Our Breastfeeding Journey

A post many of you have been waiting for and one I have been very excited to write. I am now 7 months into exclusively breastfeeding and LOVING it (although it has come with its challenges of course). 
So, with my silver boobs badge on and new knowledge/experience of breastfeeding I hope to help other Mamas hoping to breastfeed. 

My thoughts on breast vs bottle...

Reece bottle feeding Ella-Grace

So, I guess we should start with the age old- somewhat controversial- debate. Firstly, I think there should be no 'VS', this is not a fight, we are all mothers trying to do the best for their baby and everyone's circumstances are different so no matter your opinion you should always support your fellow Mother. 

I have experienced both bottle feeding and breastfeeding and so I do believe I had a holistic view. 

Me breastfeeding Sunday

My opinion, and speaking truthfully is that breast milk is of course better. It is the healthiest option, the milk is made for your baby and speaking from an environmentalist stand point it is far more environmentally friendly than formula. There is no competition for the amazing antibodies in breast milk along with so many benefits for mother and baby. BUT this does not mean that bottle feeding is bad NOT AT ALL! There are women who physically cannot breastfeed or their circumstances mean they are unable to. Some women find it overwhelming, painful, mentally draining or simply do not want to. It is a Mothers choice and that should not be judged. Breastfeeding may be natural but that certainly does not mean it is easy and although I definitely think breastfeeding should be encouraged and more information should be readily available to pregnant women and new mothers I also support bottle feeding as in many situations it can save the lives of many babies and the mental health of a Mother. It is a choice only the Mother can make and she should be supported whatever she chooses. 

I would like to say also that many women mix feed or exclusively pump breast milk, which again should be supported. 

My past breastfeeding experience...

Breastfeeding Ella-Grace

My past breastfeeding experience was not positive and really I breastfed Ella-Grace for such a short amount of time I don't even know if I would call it an experience. I have spoken about it before on my blog but I will recap for anyone who does not know. 

From 2 days old Ella-Grace was mixed fed (formula and breast-milk). Before having Ella-Grace I was determined to breastfeed but once she was here despite latching perfectly, misinformation and lack of knowledge were my down fall. Cluster-feeding almost immediately I thought I did not have enough milk (so so wrong) and through my hysteric crying the nurse told me that 'all babies get a cup feed of formula in the first few days' (again wrong but I think she was just trying to help) so that is what we did. On the way home from the hospital convinced I had to mix feed and that I did not have enough breast milk I got my parents to pick up some formula for her. From then on she was mixed fed (having breast milk all day and one bottle at night) I was keen to take her off the formula and just have breastmilk but then Ella-Grace started being very sick when she fed and losing weight. I quickly realised that this was because of the dairy in my diet and that it did not agree with her. We managed to switch to a prescribed dairy free formula that she managed to keep down easily and although I tried to keep up the breastfeeding now no longer having dairy in my diet, that was not enough as the dairy can stay in your breast milk for up to 6 weeks. She would projectile vomit my breast milk but keep down her prescribed formula so to avoid her losing more and more weight we switched. From 8 weeks old Ella-Grace was bottle fed. I feel guilt about this now and wished I could have breastfed her for longer. 

My breastfeeding aims...

Pregnant again and now thinking about how I want to feed my second child. Breastfeeding was what I wanted, as the healthiest option and a healing experience as the first time round it did not go to plan. I wanted the breastfeeding experience I never got with Ella-Grace especially as I knew this would be my last chance as we did not want anymore than two children. I was determined to exclusively breastfeed this time and so I informed myself and set goals. First I wanted to get past 8 weeks (once I had completed that I would be further than I ever got with Ella-Grace), then 3 months, 6 months and finally a year. 1 year was the goal any after that is a huge bonus! Goals were set and now to see if I could meet those goals we just had to wait for our little baby to make her appearance. 

Ready, steady, breastfeed...

She is here!!! Latched on instantly! I was euphoric! A good latch (I had learned through my research on breastfeeding) was key to a good breastfeeding journey and Sunday went from womb to latched on so fast. Step one complete! Things got complicated at this point as I had to go to surgery but after a discussion with the midwives and doctors they were happy for me to take her with me to continue bonding and breastfeeding. This was key to getting us off to a good start to our breastfeeding journey so I fought for it. She was latched onto me the whole time in surgery (an insight into the future right there haha). 

The early days...

Now in recovery it was time to really focus on breastfeeding (I just wanted to clarify here that there was a lot going on with mine and Sunday's complications, recovery etc but for the sake of this post I am just focusing on what happened with breastfeeding). 

Hindsight is a wonderful thing especially when it is accompanied with increased knowledge. This was now my second time attempting to start exclusively breastfeeding and my attitude second time round was so different (even if I was still full of emotion and sleep deprived). First time round I was not informed and I think naively expected breastfeeding to just work out, I mean its the most natural thing right? I quickly learnt that natural did not necessarily mean easy. My lack of knowledge and the misinformation I had received made for a bad start first time round. 
Second time round however I was much more informed and much more confident. I did track how often Sunday fed, how many dirty nappies she was having etc (they give you a little feeding diary in the hospital) but really I just trusted my body and whenever Sunday wanted to nurse, I nursed her. That was my mindset from the get go. Sunday was born on Friday afternoon and clusterfed pretty much straight away, by Saturday evening my colostrum had turned to full milk (everyone's body is different so do not stress if this did not or does not happen for you, the early days babies need very very little).   

Going well...

The first few weeks of Sunday's life were stressful to say the least. In and out of hospital, I was sick and also suffering very mentally, Sunday had an infection, a lot was happening. Breastfeeding however was still going strong and I really think this is what got us both through the tough recovery. Breastfeeding obviously is amazing for both mother and baby's health but also for bonding. My mind was all over the place and so I felt guilty that I was not just enjoying my new baby and being in the new born bubble but thanks to breastfeeding the bond was strong and the smooth start to the journey was a light in a dark situation. 

Slowly we were recovering and breastfeeding continued to go well. I did experience a clogged duct and some nipple pain in the beginning which is not nice but we got past it. The early days/weeks while your body and your baby adjust to breastfeeding can be the most difficult but it certainly does get easier. 

Pumping and expressing...

Quite early on I started to pump/express breast milk. I was not planning on leaving Sunday any time soon I just knew I wanted a stash of breast milk in case I ever did need to leave her and also to give Reece a chance to feed her (which was great if I was in the bath and she needed fed- Reece could grab the bottle of breast milk and feed her). 

As time went on I pumped less (I just don't have the time) and now I just do it if I know I am going to be away from her which is very rare. I also thought pumping would help me keep my supply up but it is not a necessary thing to do for your supply as your baby is the one who will regulate that. 

Reduced milk supply scare...

When Sunday was around 4 months old I got a really bad tummy bug. Thanks to the amazing antibodies in breastmilk, Sunday did not get sick. I however was very sick and could not even keep water down- I noticed by supply slightly decrease and that was so stressful. Luckily I did have some stored breastmilk at this point so Reece managed to give her one bottle of pumped breastmilk but mainly I had her on me as that is the only way to keep your supply up- feed, feed, feed! Once I was better and eating and drinking again my supply went back up. 

Back on track...

Now back on track with my supply back to normal, breastfeeding was once again going well. Around when Sunday was 4 months old I felt my supply had regulated. I was no longer scared I didn't have 'enough milk' nor feeling painfully engorged if Sunday slept for a long time. It has seemed my body now knew how much milk I needed to produce for baby Sunday. Since then there is not much to tell, breastfeeding has become second nature. Some days Sunday is on me non stop and I can have times where I feel overly touched-just being honest- but I know it won't last forever, I will be so sad when she stops breastfeeding and for every 1 time I feel like its too much I love it 1000 times more. I love breastfeeding my baby Sunday, 7 months exclusively breastfeeding now and no stopping in sight. 

My worries and how I dealt with them...

Although I had done a lot of research and listened to other peoples positive experiences with breastfeeding before Sunday was born, I still had my worries. 

1. Is Sunday getting enough milk? 

I think most if not all Mothers have this worry when they start to breastfeed. I think it is because with bottle feeding you can literally see how much they are getting. I felt like this was a constant worry but what always made me feel better was asking myself these questions.. Is she very unsettled? No. Is she getting wet and dirty nappies? Yes. This on top of reminding myself to trust my body and trust my baby, this worry was soon gone. 

2. Leaving her and how it would affect my milk supply

I was petrified of leaving Sunday because I thought that leaving her too soon even just for a few hours would greatly affect milk supply and we would end up formula feeding which is not what I wanted. I planned to not leave her at all until she was at least 6 months old but around when she was 3 months old my sister was turning 30. I had helped plan a night out for her and wasn't going to go but after reassurance from my health visitor I pumped a good amount of breast milk and was went for about 4 hours. It was in the evening and Sunday had been sleeping for about 7 hours straight at this point. Not having a feed for those 7 hours meaning 4 hours away during a time where she would not usually have a feed was fine. Of course breastfeeding is on demand so I left milk for her in a bottle (she had, had a few bottles of breastmilk before just to see if she would take one) and off I went. I had a great time even though I was worried a lot but she slept the whole time. I have now been away from her a hand full of times now and everything has been fine with supply, latch etc. Now that does not mean it would be like that for everyone, this is just my experience. Also keeping in mind the max time I have been away from her is 4 hours and in that time she has either been sleeping, I feed her before I leave and when I get back or if she has a feed while I am out I will make sure to pump when I get home. Leaving a breastfed baby over night, for days or long periods of time I do not have experience in. But a for leaving Sunday for a couple hours I am no longer worried about that. 

(Update on this- Sunday has refused to take a bottle the past two times I have left her- one time was for 2 hours and the other was for 4 hours- she is now eating food so she had food while I was gone and weirdly she was happy to drink my breast milk out of a sippy cup. So yeah as you can see you just have to adapt with your baby. No one experience is the same.) 

3. Clogged milk duct 

I was so scared of getting a clogged milk duct or even worse having mastitis (an infection you can get from a clogged milk duct). Around 2 or 3 months into breastfeeding Sunday I woke up with a very sore right breast. It felt like someone had punched me in the chest and I had a really bad bruise. It looked very red and sore. I phoned my health visitor and she told me to keep feeding Sunday on that side and to massage the area that is sore and that would hopefully fix it. It worked!! I also put a heat pack on it to take away some of the pain while it was sore. That has happened again recently (Sunday is now 7 months old) and I did the same thing and it fixed it again. If you are worried however do not hesitate going to the doctor for advice, I am not medically trained so please speak to a professional. 

Advice for others...

1. Trust your body 

This was the biggest change from the first time I tried breastfeeding to the second and also this was what helped me the most. Trusting my body. First time round I did not believe in my body at all and was convinced I had to teach my body how to breastfeed basically and I had no confidence in myself. This time round determined to breastfeed for at least 12 months I told myself to trust my body and that it knows what to do. Yes I had worries but when it came down to it as long as I was trusting by body I knew that everything would be okay. This meant when baby wanted fed, feed her, the more feeding the more milk supply was built, this was the simple truth and what I kept in mind. This trusting my body also went hand in hand with my next point..trust your baby. 

2. Trust your baby

Women have been breastfeeding since time began; it is the most natural thing in the world. This is why the most important thing when going into breastfeeding is to, like I said, trust your body but also trust your baby. Before the internet, formula etc all there was, was Mum and baby. A baby would be born and without any knowledge Mothers would latch their baby onto their chest and that was that, the trust for baby and body was a necessity. Now although the internet is an amazing invention and like I said, formula has it's place for those who struggle to or do not want to breastfeed, it has also made us doubt ourselves. Many women thinking their body doesn't know how to breastfeed, won't make 'enough milk', their baby won't latch and more before they have even had their baby in their arms; there is no confidence. I cannot stress enough that once that baby is put on your chest and latches on, that is what you need to focus on. Just the two of you. Of course ask for help if you need it and do not stress if baby does not latch instantly but just remember at the end of the day all that is really needed for breastfeeding to work out is to trust the process, trust what as women our bodies are naturally inclined to do and trust that your baby knows this too. Mum and baby, live in that bubble. This helped me so much!!

3. Be informed

Going along with the trusting your body and your baby is this, being informed. This is where the internet can come in handy. When I was pregnant with my first I did no research into breastfeeding and naively believed that because it is natural that it is easy which was so wrong. For some women it may come easy but for other it may be difficult and need to be worked on. Even if it does come easy however being informed about breastfeeding is still a must as there is so much misinformation that can throw you off track or make you worried about breastfeeding when there is no need to be. First time round I listened to a lot of misinformation which really did not get me off to a great start. So read into breastfeeding, follow some breastfeeding mamas on social media, attend a breastfeeding group, talk to a lactation consultant. Please be informed and DO NOT listen to anyone that is telling you that you "won't be able to breastfeed" or any silly myths a long those lines. For example when I was breastfeeding Ella-Grace at 2 days old I was concerned her cluster-feeding was a sign of her not getting enough milk from me and someone very wrongly told me I "had to give her formula because I had no milk", I naively listened but this was of course not true and if I had done my research or spoke to experienced breastfeeding Mothers I would have known that cluster-feeding is NORMAL, babies need only the colostrum in the first few days that you DO have and that it can take days at least for full breast milk to come through. More knowledgeable and informed second time round I was so much more confident and sure of myself and my body. I will leave some links below that I felt helped me prepare for breastfeeding. 

[Helpful breastfeeding links: Breastfeeding NHS 
https://www.laleche.org.uk/get-support/
https://www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/
NCT Early Days Breastfeeding ]

4. Keep a log

In the hospital likely you will be given a book in which you can log how often baby feeds and how many wet and dirty nappies baby has. This really helped settle any nerves I had. Seeing this information written down made me feel a lot better, I would not stress about how she was doing because I had logged her progress and did not have to try and keep all the information stored in my sleep deprived head. I could relax which again does help with breastfeeding. If anyone is willing to help you whether that be family member or friend, get them to log it for you. It is not for everyone and I did only keep up with it for about a week or two but it really does give you that extra boost in the beginning to see it down on paper especially if you are a control freak like me. 

5. Ask for help (from the right people) 

Lastly, armed with all of the above if you still have worries please do ask for help- from the right people. By the right people I mean please consult a medical professional (doctor, midwife, lactation consultant) or if you do feel more comfortable with a friend make sure it is someone who knows about breastfeeding and supports that breastfeeding is what you want. Because hearing "you have done 3 weeks of breastfeeding that's good enough you can feel good about formula feeding now" from an in experienced or unsupportive person is not the advice you want if you want to continue breastfeeding. Of course if you did choose to change to formula feeding that is your choice but there is nothing worse than wanting to be supported in your decision and although most people will mean well hearing "just switch to formula" is not advice. Get the right advice from the right people, you and your baby deserve to be supported. 

Proud of myself...

Nearing the end of this post now I would like to say how proud I am of my baby girl, Sunday. She had a bit of a rough start in the world but she is a trouper and a big reason why breastfeeding has gone well is basically because she has latched on and never let go since haha she has taught me how to breastfeed in a way. It is team work however and with that I am so so so proud of myself. I was determined to breastfeed this time round and here I am almost 8 months of exclusively breastfeeding beautiful baby Sunday girl. I believed in myself, my baby and I was informed. I ignored negative comments and unhelpful advice. I embraced the breastfeeding mama I was meant to be and although not always easy is has been one of the best experiences of my life, long may it continue. 12 month breastfeeding goal here I come!!!

Thanks for reading...

And that's it... my breastfeeding blog post is finally complete. I hope it was worth the wait and the read for all you wonderful people. I am so happy to have my experience written out for you all. Please remember I am not a medical professional so any problems or queries please consult qualified people. Again all of this was my own experience and I support all my fellow Mothers (and fathers) in their parenting/feeding experience. The world is a much happier place when we all support each other, no good comes from judgement. 

Please remember to follow me on all my social media to see more of my daily life as a vegan, home ed, Mum of two girls. Drop me a message I love to speak to all my readers!

Lastly, to all my fellow Mamas who want to breastfeed or are just starting out YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!! 

Social media : FB - https://www.facebook.com/laurajaneblog20/

Instagram- @laurajanelifex

Stay Happy Everyone :) <3

Another Charity Headshave: What prompt me to do this again and more about my charity work

So glad to be back...

Hi everyone! I am so happy to be sharing another post with you all finally. It has been far too long and I appreciate everyone's patience. I have had a lot going on (all will be explained in blog posts to come) but now I am back and hoping to post at least once every two weeks, once a week if I can manage. I have so much I want to share with all my readers from mental health and vegan recipes to toddler life and mummy posts, all will come soon and I cannot wait to receive some feedback from all of you. Thank you again for the continued support despite my lack of posting and for all the post ideas I have been sent, they are all jotted down in my notebook I promise and hopefully I will get round to typing up every one of those ideas into a post. LauraJaneLife blog is back and I am so happy about it! So let's just jump straight into today's topic... my newly shaved head! 

Previous Charity work and why I think it is important to give back...

I have done some charity work in the past and want to do so much more in the future! Since a young age my aim in life has always been to help people and make the world a better place. Sounds cheesy I know, a cliche that you hear people say all the time but that is the honest truth. I found it difficult to choose in what way I wanted to help people/change the world, I have been through many job possibilities in my head; mental health nurse, midwife, prime minister, M.P., author, psychologist, working in the criminal justice system, army nurse, police officer.. the list goes on. All these jobs I still think would be amazing to do and who knows maybe in the future I will pursue one of them (fun fact- I did get into university for Mental Health nursing and also a course that would of helped me to become a certified counsellor but it did not feel right for me at the time so I did not accept, but who knows maybe I could go back to this in the future). I could never decide what exactly I wanted to do career wise, I did know I wanted to help others however and that has driven me throughout my life. This being the reason any job I have ever had has been caring based- a children's party host, a nursery support worker, a learning disabilities care worker, elderly carer- I just want to help out and make a difference. Being a Mother was also something I always wanted to do and I would say is one of the biggest ways to change the world and impact the future because you are literally raising the next generation. Through being pregnant I also then re-discovered my childhood passion of writing leading to the moderate success of my blog, being employed as a writer for two online parenting websites and the starts of a self-published book (still a LONG way to go with that one). In all these ways I have become more passionate about making the world a better place and impacting the world positively with my time here. I am so grateful to of touched so many people with my writing, making people feel not alone when it comes to things such as mental health or motherhood. Receiving messages saying that I have made people feel accepted with my open-minded attitude or that I have made them re-think their lifestyle habits through my animal rights and environmental posts. It may be a small impact but an impact none the less and I hope to continue this. So yes through my life so far I have tried my best to find ways to help others and other than career paths there is charity work, here are some of the things I have done previously. 

-Donated to Foodbank every month
-Bought food for the homeless

-Coffee mornings for macmillan cancer support 

-Headshave for macmillan cancer support 

-Volunteering for Childline

- Fundraising for Rosie's Cafe (Mental Health Charity) 

The first headshave...

The first time I shaved my head, as I said, was for Macmillan Cancer Support. It was around 3 years ago I did it and raised £300. Still to this day I get letters (telling me of what work they are doing/have done with the money I raised) and little rewards you could say from Macmillan (such as Christmas cards, tags for presents, postcards etc) which I think is really sweet. I originally wanted to shave my head because around this time my hair was SO damaged from the amount of dying I had put it through in a very short amount of time, but then I began to think that instead of just shaving it I could shave it for a cause which as I have explained is something I am very passionate about. So I went for it, here is a picture from that first head shave. (Side note: I did not donate my hair because of the damage and the length was too short). 

Second headshave and why...

People- including family and friends- thought I was crazy to do this again! Why would you shave your head after growing it all back? Well the answer is simple.. because I can. It is just hair at the end of the day and if I can help a very worthy cause just by shaving my head then why wouldn't I? For me there was no answer to this question and thus I shaved my head. There were of course other reasons apart from 'just because I can'. I was always planning on doing this again, I just wasn't sure when or what charity to do it for and then I heard that the wonderful Willows Animal Sanctuary were really struggling with donations and were not sure if they could continue to look after their animals through the winter months and this gave me that final push to set up the just giving page. As you readers will know since I had my daughter I became vegan and through this I have found a whole new love and respect for animals so this cause was close to my heart. I also think Willows is so one of a kind to be a sanctuary that saves animals not only from abuse and neglect but from slaughter! In Aberdeen/Aberdeenshire anyways I don't think there is any other place like this that does not profit from the animals or exploit them but simply care for them, save them and try to spread the message that choosing a plant-based lifestyle is best for your health, environment and of course, the animals. I honestly adore this place and could not sit by and let such a wonderful place close. I want to take my daughter and any other children we may have to visit here a lot in the future to teach them all the values Willows upholds so they can use them through their life. So as I have said anything I could do to help I was most definitely going to do that! Aside from this I have noticed, as a woman, a lot of your beauty is defined by hair? If I was a man shaving my head it would be no big deal but as a woman, your crazy?! I have been called brave for shaving my head 'as a woman', I have been called of course 'crazy!' and one man said to me recently "why would you do that to yourself, your a woman?" and when I replied saying it was for charity it was then "That's okay then because it was for charity". I am not saying people who think this way are bad of course not, our society conditions us to think in these gender stereotypes but I would like to be an individual that challenges these and opens the minds of others who may think a woman's beauty is based upon her hair or looks alone. Not going to lie, last time I shaved my head I hid it all the time under wigs to make myself more 'feminine', this was 3 years ago when I was a lot more self-conscious although looking back I did not need to be, no one does. Where as this time around- I don't know if its the fact I am a Mother now and do not have the time to put a wig on every day, that I am a lot more chilled about looks as it is not important in my eyes or both but I am rocking this shaved head look and loving it. Embracing the funny looks I get in the street as compliments or at least I stand out? Mainly I want to be a role model to Ella-Grace in all aspects of life and show her that her beauty does not depend on her hair or her looks, it does not matter what anyone else thinks and that as long as you are confident yourself that is what matters. I cannot stress enough to anyone reading this that at the end of the day looks do not matter! Yes of course people like to look there best or get dolled up for special occasions but that does not make you beautiful or not. I put on make up not because I think I need it but because I enjoy it and I like the way it looks that does not mean I look worse without it or I am not beautiful, because I am and everyone is. Once you live in this mindset you feel so much happier and free and make others feel the same because you are not judging anyone on looks. So yes, sorry for the word vomit, I was very confident in my choice to shave my head for Willows and 'beauty' never crossed my mind nor did bravery for that matter. I did not and do not consider myself as brave for shaving my head although many have said I was, bravery is people saving lives, bravery is people fighting for their lives, I just don't see this as brave although I do appreciate the supportive messages and comments from people who do think that. I just saw this as me doing a good deed for a good cause and I have a new hair style at the end of it. That's all. In the end I raised £210 for Willows Animal Sanctuary. 

How I pick what charities I fundraise for...

I by no means am the fundraising or charity work champion, far from it in fact I wish I had the time and money to do more for good causes and organise more events. I have always said I would love to run a marathon or organise a charity ball, hopefully this will be in the future at some point. Any ways I may not be the fundraising champ but I do have specific charities that in the future I do plan to help and these are for many reasons. Someone messaged me and asked me to go through the charities/causes I think are important and I personally would want to raise money/awareness for. This list could be a blog post in itself so here I will put my top 3 at the moment. 

Mental Health Charities 

As many of you know I have struggled with mental illness through most of my life, still do now and always will. Anxiety, panic attacks and self harm are all subjects that I have personal experience in and really touch my heart. I do think these things are still very stigmatised which is very wrong. When I was going through my darkest times all I wanted was help and for someone to tell me that what I was feeling will pass and there is help. Unfortunately so many people of all ages do not get this support and often get met with negative responses when they try to open up, sometimes even bullying. On many occasions unfortunately people struggling mentally feel their is no way out and take their lives because of this. I have been in that dark place where you feel so alone and that no one can help you and now being in a totally different mindset yet having that empathy for others who have experienced mental illness/ are experiencing, I would love to help. Charities I have strongly considered volunteering/fundraising for have been Samaritains, Mind, SAMH and many more. I have previously contacted Samaritans but unfortunately the timing just was not right and I was not able to volunteer but it is still something I am very open to in the future. Mental health is just as important as Physical health, I am a firm believer of this FACT.

Rape and Sexual Assault Victims 

I don't really know where to start when talking about this topic. I have written in the past that I myself have experienced sexual assault and sadly many of my friends have been victim to sexual assault and/or rape. In fact pretty much every woman I know has an experience of some sort of injustice that has been done to them when it comes to sexual harassment, assault, attempted rape or rape, it is a very sad fact that to this day it is a very scary place for women and I feel very strongly that something needs to be done about this. From improvements in the criminal justice system to changes in society's attitude (for example victim blaming is such a big problem), there are many things in my opinion that can be done to support these victims and potentially stop other assaults occurring. No one asks to be raped. Of course this is not just a female problem, there are many men that are also a victim to sexual assault and rape, I am in full support of them also when I say I wish to help these victims and survivors. Although I do think that women are more at risk of this, men and women a like should not be treated any differently when it comes to support after a sexual assault or rape, all cases should be taken seriously. I hope that all made sense, I get a bit overwhelmed when talking about something I am passionate about. 

So, having some horrid experiences myself and knowing many people who have, not to mention seeing first hand victim blaming (for example I know someone who got raped walking home, by two men and many around her said 'Well she shouldn't of been walking home alone?' NO the men should not have raped her!). All of this makes me very passionate about helping rape and sexual assault survivors and even more so since I have had my little girl. I am already teaching her about consent when it comes to giving hugs, she does not have to hug anyone if she does not want to nor can she make someone hug her. These little steps I think are very important. I would love to volunteer for rape and sexual assault support groups, help fundraise for charities that support such survivors and maybe, if the opportunity came up, I would love to speak to schools about consent because that I think is a very blurred subject and it is time those lines were made clear especially for young adults. This is truly one of the most horrific things that could happen to you and more often than not unfortunately, people get away with their actions or incidents go unreported out of fear or shame, this NEEDS to change and I want to be a part of that change. I could go on and on about this but just as an end note I would like to say if anyone needs to talk about a situation they are going through regarding sexual assault or rape I would be more than happy to speak to anyone, also if anyone knows of any volunteering, fundraising, awareness raising or school speaking opportunities in this area I would love to know about them. 

Animal Rights Charities 

Going to keep this one short just because I have spoke about it already in this post and A LOT in other posts. Obviously I am very passionate about animals and helping them in any way I can. Humans are so destructive and animals are the opposite, what is sad is that they really don't have a voice. If they did maybe as human beings we would not do the evil things that we do to them. This lack of voice that the animals of this world have makes me feel that I need to be that voice. I need to speak up about the cruelty of farming, how we are ruining their homes, vile hunting, animal testing, exploitation of animals for entertainment, the list really does go on and on and the sad thing is that many people don't even know these things are cruel and willingly take part. That makes me so sad but also grateful that my eyes have been opened to what is really happening behind the scenes to the beautiful creatures of this planet. For some reason what I have just said will be deemed 'controversial' to some but it is the honest truth and with out change animals will continue to suffer, go extinct and our environment as well as theirs will deteriorate, fast! Again, I could go on and on! I hope to do more fundraising for Willows animal sanctuary and other charities that benefit the animals. I plan to purchase some Go Vegan Scotland merchandise  for myself and Ella-Grace this Christmas and I am very excited about that and the cause my money will go towards. 

Summary and Thank you for reading...

In conclusion (haven't wrote that since I was writing English or Philosophy essays in school haha), I am very passionate about charity work and living my life to change the lives of others and the world around us in positive ways. There are specific areas that I gravitate towards helping but really there are endless lists of worthy causes and amazing charities I am sure people could fundraise for, donate to, volunteer etc. I am proud of what I have done this year and in the future hope to do much more as I have said. I want Ella-Grace to grow up seeing her Mummy helping others and hopefully she will be proud or even better want to get involved with me. 
That is the end of this weeks post, thank you so much for reading! Sorry if the post is a bit all over the place it has been a while and I have had to type this out quite fast in the short space of time I have while Reece baths Ella-Grace (that's the life of a work from home mum). As always however I wrote from the heart, I wrote this post honestly and although it may  be all over the place and I am sure full of spelling and grammar errors, it is me and I like to think of my blog as an online diary and you are all here reading my inner thoughts. Quite a scary thing to share with the world but I feel it has a place here and may influence others positively. Rambling on again, seriously need someone to stop me haha. Thanks again for reading. Till the next post- I have many more unfiltered posts to come from motherhood to mental health, I have a lot to talk about! And as I always end my posts...

Stay Happy Everyone! :)

1 Year Post-Partum Update

Haven't blogged in a month.WHAT...

"Hello stranger", that must be what you are all thinking right now because it has been a WHOLE MONTH since I have published a blog post! I am sorry, I am so bad at keeping to a schedule with my writing it is really terrible (in dire need of an office so I don't just fall asleep on my laptop in bed haha) but life is busy, being a mother is non-stop and planning a wedding at the same time... that is on a whole other level. So yes it is annoying that my posting schedule is all over the place but this blog is all about honesty and being genuine, what is more honest and genuine than this, I am a Mother who is constantly running after a little toddler, trying to keep her fed, clean and happy, trying to teach her things and give her everything she needs on top of planning my wedding, having couple time with Reece, keeping a tidy house, see friends and family, manage anxiety and keep myself sane.. oh and yeah I  have to fit in my writing which I love and it is my job but sometimes the stay at home mum in me takes over and independent woman, be my own boss writer in me has to take a back seat BUT that is all okay because life happens and now I am back with a blog post I know a lot of people have been wanting me to write. Ella-Grace is now 1 year old (13 months) and other than her, many of you are interested in my journey post-partum. The last time I wrote about that was probably a few weeks after hse was born and apart from that I haven't really spoke about what I have been going through which I of course want to share with you because I know many Mothers read my blog and will be sharing the same experience- from trying to lose weight to the hair loss- So get ready with a snack and a drink because this post may be longer than the last novel you read. Happy reading! 

Weightloss...

This I think is the main question you all have been asking especially after seeing on my social media that I have lost a considerable amount of 'baby weight' and as far as what the scales say I now weigh less than I did before I had Ella-Grace- as for looks my 'mum tum' says otherwise, that floppy belly ain't going anywhere anytime soon but I am perfectly okay with that which I will get into in a minute. First however, I would like to say to all you Mother's out there whether you have just given birth and wondering how you will ever 'bounce back', your children are older and you are still struggling to lose weight or maybe you have lost the baby weight but still are not happy with the stretch marks left behind- STOP STRESSING! I know that is easier said than done, I have written in one of my previous posts how I struggled accepting how much my body had changed after having Ella-Grace and how my stomach had stretched, I wasn't confident in the way I looked but changing my perspective and lifestyle really changed everything! I think before you even try to make any changes to the way you look you have to change the way you feel and not look at your body as something negative or something to be ashamed of that has to be changed, look at your body and love it! Yes you may have some flabby bits, yes you have stretch marks, yes you may feel larger, frumpy even and it is perfectly okay to want to change this and be healthier but accept what you have at that point and look at your body and think this is a body that has been through a lot, a body that has brought life into the world, this is my body and I love it BEFORE any positive changes have been made. I am no personal trainer or have any kind of education that makes me qualified to give this advice but from personal experience I can tell you that looking at yourself negatively and crying because of how much you hate your body does not motivate you to lose weight or make changes, it makes you stressed and then you over think it which is when people can make unhealthy decisions. When you accept your body and show it love but also recognize some healthy changes you would like to make this is when you will see results and even if it takes a while you won't mind because you are confident and full of self-love because you know you are trying and at the end of the day what you look like is not the most important thing in the world. This goes for if you haven't had a baby, I remember all through my teenage years worrying about the way I looked and feeling really insecure, comparing myself to others but this is really the wrong way to go about it. Accept and love yourself no matter what stage you are at in life or what you look like, also support others in doing this and never compare yourself to others because everyone is going through their own journey and very little people think they are perfect and have no imperfections. I don't know if that makes any sense and I know I went on for a while but like I said one of the MOST important things I think is to change your perspective from hating your body to accepting it and radiating self-love then you can work on what you might want to change- this is also an amazing thing to show your child because I think all parents want their little one's to grow up to be self-confident.  

The next part like I said is about changing your lifestyle aka making healthy choices. I am not going to go into too much detail about nutrition and fitness because again, I am not qualified to give advice for everyone but I know what works for me and I know what I believe in. So one of the biggest lifestyle changes I made this past year is going vegan (plant-based diet free from all animal products), there is a huge debate on this and I am not going to go into all the ins and outs of why I am vegan but I will say a bit about what I think and believe. First of all, yes it is a big lifestyle change if you are used to a diet filled with animal products, there are some things you might think do not have animal products in that do but after a bit of research and looking in your local supermarket for the vegan/free from section oh and yeah, realizing the vast amount of AMAZING VEGETABLES that you can make meals from and get so much goodness from, it is a piece of cake (vegan cake of course haha) to make this change. Vegetables are usually as side dish but when they become center stage oh. my. goodness. they are amazing and you feel so healthy. And you can have some very tasty meals and I find myself not craving unhealthy snacks or takeaways and if you do have some snacks etc its fine because the majority of your diet is so so healthy! Here are some tasty meals I have made below: 

Vegetable Lasgane 

Creamy mushroom and spinach pasta

I am not saying this is a quick fix or a diet you should take on for a week or so to lose weight, I am saying it is a lifestyle change that makes a massive difference to your health and body, really cleans it out and you are full of goodness. Not to mention it being cruelty free and environmentally friendly which is very important! If anyone would like to hear more about why I am vegan or advice on going vegan I would love to help, please message me. 

As for exercise I am not one for the gym and literally feel that I have no time to do any at home but I do love to go on walks for Ella-Grace, especially in this nice weather we are having so I am constantly going on longs walks (1 hour- 2 hours). I don't drive so instead of getting the bus to Ella-Grace's groups/classes or friends houses, I just power walk or sometimes jog. Ella-Grace loves it because she either gets to look around and have some snacks or have a nap. I probably to this almost everyday. Other exercise I enjoy is swimming with Ella-Grace and I have started to take her to a dance/movement class (which is definitely a work out more for me than Ella-Grace). Doesn't sound like much but it adds up and the non-stop routine of Mum life is sure to keep you on your toes and I feel like I am never off my feet. There is of course a lot more exercise you could do and if you have the time to go to the gym etc that would be great too! Just whatever suits you! I am looking into joining a dance class myself after the wedding is finished because that is my sort of exercise, find something you enjoy doing and it will be a lot more effective. 

So over the past year since having Ella-Grace I have gone from not being able to do much (after a c-section), hating my body and having an unhealthy diet to being a confident, active, healthy Mama bear who radiates self-love, I am proud of myself and my body and think I am setting a good example for Ella-Grace which is the most important thing! I hope this helps you feel better if you are going through a tough time with self-confidence. Honestly, the way you look is not the be all and end all of everything so try not to focus on it too much and there is not such thing as perfect and as long as you are healthy that is what matters. I don't tend to weigh myself often but from when I last weighed myself I have probably lost a stone and half in the past year and I have gone from a size 14 to a size 8/10. Here are some pictures to show the weight loss difference:    

Then: Size 14

Now: Size 8

Now: Size 8

THEN AND NOW

Confidence/Baby blues...

Now moving away from the physical and talking about the emotional side of things, how I have felt confidence wise as a Mother and moving past baby blues. If you have been with my blog for a while you would of read my original post on baby blues and my other posts about how I have been dealing with my anxiety and panic attacks (if not feel free to go back and read them for a more in depth summary of my experiences). 

So for those of you who have not yet read my blog post on baby blues I will give you a quick recap. After having Ella-Grace I was very happy and we had an amazing bond but I also struggled with having panic attacks every night due to the exhaustion and stress of being a new mother. I felt like I wasn't doing anything right, I felt guilty for wanting 5 minutes to myself and because of my anxiety I felt like the whole world was ending pretty much, not for any reason just this impending doom feeling which I have spoke about before in my other posts about anxiety. I also felt that I could not speak to others about it because I was meant to be super happy because I just had this beautiful baby and was very lucky, I did not want to see ungrateful. I also had convinced myself that if the health visitor knew I was feeling down Ella-Grace would be taken away from me?? THIS IS NOT TRUE!! How did I get out of this state? Well after probably about 4 weeks of struggling and being in severe pain (c-section recovery) I pushed myself to face one of my biggest fears and that was taking Ella-Grace out and this was the best thing I could of done. Reece did not get any paternity leave due to him starting his new job the day after Ella-Grace was born and all of my family and friends although they phoned and visited as much as they could, they live at least an hour a way so a lot of the time I was by myself and I had to face my fears alone which made my anxiety a bit worse but also it pushed me and made me do things I was not comfortable with. I was always scared to take Ella-Grace out because I thought if she started to cry when we were out I would freeze and everyone would think I was a terrible mother? Again untrue. So at 4/5 weeks post baby I made a list of places I was scared to take Ella-Grace from the least stressful to the most and slowly worked my way through them. This slowly helped me gain confidence, got me out the house which was SO important and also I made some Mum friends which is a massive help because you see what others are going through and now 1 year on, taking Ella-Grace out to groups/to see friends is not only one of my favourite things to do but also a great was to de-stress me! Another reason I was stressed at the start I think was because it was such a big lifestyle change and there was no routine/organisation and anyone that knows me or reads my blog knows that routine keeps me sane! So as Ella-Grace grew and we got to know each other, a routine became established and I was a lot more chilled out. If that routine goes wrong or something changes last minute, yep I still have a bit of a freak out but I know how to manage my emotions and I can control my anxiety to a certain extent. 

Looking back on the past year and remembering how low my self-esteem was and how I always felt I wasn't doing things right, it is such a contrast to how I feel now! I no longer feel that I am doing things wrong and if anyone ever questions my Mothering ability or the way I am doing things I am confident enough to say I am happy with my decisions and that I know my daughter best. This I think is what everyone should aim towards feeling as a parent. No you won't always do the right thing and no you cannot tell the future but in the moment you can do what you think is right, stick to your guns and feel confident that you know what is best for your child. Confidence is key and although it is good to listen to others opinions/advice, never let anyone manipulate you or pressure you into parenting their way because you are not them, you are you and you should do things your way. I have gone from crying every night wondering if I am good enough for my daughter to being a confident person who is happy to say I am a damn good mum and I know what is right for my child. Accepting that no one is a perfect parent. It is a great feeling going from the new mum that needs support to being the one supporting others. So to any new Mothers thinking 'Am I doing okay?' the answer is YES! You are doing great! And if you are struggling that is okay, we all have those days, never feel ashamed to ask for help. 

C-section scar..

Another requested topic for this blog post was c-section healing and how it was dealing with that at the very beginning. So for anyone who thinks having a c-section is the easy option- you are wrong,please read my blog post on that it explains 10 reasons why that is not true. 

The pain, the inability to do anything without the fear of tearing your scar, walking round like a hunchback to weeks, the injections in your leg for 10 days after recovery and not to mention the stigma attached with having a cesarean, it all adds up and it is hard to deal with. Ultimately you have to be proud of what you have put your body through in order for your baby to be here and remember you have been though a major surgery, look after yourself! I am so lucky to of had Reece, he was an angel and although he was at work a lot he would do anything he could for me when he was home. 

As for the healing I am very fortunate to of had no problems so I don't really have much to say. I think it probably took about 8-12 weeks for me to no longer feel pain and feel able to do things without worrying about it (the recommended resting/healing time is 6 weeks from what I was told in the hospital). But even now although it is not sore and it is perfectly healed I still find it strange to wash/touch, it is almost numb but also quite sensitive. I feel that when I am in the shower washing that area I am very aware that I was cut open there and I am very careful. That might just be me, I don't know-comment below what your experience is with your scar when it is healed. All together though my feeling towards my scar is that I am proud of it and when I look at it I feel almost nostalgic, it brings back memories and I think that is wear my baby was taken out of my body into the world. Considering she was all tangled up in her chord and she was very nearly not with us because of it that cut in my stomach saved her life and I will always be grateful to the surgeons that performed my cesarean. Better stop there before I get all weepy haha. 

Hair loss...

This is one I have not spoke about on the blog before and I don't think many people do admit this but I have experience post-partum hair loss. Now I am not talking about clumps of hair coming out of my head but the front 'baby hairs' I think they are called have definitely snapped or fallen out and grown back to they are a lot shorter than my other hair. To be fair I have dyed it quite a lot since having Ella-Grace so that could also have something to do with it haha. Nothing I am too bothered about and I have not had it as bad as some women do post baby but it is just something I have noticed since having Ella-Grace so I thought I would mention it. 

Dry skin...

Redness round eyes 

Now this is one big thing I have dealt with since having Ella-Grace and that is dry skin. I have always had good skin, never been prone to spots, dry skin or oily skin. My skin has always been something about me that I have loved and I could fall asleep in my make up, wash it off the next day and honestly have no problems. During pregnancy I think my skin only got better and I do think I had that 'glowing' look that you are promised. That all changed when Ella-Grace was born and it was almost like she stole that glow from me and took my good skin with her- she is worth it though of course. 

So after having Ella-Grace I did notice that my skin was quite dry but thought nothing of it being too occupied with the big change that had just happened and having a new born to look after. I didn't wear any make up for a long time and then when I finally did decide to put some on that is when I really noticed the problem I was having. My skin would hurt when I had make up on, when I would take it off and I was noticing really dry and red patches on my skin. My eyes would swell when I took my make up off and when I would shave I would constantly bleed even after taking the precautions I needed to and moisturizing etc. Funnily enough Ella-Grace was also having some dry skin problems so I made an appointment at the doctor for both of us. 

Swollen eye

After speaking to the doctor I was told Ella-Grace was experiencing eczema (a medical condition in which patches of skin become rough and inflamed with blisters which cause itching and bleeding.) and I had something called dermatitis (a medical condition in which the skin becomes red, swollen, and sore, sometimes with small blisters, resulting from direct irritation of the skin by an external agent or an allergic reaction to it.) which is common for women after they have had a child apparently. 

Funnily enough we were prescribed the same creams, one being a steroid cream- which I only had to use on Ella-Grace once but use on myself whenever the red patches are really bad) then Aveeno which we both use daily. Ella-Grace's skin now 1 year on still gets a tiny bit dry sometimes but as long as we use the Aveeno on her after every bath she is perfectly fine. As for my skin, it has its ups and downs but I try to stick to a good skin care routine when I can. Washing my face every morning and night, applying the steroid cream on the really sore and red patches (especially my eyes because if they get bad they will swell) and then apply the Aveeno cream an hour later. This is especially important if I plan on wearing any make up or my skin will get really bad. I also find using a facemask now and again really helps. 

This used to bother me when I first was dealing with it because I was not used to having skin problems and I was usually very happy with my skin. But now I have been dealing with it for about a year I am used to it, know what to do when my skin gets bad and how to try and prevent it from getting really bad! If anything I am sort of happy it happened because I have started to wear a lot less make up (I used to do a full face every day!) and I have become quite happy with a bit of natural make up. Reece even says now that he can't believe I used to bother with spending an hour or more on my make up haha. Now when I do have a full face of make up you know it must be a special day haha aka my wedding day which is coming up soon! 

After using skin cream, so much better!

Make up practice for wedding, no swollen eyes!

Bonding... 

There are no words that could possible describe the bond I have with Ella-Grace. You know when you are pregnant you are going to love your baby but it isn't until you have them right in front of you that you really understand what that overcoming feeling of absolute unconditional love feels like. It is truly magic. Some people do struggle with finding that bond at the start because although you love them, they are a complete stranger to you and you do really need to get to know each other as you do with anyone you have met for the first time. So I truly believe in my experience anyways, that 1 year ago when my beautiful little girl was born it was love at first sight but it is now 1 year on that she is my best friend. I have said it before and I will say it again I brought her into the world and gave her life but she gave me life too, she has made me who I want to be. Ella-Grace if you are reading this in a few years time, know that you are my purpose and oh my goodness I hope you are proud of me. You will forever be my best friend girl! 

(If you are struggling with bonding however do not feel bad, being a Mother is hard and there is nothing wrong with asking for some help. A happy mum, makes a happy baby and just like other relationships, you have to build the bond even if there is love there.)

Going to keep this short and sweet because otherwise I will go on forever. I am just astounded that my body created and birthed my literal best friend. 

Period and Contraception... 

Weird one to end on perhaps and maybe a bit too much information but this is an honest blog like I have said before. So after having Ella-Grace, literally about 2 days after, I had it drummed into me by nurses and my midwife to think about contraception. Could not have sex for about 6 weeks after anyways but it is good to be prepared because not only can it be dangerous to get pregnant too soon after having a baby- especially after a c-section- but I also did not want to be pregnant again yet, or ever again, not for any bad reason I was just happy with the one for now, Ella-Grace had literally just been born. 

So after having my post-baby check up with the doctor we spoke over contraception and I decided on getting the implant. I have heard some horror stories about this form of contraception from struggling to get it out and having really bad symptoms, so before you go crazy in the comments warning me I do already know the bad things that can happen but from what I have researched there are pros and cons to all the different contraception. Why I chose the implant was because I knew if I took the pill I would forget it, I did not like the thought of getting injections every month and I just wanted something that I did not want to think about for a while. I knew it lasted 3 years and if me and Reece wanted to have another baby it most likely would not be before those 3 years were up and even though now Ella-Grace is older I am not going to lie, we have discussed maybe having another baby sooner than that but I still do not regret getting it in because if we do want to try sooner then I can get it out before then. We will just see how things go, we have a wedding to finish planning first! 

As for symptoms, i have been pretty lucky I think and have not noticed many. I think maybe the implant could of had something to do with my bad skin, I have had irregular periods- one month I won't have one then the next month I will be bleeding for what seems like weeks- but that does not really bother me, I can deal with it. I did not have bad bruising or scarring after either. So having had it in for a year now and looking at it overall I am happy with my decision to get it in, it has stopped me worrying about getting pregnant again sooner than I plan to and to be honest I have not really thought about it and for someone with anxiety who overthinks EVERYTHING not having to think about something is so refreshing! 

The end...

And I think I have covered all the bases, if you do think I have missed something or have any questions please comment below or message me. Sorry it was so long, I thought since it has been about a month since I last posted that you deserved a long post and well I had a lot to say as you can see! Thank you as always for reading, until the next blog post please remember to follow my social media accounts which you can find the links to in the menu next to this post>>>

(Facebook: LauraJane Life / Instagram: @laurajanelifex ) 

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Stay Happy Everyone! :)