past term but blessed to be in a position to look forward to my child coming into the world thanks to all the support from my fiancé, friends and family. I know some people struggle to get pregnant or if they do have a lot to stress throughout the pregnancy therefore hindering their experience, so for this magical time I am very grateful and feel very privileged.
Following on from this although my pregnancy has been mostly straightforward thankfully, there were some tough things my partner and I had to go through the past few months in preparation of bringing our little darling into the world. These things only family and close friends really know but I am willing to now discuss with well the world as I would like to continue to be very truthful on my blog and if anyone else is going through or has gone through anything similar to this, know your not alone and don't be scared! So here it is my pregnancy journey!

OMG! I'm pregnant...
Without going into the intimate details of mine and my partners relationship (think this would be a bit TMI for most readers let alone our families). As much as I wanted a baby, Reece and I were not planning on having a baby anytime soon. We were busy with work and focusing on our wedding but knowing we were in love, were able to support a child and my anxiety had really improved we were being rather.. carefree lets say (again keeping it away from the TMI). So for about 6 months I was constantly thinking oh could I be pregnant? Getting my hopes up just to be torn down when my period would start. June came and went, where Reece and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary I had come to the conclusion pregnancy wasn't going to happen. Around the start of July, we had planned to have a night of drinks with our two close friends noticing a few days before this that I was late? So just to be on the safe side I decided to purchase a pregnancy test on my lunch break at work obviously thinking I was not pregnant but if by some chance I was I would certainly not be drinking! So sure though that I either couldn't get pregnant or at least was definitely not pregnant this month I took the pregnancy test at work then right there in front of my eyes TWO LINES!!! I had to do a double take before taking a picture and sending it to Reece via WhatsApp, "What does that mean?" he responded (makes me laugh now haha), then for the first time I said it "Pregnant" !!
Work slowly passed and I rushed home to speak to Reece, we were meant to be having people over in a few hours and I still had to get ready and oh yeah HELLO I just found out I'm pregnant! Reece still in a bit of shock said it would probably be a good idea to take the second pregnancy test just to be sure and to pop over to our local TESCO to get a clear blue test to be triple sure before speaking in depth about it. So we already knew the first test was positive... second test also positive but lines slightly fainter and then after downing a whole bottle of juice I managed to take the Clearblue test... PREGNANT 2-3 WEEKS! Excited and in shock I show Reece and give him a big hug, giving him 5 minutes to get out of his shocked state he then became excited! Fair to say that night went very different to what had been planned and so the sober 9 months began.

The first 12 weeks were the longest...
Ah the first stages of pregnancy, morning sickness aka every hour of the day sickness (seriously don't even think about going near the fridge YOU WILL SPEW!).
The first 12 weeks were crazy to be honest, obviously we were keeping the pregnancy a secret for this time as miscarriage is more likely in the first 12 weeks but looking back I wish I had just told everyone as the secrecy caused me so much anxiety and if I was to miscarry in those first few months there would of been nothing to be ashamed of but somehow societies norm of secrecy in the early stages of pregnancy almost -for me at least- forces you into a feeling of shame if a miscarriage was to of occurred, I don't like that. So yeah if anyone reading this is trying to get pregnant or is in the first 12 weeks and want's to tell people go for it! I know its not the norm and not everyone agrees but if I were to get pregnant again I would tell the world, much less lonely, much less stress, much less accidental shame and fear. I do understand some people don't want to share the news till later which is understandable this is just my take on it! I mean your body is growing a life and whether that time be short or long, its a miracle to be celebrated!
Anyway the first doctors appointment came and went, the first midwife appointment came and went. All still a bit surreal we found out baby was due 10th March 2017 (little girl obviously has other ideas but yeah that was her said due date haha). We moved house and went on holiday within these 12 weeks which with morning sickness and mood swings was not the greatest but we managed to still enjoy ourselves in anticipation for the first scan!
Now the first scan, this makes my stomach turn a little as it was not as much of a pleasant experience as I think it could of been but let me explain before getting into details. By this time we had told family the news and my parents had agreed to meet us at the hospital for the first scan to support us. I was nervous, not sure about Reece he has nerves of steel, always has but I was very nervous (again partly due to the scaremongering and shame of this secret I felt). I think I hid my nerves well from my parents as I didn't want them to worry. Reece and I got taken into the room for the scan and in there was a trainee sonographer who asked us if we wanted downs syndrome screening, this not worrying us but the fact that it was just sprung on us without any further information was a bit of a shock to the system. I'm the type of person that likes to be fully informed before making a decision like this so for it to be just asked out of the blue with the expectation of a split second answer shook me. I think the sonographer could tell this so she gave us a leaflet to look over while she scanned another lady. Going back out of the room Reece and I discussed it and asked my parents for some advice then coming to the conclusion that even though we didn't mind if our baby had a chromosomal disorder it would be nice to know the chances.. this I partly regret because of the experience we have had in the scan but oh well that's over now.
So again we went into the scan room and seen our baby for the first time. As anyone who has been through this experience will probably tell you it is magical and surreal, think Reece finally realised he was going to become a Dad. Perfect moment right there!! So she continued to scan the baby all looking good but then it came to the downs screening which for those of you who don't know they measure the fluid (nuchal translucency) behind the babies neck and if it measures 3.5mm or more it is a sign of downs syndrome.. our baby had a measurement of 3.6mm much to the alarm of two young parents-to-be. Since she was a trainee, the sonographer got an experienced member of staff in to re-do the measurement and she got 3.5mm so still a bit alarming. This I was okay with though I would love my child if they came out green and purple with 5 arms, still my child and I know Reece felt the same but as the sonographers explained to me the risk I felt like a pressure for me to be upset? As if I wasn't I was a bad person or something? I started to cry, gripping Reece's hand hard. To this day I feel like I was put under a bit of pressure by those staff members as they explained the risks to me which I understand they have to do but the way they stared at me, not letting me sit up even though they had stopped scanning leaving me vulnerable as they basically preached (keeping in mind taking no notice of the father of the baby who was right there too) I don't know I just felt this overwhelming feeling of stress, pressure and anxiety so the tears started to flow.
After calming myself down and getting some blood taken to test for further signs of downs syndrome we left the scanning department and went to see my parents, I knew they would be worried as due to me being upset and needing blood tests I had been quite a while longer than probably expected. My dad being my dad he automatically said something accidentally upsetting me "I know there's something wrong". And their I go again with the tears now cuddling into my mum. We all went to sit in the café and looked at the pictures of our little bundle of joy, discussing exactly what happened in the scan. My parents and Reece managed to calm me down and then my parents drove us home. Family phoned, scan photos posted on Facebook now for the world to see. Reece and I spent the night cuddling and reading the joyous comments of our friends over our news and even though the day had been stressful and emotional the main thing was our little wriggler was alive in my body, moving, kicking and even though I could not feel her yet I loved her and no statistic on a scan would change that. I was a mum and Reece a dad. A life in its purest form I am holding in my body.

*Getting emotional just writing about this, Hormoonnneeesss!!!*

End of Part One.
So that's the first 12 weeks of pregnancy covered! Hope it was enjoyable to read, sorry if it had a bit of a sad tone but as I said my blog is truthful. Any comments or advice welcome.
Stay Happy Everyone :)

Blog Take 1...

Well I will try anything once so lets see how this pans out....

Hi readers or maybe just Hi to myself, my friends/family who might take a glance and my fiancé who promised to read my blog (if it's interesting enough for him haha). Who ever is reading, hello I hope your day has gone amazing!

So I guess I should start with some basic details about myself...

My name is LauraJane. Age 20. Female. Engaged to a wonderful man and currently 40 weeks pregnant with our first child, a baby girl. I'm currently on maternity leave from my job as a care assistant for adults and children with disabilities and I study social sciences, I am a strong believer in equal rights and everyone being able to be who they are. Goal in life: Be a good person and make a difference.

That's all the get to know me stuff out the way, now why I've decided to start a blog...

A lot led up to me deciding to start a blog.
Since I was a little girl I've always loved to read books and for as long as I can remember I've wrote a diary and short stories of my own, I'm actually surprised it's took me this long to start a blog!  
I am currently 3 days over baby's due date and as any expectant mother would know as well as the extreme excitement and nerves, I am feeling massive and very bored because of all the waiting! This has put my mind on overdrive (when will the baby come? Will I have to be induced? Will she get here before my fiancé has to go back to work?) so to take my mind off this slightly I thought it would help to type it all out.
I am a very opinionated person (which I'm sure you will find out through these blog posts) a blessing at times as I am proud of things I believe in and I'm happy I know my own mind but at the same time the amount of thoughts I have sometimes is overwhelming for me and probably my fiancé (he's a keeper for listening to me rant about so many things!) So yeah a blog will let me get all these opinions/thoughts out and maybe I will meet other people on the internet who want to chat about the same stuff or who knows maybe I will help someone out in their life (THAT'S THE DREAM!) So that's another reason for my new venture into blogging.

Mainly I'm starting a blog to give my brain a break from thinking, my mouth a break from talking, get all my views and feelings out there in the world and maybe somewhere someone will read and like it and if not its a great diary for me!

What type of posts will there be...

I'm not expecting much to come from this blog, I'm happy to use it as a personal blog to just chat to myself on but if by some magic I manage to channel my inner 'Zoella' and people enjoy my posts here is some of the things you will likely see me post:

- New Mum Journey: Obviously when little girl arrives she will be the centre of my world and it will be a totally new experience, changing me as a person for life. I mean I will be a MUM, that's a big responsibility. So I will be writing about my thoughts and feelings on being a new mum which will hopefully help me through any tough times I will face and I know many girls and boys becoming parents who can feel alone or scared when they are going through this new change as I'm sure I will so hopefully as well as  providing myself with sanity I can help others, that's always the goal!

-Anxiety/Panic Attacks: For a while now I have suffered with Anxiety and panic attacks and although I have quite a good grip on handling it at the moment, I have my bad days and becoming a new mum I'm sure will trigger it a bit but keeping positive and again with the aim to help others writing everything down will help myself and others hopefully. I will probably do a whole post on this, telling my story even if this doesn't reach an audience I'm sure it will be good self help.

-Thoughts and Opinions: Like anyone I have my views and opinions on the world for example I am a massive (please don't be scared away by this word) Feminist. Just to clarify I mean equal rights for EVERYONE, so often people think feminists have double standards or only think about female rights I would like to challenge this stereotype on the internet and show that Feminism is not scary and is exactly what it says on the tin: equal rights for both genders: at least that's my version of it. That is one example of what I'm passionate about anyways, if you don't agree fair enough again just a way to get my views and opinions out my head and maybe get in touch with some people in the world who do agree.

-Life: It is what it is, an online diary for myself wouldn't be just that without posts about my life. Hopefully someone will find it interesting :)

Till next time...
So yeah that's me and what I want to write about. I realise this post is just me rambling on about myself and its probably full of grammatical errors but hey practice makes perfect and at the moment this is a personal diary :)
So yeah I'm going to try post as much as I can between the nappy changes and feedings when baby finally gets here, if anyone actually liked reading this thank you I will try continue to interest you and any advice is very welcome.

That's it then my first blog post!
Stay Happy Everyone :)!!!!