Couples Who Blog Together, Stay Together...
Your eyes are not deceiving you my lovely readers, it is true. I have managed to rope my lovely husband-to-be into writing this blog post with me. I'm always asking him his opinions on blog posts but for this one I thought he would be amazing just to write a bit himself (well he talked and I typed what he said). So let's just get right into it. Happy Reading!
Are we still New Parents ....
So with Ella-Grace getting closer to her 1st birthday I feel that Reece and I are now past the 'New Parents' stage right? I mean we are by no means experts, I mean I don't think you ever are, but I do think we now know our own child, we are in a routine and we are settled in the fact that yes we are able to keep this tiny human alive and relax. The feeling of 'OMG WE HAVE A BABY!' is gone and we can now barely remember life before our gorgeous daughter was part of our lives, which to me is when you know you are out of the new parent phase. So because of this new found confidence even through the rough times, we thought it would be nice to pass on our best advice to those who are soon to become parents or recently had a baby/babies. We are not trying to tell you what to do and by no means do you have to follow this advice but it is just a few things that we wish someone said to us or that we listened to from the start. We hope it helps.
Advice From Mum
1. Always take extra
This is one you have probably heard before. Always take extra, ALWAYS! I mean extra clothes, nappies, wipes, snacks, milk, anything you think your baby may need take extra! And when you think you have packed extra, pack that little bit more. I know that might sound over the top but I have gone to my parents (which is an hour away) to stay for a few days and thought I packed SO much when in actual fact I ran out of things and ended up trying to survive without important things or I had to buy more even though I could of took stuff with me that I had at home. Same goes for when your just going out for an hour, pack as if you will be out for 3 or more hours because you never know what will happen and trust me you will be a lot less stressed if you have everything you could possibly need.
2. Look after yourself and make time for 'me time'
When that little one arrives it is so easy to neglect yourself in order to make sure your baby has all they need. You skip showers, go without sleep and snack instead of eating cooked/warm meals. But this is not good for either you or baby. I remember when I first took Ella-Grace home I could barely eat and I would refuse to sleep when she was sleeping thinking I need to do other things and be on top of everything. I ran myself out and with my anxiety that is never good, I was having panic attacks every night. So I started to look after myself better. Making sure at some point of the day I would have hot meals even if they were not at 'meal times', I made sure I had a quick 5 minute shower in the morning- my moment to breathe, I napped with Ella-Grace, I got dressed- it made me feel so much better to be out of my breast milk stained pj's. I started to feel more myself. Self care is not selfish it is the opposite. Happy Mum, Happy Baby. This will also help you get into a routine which for me is what keeps me sane, I love a routine.
3. View yourself through your babies eyes
Probably one of the most important bits of advice I could give. There is so much guilt that comes with being a parent. Why didn't I do this? Why did I do that? Am I a good enough mum? I haven't cuddled her enough today, I should of read her a story. All these things and more going round in your head constantly and you start to question if you are doing anything right. This can be very upsetting and stressful. But just find 2 minutes to stop yourself and look at yourself through your babies eyes. They don't think why didn't you wash the dishes, why didn't you kiss me three times instead of once before bed? Why didn't you take me out for a walk? They just see you, their parent that they depend on and adore. They just feel love and just seeing you and spending time with you is good enough for them. So give yourself a break before you breakdown. Don't stress about the amount of toys they have, how clean your house is, how good a parent you are being because I can tell you right now the fact you are asking yourself that question shows how much you care and that you are a great parent. So if you ever find yourself asking these questions think to yourself does it really matter? How does my baby see it? Because I bet you most of the time they will just be thinking that you are great!!
4. Face your fears
This might not be for everyone but it really worked for me. One of the things I was most anxious about when Ella-Grace arrived was taking her out.. anywhere. I was scared something would go wrong, she would cry and I wouldn't know what to do. I could of buckled under this fear and kept us inside the comfort of our home but I am so glad I didn't because then I would still be scared now and she wouldn't be as comfortable around people as she is, at least I don't think she would be. When she was around 5 weeks old I made a list of places I wanted to take her/needed to take her running from what made me least anxious to most anxious. One by one I achieved each one and my confidence grew and now we go out pretty much every day. Yes she has had some bad meltdowns but that's okay, she is a baby, they cry sometimes. If I never faced this fear there is no way I would be as happy and confident as I am now. Facing this fear really helped me and I realised it wasn't as scary as I thought.
5. Don't be scared to ask for help
Please, please listen to this one. Don't be afraid to ask for help! Whether that be help from your partner, your family or a medical professional, don't be afraid. It does not make you a bad parent or weak or anything like that, it makes you human just like anyone else and as I said earlier taking care of yourself is very important! I wouldn't of been able to get out the house, shower, get help with my baby blues if I did not ask for help and even though it took me a while to get over my stubborn self after asking for that help I became a better mother. So please never be afraid, no one will judge you and if they do they are the one's who should feel bad about themselves not you because there is nothing wrong with asking for help.
Advice From Dad
1.Babies cry, don't stress too much
Don't over stress when baby cries because at early stages there is only a short list of things they need. The first time I was alone with Ella-Grace, I don't remember exactly when that was but she was still newborn, she was of course upset because she was missing her Mum and I was stressed out. LJ (LauraJane) was usually here to help me but this time it was all on me. But then I was like you are either hungry, need changed or sleep and not much out that can be wrong then I chilled myself out realizing that when they are young it is quite a simple list and when I figured it out she stopped crying and went to sleep.
2.Make the most of time with your baby
As a full time working Dad, I have learnt to make the most of the time that I have with my family even when I am very tired from working all day. Pushing through being sleep deprived and doing bath time or giving the last bottle of the day, even a half hour cuddle if that is all I can get in is worth it. If I am on a late shift I barely see them in the morning because of the way the routine is and then I go to work and come home late and Ella-Grace is already in bed so I haven't seen her all day and even worse she hasn't seen me all day. So when she wakes up in the middle of the night or I get home in time for her bed time routine I completely take over. This really helped Ella-Grace and I build a strong bond, make me more confident as a Dad and obviously gives LJ a break to chill or get her work done.
3. Help your partner as much as possible
Be aware of your partners needs especially during late pregnancy because you don't want them stressing or doing something they shouldn't. There are limitations that heavily pregnant women have, things they find it difficult to do or shouldn't do that she would of done so I had to be aware of the fact that I needed to help more even if she was too stubborn to ask- which LJ is most of the time. I needed to put myself in her shoes. This is so important and trust me your partner will appreciate all the little things. Same after the birth especially with LJ having c-section. It was difficult to see her in pain and I wanted to do what I could to help. So make sure they can rest as much as possible make sure they are okay because they are the ones who just birthed a baby and need to recover. Take on the heavy load of the work, you know your partner would do the same for you.
4. Teamwork
As a parent in a strong stable relationship, we work as a team, you know your own child better than anyone, don't let anyone influence your decisions if its not what you want for your child. For example LJ and I don't think because Ella-Grace is a girl means she has to be 'girly' or in pink and so many people gender associate and tell us we should be dressing her to 'look like a girl'. We have never listened to that, we dress her in what we think is nice whether that be a pink dress or a black tracksuit, we want her to be able to feel comfortable to wear whatever she wants and at the end of the day it is just clothes. Don't listen to people that tell you other wise. Same goes for any other situation, routine, diet, toys, you and your partner make the decision and as long as you have their best interests at heart that's what matters.
5. Babies have resilience
Babies are more resilient than you think so when they have little bumps they probably scare themselves more than hurt themselves and the majority of the time a cuddle will fix it. Ella-Grace has knocked herself or hit herself accidentally so many times and so far (thankfully) she has never been majorly hurt just scared. They are not as fragile as you think and a scream does not always mean they are incredibly hurt. I would be more worried if they fell and hit themselves and did not scream and became unconscious. Obviously if you are unsure then get them checked but don't panic.
Thank you for reading...
And that is it, the best advice we feel we could give to new parents, I hope it helps! Is there any advice you think we have missed? Do you agree with our advice? Please comment below and let me know. Thank you for reading as always, I appreciate each and every one of my readers. If you would like to keep up to date with mine and my family's daily life as well as get notifications about the blog please follow my social media- links above post. Till next time.
Stay Happy Everyone :)!
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