1 Year Post-Partum Update

Haven't blogged in a month.WHAT...

"Hello stranger", that must be what you are all thinking right now because it has been a WHOLE MONTH since I have published a blog post! I am sorry, I am so bad at keeping to a schedule with my writing it is really terrible (in dire need of an office so I don't just fall asleep on my laptop in bed haha) but life is busy, being a mother is non-stop and planning a wedding at the same time... that is on a whole other level. So yes it is annoying that my posting schedule is all over the place but this blog is all about honesty and being genuine, what is more honest and genuine than this, I am a Mother who is constantly running after a little toddler, trying to keep her fed, clean and happy, trying to teach her things and give her everything she needs on top of planning my wedding, having couple time with Reece, keeping a tidy house, see friends and family, manage anxiety and keep myself sane.. oh and yeah I  have to fit in my writing which I love and it is my job but sometimes the stay at home mum in me takes over and independent woman, be my own boss writer in me has to take a back seat BUT that is all okay because life happens and now I am back with a blog post I know a lot of people have been wanting me to write. Ella-Grace is now 1 year old (13 months) and other than her, many of you are interested in my journey post-partum. The last time I wrote about that was probably a few weeks after hse was born and apart from that I haven't really spoke about what I have been going through which I of course want to share with you because I know many Mothers read my blog and will be sharing the same experience- from trying to lose weight to the hair loss- So get ready with a snack and a drink because this post may be longer than the last novel you read. Happy reading! 

Weightloss...

This I think is the main question you all have been asking especially after seeing on my social media that I have lost a considerable amount of 'baby weight' and as far as what the scales say I now weigh less than I did before I had Ella-Grace- as for looks my 'mum tum' says otherwise, that floppy belly ain't going anywhere anytime soon but I am perfectly okay with that which I will get into in a minute. First however, I would like to say to all you Mother's out there whether you have just given birth and wondering how you will ever 'bounce back', your children are older and you are still struggling to lose weight or maybe you have lost the baby weight but still are not happy with the stretch marks left behind- STOP STRESSING! I know that is easier said than done, I have written in one of my previous posts how I struggled accepting how much my body had changed after having Ella-Grace and how my stomach had stretched, I wasn't confident in the way I looked but changing my perspective and lifestyle really changed everything! I think before you even try to make any changes to the way you look you have to change the way you feel and not look at your body as something negative or something to be ashamed of that has to be changed, look at your body and love it! Yes you may have some flabby bits, yes you have stretch marks, yes you may feel larger, frumpy even and it is perfectly okay to want to change this and be healthier but accept what you have at that point and look at your body and think this is a body that has been through a lot, a body that has brought life into the world, this is my body and I love it BEFORE any positive changes have been made. I am no personal trainer or have any kind of education that makes me qualified to give this advice but from personal experience I can tell you that looking at yourself negatively and crying because of how much you hate your body does not motivate you to lose weight or make changes, it makes you stressed and then you over think it which is when people can make unhealthy decisions. When you accept your body and show it love but also recognize some healthy changes you would like to make this is when you will see results and even if it takes a while you won't mind because you are confident and full of self-love because you know you are trying and at the end of the day what you look like is not the most important thing in the world. This goes for if you haven't had a baby, I remember all through my teenage years worrying about the way I looked and feeling really insecure, comparing myself to others but this is really the wrong way to go about it. Accept and love yourself no matter what stage you are at in life or what you look like, also support others in doing this and never compare yourself to others because everyone is going through their own journey and very little people think they are perfect and have no imperfections. I don't know if that makes any sense and I know I went on for a while but like I said one of the MOST important things I think is to change your perspective from hating your body to accepting it and radiating self-love then you can work on what you might want to change- this is also an amazing thing to show your child because I think all parents want their little one's to grow up to be self-confident.  

The next part like I said is about changing your lifestyle aka making healthy choices. I am not going to go into too much detail about nutrition and fitness because again, I am not qualified to give advice for everyone but I know what works for me and I know what I believe in. So one of the biggest lifestyle changes I made this past year is going vegan (plant-based diet free from all animal products), there is a huge debate on this and I am not going to go into all the ins and outs of why I am vegan but I will say a bit about what I think and believe. First of all, yes it is a big lifestyle change if you are used to a diet filled with animal products, there are some things you might think do not have animal products in that do but after a bit of research and looking in your local supermarket for the vegan/free from section oh and yeah, realizing the vast amount of AMAZING VEGETABLES that you can make meals from and get so much goodness from, it is a piece of cake (vegan cake of course haha) to make this change. Vegetables are usually as side dish but when they become center stage oh. my. goodness. they are amazing and you feel so healthy. And you can have some very tasty meals and I find myself not craving unhealthy snacks or takeaways and if you do have some snacks etc its fine because the majority of your diet is so so healthy! Here are some tasty meals I have made below: 

Vegetable Lasgane 

Creamy mushroom and spinach pasta

I am not saying this is a quick fix or a diet you should take on for a week or so to lose weight, I am saying it is a lifestyle change that makes a massive difference to your health and body, really cleans it out and you are full of goodness. Not to mention it being cruelty free and environmentally friendly which is very important! If anyone would like to hear more about why I am vegan or advice on going vegan I would love to help, please message me. 

As for exercise I am not one for the gym and literally feel that I have no time to do any at home but I do love to go on walks for Ella-Grace, especially in this nice weather we are having so I am constantly going on longs walks (1 hour- 2 hours). I don't drive so instead of getting the bus to Ella-Grace's groups/classes or friends houses, I just power walk or sometimes jog. Ella-Grace loves it because she either gets to look around and have some snacks or have a nap. I probably to this almost everyday. Other exercise I enjoy is swimming with Ella-Grace and I have started to take her to a dance/movement class (which is definitely a work out more for me than Ella-Grace). Doesn't sound like much but it adds up and the non-stop routine of Mum life is sure to keep you on your toes and I feel like I am never off my feet. There is of course a lot more exercise you could do and if you have the time to go to the gym etc that would be great too! Just whatever suits you! I am looking into joining a dance class myself after the wedding is finished because that is my sort of exercise, find something you enjoy doing and it will be a lot more effective. 

So over the past year since having Ella-Grace I have gone from not being able to do much (after a c-section), hating my body and having an unhealthy diet to being a confident, active, healthy Mama bear who radiates self-love, I am proud of myself and my body and think I am setting a good example for Ella-Grace which is the most important thing! I hope this helps you feel better if you are going through a tough time with self-confidence. Honestly, the way you look is not the be all and end all of everything so try not to focus on it too much and there is not such thing as perfect and as long as you are healthy that is what matters. I don't tend to weigh myself often but from when I last weighed myself I have probably lost a stone and half in the past year and I have gone from a size 14 to a size 8/10. Here are some pictures to show the weight loss difference:    

Then: Size 14

Now: Size 8

Now: Size 8

THEN AND NOW

Confidence/Baby blues...

Now moving away from the physical and talking about the emotional side of things, how I have felt confidence wise as a Mother and moving past baby blues. If you have been with my blog for a while you would of read my original post on baby blues and my other posts about how I have been dealing with my anxiety and panic attacks (if not feel free to go back and read them for a more in depth summary of my experiences). 

So for those of you who have not yet read my blog post on baby blues I will give you a quick recap. After having Ella-Grace I was very happy and we had an amazing bond but I also struggled with having panic attacks every night due to the exhaustion and stress of being a new mother. I felt like I wasn't doing anything right, I felt guilty for wanting 5 minutes to myself and because of my anxiety I felt like the whole world was ending pretty much, not for any reason just this impending doom feeling which I have spoke about before in my other posts about anxiety. I also felt that I could not speak to others about it because I was meant to be super happy because I just had this beautiful baby and was very lucky, I did not want to see ungrateful. I also had convinced myself that if the health visitor knew I was feeling down Ella-Grace would be taken away from me?? THIS IS NOT TRUE!! How did I get out of this state? Well after probably about 4 weeks of struggling and being in severe pain (c-section recovery) I pushed myself to face one of my biggest fears and that was taking Ella-Grace out and this was the best thing I could of done. Reece did not get any paternity leave due to him starting his new job the day after Ella-Grace was born and all of my family and friends although they phoned and visited as much as they could, they live at least an hour a way so a lot of the time I was by myself and I had to face my fears alone which made my anxiety a bit worse but also it pushed me and made me do things I was not comfortable with. I was always scared to take Ella-Grace out because I thought if she started to cry when we were out I would freeze and everyone would think I was a terrible mother? Again untrue. So at 4/5 weeks post baby I made a list of places I was scared to take Ella-Grace from the least stressful to the most and slowly worked my way through them. This slowly helped me gain confidence, got me out the house which was SO important and also I made some Mum friends which is a massive help because you see what others are going through and now 1 year on, taking Ella-Grace out to groups/to see friends is not only one of my favourite things to do but also a great was to de-stress me! Another reason I was stressed at the start I think was because it was such a big lifestyle change and there was no routine/organisation and anyone that knows me or reads my blog knows that routine keeps me sane! So as Ella-Grace grew and we got to know each other, a routine became established and I was a lot more chilled out. If that routine goes wrong or something changes last minute, yep I still have a bit of a freak out but I know how to manage my emotions and I can control my anxiety to a certain extent. 

Looking back on the past year and remembering how low my self-esteem was and how I always felt I wasn't doing things right, it is such a contrast to how I feel now! I no longer feel that I am doing things wrong and if anyone ever questions my Mothering ability or the way I am doing things I am confident enough to say I am happy with my decisions and that I know my daughter best. This I think is what everyone should aim towards feeling as a parent. No you won't always do the right thing and no you cannot tell the future but in the moment you can do what you think is right, stick to your guns and feel confident that you know what is best for your child. Confidence is key and although it is good to listen to others opinions/advice, never let anyone manipulate you or pressure you into parenting their way because you are not them, you are you and you should do things your way. I have gone from crying every night wondering if I am good enough for my daughter to being a confident person who is happy to say I am a damn good mum and I know what is right for my child. Accepting that no one is a perfect parent. It is a great feeling going from the new mum that needs support to being the one supporting others. So to any new Mothers thinking 'Am I doing okay?' the answer is YES! You are doing great! And if you are struggling that is okay, we all have those days, never feel ashamed to ask for help. 

C-section scar..

Another requested topic for this blog post was c-section healing and how it was dealing with that at the very beginning. So for anyone who thinks having a c-section is the easy option- you are wrong,please read my blog post on that it explains 10 reasons why that is not true. 

The pain, the inability to do anything without the fear of tearing your scar, walking round like a hunchback to weeks, the injections in your leg for 10 days after recovery and not to mention the stigma attached with having a cesarean, it all adds up and it is hard to deal with. Ultimately you have to be proud of what you have put your body through in order for your baby to be here and remember you have been though a major surgery, look after yourself! I am so lucky to of had Reece, he was an angel and although he was at work a lot he would do anything he could for me when he was home. 

As for the healing I am very fortunate to of had no problems so I don't really have much to say. I think it probably took about 8-12 weeks for me to no longer feel pain and feel able to do things without worrying about it (the recommended resting/healing time is 6 weeks from what I was told in the hospital). But even now although it is not sore and it is perfectly healed I still find it strange to wash/touch, it is almost numb but also quite sensitive. I feel that when I am in the shower washing that area I am very aware that I was cut open there and I am very careful. That might just be me, I don't know-comment below what your experience is with your scar when it is healed. All together though my feeling towards my scar is that I am proud of it and when I look at it I feel almost nostalgic, it brings back memories and I think that is wear my baby was taken out of my body into the world. Considering she was all tangled up in her chord and she was very nearly not with us because of it that cut in my stomach saved her life and I will always be grateful to the surgeons that performed my cesarean. Better stop there before I get all weepy haha. 

Hair loss...

This is one I have not spoke about on the blog before and I don't think many people do admit this but I have experience post-partum hair loss. Now I am not talking about clumps of hair coming out of my head but the front 'baby hairs' I think they are called have definitely snapped or fallen out and grown back to they are a lot shorter than my other hair. To be fair I have dyed it quite a lot since having Ella-Grace so that could also have something to do with it haha. Nothing I am too bothered about and I have not had it as bad as some women do post baby but it is just something I have noticed since having Ella-Grace so I thought I would mention it. 

Dry skin...

Redness round eyes 

Now this is one big thing I have dealt with since having Ella-Grace and that is dry skin. I have always had good skin, never been prone to spots, dry skin or oily skin. My skin has always been something about me that I have loved and I could fall asleep in my make up, wash it off the next day and honestly have no problems. During pregnancy I think my skin only got better and I do think I had that 'glowing' look that you are promised. That all changed when Ella-Grace was born and it was almost like she stole that glow from me and took my good skin with her- she is worth it though of course. 

So after having Ella-Grace I did notice that my skin was quite dry but thought nothing of it being too occupied with the big change that had just happened and having a new born to look after. I didn't wear any make up for a long time and then when I finally did decide to put some on that is when I really noticed the problem I was having. My skin would hurt when I had make up on, when I would take it off and I was noticing really dry and red patches on my skin. My eyes would swell when I took my make up off and when I would shave I would constantly bleed even after taking the precautions I needed to and moisturizing etc. Funnily enough Ella-Grace was also having some dry skin problems so I made an appointment at the doctor for both of us. 

Swollen eye

After speaking to the doctor I was told Ella-Grace was experiencing eczema (a medical condition in which patches of skin become rough and inflamed with blisters which cause itching and bleeding.) and I had something called dermatitis (a medical condition in which the skin becomes red, swollen, and sore, sometimes with small blisters, resulting from direct irritation of the skin by an external agent or an allergic reaction to it.) which is common for women after they have had a child apparently. 

Funnily enough we were prescribed the same creams, one being a steroid cream- which I only had to use on Ella-Grace once but use on myself whenever the red patches are really bad) then Aveeno which we both use daily. Ella-Grace's skin now 1 year on still gets a tiny bit dry sometimes but as long as we use the Aveeno on her after every bath she is perfectly fine. As for my skin, it has its ups and downs but I try to stick to a good skin care routine when I can. Washing my face every morning and night, applying the steroid cream on the really sore and red patches (especially my eyes because if they get bad they will swell) and then apply the Aveeno cream an hour later. This is especially important if I plan on wearing any make up or my skin will get really bad. I also find using a facemask now and again really helps. 

This used to bother me when I first was dealing with it because I was not used to having skin problems and I was usually very happy with my skin. But now I have been dealing with it for about a year I am used to it, know what to do when my skin gets bad and how to try and prevent it from getting really bad! If anything I am sort of happy it happened because I have started to wear a lot less make up (I used to do a full face every day!) and I have become quite happy with a bit of natural make up. Reece even says now that he can't believe I used to bother with spending an hour or more on my make up haha. Now when I do have a full face of make up you know it must be a special day haha aka my wedding day which is coming up soon! 

After using skin cream, so much better!

Make up practice for wedding, no swollen eyes!

Bonding... 

There are no words that could possible describe the bond I have with Ella-Grace. You know when you are pregnant you are going to love your baby but it isn't until you have them right in front of you that you really understand what that overcoming feeling of absolute unconditional love feels like. It is truly magic. Some people do struggle with finding that bond at the start because although you love them, they are a complete stranger to you and you do really need to get to know each other as you do with anyone you have met for the first time. So I truly believe in my experience anyways, that 1 year ago when my beautiful little girl was born it was love at first sight but it is now 1 year on that she is my best friend. I have said it before and I will say it again I brought her into the world and gave her life but she gave me life too, she has made me who I want to be. Ella-Grace if you are reading this in a few years time, know that you are my purpose and oh my goodness I hope you are proud of me. You will forever be my best friend girl! 

(If you are struggling with bonding however do not feel bad, being a Mother is hard and there is nothing wrong with asking for some help. A happy mum, makes a happy baby and just like other relationships, you have to build the bond even if there is love there.)

Going to keep this short and sweet because otherwise I will go on forever. I am just astounded that my body created and birthed my literal best friend. 

Period and Contraception... 

Weird one to end on perhaps and maybe a bit too much information but this is an honest blog like I have said before. So after having Ella-Grace, literally about 2 days after, I had it drummed into me by nurses and my midwife to think about contraception. Could not have sex for about 6 weeks after anyways but it is good to be prepared because not only can it be dangerous to get pregnant too soon after having a baby- especially after a c-section- but I also did not want to be pregnant again yet, or ever again, not for any bad reason I was just happy with the one for now, Ella-Grace had literally just been born. 

So after having my post-baby check up with the doctor we spoke over contraception and I decided on getting the implant. I have heard some horror stories about this form of contraception from struggling to get it out and having really bad symptoms, so before you go crazy in the comments warning me I do already know the bad things that can happen but from what I have researched there are pros and cons to all the different contraception. Why I chose the implant was because I knew if I took the pill I would forget it, I did not like the thought of getting injections every month and I just wanted something that I did not want to think about for a while. I knew it lasted 3 years and if me and Reece wanted to have another baby it most likely would not be before those 3 years were up and even though now Ella-Grace is older I am not going to lie, we have discussed maybe having another baby sooner than that but I still do not regret getting it in because if we do want to try sooner then I can get it out before then. We will just see how things go, we have a wedding to finish planning first! 

As for symptoms, i have been pretty lucky I think and have not noticed many. I think maybe the implant could of had something to do with my bad skin, I have had irregular periods- one month I won't have one then the next month I will be bleeding for what seems like weeks- but that does not really bother me, I can deal with it. I did not have bad bruising or scarring after either. So having had it in for a year now and looking at it overall I am happy with my decision to get it in, it has stopped me worrying about getting pregnant again sooner than I plan to and to be honest I have not really thought about it and for someone with anxiety who overthinks EVERYTHING not having to think about something is so refreshing! 

The end...

And I think I have covered all the bases, if you do think I have missed something or have any questions please comment below or message me. Sorry it was so long, I thought since it has been about a month since I last posted that you deserved a long post and well I had a lot to say as you can see! Thank you as always for reading, until the next blog post please remember to follow my social media accounts which you can find the links to in the menu next to this post>>>

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