Tuesday 25 July 2017

How to keep your relationship strong after baby



One of my favourite things to write about... 

Good morning readers! I have been excited to write this blog post for you because -as cheesy as it sounds- Reece or mine and Reece's relationship, is one of my favourite things to write about because it's so happy! We have stayed just as in love, if not more since having Ella-Grace and I often get asked 'How do you make time for each other?' and that is how this blog post came about. I hope you find the the tips helpful or just enjoy reading how me and Reece have managed to keep our relationship strong since becoming parents.

A bit of info on our relationship...
So, I don't think I have ever gone into massive detail about mine and Reece's relationship before. How is started, how long we have been together etc. So I thought I would do that first. Reece and I have been together for 5 years now, I met him in my last year of school at a friend's birthday party. We bonded over the horrible taste of beer and we were both a bit shy compared to the other people at the party so I guess we just gravitated to each other (maybe it was fate).
When he had to leave that night he asked for my number and the rest is history.
Funny story, I was so shy when I met Reece that I barely looked at his face (tried to stare at my hands or anywhere else, I must of looked so nervous) so when he left that day up until I met up with him next I couldn't actually remember what he looked like hahaha! Now I see his face everyday I think it's imprinted in my memory for life! He has such a pretty face.... but I'm getting off track.
So yes as I said the rest is history. We moved in, got engaged, had our beautiful daughter and are now planning our 2018 wedding. Crazy how much can happen in 5 years! (Insert old pics).

 







Yes, we have have had arguments...
Now, I am not trying to sell us as this magical, fairytale relationship because of course it's not we have had some bad arguments, not often though to be honest. We always have this running joke after we have a big argument and make up, one of us end's up saying 'Well that's it till next year"!
As I was saying, I am in no way saying we are a the 'perfect couple', I mean there is really no such thing is there? But we are happy and love each other very much and I guess that's as close to perfect you can get.

The Tips...

1. Communication
This is the most important yet the easiest to forget. Communication in any relationship is key to maintaining it. Reece and I tell each other everything and always have, before Ella-Grace was born we had all the time in the world to talk about anything we wanted to. But when we had Ella-Grace everything became about her- as it should- so Reece and I found ourselves communicating only about Ella-Grace. Leaving him not being able to tell me about his work and me not telling him about how I was doing postpartum. So after a few weeks when everything settled we decided to fix this issue by simply asking questions! How was work? How was your day? How are you feeling? We would ask each other these questions if nothing else, every day. Making sure we each got out anything we needed to vent, keeping communication going and supporting one another.
So that's the tip here if you are struggling with communication since having a baby.... ASK QUESTIONS! I know it can be hard to remember when being a parent is the focus of your life but you have to remember to look after each other, through doing that you will both feel happy and be able to be the best parents you can be.

2. Date night
This is one you can only do when you feel comfortable and ready, go on a date. I had a tough time with baby blues, had a panic attack pretty much every night for the first 2 weeks of Ella-Grace's life. Obviously the fact I was a mum kept be going but as well as this Reece planned a date night for when Ella-Grace was a month old, to give me a chance to relax and show me what a good job I had been doing (he's cute like that). My sister watched Ella-Grace for 2 hours while we went for our date and although I pretty much spent the whole night texting my sister to check on the baby it was nice to sit with Reece and hold hands and be us. From then we decided that once a month we would do this and celebrate us. Which is again important. I know this is hard for some mothers and fathers to leave their baby- trust me I cried so much before hand- so don't feel you need to rush into it. Even if your date night is having a meal in the kitchen while your mum watching baby in the living room, that is still some time to spend as a couple and enjoy each other's company. This is another opportunity to open good communication between you and your partner also.



3. Don't Let Arguments Get Too Far
In the q&a I wrote last week, one of the questions was 'Do you and Reece argue more since becoming parents?' To which me and Reece answered no, we don't argue more but we do argue about different things and in the first few weeks when you are sleep deprived, the arguments can be quite petty. The trick is to not let the arguments go to far and try to forgive. For me when I get into an argument my anxiety always kicks in which can lead me to start having a panic attack due to the tension, which makes it hard for me not to keep arguing. I know that might sound confusing so here is an example if me and Reece are arguing and Reece (being his calm self) tries to walk away so we can both calm down, my anxiety kicks in and I can't let him walk off. I have to keep speaking, pacing and even if the argument is resolved I'm still spouting out anxious words. Reece is used to this and just let's me rant it out until I calm down, then we kiss and we are fine- this being what I mean by not letting things go to far.
I could stand and rant for an hour straight, Reece I'm sure is dying for me to shut up but we don't shout or scream or make threats. Instead we argue, we rant then kiss and its over. We love each other and we are not breaking up so what's the point in arguing. That is what every couple should remember in petty arguments, in the end you love each other so there is no point ruining that with threats and shouting. If the argument is serious enough that there is a potential for break up, that is a different story and I can't help you with that, sorry.
So yeah to round this tip up, yes arguments will happen but let them pan out, make up and never go to bed angry!

4. The Little Things
Some of my favourite times of the day, when small gestures are made. If you aren't ready for a full on date night or can't find time to sit and have supper together (which me and Reece definitely couldn't during the first month of being parents) there are still little things that mean so much. A hug, a kiss, a joke, something silly. All these little things are so important and I know things like silliness and jokes are part of the reason I fell in love with Reece, he always made me smile no matter what. So like communication after the first few weeks me and Reece were really trying to appreciate the little things that could be our time for example whenever Ella-Grace was having a nap we would give each other a big hug and say I love you, when I was feeding Ella-Grace we would watch a film or have a funny conversation about something silly. These times reminding me how much I loved Reece and that even though we are parents now, to each other we were still the same people that fell in love five years ago.
The little things. Reminding your partner of the reasons you fell in love or just reminding them that you do love them, can mean the world and will definitely help keep your relationship strong.


5. Stay Up That Little Bit Longer
I know, I know, sleep deprived enough and you should really 'sleep when baby is sleeping' but I tried this and I just felt that I seen Reece when he came home from work, fell asleep, then he was away again. Which made things so much harder because as I said communication is key and if you are sleeping there is no communication. I felt quite lonely at this point and all I wanted to do was cuddle Reece, watch a movie with him and ask him about his day. Which is exactly what we started doing and still do now. Yes we are more tired the next day but we both feel happy we had that time together to chill and communicate. Just like we did before Ella-Grace.
So if you and your partner are up for being a little bit extra tired now and again, I highly recommend this. It's worth your time.

6. Remember Your A Couple
Just a little one to finish. Remember your a couple. Yes, you are a mum and a dad ( or two mums or two dads, whatever your family situation may be) which are very important roles that should always be at the centre of who you are but you are also two people, in love and that is equally as wonderful. Remember it and appreciate it, cause not everyone has a happily ever after. This I make sure I never take for granted.


Thanks for reading...
So that's my tips, I hope they work for you and if not, comment below what works in your relationship. Thank you for reading as usual, I love hearing all the feedback. While your waiting for the next blog post why not check out one of my articles on 'Baby GaGa' (links below).

15 Crazy Laws That Actually Discriminate Against Pregnant Women
15 Most Ruthless Single Moms
15 Moms Reveal The One Thing They Said They Would Never Do But Ended Up Doing Anyway

Also if you want to follow my day to day life please follow my social media linked on my main blog page.

Till next time readers.

Stay Happy Everyone :)!









Tuesday 18 July 2017

Q&A



Crazy week...

Well readers, this week has been very busy! I've obviously been doing the job of a stay at home home, looking after my beautiful Ella-Grace (who is badly teething at the moment ahh!). I have also just accepted a  writing job with the website 'Baby GaGa' - that i can do from home, what. a. dream! On top of all that I have been feeling really ill but despite all this I still wanted to post my weekly blog post!
So, I have now finished my first article, I thought I would use this free time to work on a little blog post, a Q & A.
Thanks to everyone who sent in questions I hope I answer them well enough for you, here they are!

Q&A...

1. What is the best part of pregnancy?

There is a lot of great things about pregnancy so I don't know how I am going to pick the best part! A few that are definitely some of the best things are: Feeling Kicks, The glow you get and the whole idea of carrying life. The glow you get I didn't really see till I actually gave birth to Ella-Grace when I  or even some of my friends look back at pictures when I was pregnant I looked so glamorous in some pictures and feel like my bump gave me more body confidence, I wanted to show it off. 
As for the kicks and the carrying life, that goes hand in hand. It is the purest, most natural experience: nothing like it. And to know you are giving this life to the world, someone you will raise to make a positive difference on the world is amazing. The greatest gift. 
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2. What is the worst part of pregnancy?

There are also (like the previous question) a lot of negative things about pregnancy. Morning sickness, emergency situations and baby blues. Morning sickness for me was horrendous. 

Morning sickness- this is just horrible! So much worse than normal sickness, I suffered from it not only at the start of pregnancy but at the end also! And as you have probably heard before or if you have been pregnant before you would already know... it does not just hit in the morning... its all day. 

Emergency situations- Pregnancy and birth is a scary and dangerous thing so emergencies can happen. With my labor and delivery being very stressful and turning into emergency where I could of lost my little girl if a wrong decision was made, that is definitely one of the worst parts. The scare you get in emergency situations. You'd think I would say contractions or pain but no the scare of emergency and the risk is definitely worse- although the recovery from a c-section and all the injections are other things that weren't so fun. 

(Not to scare you away from pregnancy, it is a very safe process and nowadays mother and baby are usually both happy and healthy. It is the best experience in the world would do it again any day) 


3. Will you be having more babies?

I would like to point out the person that asked this actually said 'are you going to be having more adorable babies?' Thank you reader for the compliment! Reece and I have been back and forth with this one, one minute thinking we would love to just be a family of 3 but then the next minute thinking we want 1 or 2 more children in the future. 
After Ella-Grace was born I got the contraceptive implant which lasts 3 years (definitely knew we did not want any more children for a while) and we have decided- maybe- that after the implant runs out depending on our financial and living situation (as we like in a 2 bedroom flat now and would like to have a house before we have another baby) we will then try for another baby. 
This is obviously not set in stone so don't be surprised if we do not have another baby around that time, that is just the idea at the moment.  


4. Have you and Reece become closer since having Ella-Grace? Or has the stress of a new baby caused more arguments?

For this question I needed to consult Reece and we both thought the same thing. Since having Ella-Grace we love each other more than we ever thought we could as we are parents of a beautiful baby girl and that is a very special bond, it has re-enforced our strong relationship which we are thankful for as I know some couples struggle when they become parents, some even breaking up. 
As for arguments I wouldn't say we argue more but we argue about different things and if there is a particular night one of us is extremely tired their can be a bit of a tiff but nothing we can't get past. 
There is some tips I might have to keeping your relationship strong after baby, but I will leave that for another blog post (keep an eye out for it!). 
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5. Would you take childcare advice from someone without children?

Personally, I am very stubborn and don't really like taking advice from anyone I like to figure it out myself and be the one giving the advice usually haha. But that does not mean I am rude or not open to hearing advice and this is from ANYONE. I don't mind if you give me advice if you don't have children yourself, maybe you have worked with children? Have small children in your family just not your own or even just read a tip on the internet. I am always willing to listen to anyone. Where I draw the line is if the 'advice' is putting me down as a mum (an insult) or put across as something I have to do rather than something I could try. I think it is important to respect one another's ability to look after your own children and give advice in a positive, helpful way. But yeah to answer the question properly, it wouldn't even cross my mind whether or not to take advice from someone if they did not have children of their own. As long as they are nice that's what matters. 

6. How do you feel about people calling their pets their babies? 

Great! I would do the same if I had a pet. Nothing wrong with this at all in my opinion. pets are important parts of peoples lives just like children and when you look after them they do feel like your babies. I find this lovely in fact as animals are so pure and deserve all the respect and love us humans demand. 

7. What age do you think is the right time to get pregnant? 

In general, I don't think there is a right age. Just whenever people feel ready in their lives- if they ever do- that is the right time for them. There should be no discrimination as I always say we need to be nice and support each other no matter of if you are a teen mum or older mother. 
For me personally I always wanted to be a young mother, don't know why really? Just always have and I would never change it for the world. 

8. What movies could you watch over and over again, and still love? 

Shrek. Despicable Me. Matilda. Any Leonardo DiCaprio Movie (especially Wolf of Wall Street) 

9. What was your dream job when you were younger? 

Singer or Author. Now singing I more do in my spare time (mostly in the shower haha) and Author is still a dream of mine if I ever finish writing a novel. 

10. Is there anything that makes you think "what was I thinking?" when you look back on life? If so what? 

Certain outfits or make up looks I have done. Old Facebook posts. 

11. What 3 things could you not live without?

I take it by things this does not mean people so I think I would choose 1. Ella-Grace's Photo Album  2. Books 3. My phone . (If the question was referring to non-material things Equal rights and Love would be top of that list!) 

12. Who was the first person you told you were pregnant? 

Reece. I whatsapped him a picture of the test but he didn't know what the lines meant so I had to type 'I'M PREGNANT!!' 

13. What's your favorite show to binge watch? 

Pretty Little Liars, Skins or American Horror Story (depending on my mood). I also love Criminal Minds. 

14. How has your life changed since having Ella-Grace? 

It has changed everything. Turned my world upside down in the best way. I am never bored, always busy and so much happier. Yes, it comes with added stress as being a parent is a big responsibility but it is the best thing in the world. I have a little girl, my best friend for life. Because of Ella-Grace as well she has encouraged me to pursue my dream as a writer to make her proud. She has enriched my life so much. 
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15. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? 

Not going to write too much for this one as I would like to do a separate blog post on this, but I will say I see myself and my family living in a different location and maybe with another little one. 

Hope you liked it....
Just a quick Q & A for you guys, I hope you enjoyed reading! Let me know anymore questions in the comments or give me your opinion on the things that have been asked.

Don't forget to check out my first article on Babygaga.com '15 Laws That Actually Discriminate Against Pregnant Women' http://www.babygaga.com/15-crazy-laws-that-actually-discriminate-against-pregnant-women/?utm_source=BG-FB-P&utm_medium=Social-Distribution&utm_campaign=BG-FB-P&view=lista

and follow my other social media (which there is links to on my blog page).
Till next time readers!

Stay Happy Everyone :)!


Wednesday 12 July 2017

9 Reasons A C-Section isn't the easy option


Its been bugging me....
Welcome regular readers and new comers! Today's blog post is one that has been burning up inside me for a while. As most of you know I had an emergency c-section with my daughter Ella-Grace and many friends and some family members as well have also been through this same experience. This experience of BIRTH and PAIN.. but for some reason there is a false belief in many peoples minds that having a C-Section (Cesarean Section) is 'a -cop out' or the 'easy option'. 'Too posh to push' I hear often. Well I'm here to say that this is very wrong and here are the reasons why.

Not taking away from natural births...
Before I go into these reasons, I would like to point out that in no way am I trying to take away from mothers who have had a natural labor and delivery. I am not saying a c-section is harder, I am just saying that they are different but also equal in difficulty - Equal, not better or worse or harder/easier- I would love to hear about the difficulties of natural labor and I encourage you to comment below this blog I am genuinely curious as my experience was so different. But for this blog I am focusing on the judgement cc-section mums face and I hope anyone reading this who has had a natural/vaginal birth can support this post as I, and every other c-section mum should support yours. As I say in a lot of posts, supporting each other is key, we are all doing our best including with the birth.

What is a C-section...
For those who may not know or want a clearer definition of what a c-section ( cesarean section) is here is the definition taken from the 'NHS Choices' website along with a statistic:

"A Cesarean section, or C-section, is an operation to deliver your baby through a cut made in your tummy and womb.
The cut is usually made across your tummy, just below your bikini line.
A caesarean is a major operation that carries a number of risks, so it's usually only done if it's the safest option for you and your baby.
Around one in every four to five pregnant women in the UK has a Cesarean."

Now for the reasons... 
7 reasons why a C-section isn't the easy option 
1. The after pain
The after pain to any type of childbirth is going to be bad, you just had a baby come out of you in some way- of course your going to be in pain. But for some reason I always hear comments like 'At least you don't have to deal with tearing' or 'You can have sex sooner since it wont hurt'. No, no, no, no and NO! First of all the waiting time for sex is the same as after a vaginal birth (6 weeks I was told) and as for dealing with tearing, HELLO I have a tear, an incision and trust me that pain is very much there when the numbness wears off and it is very painful. I found it so painful in fact that for the first week or two but I'm getting ahead of myself. 

2. The higher and additional risks 
Now I did check this multiple times on websites and with actual medical professionals before I put this down as a reason as of course I didn't want to make a false statement. So as a c-section is a major surgery according to my research there is a higher risk of blood clots, infection, blood loss and death (death being 3X more likely). Additional risks include, paralysis (due to the spinal you have to get before hand), bowel and/or bladder injury and blood transfusion. Personally I wouldn't put increased/additional risk and easier option in the same sentence. 

3. Longer recovery time
After a vaginal birth you obviously also need recovery time but with a c-section there is usually a longer hospital stay and recovery process. I can't speak for the recovery process of a vaginal birth (although I am well aware it would be difficult)  but from my experience of a c-section the recovery process takes a long time and is very painful! Before you even leave the hospital there are things you need to work on including getting feeling back in your legs, standing, walking, getting your catheter out therefore making sure you can go to the bathroom naturally, showering and more, all this before you even take your baby home. On top of this you aren't aloud to walk far, drive at all, have only showers no hot baths and 'don't do too much, relax' this being pretty much impossible when your looking after a new baby and for me this was mostly on my own as Reece had to go back to work and most family live far away. Respect for the single mums out there with no help, how you manage to look after yourself and your baby alone with no help I do not know. 

4. After care
Slightly linking to my last point but valid of being a reason of its own, after care. The after care for a c-section is intense, you have to make sure you take enough pain killers to get you through the day, clean the wound (when dressing is removed), make sure to move around or wear socks that help your circulation (to prevent blood clots) and the worst of it, the 10 injections you have to get following the c-section. I don't know if I am being a baby or if they are this sore for most women but the injection (I think its anti-D but I could be wrong) you have to get is a lot worse than a normal needle. I managed to leave hospital after 2 days so you would think that was the end of the needles but I was told that i either had to inject myself or get Reece to do it, I chose for Reece to do it and oh my goodness, the dread I felt every morning for those 10 days when Reece came to me with the injection was unreal. The  pain of the needle stings all the way through your leg and I would have to sit and wince  in pain for at least 5 mins. 5 mins of a day for 10 days might not sound too bad but when your already dealing with the pain of the c-section, baby blues and looking after a new baby all these things can get on top of you quite easily, those 5 mins of pain which you dread every day just making it worse (obviously I know your better off getting the injection I am just saying it is not pleasant). 

5. Tasks increasingly difficult
Again I did already touch on this but to elaborate, tasks after a major surgery are obviously increasingly difficult or even impossible for at least the first 6 weeks. As I said you can't walk far, drive at all or take hot baths (which I wanted to do as it relax's me so much) and with basic movements such as sitting, standing, turning being extremely painful- even with pain relief- just looking after your new baby can be very difficult not to mention any other tasks you can to do like clean or maybe cook something for yourself. Even the 5 minutes of the day I would have a shower hurt so bad. 

6. Judgement 
Oh the judgement. The judgement you can receive from other people when you tell them you have had a c-section is so dis-heartening and can make you feel like you failed. I was desperate for a natural birth and after having a c-section some people made me feel as though I had failed my body and my child, I had not done what my body was supposed to do. When in actual fact if I had gone down the natural route (because of the situation with Ella-Grace's chord) I don't think I would have her here today. So no, I did not fail- I did exactly what a mother should, did what is best for her baby. My child was saved by a c-section and there is no way I would change my decision. The unnecessary judgement from getting a c-section definitely makes things harder than they need to be.  

7. Emergency
Most c-sections are emergency- as mine was. An emergency c-section isn't an easier option, it is something that can potentially be life saving. I would never choose to be in an emergency situation as it is a highly dangerous and scary event, again showing that a c-section is hard not easy. 

8. VB-AC 
Other than an emergency there are planned sections for many reasons which is not making it an easy option because it is planned, it is something that needs to be done for either the welfare of the mother, the child or both. One reason people might choose a c-section is if they have had one before as it is more difficult to have a VB-AC ( vaginal delivery after cesarean) than a natural birth on its own as the muscles have been ruptured in that area. So if that is what is best for mother and child or even if the mother just feels safer and more comfortable having a planned section that is important- the happier and calmer the mum is the more likely things will turn out okay. Each birth is personal to each mother and no matter what they choose it should not be judged. 

9. Increase chance of PND
When having a c-section there is also an increased chance of having PND (postnatal depression). This being because a lot of mothers can struggle to bond with their child as they maybe didn't get the labor/birth they wanted, they feel they have failed or the judgement that follows. I luckily bonded with Ella-Grace as soon as I seen her but even now there is a part of me that feels like I didn't 'give birth' to her as I never actually pushed her out and I don't know that feeling of giving birth naturally and having my baby put straight on my chest (as you see on one born every minute constantly). I am so happy I had a c-section as I have said, it saved her life and our bond is so strong I wouldn't change anything that happened for the world and I am proud of my labor and delivery. But there are many mothers in the world that really struggle with the fact they had to have a c-section and that is why the chance of PND is increased again making it clear that a c-section is not the easier option. 

Thank you for reading....
That's the end of this blog post I hope you enjoyed reading and if you can think of any other reasons or want to tell me about your c-section experience comment below. Or if you had a vaginal delivery comment about that too, I would love to know the difficulties that comes with that a c-section mother does not experience. No matter what kind of labor and delivery you went through, we should all support each other no matter what. Not to forget the dads out there who are also effected by this and any other ways family's can be started (surrogacy, adoption, IVF). Be kind to each other and I will see you soon readers, I hope this has made you rethink somethings.


Stay Happy Everyone :)!

(I do not own the images below) 




Sunday 9 July 2017

Fed is best.



Another highly requested blog post....
Hello there my readers! I hope you are all doing well! If this is your first time reading one of my blog posts, welcome! Today I am again writing another post that has been requested- my views on bottle vs breast and how you first establish feeding. I did touch on this in my breastfeeding blog post but I have been asked to go more in depth, so that's what I am doing. I hope you enjoy!

Figuring out feeding...
Before I even get into the whole "debate" I was asked by a reader how do you know what to do? When to feed the baby etc? This being something you only really find out when you have a baby - no matter how many parenting for idiot books you read. Being a mum who has now experienced both breast and bottle feeding I can put across how I figured it out as timing, routine etc is different with the two different types of feeding.

Breastfeeding- 
Breastfeeding is 100% on demand. You can try your hardest to time feedings but ultimately the baby is in charge. As far as I am aware from speaking to my midwife and health visitor (but don't quote me I am not a medical professional) you cannot over feed on breast milk and babies can feed every hour or more. Ella-Grace cluster fed, meaning she would be on and off, on and off my breast whenever she was awake. Partly for comfort and obviously because she was hungry. So to answer the question when it comes to breastfeeding you don't really know how much they are getting as you would when measuring a bottle and over-feeding is not possible so the timing and 'knowing what to do' isn't really a thing, you do as the baby demands. This being my knowledge from my experience. If you are worried about whether your baby is getting enough milk though (as I was when I came home from hospital) you can track feeds as well as dirty nappies that way you will get an idea of if your baby is getting enough. The way I did this was through an app on my phone where you would log each dirty nappy and time each feed. If Ella-Grace was feeding for longer than 10 mins and less than 1 hour then pulling away and having dirty nappies following this, I was assured that she was doing well. All babies are different though so as I said you really just have to listen to your baby and don't be scared to ask for help if you need to. The amount of questions I have asked the health visitor I'm surprised her head didn't explode haha.

Bottle feeding- 
Bottle feeding is a lot more scheduled, with set amounts and timings. On the formula tin it has guidelines as to how much your baby should eat and how often depending on their age. Ella-Grace (almost 4 months old) now has 180 mls, every 3-4 hours. I personally do not wake her up from her sleep for a feed every 4 hours, I know some people think you should but Ella-Grace has a good sleeping pattern now. She sleeps through the whole night and I don't want to mess that up and confuse her sleeping pattern by waking her up for a feed. Through the day though, yes she gets fed every 4 hours. You can overfeed on formula and formula fed babies are likely to get worse reflux and trapped wind (from what I can remember the health visitor telling me) so you do have to be careful with timings and not to overfeed your baby when on formula, hence why I feed her no less than 3 hours apart. I also burp her half way through her bottle now as she can struggle burping otherwise.

Again I am not a medical professional and I am NOT trying to tell you how to feed/look after your baby, I was asked to write about how a new mum figures out feeding hence why I am writing this. This is my experience and opinion.

Fed is best...
Referring to the title of this post 'Fed is best'. I decided to title it this instead of 'Breast is best' or Breast vs Bottle' because my belief is that feeding your baby, whether that is breast, bottle or both, that is really what is best and judging anyone based on how they are feeding their baby is no good for anyone, including the baby. So whatever way you feed your baby, well done your doing a great job.

Short recap on my feeding experience...
My last full post on feeding I was exclusively breast feeding Ella-Grace with the occasional bottle night from her Dad. Wow, how things can change. In Ella-Graces 3 month update I mentioned that I am now bottle feeding, no breast. Just before Ella-Grace was 2 months old she was having really bad reflux, which progressed to her not keeping down my breastmilk.. at all! She would feed, spew, feed, spew.. a never ending cycle. We then found out she was lactose intolerant and decided to try her on lacto-free formula which worked wonders, still a bit of reflux but she was keeping her food down. I adored breast feeding Ella-Grace and once I had cut all the dairy out of my diet I tried to wean her back onto the breast but even with all the pumping I did, my milk supply had drastically reduced and Ella-Grace was confused/upset with the lack of milk and switching between two different feeding methods. This is when Reece and I decided, bottle feeding was the way to go. Disappointing for me aas I was very keen to breastfeed Ella-Grace for as long as I could but now we have been bottle feeding Ella-Grace for almost 2 months now I do not regret our decision. It helped Ella-Grace and Reece bond more and to be honest Ella-Grace and myself are 10x calmer and happier, our routine is going well and I think this has been the best decision for our family.

Unnecessary Judgement...
I have touched on this subject in another blog post before so sorry if I am repeating myself but again this was what was requested of me and I am more than happy to oblige.
So to put it plain and simple my opinion on this debate over bottle or breast is-not to be rude but- mind your own business. So sorry if that sounds abrupt but I just think fair enough you have your own opinion on how you think children should be fed but unless someone asks for your opinion, keep that for your children. Don't push it on someone else or make someone else feel bad if their feeding arrangement for their child is different to yours. I have first hand experience in being judged for stopping breastfeeding and I cant explain how much that hurt, I adored breastfeeding and if I could of I would of continued for a very long time but it just wasn't meant to be. I would prefer my baby to be happy and gaining weight on bottle rather than spewing up my breast milk and screaming non stop just because 'breast is best. Don't get me wrong as I have said before my opinion is yes, of course breast milk is best. Your body makes that milk specifically for your baby but that in no way means bottle feeding mums should be judged or called bad mums for choosing that route of feeding. We should all be supporting each other because do you know what really matters? Not how a baby is being fed and whether you view that good or bad but that the baby is just being looked after thats what matters, that we are all trying our best as parents and whether that baby is breast or bottle fed, that baby is loved and with all the awful things that happen in the world and all the rotten things people can do judging fellow mums based on feeding when we are all just trying our best is not only ignorant but so very unkind. Stop this unnecessary judgement, start supporting each other.

So....
So the next time you see a mum bottle feeding their new born instead of judging the fact they are not breastfeeding, go over and say hi- you might make a friend. Next time you see a mum breastfeeding in public and you see people making comments, don't join the snarky remarks-stand up for your fellow mother. Cause we are all just doing the best we can and as someone said to me once, if your worrying whether your doing the right thing, whether you are a good mum or not.. you already are one. Cause at the end of the day no matter how each baby is fed, I can almost guarantee that they will all be so loved and cared for and that right there is what matters.
So stop this silly debate, it shouldn't be a debate. Forget about 'breast vs bottle' and just support each other and spread love, you never know what that mum and baby have been through. Everyone has a different story, we just have to care enough to not judge the cover.

Till next time...
I hope that makes sense, I know I kind of rambled on near the end there. Thanks again for reading and all the support I have received, Why not leave a comment and let me know your feelings on this topic? How do you feed your baby? Till next time.

Stay Happy Everyone :) !





Saturday 1 July 2017

Recovery is possible: Overcoming anxiety, panic attacks and other mental health issues.


Take a Deep Breath and here I go...

I can't believe I am writing this. For my whole life I have kept this very private, secret even (apart from the minor details) but it is in no way something I or others who experience this should be ashamed of so for that reason I am sharing my story and encourage others to do the same. Let us help each other and fight the stigma of mental illness.
As you can tell by the title of this blog post, today I will be writing about my anxiety and panic disorder as well as other issues that I have experienced through this. Some things I am going to write not even close family know, but I feel now I am of sound mind and my mental health is the best it has ever been it is time to tell my story to hopefully help others and as I have already mentioned, end this silly stigma surrounding mental illness. So here it is, a genuine and candid story of suffering and then recovering from mental illness.

Warning: This post goes into intense detail of my struggles with anxiety, panic attacks and more. If you feel this might upset you this post might not be for you, if this is the case please skip this post and check out one of my other ones that might interest you more. 


Public knowledge... 
I have Anxiety and Panic Disorder. This is public knowledge, I was diagnosed 2 years ago (although I have been suffering from it my entire life) and since then have not kept it a secret that I suffer from this and anyone who knows me personally has probably seen me in my bad times or at least had a discussion with me about this. For those who don't know much about Anxiety and Panic Disorder, the best way I can explain it to you from my experience is that I have CONSTANT anxiety and worry about everything, some being rational (this is the normal kind of anxiety) but a lot being irrational (this causing anxiety disorder). Because of this anxiety I have it causes me to have panic attacks, panic attacks for me start of with me being anxious about one thing then it builds up until I have a feeling of impending doom (like something terrible is going to happen) and that there is the peak of the panic attack where I start to either cry, pace, hyperventilate or sometimes I just get so overwhelmed I cant function, I just have to sit down and I can just about breath but that is it. Panic attacks can last for hours, luckily now I know signs and triggers so can easily diffuse one (usually) but a year or so ago it would be so bad I would end up in hospital or I would go to drastic measures to make it stop which brings me to my next point, the secrets.

My secrets are out...
So as I said anxiety and panic attacks are no secret of mine but the way I have dealt with them in the past or just how low I have got through my disorder I have kept secret from pretty much everyone, even family. Reece is the only person who knows everything until now so here it goes.  Since I was about 16 till about the end of 2015 I self-harmed. Just typing that is scary but as I've said these things should not have to be hidden and I refuse to hide it anymore. I don't really know where to start with this I have never told my whole story before to anyone but I'm going to try my best.
I started off light, I would break the blade out of my razor and just do little scratches, just one at first. I cant explain the reason except when you are having such bad anxiety and especially if it turns into a panic attack you will try anything to get it to stop and the best way to do this is distraction. Now I always tried to distract myself in other ways (watching TV, reading etc. ) but sometimes my anxiety, like a little mean voice in my head would take over and the only way I felt like I could shut that voice up and in a way punish myself for being a bad person (this was what my anxiety always convinced me of) was to inflict pain upon myself. And for that split second of pain, that voice would be gone as your mind is too busy focusing on the pain. But that's exactly the problem, it distracts you for a second and when that second is over that's it back to anxiety and panic and now you have the added stress of that little voice going "why did you do that?" "how are you going to hide it?" "Your such an idiot!" "Everyone is going to hate you". In this deep anxiety you can't think straight so your irrational thoughts convince you to cut again, cut deeper, then one cut turns into an arm full until your sitting there in pain, regretting it and by then you have bled and cried so much you just go to sleep. Now this progression from lightly making one scratch to cutting a lot happened gradually to start with but once I moved out and started going on nights out where alcohol was involved (which is a depressant in itself) is when it got really bad. Thankfully Reece stuck by me otherwise I don't know where I would be today.

The darkest time...
Just a warning again before you keep reading. If you cringed at the paragraph before this one or it is making you feel sad STOP READING!! I have written this so people can relate and hopefully myself and others wont feel so alone in this, I do not want hate or to cause anyone any sadness all I want is to tell my story and show others that there is light at the end of the tunnel so if you are here because you want to know there is light then please keep reading. This paragraph as I have said explains the darkest time in my life but it IS followed by recovery!
By 18 years old I had been self-harming on and off for about 2 years and I was now moved in with Reece. We had so many good times in the first flat we had, lots of laughs and fun, I loved living with Reece then and I still do now. But in between all these fun times I always had bad times usually when I was alone in the flat, multiple times Reece would come home to me crying, having a panic attack with cuts on my arms. He has always dealt with it so well so many times I expected him to leave or not be able to deal with it but he always stayed, not only that he looked after me and was always calm.
This again went on for a while, I would have a good, happy few weeks then plummet back down to depression. Then we moved flat to the one we are still in now and in November 2015 I had been signed off work due to being in and out of hospital for my anxiety and panic disorder (this being when I had finally been diagnosed). This was a very low time for me not mentioning the money trouble me and Reece got in due to me not working, I was now getting help for my anxiety and panic attacks in the form of medication and I was on a waiting list for counselling (3 month waiting list....) with all intentions of wanting to get better but then another wave of anxiety and panic happened one night, this worse than I had ever experienced. Reece was meant to be going out that night and I remember lying in bed thinking 'I cant do this' and 'No one cares about me' and then I swallowed a handful of my medication. The medication I was on being one that slows down your heartrate to stop panic attacks was highly dangerous if you took to many so I lay down expecting not to be here the next morning, then I don't remember much. I remember Reece talking to an someone on the phone (he had phoned an ambulance) and I remember the paramedics coming in and helping me down the stairs. I was taken to A&E where they did a number of tests and luckily I had taken enough to lower my blood pressure/heartrate significantly but with close monitoring of my heart over night and a talk with the psychiatrist the next day I was aloud to go home and advised to rest it off and try contacting the counselling again. After this scary incident I am sad to say I did the exact same thing a month later this time my body (thankfully) rejected the tablets and I spewed most of them back up, again meaning with close monitoring over night, a talk with the phychiatrist and my arms being bandaged up (as I had also severely self-harmed) I was again sent home. That being the lowest point of my anxiety but good news it went up from there.

Recovery and how I got there...
Now I know there is probably a lot of readers thinking 'she just did that for attention' and trust me I have heard it all before but do you know what.. YES! Yes I did it for attention but not the kind of attention you are thinking. I didn't want people to feel bad for me or give me sympathy, I wanted HELP! Yes at the time of taking the tablets I felt like I didn't want to be here anymore but part of me deep down wanted someone to save me, someone to help me. I felt like I needed to try to commit suicide so I would be taken to hospital so someone could help me, save me, someone could take away this horrible monster which is anxiety surely that's what happens if you are that depressed you want to die right? Unfortunately with me experience in the hospital/doctors I barely got a simple 'don't worry its going to be okay'.
'Here take some leaflets' 'Take more pills' 'Don't worry your on the waiting list for counselling...oh wait sorry you will have to apply again' this being the kind of things every single medical professional I spoke to said/ did for me. I was literally sitting there begging for them to help me and I would be sent home with a leaflet, more pills (that I had just overdosed on) and a promise that 'a counselor will contact you'. Now I am not bashing the NHS, the NHS is amazing and there are so many talented medical professionals helping/saving people every day but when it comes to Mental Health in my experience it is lacking, I felt worse after seeking help than I did before mainly because I still wasn't getting help after asking for it. At one point I was actually given a number for an organisation that I was told was going to 'help me a lot' if I gave it a call so I plucked up the courage to pick up the phone and to my disappointment the women on the phone told me that they were unable to help me unless I needed a home carer or residential care.. the irony being that I was now working as a carer so the fact that I was being asked if I needed a home carer was almost laughable. I felt so misunderstood and helpless. This is when I decided to change things on my own. I cut out caffiene, lowered my alcohol intake, started seeing friends/family more, reading more, really focusing on my triggers and learning to control them. On top of all this one of the biggest things I did was stop taking my medication- now this was discussed with a doctor and the decision was made to stop taking it as it made me feel worse and gave me the overdose temptation when I felt down, I am NOT recommending stopping your medication without professional help- this really helped me. So slowly but surely I was spending more time with Reece, family and friends, I stopped self-harming, I learned to deal with my anxiety, I recovered, I was happy. Then just as I was feeling my happiest, I found out I was pregnant with Ella-Grace (funny how life works) and since then right through my pregnancy and since having my beautiful baby girl I have been the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I LOVE MY LIFE! Yes, I have anxious times and yes I have had panic attacks especially when experiencing baby blues (which I have wrote about in my baby blues blog post) but oh my goodness I have never felt better. And being a mum although stressful, it has given me purpose, it has made me so so happy. My baby girl means everything to me and that I would of never had if I succumed to my demons. I am so thankful that I made it through to the otherside, HAPPY!

The people that saved me... 
Although I say I recovered myself really it was the support from so many people that got me through.

My friends:
 I have so many wonderful friends that helped me through my hard times but the two I would like to thank especially is two of my best friends Holly and Ellie, I seen them pretty much every week through my tough times and recovery and the support from them was amazing they reminded me every time I seen them that I was important and they loved me so much, so many nights out through my bad times I remember sitting for hours talking to them about my struggles and they would listen. With most of my friends living out of Aberdeen, having friends I could see often was what I needed. Charleigh and Keely, my two best friends who live out of Aberdeen were also a massive support even though most of the time it was over text, those text conversations were so vital in my recovery.

 


My family: 
My family still do not know to the extent my struggles unless they are reading this now which sounds crazy I know that they are finding out in writing but I have always been better getting things out when I write them than speaking and if that's what is best for me I hope they understand. Anyways even though they did not know a lot about my struggles they were still there, every visit to see my parents distracted me from my struggles and reminded me how much I would hurt these people if I wasn't here, how loved I am by my family is what always kept me strong.

Reece, Reece and Reece again:
WOW. There is nothing else I can say that would be able to explain how much he helped me except he is my hero. He saved me, he is the reason I am here. I can't count the amount of times he let me shout at him for no reason because I was having a panic attack that I couldn't control, he picked me up off the floor after crying so much I passed out, he cleaned and bandaged my cut arms, slept in hospital waiting rooms because he didn't want to leave me or stayed up all night even if he had work the next day because I couldn't sleep because of stress. People say love is dead, this is love. Putting up with every breakdown and never even coming close to breaking his calm vibe, never coming close to leaving. He always stayed. He always cuddled me even when I told him to get off-which I never meant. Everytime I said I don't want to be in this world anymore he would pull me out of that dark place with tears in his eyes telling me how important I am and how loved I was. This is movie love, I owe him my life. Reece if I don't tell you enough I adore you, I love you.
(by my hospital bed all day)



A message to readers....

So that's my story and with a tear in my eye I end it here. Before I finish though I would like to say to anyone struggling with demons as I did, YOU ARE IMPORTANT! I know that can go in one ear and out the other but please please listen to me you are loved, you are important and i know you feel horrible now but I hope my story shows you that it can better! I went from the darkest place, wanting to leave this world to becoming a mother and soon to be wife with a wonderful future ahead of me, I would never of experienced that if I wasn't here, I wouldn't of had my daughter, I wouldn't be getting married, I wouldn't have a future and I am SO thankful I do. The future is bright I promise. I hope this story encourages you to reach out to a doctor, a family member, a friend or even a pet if that's the only way you can get your feelings out. Even if you write it out like this first. Please, please get help even message me, my Facebook page is tagged on my blog page I will find the time to talk to you. Just don't give up. I will be doing a tips on dealing with anxiety and panic attacks soon maybe that will help. I know this final message is a bit all over the place but I just really don't want anyone to think they are alone they are not. So yeah I guess I should end this here and as I publish this post I am ready for the judgement, the confusion from family and maybe even some hate. But if there is one soul in that sea of judgement I helped with this post it will have been all worth it. Getting this all out has took a weight off my shoulders also which feels amazing. Leave some feedback in the comments, if your comfortable maybe even tell me about your recovery? Always happy to hear from my readers, till next time.

Stay Happy Everyone :)!

 



Our Breastfeeding Journey

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